philo Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Hi, Male/34 been a lurker on this site for a while and finally decided to post to see if anyone has any insight or comments Compared to my peers I think I've had above average number of flings, casual encounters, and short term relationships but only 2 long term relationships. 3 years with my first love and then at the beginning my 30's to now, I started to get involved with a friend which I have never done before. In the beginning we naturally started hanging out more and more somewhat quietly to avoid gossip among our mutual friends. We had a connection and I was physically attracted to her but at the same time was a bit embarrassed and confused about our thing. It just kind of happened and was never planned so when we had serious talks about what we were, my instant reaction would be to tell her that our thing is temporary and that this isn't going anywhere. We were in this zone for about 2 years where we were either together, broken up, not sure sure if we were together or broken up, one foot in one foot out.. She was pretty relentless on not giving up on me. Around the end of that 2 year mark, during one of our most serious breaks I realized that she is someone I would like to fight for. She has so many great qualities about her and the best girl I have been with. I wanted to really give it an honest shot and see how it would turn out if I was committed and put in a lot of effort to have a great relationship with her. So the first couple of months were going great. We were both happy and she was shocked to see all the "good boyfriend" types of things I was doing and making her feel. But that high settled down pretty quickly and things got routine, comfortable and good most of the time. When I am with her we have a great time but when I am alone and have time to think and reflect, is when I have most of my struggles. I seem to constantly be fighting with my feeling of lifelessness and feeling overwhelmed by her. I feel like she always wants more from me and I can feel that energy from her. She seems to make me the center of her life and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like if I did everything that would make her happy I would be living my life only for her. Are these feelings a pretty obvious signs that I need to get out of this relationship for good? Or are these things that I can work out on my own? I'm not really sure how to work them out.. There seems to be a general consensus out there that you should be a positive person and focus on the good things. Happiness is not a result but a choice. I believe in these kinds of things but get confused on where you draw the line, if you know what I mean..
KathyM Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I think it's all about boundaries. Some people get so absorbed in a relationship that it becomes all-encompassing and they end up losing their own identity and a healthy balance of individualism (if that makes sense to you). Some people are so relationship-oriented that they lose their sense of self or don't have a healthy sense of self, and the relationship becomes their entire world. You sound like a healthier person that wants to hang onto his own sense of self and is concerned this relationship is going to compromise your sense of self because this girlfriend is expecting more from it than you are able to give. You need to set boundaries with this girlfriend to allow yourself enough time for your own pursuits and interests, and so your life does not revolve solely around her.
Am4Real Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Are you looking for advice or simply venting your story?
todreaminblue Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 you feel that she wants more from you , yet she seemed shocked by the nice things you did for her.....i would think you feeling she wants you to do more, is your concern and not hers,.the lifelessness you feel should be a worry.....not a good sign for you......best wishes...deb
Recommended Posts