SunsetRed Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If I had a dollar for every separated man who went back to his wife, I'd be so rich I'd never have to work again. 4
kristismiles Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 confused? You are saying he only wants her for money and he can't pay his own way and is worried about making rent and yet you say he is an ivy league educated college professor? 5
stillafool Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 There marriage is clearly one of the most dysfunctional ones I've seen, with her "chasing him" with her money, gifts etc. (14 years the man never paid a bill.) How can she chase a man she is already married to? She already has him. To be fair the one who has the most money in a relationship should share. My husband and I are not millionares but I do enjoy buying him gifts. Case at point: the day she kicked him out she went out and brought a brand new Mercedes, knowing he'd be impressed. Not necessarilly. I know quite a few people (including my brother) when divorcing or the spouse dies, go out and buy a new car to make themselves feel better. When she threw him out in October -- I suspect he was rubbing the affair a tad bit in her face -- he said, "This marriage has been over years. I have to take responsibility for engineering the break up." What stung though, is when he finally got out he was like a little boy when their parents go away for the weekend. But when the reality of bills hit, he said: "You know....if I can't make my rent, I don't have back up." (Duh. And neither does a single mom, which I am.) I am rambling. Venting. I just need to get this out. Sorry.
SunsetRed Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Hugs to you! These break ups w separated/married men are the WORST break ups ever. I think its because the man returns to a woman who has the status of WIFE, partner, etc and we're stuck w the status of single and alone. Its heartbreaking and I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. The only thing these break ups are good for is weight loss. Most of us on here reported losing 10-20 lbs. Hang in there. Spring and summer weather is coming and soon you'll be able to get out and do fun things to get your mind off of your dick ex!
waterwoman Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 'The' wife? Do you mean his wife? Or perhaps 'the wife' is like 'the washing machine' or 'the car'. 6
Author egalew Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Sunset Red - I agree the break ups with the married men are the worst type and I believe for many reasons. When these guys decide it's over -- for whatever reason -- they can simply slide back into their domestic life and they're banking on the good nature of the OW not to rat them out. Say anything. Once back in domestic bliss, it is as though everything said, feelings, shared events never occurred. It was all a game. A think a lot of cheats also know that the wife will take them back. Mine did anyway. He kind of knew just let it act out her anger and boy did she. Destroying rooms, yelling, scream.....and I suspect even became physical.
AnotherRound Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 'The' wife? Do you mean his wife? Or perhaps 'the wife' is like 'the washing machine' or 'the car'. This was something I noticed right away about my exMM -his use of "the wife" and not her name or "my wife" or "us". It was an interesting thing and once when I asked him about it, he didn't even realize he was doing it. After I asked him about it he said that he thought he said it that way bc they were so distant - so "my wife" sounded too intimate to him, and didn't feel like it fit - as "the marriage" instead of "our marriage" bc he had given up on it long ago. Yes, it is instantly noticeable when someone uses that type of distant language regarding something that should be very intimate. And for me, is exMM had started using "my wife" at any time, I would have noticed it - but even when they thought about reconciliation after they filed - he continued (and still does) use "the wife" and "her" and not her name or "my exW" or whatever - his language shows no connection to her at all.
Mycatsnuggles Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I think MM uses the term "she" when referring to his wife out of consideration for my feelings. I know I don't refer to H by name, its generally HIM. MM knows who I am referring to as do I. We also call them our "others" .
AnotherRound Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I think MM uses the term "she" when referring to his wife out of consideration for my feelings. I know I don't refer to H by name, its generally HIM. MM knows who I am referring to as do I. We also call them our "others" . My exMM seriously didn't even realize he was doing it until I pointed it out. I remember the look on his face, and then his realization that he did totally do that - distanced himself from her and "the marriage". But even now, he does the same thing - he just didn't feel a part of it. I know that relationships I am close in and invested in - I say "my sister", "my best friend", "My boyfriend"... not "the". It would be interesting for me to know how long prior to me exMM used that language as when he and I met, he was using it as if he had been forever. And I noticed it immediately bc it sounded so - detached.
SunsetRed Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 confused? You are saying he only wants her for money and he can't pay his own way and is worried about making rent and yet you say he is an ivy league educated college professor? Actually I know many men like this. My college bf (who thank God is married to someone else) has 4 masters degrees in math related fields. He doesn't work and his wife supports him. He claims to be bi polar and thinks of himself to be like the tortured brilliant but mentally ill guy in the movie The Beautiful Mind. There's nothing brilliant about supporting your husband. That's a sorry ass man who lets a woman support him. I've known too many women who had kids really young and supported themselves and children with whatever job they could find. Its easier for men to get jobs, at least they can lift things and build things. There's no excuse for a man to let a woman support him and there;s no excuse for a woman to be willing to. 1
Author egalew Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Sunset - Book smart and common sense are two different things. I agree there is nothing attractive about a man allowing a woman to support them. When I first met the exMM he was constantly bragging about "their money," "our house," "out investments." He made it seem like they had more money than they did. I then discovered she paid all the bills and everything was in her name. When she finally threw him out, she said "You've been here 14 years and never paid a single bill" and he was incredulous. He claims it was a sexless marriage. But truthfully, if I had to pay all the bills i wouldn't be able to get that hot for my husband.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) And some men really aren't men and can be bought by the highest bidder. It is the nature of the game for some. Yeah...Women NEVER do that:laugh:....Heck, women invented that game... Cmon ladies, please. Your gender has made great strides in pay equality in the workplace and such. Dont complain if the tables are turned for some. And dont get me wrong, I have earned way more than any woman I know and I am not bitter about it! Just try to be fair... Sorry...Carry on.. TFOY Edited March 26, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
waterwoman Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 He claims it was a sexless marriage. But truthfully, if I had to pay all the bills i wouldn't be able to get that hot for my husband. LOL! Yep that I suspect that was an issue with our marriage for a time. H had been unemployed for periods, then switched and changed 'careers' for many years, I earned far more than he did until very recently. And while I didn't mind that in principle I didn't enjoy having the lion's share of financial responsibility on my shoulders, especially when our babies were born (especially when he didn't pull his weight in other ways.... but that's another story.... ) I was tired, stressed and secretly pissed of with him. I wanted to be in a partnership. And when H finally got his act together and started earning a good salary almost immediately there was OW with her daddy issues, admiring him for being such a good provider and reliable husband with a lovely home and good job. I nearly died laughing.... 2
Author egalew Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Water - Curious.....what the status of your situation now?
waterwoman Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Water - Curious.....what the status of your situation now? Hi egalew, we are together. Reconciliation is a work in progress. Intention is to stay and it's going well by and large, but there are no guarantees. 2
Author egalew Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Water - Do you mind sharing a little more....he had a D-Day and you decided to stick together? Why? And how long ago? And things are good now?
Author egalew Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Under - I heard the ex-MM constantly saying things like, "My wife won't let me....." or "I can't......" She had him on this tight leash, but now I realized he liked it. She was constantly flying into rages and he never pushed back. It was SM-like. I think she knew if she yelled and screamed and threatened enough he run back. How long have you been apart and how do you feel about the ex-MM now?
Recommended Posts