Possibly a road back?

[Coping Vortex]

I have been pouring my heart on this site about my BU 4 months ago. I have been through NC, LC breadcrumbs, tearful meetings begging selling (myself to her and our relationship) her not letting go. Her stringing me along. Along the way I got my hopes up more than a few times. I think she vacillated with her new relationship going through the typical stages of excitement of the new relationship, to her comparing us to reality setting in for her to some of the things she missed about relationship resurfacing.

 

I have posted 400 plus texts about it all and I have been distraught and confused by all of it. Everyone has said NC and tryst me I have tried several times but it ended up with her or I reaching out at some point. Its like deep down we both just won't let it go fully.

 

So cut to where am I am now......I have gone through several stages and I have come to the point of mostly acceptance of where things are.

 

I have accepted that she is not mine and she is his. A few weeks ago she was still stringing me along as she said she "was not giving up on us". To the next week declaring her undying love for him and that she is committed to him. I went to strict NC after that. I finally gave up my hope.

 

She contacted me last week and said she missed texting me and that missed talking to me and that I was a great conversationalist.

 

So we started texting again. Except this time I had no more expectations and hopes as I have gotten my hopes up so many times only to be dashed. In the past it has been just her looking for attention and to pull the dogs chain.

 

New attitude I will go with the flow. If she wants to communicate fine. I will respond but i am not chasing her or expecting anything. I know she is in a relationship with him.

 

Well a funny thing happened we started to communicate a lot. We have been sharing where we are today and what each is doing and the weather to flirting etc. Its like it's a starting over. A relationship 2.0. She had always kept her distance in past breaks of NC and now it seems different. We are not talking about the old relationship and doing post mortems anymore.

 

I have decided to be the guy that meets a new girl and you start to flirt. Her current BF no longer matters. If we talk or communicate then its about us. I can't worry about him being in her life anymore. I won't dwell on it.

 

The other night she was no longer using worlds like "I always liked that or that used to be this or that" She was saying things in the present. Like "I love when you look into my eyes." "I love hearing it when you say my name". all stuff in the present. That hasn't happend over the last months of off and on communication during this BU. I will not ask to see her or beg her to talk to me. I am a "cool" guy take it as it comes. We are flirting and who knows maybe a beginning....or maybe not. No more pressure. If she texts I text back if she doesn't I don't respond unless I hear back from her.

 

I have no expectations. She is the dumper, any real reconciliation will have to come to her. I don't want to be her friend and the conversation although friendly have included a lot of romantic overtures as well. Very different from her breadcrumbs in the past.

 

One thing I know this can't be what it was. There have been to many changes in our lives. This could only ever work if it is a new relationship. We have changed over the BU. So who knows maybe someday we can get back there for now this could be the start of the new relationship 2.0. Very long way off but we'll see. But it has to start with BOTH us wanting it to ever have a chance.

[geegirl]

Coping, you give sound and good advice to those that are in similar situations. But I will have to say, looking from the outside, this post reeks of delusion.

 

You've essentially chosen to sit back and be an option.

 

You're feeling a little optimistic because you're maintaining contact. Contact helps you delude yourself from the reality of your situation. "Going with flow" is short for "I'm too afraid to let go so I'll hang on."

 

If you had any sense of doing the right thing for yourself, you will 1) respect her relationship with the other man 2) respect yourself and stop being an option 3) let her go and if she comes back to you free from him, then you can claim relationship 2.0.

 

She will never realize your worth or your value in her life if you keep letting her have the best of both worlds. The only way to realize the loss of you, is by you stepping away.

 

And who wants a woman that is essentially cheating on her relationship and this new guy. You could one day be in that same predicament. She declared undying love to him yet ropes you in with frivolous declarations. At some point you have to question her moral compass.

[Minneloa]

 

Yes, he most certainly does. To her. This is not your decision to make.

 

The statement above, as well as your post as a whole, strongly indicates that you are creating your own reality, which will only cause you greater hurt in the long run.

Edited March 25, 2013 by Minneloa

[Coping Vortex]

All good advice and it does seem like that from my post. But I have been through so many delusions with the relationship that I am not giving a possible reconciliation as much weight as my post seems.

[geegirl]

I am not giving a possible reconciliation as much weight as my post seems.

 

As much as you want to believe your words, you know deep inside you crave reconciliation. Otherwise you wouldn't be reaching to such levels.

 

I always believe some people will have to learn the hard way. Get dragged out, beaten up, pummeled to the ground before they learn. And it seems that you will stay in limbo until you decide one day that the pain of NC is much more tolerable than the pain of limbo.

[Wabisabi]

I have no expectations. She is the dumper, any real reconciliation will have to come to her. I don't want to be her friend and the conversation although friendly have included a lot of romantic overtures as well. Very different from her breadcrumbs in the past.

You really really REALLY have no expectations? Coz if you do have even the slightest of expectation(which I feel you do) then you're bound to get hurt again if it doesn't turn into Relationship 2.0. Will you be truly ok with that?

[Coping Vortex]

Coping, you give sound and good advice to those that are in similar situations. But I will have to say, looking from the outside, this post reeks of delusion.

 

You've essentially chosen to sit back and be an option.

 

You're feeling a little optimistic because you're maintaining contact. Contact helps you delude yourself from the reality of your situation. "Going with flow" is short for "I'm too afraid to let go so I'll hang on."

 

If you had any sense of doing the right thing for yourself, you will 1) respect her relationship with the other man 2) respect yourself and stop being an option 3) let her go and if she comes back to you free from him, then you can claim relationship 2.0.

 

She will never realize your worth or your value in her life if you keep letting her have the best of both worlds. The only way to realize the loss of you, is by you stepping away.

 

And who wants a woman that is essentially cheating on her relationship and this new guy. You could one day be in that same predicament. She declared undying love to him yet ropes you in with frivolous declarations. At some point you have to question her moral compass.

 

Knowing her as I do, I don't think it's as much as moral compass as her confusion. The new relationship was all exciting in the beginning then the smoked cleared for her and she probably begun to realize what she had with me a bit. I know she misses that to an extent. I do realize, and I'm sure she knows she can't have it all. Neither him or I will put up with it in the end. I think she trying to sort her feelings.

 

She is divorced and dated her ex husband from a young age and didn't really have much of a dating history. She almost 40 but only been with a few men in her life.

 

I think when you have had a lot of relationships in your life you know more of what you want and how to handle things.

 

She also suffers from low self esteem from her ex husband always putting her down. I think that affects her decisions and affects her actions. I think this also makes her crave attention.

 

The fact is if she has everything with her new guy she doesn't need me. But she can't seem to let go.

 

Don't get me wrong, I would like to try with her again one day. If possible. I don't really think it is. sometimes timing just gets in the way. I also don't think as she can't let go of me I don't think she could ever totally let go of him either. I have my eyes open.

 

Like I said I am just going with the flow for now.

[geegirl]

If confusion enables such behavior, you better hope that if at any point she becomes confused with you, she doesn't drag you down that road just as she is doing now. When does she come to a point of realizing that wrong is wrong. Falling back of confusion only perpetuates bad behavior. I don't hear her words of angst about hurting the two of you. I hear her words as playing both sides.

 

This arrangement doesn't sort her feelings. It enables her "confusion" because it doesn't force her to make a choice. It doesn't allow her to realize your worth. It allows her to waffle back and forth.

 

I'm 42. I didn't have a lot of men in my life and have had a marriage similar to hers. You are making a lot of excuses for someone who can't manage their emotional maturity and mental ability to find and be healthy in a relationship. You can't fix her issues. You've just become an enabler. And that says something about where you are as well.

 

Again, going with the flow is a cowards way of not letting go.

 

Good luck.

[Coping Vortex]

You really really REALLY have no expectations? Coz if you do have even the slightest of expectation(which I feel you do) then you're bound to get hurt again if it doesn't turn into Relationship 2.0. Will you be truly ok with that?

 

I know it doesn't seem that way, But trust me I have been through the emotional wringer trying to get her back over the last few months. I have been through many many breadcrumbs. I am not falling for the stringing along. I even told her flat out I was moving on and working on getting over her. I have moved to a state of acceptance. I used to feel like we were in a love bond and that her new BF was just a rebound that she could get past. I was emotionally exhausted. After trying and trying you to get to a new place of acceptance. Like a tiger that can't escape the cage you eventually accept the situation.

 

The recent contact was much different. Seemed like we were flirting a bit like when you meet someone new. That is the only reason I even responded.

 

I don't expect anything now. That is the great part. We have been apart enough now and have been through enough that I don't feel she mine like I used to when I was trying to get her back.

 

We haven't seen each other or actually talked in a long time. Just some texting. if I saw her again she would feel a bit like a stranger to me. we would have to date to ever even get things started. But right now I expect nothing. I have gotten accustomed to nothing happening with past tries at reconciliations.

[Coping Vortex]

If confusion enables such behavior, you better hope that if at any point she becomes confused with you, she doesn't drag you down that road just as she is doing now. When does she come to a point of realizing that wrong is wrong. Falling back of confusion only perpetuates bad behavior. I don't hear her words of angst about hurting the two of you. I hear her words as playing both sides.

 

This arrangement doesn't sort her feelings. It enables her "confusion" because it doesn't force her to make a choice. It doesn't allow her to realize your worth. It allows her to waffle back and forth.

 

I'm 42. I didn't have a lot of men in my life and have had a marriage similar to hers. You are making a lot of excuses for someone who can't manage their emotional maturity and mental ability to find and be healthy in a relationship. You can't fix her issues. You've just become an enabler. And that says something about where you are as well.

 

Again, going with the flow is a cowards way of not letting go.

 

Good luck.

 

Geegirl, I think you are very right in what you say. I think we are both codependent on each other. Maybe she keeps reaching out because I was the first to give her the confidence to break out a lot of her low self esteem issues. I was there for her through a lot of emotional times. We were very very close.

 

I guess I have been making excuses for her you are right. She does need to figure her self out a bit.

 

I will say this I do get confused a bit as to why she would ever reach out to me from time to time. I know why I kept chasing her as I was the dumpee and heart broken, but if she had what she wanted in the BU and finding a new guy, then why would she feel the need to ever reach out to me? Part was the old stringing along but I think another part was deeper. Her new guy is lacking in some areas of her needs. And maybe that is why she keeps reaching out to me, to do a look back to compare.

 

You bring up a good point. She needs to figure out what she wants.

[na49]

But it has to start with BOTH us wanting it to ever have a chance.

 

Right. and it sounds like you want it to have a chance a lot more than she does at the moment.

 

Are you even asking for advice to move on anymore? or are you looking for everyone to tell you that your "relationship 2.0" is going to bring you guys back together?

 

If I'm the guy she's with, I'm pretty pissed that you're still in the picture. You're her EX!

[geegirl]

You've become her crutch. In that she has no ability to function the way she needs to if you're not there. It's a habit that she has become dependent on. So, best be certain that her attachment to you is based on her "undying love" for you rather than an attachment of comfort and dependence. Be careful with your decisions and how you are deciphering the reality of her contact. Only you can figure that out.

 

She has to find her self-esteem from within. She doesn't find it from others nor can she maintain it if she doesn't do the work on her own. And if she has these issues, the last thing she needs, is to be in a relationship and one that you should not be a part of, in any capacity because you're only going to hurt yourself.

[thefooloftheyear]

I wish you the best...But I think she is a flake. I dont want a flake in my life or someone who I had to beat into submission to go back with.

 

It just doesnt work, but hey, what the hell do I know.

 

TFOY

[Coping Vortex]

Right. and it sounds like you want it to have a chance a lot more than she does at the moment.

 

Are you even asking for advice to move on anymore? or are you looking for everyone to tell you that your "relationship 2.0" is going to bring you guys back together?

 

If I'm the guy she's with, I'm pretty pissed that you're still in the picture. You're her EX!

 

He should be pissed. Funny she won't see me because he wouldn't like it. But she can text me all kinds if things. A lot if sex talk via text as well. Wouldn't he not like that as well?

 

Go figure. But that's between them. Maybe there is some trouble in paradise. Who knows.

[geegirl]

He should be pissed. Funny she won't see me because he wouldn't like it. But she can text me all kinds if things. A lot if sex talk via text as well. Wouldn't he not like that as well?

 

Go figure. But that's between them. Maybe there is some trouble in paradise. Who knows.

 

Coping, this is disturbing to read. Of course, he should be pissed. But don't you have a moral standing whereby you understand your role in this and how negatively it can impact someone else? Have you ever looked at yourself and asked how it would feel if roles were reversed?

 

It's not between them. You have chosen to play an active part in the dynamics of their relationship. You have to be accountable rather than turn a blind eye because you're just in it for you. There is right and wrong, you know it. A conscience is missing at this moment.

 

A lot of sex talk via text. Your girlfriend is not confused. She's blatantly betraying her boyfriend and you do need to look at yourself and ask yourself what about you wants to set the bar so low that you feel you need to stay down there with her.

[Coping Vortex]

You've become her crutch. In that she has no ability to function the way she needs to if you're not there. It's a habit that she has become dependent on. So, best be certain that her attachment to you is based on her "undying love" for you rather than an attachment of comfort and dependence. Be careful with your decisions and how you are deciphering the reality of her contact. Only you can figure that out.

 

She has to find her self-esteem from within. She doesn't find it from others nor can she maintain it if she doesn't do the work on her own. And if she has these issues, the last thing she needs, is to be in a relationship and one that you should not be a part of, in any capacity because you're only going to hurt yourself.

 

Excellent point!!! I do think the is a lot of love there. Somewhere in there. I just don't think she would give up the new guy either though. She is in too deep. I can't see her so he is the only guy in her life physically right now. You have to have contact in a relationship. She is scared to see me. She is afraid she has some real feelings still there.

 

So like I said any type of getting back would have to be starting over. And would have to start with basic communication.

 

Yes I am a habit to her. She knows he cant talk to her like i do. I know because i have known her for years. Him months. But also what he lacks I can give her she confirmed this. However it all means nothing unless your actions support it.

 

I am past thinking she will wake up one day and realize her undying love for me. I think part of it is she would feel embarrassed she made a mistake.

 

Gee girl I need this advice. I need to hear it. Although I have my eyes open I need as much insight as I can get.

 

I'm curious you seem to know her actions did you feel or act the was she has? If so what were you thinking during?

[na49]

I wonder how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your girlfriend was sexting her ex while she was sleeping with you.

 

Come on man... and don't tell me that what you're doing is okay because you loved her first. If that's the case, then I should be allowed to interfere with every relationship my ex has for the rest of her life because "I loved her first for longer than these guys did. We had a great relationship when we were together"

[mtnbiker3000]

Been following your posts and I have to agree with others on here. You are going to be hurting for a long time to come if you pursue this... Sorry, I know how hard it is to let go, but you will just be in so much pain. I feel for ya...

 

Well, good luck and God Speed in whatever you decide

[Wabisabi]

I know it doesn't seem that way, But trust me I have been through the emotional wringer trying to get her back over the last few months. I have been through many many breadcrumbs. I am not falling for the stringing along. I even told her flat out I was moving on and working on getting over her. I have moved to a state of acceptance. I used to feel like we were in a love bond and that her new BF was just a rebound that she could get past. I was emotionally exhausted. After trying and trying you to get to a new place of acceptance. Like a tiger that can't escape the cage you eventually accept the situation.

 

The recent contact was much different. Seemed like we were flirting a bit like when you meet someone new. That is the only reason I even responded.

 

I don't expect anything now. That is the great part. We have been apart enough now and have been through enough that I don't feel she mine like I used to when I was trying to get her back.

 

We haven't seen each other or actually talked in a long time. Just some texting. if I saw her again she would feel a bit like a stranger to me. we would have to date to ever even get things started. But right now I expect nothing. I have gotten accustomed to nothing happening with past tries at reconciliations.

 

Hey Coping, I think you do have a lot of expectations and your hope of your ex coming back to you are sky high by looking at how happy you are that she's sexting with you behind her boyfriend's back. You're just lying to yourself...

[geegirl]

I'm curious you seem to know her actions did you feel or act the was she has? If so what were you thinking during?

 

Coping, her actions are pretty cut and dry. I'm not the only one pointing out the obvious.

 

Put the "love" aside, you have to at least know that what you are doing is wrong? Receiving sex text messages from a woman that claims to have undying love for another man? If you read that on here by another poster, you'd be giving them an online smack upside the head.

 

Excellent point!!! I do think the is a lot of love there. Somewhere in there. I just don't think she would give up the new guy either though. She is in too deep. I can't see her so he is the only guy in her life physically right now. You have to have contact in a relationship. She is scared to see me. She is afraid she has some real feelings still there.

Don't confuse love with attachment. No one is ever in too deep in a relationship whereby they cannot detach. Married people with children, assets, families, etc. leave, so please no more excuses as to why she cannot leave. She's not in too deep if she's stepping out of the relationship so easily.

 

You're finding every excuse in the book to make that "love" a reality in your head. She declared she has undying love for her boyfriend, so why won't you accept that reality rather than spin it in your own head as her contact being the real thing, the real "love". Maybe he's the real thing and that is why she doesn't leave?

 

If she can choose him, she can choose you. Simple.

 

She made a decision to break up with you. She made a decision to be in a relationship with him. She has the ability to make decisions. You need to stop building castles in the sky.

[singme2sleep]

Coping-

 

While everyone does mean well, at the end of the day you know your ex better than any of us do. So my advice is to go with your gut, however keep in mind the negative outcome as well as the positive. Good luck!

Edited March 25, 2013 by singme2sleep

[Minneloa]

Coping-

 

While everyone does mean well, at the end of the day you know your ex better than any of us do. So my advice is to go with your gut, however keep in mind the negative outcome as well as the positive. Good luck!

 

Yes, he knows her better. But he is posting his situation on a public advice forum, ostensibly to receive feedback from us, outsiders who do not know him or her personally. And the consensus is overwhelmingly that, from what he has posted extensively, he is in a situation that could continue indefinitely to cause him a lot of pain. Given the details he has provided here and in many other posts, I think it's appropriate for us to respond with alarm and concern.

[Simon Phoenix]

Coping-

 

While everyone does mean well, at the end of the day you know your ex better than any of us do. So my advice is to go with your gut, however keep in mind the negative outcome as well as the positive. Good luck!

 

His gut has some of the worst judgment I've ever seen. I mean, I don't even know what to say to this guy anymore. He's been in a delusional wonderland since the breakup and this is just the latest. She'll keep stringing him along because he's too weak not to allow himself to be strung along. I mean, I get this pattern of behavior early in the breakup but it's just sad right now. I truly don't get how he can continue to be this obtuse.

 

Wash, rinse, repeat.

[Coping Vortex]

All of which is good but have you ever thought / considered to learn something from this site as well?

 

 

 

She is still stringing you along and you joyfully and willingly want to be strung along.

 

 

 

She broke up, in a relationship, sleeping with a new guy and told you she was in love with him. If that doesn't dash your hopes... Nothing will.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

It was clear when she dumped you. It was clear when she entered into another relationship with another man.

 

You just refuse / don't want to accept it.

 

 

 

You can't because you are weak. You are weak due to major self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth issues.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You haven't gone through a single stage or accepted anything. You CHOOSE to remain right where you are... Which is the same place you were the day you got dumped.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You don't believe or want to believe what you just wrote or you wouldn't be doing all the things you have, are and will continue to do.

 

If your self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth was where it should be... Being dumped would have clued you in. Even her being in another relationship, sleeping with someone else and telling you she loves him doesn't clue you in.

 

For some sick reason, you think this means she loves and wants to be with you.

 

 

 

Do you think the dumper is asking for your permission when they dump you? Do you think you have to give them your approval / sign off for them to dump you? Do you think they are dumping you because they are putting your love to the test? Do you think they dumped you just to see if you will make and ass of yourself by chasing, begging, pleading, etc. for them back?

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You have never once went NC and you never lost hope.

 

 

 

You and her both see / view that you are only good enough to be a pen pal and her Gay Best Friend.

 

 

 

What about the NC thing you said you were doing?

 

You don't mind being a chump. You don't mind looking pathetic in her eyes. You don't mind settling for less than you want / deserve. You don't mind wasting your time on someone you will never be with again. You don't mind talking to a girl who is sneaking around her BFs back.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

All you have are expectations, hopes and your IMAGINATION.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

She still does it for the exact same reasons, you just IMAGINE it's for new ones.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

You, her and we know. You are her b1itch!

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

For some sick reason, you think this means she still wants / loves you.

 

 

 

It's not funny... It's sad and pathetic.

 

 

 

This is what pen pals and her Gay Best Friend do.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

She was sick of talking about it, having to explain it too you over and over and over again. Very soon, she will not talk to you at all.

 

 

 

You decided to be her pen pal and her Gay Best Friend.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

Only sick person would say / think / feel / believe this but that isn't your biggest problem. Do you know what is?

 

Her BF matters to her. It's what she is sleeping with him, in a relationship with him, why she told you she loved him and there isn't a damn thing you can do about that.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You will talk about whatever she wants and you don't have the balls, courage, self-respect, self-esteem or self-worth to stop it.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

What does this have to do with anything?

 

She dumped you, sleeping and in a relationship with another man and even told you she loved him.

 

Who does she choose to sleep with? Be in a relationship with? Love?

 

Let me connect the dots and color it in for you... It isn't you!

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

Yes you will.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You are the "weak, sad, desperate and pathetic" guy.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You are her b!tch and a very well trained one. When she asks you to beg, rollover, kneel, bark, fetch, etc... You jump at the chance to please your master. You don't even do it for "treats".

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You think you have to be a "Nice" Guy and trying to wear her down with your "niceness", prove your worth to her and hope / beg / pray the other guy screws / dumps her and you win by being the consolation prize.

 

 

 

You are right, you aren't her friend. You are her b!tch, pen pal and Gay Best Friend.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

They are the very same breadcrumbs as the past.

 

 

 

Right, this is why you need to seek Professional Help ASAP!

 

 

 

You are right... She is sleeping, in a relationship with and in love with someone else and you think all of that means she loves and wants you.

 

 

 

What you fail to realize is the very thing that you want more than life itself (which is not healthy and one of your many issues)... You are doing EVERYTHING possible to make sure that NEVER EVER happens.

 

 

 

She dumped you, sleeping with, in a realtionship and told you she was love with another man and you think this is a sign / beginning / indication she wants a chance?

 

All very true but you don't believe or want to believe what you just wrote.

 

If your self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth was where it should be... Being dumped would have clued you in. Nope, not for you. It takes her being in a relationship with someone else and in your case, you think this means she loves and wants to be with you.

 

 

 

Do you think the dumper is asking for your permission when they dump you? Do you think you have to give them your approval / sign off for them to dump you? Do you think they are dumping you because they are putting you love to the test? Do you think they dumped you just to see you make an ass of yourself by chasing, begging, pleading, etc. for them?

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You have never once went NC and you haven't ever lost hope.

 

 

 

You and her both see / view that you are only good enough to be a pen pal and her Gay Best Friend.

 

 

 

What about the NC thing you said you were doing?

 

You don't mind being a chump? You don't mind looking pathetic in her eyes? You don't mind settling for less than you want / deserve? You don't mind wasting your time on someone you will never be with again? You don't mind talking to a girl who is sneaking around her BFs back?

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

All you have expectations and hopes.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

She still does it for the exact same reasons, you just IMAGINE it's for new ones.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

You, her and we know. You are her b1itch!

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

For some sick reason, you think this means she still wants / loves you.

 

 

 

It's not funny... It's sad and pathetic.

 

 

 

This is what you do with your pen pals and Gay Best Friend... Which you are.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

She was sick of talking about it, having to explain it too you over and over and over again. Very soon, she will not talk to you at all.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

What you decided is to be her pen pal and her Gay Best Friend.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

Her BF matters to her. It's who she is sleeping with him, in a relationship with him, why she told you she loved him. All you are doing is making him look better and driving her into his arms.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You will talk about whatever she wants and you don't have the balls, courage, self-respect, self-esteem or self-worth to stop it.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

 

 

What does this have to do with anything?

 

She dumped you, sleeping and in a relationship with another man and even told you she loved him.

 

Who does she choose to sleep with? Be in a relationship with? Love?

 

Let me connect the dots and color it in for you... It isn't you!

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

Yes you will.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You are the "weak, sad, desperate and pathetic" guy.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You are her b!tch and a very well trained one. When she asks you to beg, rollover, kneel, bark, fetch, etc... You jump at the chance to please your master. You don't even do it for "treats".

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

You think you have to be a "Nice" Guy and trying to wear her down with your "niceness", prove your worth to her and hope / beg / please / pray the other guy screws up / dumps her and you win by being the consolation prize.

 

 

 

You are right, you aren't her friend. You are her b!tch, pen pal and Gay Best Friend.

 

 

 

You are IMAGINING things and lying to yourself.

 

They are the very same breadcrumbs as the past.

 

 

 

Right, this is why you need to seek Professional Help ASAP!

 

 

 

You are right... She is sleeping, in a relationship with and in love with someone else and you think all of that means she loves and wants you.

 

 

 

What you fail to realize is the very thing that you want more than life itself (which is not healthy and one of your many issues)... You are doing EVERYTHING possible to make sure that NEVER EVER happens.

 

 

 

She dumped you, sleeping with, in a relationship and told you she was love with another man and you think this is a sign / beginning / indication she wants a chance?

 

Dude, get some Professional Help ASAP... You are not well.

 

"Imagine there's no heaven......."

 

Dude with a post like that you are the one that needs professional help really.

 

I think you hit the limit on the world imagining.

 

While I appreciate everyone's advice, I am not a weak guy at all. Do I still love her? Of course I do. If that is weakness then we are guilty of it.

 

Has she been giving confusing signals? Yes she has. You can still love someone and not be with them. Sometimes it comes down to other reasons.

 

yes she with someone else. I have been on that side of the fence in my life. I loved people but were still in love with some of my ex's. For me at times it came down to other reasons not all this negative crap you are spewing.

 

We talked about our situations many times in the past she wouldn't have left if we talked about the issue at hand when we finally did it was too late she was already caught up with this guy. I get that as I have been there too.

 

I am not imaging any feelings she has for me at all I know that. That is why she reached out to me.

 

But she is scared and too caught up in the new relationship. I know that I have no illusions that what we had once will come back. Time and proximity can kill a relationship. Ask anyone who tried to keep a LDR. Part of the reason she won't see me is that she will feel something and she confirmed that!!!! I did not imagine it.

 

She wants this new relationship to work she has put a lot of time into it. That does not mean that she has no feelings for me or doesn't see things she misses in us.

 

But that being said, I don't expect her to come back. I was just saying based on communication it could be something new. I have gotten back with ex's in the past and started anew.

 

And for being her gay best friend and her bitch as you called me, because we kept texting, well that is exactly how are relationship started in the first place. Texting and chatting on FB. We fell in love while texting and chatting the first time. We got together because of that. We spent hours every day texting each other while at work or away form each other while in the relationship. People are so caught up on NC on here they forget the basic tenet of any relationship is communication.

 

I do not look like a bitch in her eyes at all. I know her, you do not. Is it right that she does this? NO!!! I will totally agree with that. Is she out for some malicious plot? NO!!! Not her style. She is confused and misses me and reached back once in awhile. That's all. No major motives no nefarious plot and no imagining as you say. all of this is very real. Her new relationship is a rebound, she is comparing that is what make her confused.

 

Did I imagine once we would be back together. I did at one point yes.

 

Now,as i said, it would have to be to start over. Am I holding out hope still? No not really, mainly because I don't think she can let go of the new relationship she put time into. But she has surprised me before.

 

I have been with manipulative calculating ex's in the past and it's not like her to be that way. Her actions are from fear and low self esteem. She is driven by both of these issues. They have the same effect as being manipulative as unfortunately they land you in the same spot. But it's not out of disrespect on purpose.

 

I have dated many women in my life and I have been the dumper and the dumpee, I have been cheated on, i have cheated on ex's I have seen manipulators and women with severe mental disorders. Trust me I could write a book. This girl is not consciously trying to use me. She does feel something but fear makes her paralyzed. Sad but true.

 

Like I said anything that could happen would have to be organic and that comes from basic communication. If it happens it happens. I will not wait around though.

 

Not everything is always black and white. But I will agree where you will end up most of time is.

[geegirl]

Yes, you are weak. You can twist this whichever way, Coping. What's weak and disappointing is the fact that you have completely diminished your moral boundaries to enable your inability to be strong and let go. Completely disregarded your self-respect and made yourself an option to be a crutch rather than to be chosen because she loves you. Justified a situation twenty different ways just so it sits well in your head, that you know deep down inside will corrode at your self-esteem.

 

You say she has a lot invested in this relationship, therefore she can't walk away. That actually speaks of how much she had invested in you to let you go (she can let someone go if she wants to and she did you) and how much she has invested in you now to only keep you on the sidelines. Her investment in him clearly outweighs you. You can keep making excuses for her that she can't get out so how long will you wait for when she can?

 

She misses you and she's not the kind to plot? I don't know. Being with another man and sexting another on the side speaks highly of her character, whether she misses you or not. You and your ex have very little in the way of having healthy boundaries.

Edited March 25, 2013 by geegirl