TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Hey all i am very seriously considering sending my ex an email. After a month of breaking up and being very cruel she sent me an apology email and meeting stating why she left me. I have thought on it for a week and want to send the following. -So I have been thinking ALOT since we meet, I am by no means asking you for another chance but I am going to tell you that I would love one. You know that I would always take care of you, you know what kind of man i am, and you know how I would do anything to make you happy/smile. I am more then willing to fix the issues we have, and would have if I knew when we were together how badly you were upset about things. I am also willing to change aspects of my life. You are absolutely worth more then anything in the world to me. I know you are happy now and I am so happy for you, I truly am. But I just needed you to know that I am accepting of my shortcomings but am also hurt that I never had the chance to correct them nor did i know they would be detrimental to our relationship. Why she left me according to her. - I didn't pick her up every time we hung out( she lives with her parents,she is 22) To my defense i would drive everywhere and pay for all of our dates. I just asked that she drive to my house. So I didn't burn gas going back and fourth 4 times to get her and drop her off. -I didn't make an effort with her parents. Her parents didn't approve of me when we first started dating because i wasn't christian, so I was a bit timid to see them after they told me that. Time went on and we went on a few double dates with them, exchanged Xmas presents and so on. We actually built a nice relationship i thought. -I don't like to dance for 4 hours(club style) -I can handle an hour or so but told her if she just wanted to dance i was ok her going with her friends and that I trusted her. -mad that I wouldn't yell and fight with her. She was upset that I wouldn't raise my voice when in an disagreement. - I wasn't spontaneous enough, I wouldn't pack up a suitcase and show up randomly at her house to take her away. This one makes me laugh.... Wtf haha. Anyways I'm 27 she's 22 we were together for 9 months. Besides the following i did everything for this girl. She said she's happy now and is better without me. I believe this to a certain degree( think here is a rebound) Please give me advise on sending this email.... Thank you all!
thingshavechanged Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I would recommend against it. You should maintain no contact. the way I look at it is if a girl thinks she can find someone better, that's the biggest mistake she can make and that's her loss. not being spontaneous enough is understandable, her parents disliking you is understandable, her having to drive to you is a problem? Is that a joke? you pay for all the dates? is that a joke? That kind of dating is just a form of prostitution... Take her to dinner= make out sesh? buying her expensive gifts= tappin that? mad that you wouldn't raise your voice? wierd, but some girls like an assertive guy who can put it down. dancing for 4 hours? ridiculous unless you are at a rave she says that she's happier without you? possibly. most likely she'll wake up one day and realize how stupid she was cuz you deserve better 1
Author TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Haha appreciate the response, and its not that the parents didnt like me, they actually were so greatfull how I treated their daughter, but apparently I didn't see them enough. Yeah the dates, movies, wine and painting, vacations, golf, museums you name it it probably happened. Like you said "prostitution" It's hard to be spontaneous when you have a job. She is working part time for a salon so i don't think she realizes that full time jobs don't typically have the luxury to just bounce out of work at any given moment.
thingshavechanged Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 just go no contact, dont let her mess with you...you'll feel a lot better. I was in a similar situation, where I paid for most things, drove most of the time, in essence did more for her than she did for me....but she would still contribute as well so it wasn't as bad. j ust look at it like this, who lost more from the relationship ending? her or you? do a cost-benefit analysis lol.....you'll feel a lot better. im currently doin no contact but im on this forum cuz the thoughts of gettin bak with my ex keep popping bak into my mind. I dunno why tho, ive been moving forward but all of a sudden i feel like im takin a few steps bak. u shud check my post out if you have had any experiences with no contact. id appreciate ur insight
Author TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Lol that cost benefit analysis would look ugly! Lol I prbly dropped 10k over 9 months with her. Sadly to the heart that looks like Chump change:( I will check for your post and see if i can add some insite.
thingshavechanged Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Lol that cost benefit analysis would look ugly! Lol I prbly dropped 10k over 9 months with her. Sadly to the heart that looks like Chump change:( I will check for your post and see if i can add some insite. nah i get where youre coming from. in my relationship the money i spent was probably 3 times or more whatever she spent...the amount of effort i put in was probably 2 times or more whatever she put in...in the end it didnt really matter all that much to me becuz i loved her. the thing is would u wanna be with someone that thinks theres a better guy out there for her than u? that thinks her life is better without u? that says she is happier without u? im not the kind of guy to care about which guy a girl has slept with before me, how many guys she has slept with before me, or how many times she has slept with a guy before me...but the thing is those things matter to me after she has been with me.....1 other guy is the wrong guy, 1 guy too many, 1 time too many...
Author TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Yeah there can really be no skankfest if an ex wants to come bak.thats a big no no
McGriff Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 DO NOT send that letter! Especially if she broke up with you. She has done nothing to earn those words since the breakup. Take it from me, I've made the mistakes of massaging her ego, and it does NOTHING for you except give her even MORE power than she already has. NC. Don't cave in! 1
Wabisabi Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Yeah DO NOT send the letter. She doesn't deserve it. For all the reasons she broke up with you, I think she's immature and doesn't know what love is at all. On top of that, she's selfish. I'm VERY sure you'll find a better girl who'll appreciate the person you are and who can truly love you. NOT THIS ONE.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) DO NOT send that letter! Especially if she broke up with you. She has done nothing to earn those words since the breakup. Take it from me, I've made the mistakes of massaging her ego, and it does NOTHING for you except give her even MORE power than she already has. NC. Don't cave in! I love McGriff's response. I hope it's not too late. Please don't send the letter. You wrote it, you got it out of your system, now shred it or burn it. And do something to distract yourself before you write another one. Try reading the Dumper's Stages that somebody posted earlier today. If she is happy in a rebound, she simply does not care about what you are thinking or feeling - her emotional energy is all looking forward, and forcing her to look back at you isn't going to change that. She's finally set herself free of the relationship and is happily exploring new options right now. Sorry to say that, and I'm not trying to be hurtful, but just trying to convince you that letter will accomplish nothing Edited March 25, 2013 by Damsel in Distress 1
Author TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Thank you all for your kind words. Unfortunately I accidentally sent it very late last evening. My stomach dropped the minute i saw the word sending on my iPad. I have not heard anything back and do no expect to, but I will keep you all posted. Please send positive thoughts my way. I have been puking all morning stressing about this:(
Damsel in Distress Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I was afraid it was too late! Sorry we couldn't save you from yourself. I am very familiar with the urge myself. What's done is done. I'll be curious to know if there is any response. Hang in there.
McGriff Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 That sucks because really NOTHING GOOD can come of it. Let's look at the possibilities: 1) she doesn't answer---50% probability---she reads it, sighs, and says something to the effect of "oh god". Not good. 2) she answers flatline---45%---"thanks" or "that's sweet" or "you're so_____(insert you fav adjective)" or something that doesn't even come close to your effort or enthusiasm. Not good. 3) she answer negatively---4%---"leave me the *^#% alone!". Not good. 4) she shows it to her friends or new lover for their entertainment---100% (if any of the above three are true)---not good. 5) she answers in the positive the way you want---1%---"OMG, that's all I needed to hear, I am on my way over right now, and we are gonna work this out, I love you, I love you, I love you. Kissy kissy over the phone" blah blah blah. Very good. Congrats. We'll see what happens...
Author TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Lol Mcgriff your post actually cracked me up! Thank you for the laugh I really needed that! You are absolutely right lol. That damn 1% is what keeps me going for some effin reason tho! Will keep you updated on the out come! 1
Author TheFriend Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Well that didn't go very well!!!! I didn't get an email back but I got a nice call from her. She called me saying "don't email me again, I am very happy and content with my decision to end things. Nothing is going to change my mind." I said I'm sorry I wish I could explain how I feel, she said you have -click.... Well guys I feel like a jackass now. so mad at myself!!!!
Am4Real Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yep, that was predictable! Time to move on now. Feel relieved in all of this she called you. Plenty of folks write followups to the followups. Not good. Well that didn't go very well!!!! I didn't get an email back but I got a nice call from her. She called me saying "don't email me again, I am very happy and content with my decision to end things. Nothing is going to change my mind." I said I'm sorry I wish I could explain how I feel, she said you have -click.... Well guys I feel like a jackass now. so mad at myself!!!!
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm so sorry Thanks for letting us know - it can be a lesson for us all. There's a reason the experienced people on the forum keep saying the same thing over and over - the same thing just keeps playing out time after time on these boards. Hang in there.
Am4Real Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Very very true. I'm so sorry Thanks for letting us know - it can be a lesson for us all. There's a reason the experienced people on the forum keep saying the same thing over and over - the same thing just keeps playing out time after time on these boards. Hang in there.
Author TheFriend Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Thanks guys. I have shifted to the "damnit what if I had just kept cool and moved on" thoughts. Does anyone think how you handle the post relationship really matters for a legit healthy reunion?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Thanks guys. I have shifted to the "damnit what if I had just kept cool and moved on" thoughts. Does anyone think how you handle the post relationship really matters for a legit healthy reunion? Meh, you can only hurt yourself, you really can't help yourself in the immediate aftermath. That's why it's best to do nothing, because whatever you do just digs the hole deeper at this stage. 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The problem is you are hoping for a reunion! You have to stop thinking that way and instead focus on accepting that the relationship is over. The post-breakup behavior that matters is you recovering from the loss as gracefully as possible and stepping back into your own life without her in it.
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