Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Coping, this is disturbing to read. Of course, he should be pissed. But don't you have a moral standing whereby you understand your role in this and how negatively it can impact someone else? Have you ever looked at yourself and asked how it would feel if roles were reversed? It's not between them. You have chosen to play an active part in the dynamics of their relationship. You have to be accountable rather than turn a blind eye because you're just in it for you. There is right and wrong, you know it. A conscience is missing at this moment. A lot of sex talk via text. Your girlfriend is not confused. She's blatantly betraying her boyfriend and you do need to look at yourself and ask yourself what about you wants to set the bar so low that you feel you need to stay down there with her. It is between them. If they don't have a solid relationship that can keep her devoted then they have issues. Plain and simple. I disagree wholeheartedly, I have no accountability to him. That is between them. She needs to be accountable to him. I am not in a relationship with him. I have no idea what she says to him. She told me once that she told him that she does reach out to me on occasion. She said he didn't like it but she said he has to accept it. So maybe she does tell him that we communicate. Is this a red flag for me. Yes you are correct it is. I am surprised she is doing this but again she is driven by the low self esteem and letting us go has been very very hard for her. She will go NC again. She is confused. She might be realizing that the relationship is failing her expectations. Being a rebound she is undoubtedly doing a lot of comparing. And she confirmed that when we talked awhile back. That she missed a lot of things from our relationship that were not present in the current one. Being in love is tough. It can be confusing and sorting out your feelings can be torturous. You are not of sound mind when you are in love or think you are in love. I mean she is not meeting me in person or arranging booty calls. There are a lot of people n this site that ate still sleeping with their ex's and being used for sex. As much as I appreciate your advice it seems more text book than real world. The heart doesn't often follow the head when people are in love. We all do a lot of stupid things. I agree most of what has happened isn't right but it was being felt like that at the time. Who knows what will happen in the future.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Been following your posts and I have to agree with others on here. You are going to be hurting for a long time to come if you pursue this... Sorry, I know how hard it is to let go, but you will just be in so much pain. I feel for ya... Well, good luck and God Speed in whatever you decide I am not chasing her and I have no more expectations. if she wants to reach out and have meaningful conversations I will consider it. I won't be her "bitch" and talk about the weather or her relationship as other have said. I am in a new place. I have gone through all of the emotions already with the old relationship. As I said this would have to be something new. Trust me I am seeing clearer than I ever have since being with her. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Yes, you are weak. You can twist this whichever way, Coping. What's weak and disappointing is the fact that you have completely diminished your moral boundaries to enable your inability to be strong and let go. Completely disregarded your self-respect and made yourself an option to be a crutch rather than to be chosen because she loves you. Justified a situation twenty different ways just so it sits well in your head, that you know deep down inside will corrode at your self-esteem. You say she has a lot invested in this relationship, therefore she can't walk away. That actually speaks of how much she had invested in you to let you go (she can let someone go if she wants to and she did you) and how much she has invested in you now to only keep you on the sidelines. Her investment in him clearly outweighs you. You can keep making excuses for her that she can't get out so how long will you wait for when she can? She misses you and she's not the kind to plot? I don't know. Being with another man and sexting another on the side speaks highly of her character, whether she misses you or not. You and your ex have very little in the way of having healthy boundaries. I am not waiting. She came to me. I am not chasing her. She knows where to find me. I'm done TRYING to get her back.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I am not waiting. She came to me. I am not chasing her. She knows where to find me. I'm done TRYING to get her back. She knows where to find you because you are standing there with a great big sign saying "HERE I AM!" She came to you because she knows that you'll be there as a crutch. She knows you can't say no to her. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Vortex and her were having an affair for years before she finally went through with a divorce. You really need to get help. Don't spew BS you nothing about. Not true at all. She had left her husband when we started dating. She went back several times for the kids. We did not speak during her returns to her marriage. We were NC during those periods. She left for good eventually. we got back together after that. Vortex is a Adulterer and a "Captain Save Ho" and paying very dearly for both choices. Where do you get off calling her a Ho? Shows what an a** hole you really are. Why don't you post your crap on another posting. Yes I was there for her. I supported her through some rough times. I'm proud to say!! I am not paying dearly for it now other than I miss being with her. I don't regret one minute of being with her. Unfortunately it ended. No more brokenhearted than anyone else on here.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 She knows where to find you because you are standing there with a great big sign saying "HERE I AM!" She came to you because she knows that you'll be there as a crutch. She knows you can't say no to her. And your point is?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 And your point is? My point is that it's not the profound step you seem to think it is. She's using you because you allow her to use her. She can have her cake and eat it to, because you are begging to serve her the cake.
geegirl Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So, that would mean you condone cheating? Am I right to say that? You are a part of the cheating dynamic. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you have the same stance? I would assume not. You have no accountability to him but you do have accountability to yourself to do the right thing. She didn't tell him that she sex text messages you and that he has to accept it, did she? She tells him you both communicate, but not to what extent. Again, it speaks of her character. She is not the only one with low self-esteem. You are as well. Yes, the heart and head do not sync. And that is because when you are emotional, the heart has no way of making sound decisions. It's driven by irrationale and delusion. And if you let it drive you, you will continue to make excuses as to why you need to do the things you do. The advice you are getting isn't black and white, especially when it comes from those that have been there and done that and made all the same mistakes.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Coping- While everyone does mean well, at the end of the day you know your ex better than any of us do. So my advice is to go with your gut, however keep in mind the negative outcome as well as the positive. Good luck! Trust me I know the negative outcome. I am in a different place as a few months ago. I am taking it as it goes. I a not chasing. I am not asking ti see her or even talk in the phone. I am moving on. If fate interceded then so be it. I will keep an open mind. I have gotten back with ex's in the past. But i will move. As I said many times I tried all of the other stuff and finally accepted the result. Anything that happens new is starting over at best.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You can't move on if you are jumping when she snaps her fingers. 1
geegirl Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Vortex and her were having an affair for years before she finally went through with a divorce.. I didn't know this so it sorta explains her nature. She's accustomed to cheating, then and now and it explains why Vortex can't find that moral standing to do the right thing, as I have been wasting my time posting about that part of it. Good luck to you Coping. I hope you find your way through this.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 So, that would mean you condone cheating? Am I right to say that? You are a part of the cheating dynamic. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you have the same stance? I would assume not. You have no accountability to him but you do have accountability to yourself to do the right thing. She didn't tell him that she sex text messages you and that he has to accept it, did she? She tells him you both communicate, but not to what extent. Again, it speaks of her character. She is not the only one with low self-esteem. You are as well. Yes, the heart and head do not sync. And that is because when you are emotional, the heart has no way of making sound decisions. It's driven by irrationale and delusion. And if you let it drive you, you will continue to make excuses as to why you need to do the things you do. The advice you are getting isn't black and white, especially when it comes from those that have been there and done that and made all the same mistakes. I am saying I am not in that relationship. You keep trying to insert me in their relationship. I am not part of it. I do not know what she is saying to him. For all I know they BU and she didn't tell me. Maybe they had a fight and then she reached out and contacted me. Maybe she doesn't care. Maybe they are just friends now. I have no idea because I didn't ask. Plus, if she can't be trusted as you infer than how would I know if she told me they Bu or weren't talking any longer.? The point I was making about that is it is between them as I have no idea what goes on in that relationship. I do not know the man or ever met him. I can only know or control what goes on between her and I. Only she knows why she wants to reach out to me. All I can do is speculate as to why. Everyone here seems to KNOW for sure why. You can never really know why. Like I said I think it has to do with being confused and low self esteem on her part. For others its she is a cold calculating user etc. or whatever.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I didn't know this so it sorta explains her nature. She's accustomed to cheating, then and now and it explains why Vortex can't find that moral standing to do the right thing, as I have been wasting my time posting about that part of it. Good luck to you Coping. I hope you find your way through this. WE DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR. Some idiot decided to spew that nonsense.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 My point is that it's not the profound step you seem to think it is. She's using you because you allow her to use her. She can have her cake and eat it to, because you are begging to serve her the cake. OK. So how do ex's ever get back together by never talking? People reach out all the time this site is full of those posts. The difference is in the past yes I was hoping that it would lead to something now I feel if it does it does. Yes she knows I still care about her. Why lie about that? What good does that do? As long as I don't expect anything then I am covered. Granted I didn't feel that way in the past but I do now.
geegirl Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Coping, you're trying to justify your actions. You sex text message with her while knowing she is with someone else. It's called cheating on her part. You are an enabler. You are a co-conspirator. You are an accomplice. You play a part in the dynamics of their relationship. It's called a conscience. You don't make excuses. You own it. Reaching out is one thing, sexting is another. Don't try and downplay communication between you two. You have no idea what goes on in their relationship but you still have your toe stuck in it and communicating with her inappropriately, right? You can only control what goes on between you and her? No, you can't. You've crossed boundaries and ones that you take no responsibility for but rather make excuses. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Coping, you're trying to justify your actions. You sex text message with her while knowing she is with someone else. It's called cheating on her part. You are an enabler. You are a co-conspirator. You are an accomplice. You play a part in the dynamics of their relationship. It's called a conscience. You don't make excuses. You own it. Reaching out is one thing, sexting is another. Don't try and downplay communication between you two. You have no idea what goes on in their relationship but you still have your toe stuck in it and communicating with her inappropriately, right? You can only control what goes on between you and her? No, you can't. You've crossed boundaries and ones that you take no responsibility for but rather make excuses. I don't have a toe stuck in it, as again I am not in that relationship. She may be doing something inappropriate according to their relationship, but I am not doing anything behind my GF's back. No excuses here just the facts ma'am. She has to answer to him I do not.
geegirl Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I don't have a toe stuck in it, as again I am not in that relationship. She may be doing something inappropriate according to their relationship, but I am not doing anything behind my GF's back. No excuses here just the facts ma'am. She has to answer to him I do not. Whatever helps you sleep at night. You have to answer to yourself and if your conscience bears no weight, it's disappointing. I've been in her boyfriend's shoes and trust that you are no better than she is, just because you're not pulling the trigger.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I don't have a toe stuck in it, as again I am not in that relationship. She may be doing something inappropriate according to their relationship, but I am not doing anything behind my GF's back. No excuses here just the facts ma'am. She has to answer to him I do not. All I can say is that if I ever commit a heinous crime I want YOU on the jury!! TFOY 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 OK. So how do ex's ever get back together by never talking? People reach out all the time this site is full of those posts. The difference is in the past yes I was hoping that it would lead to something now I feel if it does it does. Yes she knows I still care about her. Why lie about that? What good does that do? As long as I don't expect anything then I am covered. Granted I didn't feel that way in the past but I do now. Ex's that get back together -- and stay together -- go off by themselves for a while in almost every case. They grow, they learn, they evolve and then they realize what they miss about the other person. You refuse to do this. She can't miss you if you don't leave and you can't grow if you are still jumping like an obedient pet every time she beckons you. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I don't have a toe stuck in it, as again I am not in that relationship. She may be doing something inappropriate according to their relationship, but I am not doing anything behind my GF's back. No excuses here just the facts ma'am. She has to answer to him I do not. There is more spin here, and in this thread, than a typical episode of Wheel of Fortune. As a man, you should respect her relationship with the other person. At the very least, tell her "you are in a relationship, this is inappropriate behavior and I won't be part of it." 5
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 This is just depressing at this point.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So if you do get back together, you'll be cool if she keeps talking to and flirting with the guy she's currently dating, right?
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Ex's that get back together -- and stay together -- go off by themselves for a while in almost every case. They grow, they learn, they evolve and then they realize what they miss about the other person. You refuse to do this. She can't miss you if you don't leave and you can't grow if you are still jumping like an obedient pet every time she beckons you. We have been apart for four months.
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 So if you do get back together, you'll be cool if she keeps talking to and flirting with the guy she's currently dating, right? No I wouldn't buy that would between her and I. I wouldn't expect him to not try to get her back.
McDonald Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 We have been apart for four months. I know 4 months seems like a lifetime.... but lets put that on a realistic lifetime scale... 4 months is nothing.
Recommended Posts