no contact? why does it feel like I'm taking a few steps back

[thingshavechanged]

well it's been about 17 days (who's counting right?) since I last had any form of communication with her. It has gotten easier and easier....but for some reason all of a sudden the thought of things possibly working out has begun to pop back into my mind. She was the one that broke things off with me.... don't really wanna get into it and relive the whole experience.

 

I'm just wondering if this is normal? At first I did the pathetic begging, pleading, and reasoning bit but afterwards I realized that she had thrown away a lot more than I lost by ending the relationship. I'm just curious as to why all of a sudden these thoughts of getting back together are popping back up. I was doing really well and all of a sudden I feel like I've taken 2 steps back...I've hung our with friends that I haven't seen for a long time, went out drinking, played poker, signed up for a gym, and a lot of other things. I've done these things for myself yet why am I having these thoughts of reconciling with her all of a sudden?

 

Now I know a lot of people are probably gonna ask me whether I'm doing no contact for myself or to get her back. Let me assure you, it is for myself. That's why I'm tripping right now because I feel like no contact is not working for my benefit...

 

Anyone have any thoughts or experiences with this?

 

by the way.... how many of you have had exes come back after no contact? Be as brutally honest as you can. Whether they ended up coming back or not, I feel like hearing about it would help me zap these thoughts of getting back with her from my mind.

 

thanks in advance to all those who respond

[TheFriend]

I can tell you with grieving a loss that there is no clear linear hill to climb, it will look like a stock market chart as far as emotions go. But the one positive is that you will end up on top in the end.

 

I sometimes question if nc is killing me or helping me. I think anyone who thinks nc is making it worse is honestly worried that "as time goes on the ex will forget me. So maybe i should break nc just to keep in their mind." I am guilty of this. I made it 17 nc days at one point then broke it. It actually helped me because I had some unanswered questions receive closure, but it did set me back emotionally.

[Sugarkane]

I had a dumper contact me once but still got nothing but no answers, lies and more lies. So I still didn't get any answers in The end anyway.

[Wabisabi]

I do feel the same. Still experiencing a roller-coaster ride. I feel that NC does help me to get back my control but at the same time I question if I might be ruining my many years of friendship with my ex. My thoughts and opinions change back and forth, back and forth. I find it hardest at night when I go sleep and have got nothing to do so my thoughts go back to him but during the day I'm perfectly fine like all's good. Then repeat...I do believe it'll get easier and easier emotionally as time goes on since I'm only 2 weeks since break up and NC. I just wanna let you know that you're not alone having these sudden doubts. These shall pass...I hope.

[Sososad]

I think as a earlier poster said

These feelings are totally normal and i think

It comes back to you maybe realising your getting that bit stronger and

In turn may make you think

Oh well so are they !

And it's nearly a fear of losing them hits in.

[Am4Real]

They're NORMAL only in the sense you are primarily remembering THE GOOD STUFF from the relationship.

 

They are ABNORMAL is you are over-looking the issue or issues which caused you both to lead you where you are today.

 

Seventeen days is a challenging point; it's still very early in the break up process.

 

Stay focused and perhaps start a personal journal where you can record your thoughts and feelings -- it works wonders -- kind of like having a conversation with close friend.