troublemaker Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So I recently was dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years. I kind of saw it coming. We are both in college. I'm finishing grad school, she's finishing her undergrad. There's a 5+ year gap between the two of us which is a big reason why we broke up. At the beginning of the relationship, she was rather clingy and emotional. It takes much longer for me to open up to someone so she probably felt like my feelings for her were not that strong (and in truth, they weren't). She even complained once (she was drunk) about how I hadn't yet told her that I loved her. Over time, though, she managed to gain my trust and I gradually got to really be in love with her. It probably took me more than a year. By then, she probably was confused but I remember her saying in passing that she could not marry me because I was too harsh with her. Looking back on our 2 years, I realize that I have had little patience for what I considered to be immature behavior and I have been snappy with her on several occasions. Usually, when we get mad, I would just give her the silent treatment. I could do it for several days and it drove her crazy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that over time she has come to expect less of me. After a while, if she was mad at me, she would go talk/cry to a girlfriend about it. In the past few months, when it became clear that our relationship was falling apart, she made no effort in communicating with me. She was hanging out with new friends and would often party with them during the week-end to deal with her frustration. As a grad student about to graduate, I am dirt poor and I felt like I could not take her out often enough/entertain her so we had become one of those 'old couples' after a while. Just hanging out at home with the dog, watching movies. By the time I realized she was really bored and actually considered breaking up, it was too late. Our lease doesn't end for another 6 months and after much reflection, I told her I would stick around. Logistics-wise, it is easier for both of us. I'm not going to lie, I love her very much and my plan is to try to get her back within that time frame. I only told her that I loved her and that we could be friends (although my initial reaction was that if we were done, I'd get the hell out) We live in a one bedroom apartment but have separate beds. Things are not awkward so far because I don't intend to make a move right away but just want to show her that we can be great friends and I'm counting on the fact that we will be seeing each other on a daily basis these next months. What I'm worried about is: 1) Her comment about not wanting to marry me because she thinks I'm too harsh with her. If that is really her concern, it is something I intend to change but part of me also feels like she is too young to know what she is talking about. Or should I take that as a no-no and just move on? 2) How should I go about this? We were friends for a few weeks before dating (no long history) but I managed to make her smile/laugh all the time. I think that the fact that we are no longer a couple brings back my flirtatious nature. I also don't want to force her to do anything and definitely intend on giving her space at first. Right now, we still give each other hugs and I even took her on my lap the other day out of habit. She also doesn't close the door when she takes showers or gets changed in the room and she says that she has a hard time sleeping when I'm not with her. I don't know what to think, I feel like I'm getting mixed messages when it seems clear she wanted to break up in the first place. We went over it like three times and she was adamant that it was best for her. Any advice from someone who experienced a similar situation would be appreciated. This is quite unusual for me
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If you're not willing to sacrifice school or career for your ex-girlfriend then you don't deserve her. -
Darren Steez Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It's called the FRIENDZONE. It's a strange place. Sometimes cold and chilly. At other times warm and friendly. It can make you laugh, it can make you cry. It can give you comfort and it can give you security. But one thing it will never give you..is sex. Look pal, you're thinking with your johnson and she's thinking with her head. You're in the friendzone, so nothing really changes with regards to the fact, you've seen her naked already so why close the door when she showers? You can get a hug, maybe even a peck on the cheek or a sitdown on the knee. But no kisses, no sleeping in bed together and I dont mean sex, I mean just sleeping in the same bed. Definitely no sex. So what are you confused about? You're both finishing school and will be moving on. Do you truly see a future with her? I mean really deep down? Don't count on anything to happen just because you're in close proximity everyday. What happens when she doesn't come home one night, you're going to be jealous? Of course you are but you're broken up so she can do what the heck she likes can't she? As long as you hold out false hope then you and only you will get hurt. She's moved on, taken the step to break up with you. So she's detached. You must do the same.
TaraMaiden Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If you're not willing to sacrifice school or career for your ex-girlfriend then you don't deserve her. Your advice ranges from the bizarre ,and unreal to the idiotic and dangerous. And it's honestly not at all good.... "Real advice in a fake world"....? Erm....... not really.... quite the opposite I would say..... Sacrificing School or career - real necessities in this global race - for something as uncertain, ephemeral and unsteady as an EX- girlfriend - is totally and utterly insane.
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