Zahara Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 But I emailed him saying how he should be willing to stand up to his parents for me... and he didn't 1) say he disagreed or 2) blow me off and stop trying to pursue me in his life anymore. If he read that email and was like "yeah right," then there's just no point for him to keep trying to stay close to me, when clearly I'm not just being a fun carefree friend for him to have around. His non-response is his passive way of telling you that he can't stand up for you because he isn't agreeing with your stance about standing up for you, is he? He didn't say, yes I will stand up to them, now did he? If that is what he meant and wanted to do, he would have said the words when you sent the email. Why would he blow you off? He's not telling you he will fight for you, yet you're still there catering to him. Why would he blow you off when you are available even when he doesn't give you what you need? It's easy. You require zero investment.
Author rcknrl Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) Why would he blow you off? He's not telling you he will fight for you, yet you're still there catering to him. Why would he blow you off when you are available even when he doesn't give you what you need? It's easy. What is "available" really? I'm not asking him to hang out, or sleeping with him, or sitting around telling him he's an amazing guy & being someone fun for him to talk to. That's my point. Despite me doing none of those things he insists on continually reaching out to have me in his life. I just don't see the point unless he really cares. If someone were challenging me, telling me I'm not doing anything admirable and that I should be stronger, capable of more... If I really disagreed and found it annoying I'd just kind of blow the other person off. Edited April 12, 2013 by rcknrl
Zahara Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 What is "available" really? I'm not asking him to hang out, or sleeping with him, or sitting around telling him he's an amazing guy & being someone fun for him to talk to. That's my point. Despite me doing none of those things he insists on continually reaching out to have me in his life. It's not like there aren't other girls who could give him attention or whatever. I just don't see the point unless he raelly cares. If you can live with him not being your BF but that he loves and cares for you enough to just talk with, then keep investing in this. Maybe he will care enough one day to make you a priority. I think you fail to realize that caring is one thing. Caring enough to make you a priority and to be with you is another. In any case, I am not sure what you are seeking to gain from the forum. If what he's giving you now is enough, in that he cares, then keep doing what you are doing.
Minneloa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 OP, this sounds like a very painful situation for you. Without any clear communication on his part that he is willing to prioritize you, you are stuck in a limbo that seems frustrating and confusing. I don't know what he is thinking, but what he is doing is not actively choosing to be with you. Until such time as he does that, I would advise you to steer clear of him so that you are not caught up in endless hopes that turn out to be unfounded. Sending good thoughts. M.
Minneloa Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 If you can live with him not being your BF but that he loves and cares for you enough to just talk with, then keep investing in this. Maybe he will care enough one day to make you a priority. I think you fail to realize that caring is one thing. Caring enough to make you a priority and to be with you is another. In any case, I am not sure what you are seeking to gain from the forum. If what he's giving you now is enough, in that he cares, then keep doing what you are doing. Jinx! I owe you a coke. ; )
Author rcknrl Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 OP, this sounds like a very painful situation for you. Without any clear communication on his part that he is willing to prioritize you, you are stuck in a limbo that seems frustrating and confusing. I don't know what he is thinking, but what he is doing is not actively choosing to be with you. Until such time as he does that, I would advise you to steer clear of him so that you are not caught up in endless hopes that turn out to be unfounded. Sending good thoughts. M. Thank you. I am certainly dating other people & not waiting around for him. I'm even moving for a new work opportunity soon. I'm not chasing after this guy, & instead of accepting being "just friends," I'm telling him why he's disappointing & would stand up for me if he were stronger. I figure that I've given him every chance/reason to fade away & stop interacting with me... And the fact that he keeps trying to stay in my life just has to make me wonder.
Author rcknrl Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 I am completely unconvinced at this point that he's gonna go through with marrying someone else if he 1) feels very strongly for me now, both in his words & in every interaction we have... and 2) has no intention of changing that, considering how he keeps trying to come after me & get closer, even after I began just telling him flat out why his actions are disappointing, I thought he was stronger & able to stand up for me, etc.
Author rcknrl Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I got sick of this dead-end RL and told him (via text), basically that it was just too hurtful for me that he wouldn't lift a finger & ran the other way as soon as our RL got even a little bit hard (parent disapproval, whatever). He didn't respond to that. Great. I saw him in person at grocery store yesterday and basically just gave him a blank/angry expression; I don't care to talk to him anymore obviously. Later on he finally responded to the text. He texted me to tell me our mutual grocery store is having a huge sale on salmon today (my favorite) & tell me something exciting about his work day. SERIOUSLY?? That's the response to my honest explanation of why I'm so hurt/done with him? Of course I didn't respond. I'd just love to understand why a person would be this bizzarely avoidiant. Oh my life...
Author rcknrl Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 What do you guys think? I kept blowin him off & finally he showed up to this orchestra concert where he knew I was playing... He told me later "I knew you were mad & I just had to come find you, had to see you, I just can't be without you." the other night we hung out & he kissed me like crazy but said he refused to do more because what's most important to him is to preserve everything we've built (considering I've obv been mad at him recently etc). Said we just need to take things slowly one step at a time right now...!!!
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