Gambrinus Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I have just moved to a new town and I know no one here. I have always been a little shy. Especially around woman I am attracted to. I also have a hard time reading the signs that a woman is interested in me. I either don’t get it or I think they are interested and they are not, I end up feeling like a fool. I am always friendly, courteous, and respectful to women. Since this is the way I want to be treated, that is how I treat women I would like to get to know. Yet, I hear a lot of other men say things to a woman they just met that I would never consider saying. Things you know these women have probably heard a million times and are tired of hearing this kind of B.S. Yet they always respond to these comments. My approach always leaves me wondering what I am doing wrong. So I have been living in this town for a little more than a week. I have found a little bar near my home that I go to for a couple of beers, just to get out of the house. I always find going to a little bar and talking to people is a good way to learn a lot about the new place I live. Well I think the bartender is cute. The first time I was in I complemented her on her smile. She wanted to know my name. A few days later I go in and she is off the clock with her friends having a drink. She makes it very obvious that she is single and does not like it. We exchange lots of looks and smiles. But in the meantime plenty of other regulars come in and chat with her and her girlfriend starts crying right at the bar about who knows what, which upsets her boyfriend she is with. The girlfriend leaves and the boyfriend goes on and on to the girl I want to talk to about the issues in their relationship. I never get a chance to have much of a conversation with her at all. A few days later I go in and she is working and is telling a guy, who is making comments to her that I described above, that she is married, of course he asks where her ring is. She makes up an excuse about how she is taken. But she looks at me while she tells him this. Yet the rest of the time I am there she makes no real attempt to talk to me. Of course she was a little busy, but she had help and the other bartender kept waiting on me instead of the one I want to talk to. So I am left wondering? Is she interested in me or is she just being a friendly bartender? I have done everything I know to do to show her I am interested. I am not about to start making comments to her that are totally out of my character. Am I reading the signs wrong or am I just to cautious? What is wrong with being respectful to women? Why don’t they like it? Why do they want to be talked to like they are a piece of meat? I know I have self-confidence issues, but I have had many relationships in the past. Of course they were all with women I got to know through work, over time and not someone I just met. I just don’t know what to do. Or maybe I am doing something wrong?
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If you go into bars alone and chat up bartenders and exchange glances and smiles with them, you're not really that shy. Just for the record, I was somewhat of a barfly back in my day, and I can't even count how many good looking bartenders there were that I had friendly banter with. It's their job! I'd say I had zero chance with just about all of them. That is actually one I don't feel too bad about because even my better looking friends didn't have really any shot with city bartenders. If it's more of a rural or suburban bar, it might be a little different, but still very much a shot in the dark I'd say.
c57dood Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 First rule is don't waste your time wondering about women. This girls whom from what I understand from your post is married (correct me if I'm wrong), is one that you are wasting both time and energy over. Some women just like to toy with multiple men, as in talking to one but looking at another. Plus, bartenders "flirt" with customers because when you've had a few drinks suddenly the bartender looks like a supermodel and you just need a couple more beers to make the move, which she'll be happy to sell you. My advice would be to look somewhere else besides a bar to meet some ladies.
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