BUBS Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'm losing my patience in this whole thing. I thought I would be worlds better by this point... but I'm still utterly depressed, miserable and fearful of my future without him. All of the stages are still there simultaneously, anger,resentment, abandonment, bitterness, sadness, desperation, love... I still miss him like it was yesterday. I have days where I push it to the back of my mind... I function much more normally than I did in the beginning... but I still feel deeply hurt inside, I feel no progress towards actually accepting this whole thing and moving on with my life. 6 freaking months!!!!! What the hell? I don't want to live the rest of my life without him. 1
Author BUBS Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I feel like this is just going to creep up on me for the rest of my life, no matter how many intervals I have in between where I can keep it together... this feeling always comes back where I feel desperate. Has anyone been successful with medication?
drpepper1886 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 bubs, I am 6 months out as well, and am going through similar feelings. you're not alone and thereis no timeline. I know how tough it is to stay patient but it's all we have. the last week has been terrible for me. crying for first time in months. 1
OwlSoul Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 When you feel stressed or even if your heart starts bumping fast your brains try to connect it to something. And your mind gets to a conclusion that it's bc of the bu. Same effect from watching horror movies with s-ne else, when your brain interprets your heart beat as desire/love to the person.
A1A Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I am almost 4 month without him and I feel the same way. It is not even the sadness or the depression that bothers me; it's the amount of time that pass and the fact that I still miss him like I did when we just broke up. It sucks, I know... I have the same fears; that I will never be able to get over him; that I wouldn't be able to accept it... But honey, you will make it... and even if it will take 6 more months (which I hope it won't) You will make it... I have so many fears but I also have FAITH and it is stronger than my fears... Stay Strong!!!
Author BUBS Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Some days I have faith, but I've been losing it these days more and more often. I've already loved him for 10 years... 5 of which we were broken up before we reconciled again, and it's frustrating knowing that I continue to love him after all he's done, that after all of the time I've already invested in loving him being a waste, I have to continue to waste more time doing the same thing now. It's good to know that I'm not the only one thats further along in their break ups and struggling. Have any of you resorted to anti-depressants in your break ups? If so has it worked?
drpepper1886 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 It's good to know that I'm not the only one thats further along in their break ups and struggling. Have any of you resorted to anti-depressants in your break ups? If so has it worked? I've been taking St. Johns Wort since the breakup, it's a natural positive mood enhancer that is proven to have similar success for mild depression as anti-depressants do. That coupled with working out gives me some decent days. 1
A1A Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I also feel that I am wasting my time thinking of him and still loving him. However, I always tell myself that it is ME and my FEELINGS and if I cannot control them (which I can’t – no matter what advice I would be given) I just need to accept it. I can’t go against MYSELF… Whatever you did and you are still doing is not something that you need to judge yourself for it. You are not doing anything bad to anyone, you are just hurting and loving someone who broke your heart. I also thought of medications but I decided to first do everything I can to go through that without. I hate the pain, and the ‘wasted time’, and the waking up and having my heart beat so fast just from the thought of him… I hate it all!!! But I accept the hate because I know it comes from love. And although it is painful and right now I can’t really see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ I am still moving forward in the darkness. I know that at some point we become anxious to come out of it ALREADY, but always remember that you are still moving forward. I wish for you to see the light soon!
polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Love is a sort of advanced basic instinct, a primal kind. You may need it, but can always be done without it. The reason being it releases endorphins, serotonin etc, a cocktail of chemicals that make you feel good so ****ing good about YOURSELF, a NEW IDENTITY. It's natural for your mind to want something that made you feel good. Remember Pavlov, it's mind conditioning - but at an emotional level. You'll forget eventually, when you find another obsession. You'll be amazed looking back at yourself as you let time pass on. It's incredibly hard in the beginning after BU, and the very first time, it's my god, unbearable. Love is certainly a sweet poison. Unless you occupy yourself with some other activity, you are not going to feel any good. It's take time to come to your senses and be in greater control. Good luck !!
Author BUBS Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I've been taking St. Johns Wort since the breakup, it's a natural positive mood enhancer that is proven to have similar success for mild depression as anti-depressants do. That coupled with working out gives me some decent days. I have never heard of St. Johns Wort... I'll have to look into that. Thank you.
Author BUBS Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I also feel that I am wasting my time thinking of him and still loving him. However, I always tell myself that it is ME and my FEELINGS and if I cannot control them (which I can’t – no matter what advice I would be given) I just need to accept it. I can’t go against MYSELF… Whatever you did and you are still doing is not something that you need to judge yourself for it. You are not doing anything bad to anyone, you are just hurting and loving someone who broke your heart. I also thought of medications but I decided to first do everything I can to go through that without. I hate the pain, and the ‘wasted time’, and the waking up and having my heart beat so fast just from the thought of him… I hate it all!!! But I accept the hate because I know it comes from love. And although it is painful and right now I can’t really see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ I am still moving forward in the darkness. I know that at some point we become anxious to come out of it ALREADY, but always remember that you are still moving forward. I wish for you to see the light soon! Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry we both are going through such a horrible transition in our lives. I do feel a little relieved that I am not the only one further along into my break up who still feels the way I do. For me It's hard because I feel like I AM going against myself... like I'm my own worst enemy. I blame myself for so much, I hate myself and feel responsible.
Author BUBS Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Love is a sort of advanced basic instinct, a primal kind. You may need it, but can always be done without it. The reason being it releases endorphins, serotonin etc, a cocktail of chemicals that make you feel good so ****ing good about YOURSELF, a NEW IDENTITY. I realize this, and it sucks so greatly to know that a great deal of this pain is out of my control and is more chemical based than anything else. The new identity really strikes me as one of my biggest issues that I am coping with now. I was much happier with who I was when he was validating me as a person, and now I am really struggling to care about myself at all knowing that he no longer does. It's like if he doesn't value me, maybe I'm not worth it in general. I also mentioned above that I do blame myself more than I should for the break up. Since the break up I've had men hit on me, but none of them compare to the caliber of men that used to hit on me (not to sound shallow)... I've tried to even lower my standards a bit in finding people that can occupy my time more and it seems like I'm being treated like I'm less valuable by everyone since the split. Maybe its in my head... who knows?
thefooloftheyear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I realize this, and it sucks so greatly to know that a great deal of this pain is out of my control and is more chemical based than anything else. The new identity really strikes me as one of my biggest issues that I am coping with now. I was much happier with who I was when he was validating me as a person, and now I am really struggling to care about myself at all knowing that he no longer does. It's like if he doesn't value me, maybe I'm not worth it in general. I also mentioned above that I do blame myself more than I should for the break up. Since the break up I've had men hit on me, but none of them compare to the caliber of men that used to hit on me (not to sound shallow)... I've tried to even lower my standards a bit in finding people that can occupy my time more and it seems like I'm being treated like I'm less valuable by everyone since the split. Maybe its in my head... who knows? Take care of yourself, get a massage. Go to the gym. Get a mani/pedi. Buy a nice pair of shoes. (Im a guy, so I am trying my best here!..lol) Seriously. I normally enjoy working out, but without the gym I would be struggling way more than I have been. My workouts have been great and I have made great gains sinnce the BU. Sure, I can be an emotional wreck at times, but my well being is definitely improved.... Hang in there! TFOY 2
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