LuckyShades Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So a little more than a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. At the time I was sure I was done with it. I was tired of all the petty arguments and one final blowup the day after vday ended it. I've maintained a strict no contact policy until now (haven't spoken since we gave back each other's belongings) to pretty much make the break as clean as possible. However lately I just can't seem to shake her out of the back of mind. She 'liked' one of my posts on facebook the other day and that just made me start to think. We had a lot of great times over those two years, so thought about just talking to her one last time to see how she views things at this point. I don't know it just feels weird putting away 2 years with 0 contact after. I'm probably just having a moment of weakness though. So what do you guys think I should do? Should I get in touch with her for no real good reason? Or should I keep up the no contact and keep going about my business?
Lani Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 No, you should not contact her. I like to call this a case of 'graduation goggles'. Because you don't have her anymore, you're beginning to only see the good times. Much like when you graduate from school, you forget all that you hated and get all foggy. You broke up with her for a reason. And you went no contact. It would be a jerk move of you to contact her now. It's only been a month, I can guarantee neither of you have made the changes you'd need.
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Not only must you NOT contact her (I like the 'graduation goggles' analogy, BtW....very accurate!) you should in all decency be blocking her/de-friending her on FB. And as the dumper, it's extremely unfair of you to dangle what in effect would be the 'friend-zone' carrot in front of her. You really don't do that kind of thing to someone whose heart you've potentially broken. If you have any serious intention of approaching her for a second chance - then be up-front, admit it, be frank, and absolutely clear: " I think I made the most awful mistake. I realise I sill love you, and don't want to live without you. I will do anything within my power to remedy whatever wrongs I did, and even seek counselling, with you, to get our lives back on track, and to try again. Will you forgive me, and try with me?" Unless this is precisely what you want to say to her, and mean it 100% - then leave well alone. 1
emilyxrose Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I agree with the above commenters, it's easier said than done, but I would say leave it unless you're willing to give it another go 100%, and be prepared for her to not reply :/ 1
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I thought about it and figured I'd be willing to talk about working it out if she was. We got to talking and she pretty much said she tried really hard to get past it and that she just doesn't want to go down that road again. She was crying as she said this and generally it was predictably a bad move. I felt bad after and still feel bad now typing this but it helped to get it off my chest at least. And it's good to at least have the closure to know that the book is definitely sealed for good after two years. "Breaking up is hard to do"
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It's your fault. You shouldn't have started a relationship with someone you didn't fall in deep passionate love for. Therefore, you are guilty of wasting her time. -
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I thought about it and figured I'd be willing to talk about working it out if she was. We got to talking and she pretty much said she tried really hard to get past it and that she just doesn't want to go down that road again. She was crying as she said this and generally it was predictably a bad move. I felt bad after and still feel bad now typing this but it helped to get it off my chest at least. And it's good to at least have the closure to know that the book is definitely sealed for good after two years. "Breaking up is hard to do" So you went against all our advice, and now both of you feel worse? Congratulations man.
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 It's your fault. You shouldn't have started a relationship with someone you didn't fall in deep passionate love for. Therefore, you are guilty of wasting her time. - When did I say I never had passionate love for her at one point? 99% of relationships come to an end eventually
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Passionate love meaning you want to get her pregnant forever and ever more. Never letting her go. Needing to impregnate her permanently. That's what I call... real passionate love making. -
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 So you went against all our advice, and now both of you feel worse? Congratulations man. While I wouldn't say I feel 'good' I definitely feel better after at least saying what was on my mind. And like the above poster said, its honestly it's really hard ti just leave it be. Was it really so bad to talk to her this once about it after we spent 2 years together?
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 While I wouldn't say I feel 'good' I definitely feel better after at least saying what was on my mind. And like the above poster said, its honestly it's really hard ti just leave it be. Was it really so bad to talk to her this once about it after we spent 2 years together? Because she would have already made some progress on feeling better about things. And now you've made her tell you to go away, and opened it all up again. She'll be feeling really really crappy all over again.
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Passionate love meaning you want to get her pregnant forever and ever more. Never letting her go. Needing to impregnate her permanently. That's what I call... real passionate love making. - Haha I'm not sure if I'm ready for all that at 20
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Because she would have already made some progress on feeling better about things. And now you've made her tell you to go away, and opened it all up again. She'll be feeling really really crappy all over again. She didn't really shoo me away, she was still saying to hit her up whenever, even though I don't think I'll take up that offer. And wouldn't she at least get a small ego boost out of this? With the ex going back to talk to her and what not
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 She didn't really shoo me away, she was still saying to hit her up whenever, even though I don't think I'll take up that offer. And wouldn't she at least get a small ego boost out of this? With the ex going back to talk to her and what not It hasn't been long enough for her to get an ego boost. She needs to properly be over you for that to happen. I think not taking her up on the offer to hit her up is a wise move.
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 It hasn't been long enough for her to get an ego boost. She needs to properly be over you for that to happen. I think not taking her up on the offer to hit her up is a wise move. Yea I guess that's true. And I don't think I'll do it. I wouldn't really be interested in being platonic friends with someone that I was with for that long. It was pretty much all or nothing, I wouldn't just linger in the picture as a friend. I just wish I could press a button and all this would be gone. I guess emotions really take a while to fade after you spend that much time with someone
robaday Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I dont think theres anything wrong with trying to salvage something out of a long term relationship, you were after all close for a long time and dont have to be strangers for the rest of your lives, it just takes a long time is all. Some people do prefer talking after breakups, some dont. I mean half this forum is full of people saying "she hasnt contacted me after 1 year together", "the jerk must not have cared if he hasnt been in touch once".......or the opposite, "the selfish guy got in touch, what a user", "the evil bixxh got in touch how selfish".....essentially your damned if you do and damned if you dont! But yeah, if you wanna move on quicker ya gotta go NC at least until emotions have died down.....and of course theres some exes you still respect and theres others you simply hate and theres others you simply dont care about.....depends on both people involved
Author LuckyShades Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I dont think theres anything wrong with trying to salvage something out of a long term relationship, you were after all close for a long time and dont have to be strangers for the rest of your lives, it just takes a long time is all. Some people do prefer talking after breakups, some dont. I mean half this forum is full of people saying "she hasnt contacted me after 1 year together", "the jerk must not have cared if he hasnt been in touch once".......or the opposite, "the selfish guy got in touch, what a user", "the evil bixxh got in touch how selfish".....essentially your damned if you do and damned if you dont! But yeah, if you wanna move on quicker ya gotta go NC at least until emotions have died down.....and of course theres some exes you still respect and theres others you simply hate and theres others you simply dont care about.....depends on both people involved Yea I agree with the sentiment that it seems like I was screwed either way. Im sort of just the kind of person where if I get something on my mind I have to do something about it. So I felt like I had to do this just to let it go for good instead of thinking about her. But I got my answer, now I just have to let it die.
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