MarinaX Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Every so often guys approach me on the train, at the coffee shop, etc. I don't mind being approached, I find it a confidence booster even if I'm not interested in the guy. However, sometimes I find that more times than not, I'm not interested... is it weird for guys to be approached by girls? Sometimes I feel that rather than waiting for a guy I like to approach me, I should just talk to someone that I'm interested in. One of my guy friends advised not to do this because it makes a girl seem desperate.. SO GENTLEMEN, I wanna know: is it unattractive when a girl approaches you and if not, what is the best strategy to approach a guy without coming off weird?
truth_seeker Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 One of my guy friends advised not to do this because it makes a girl seem desperate.. SO GENTLEMEN, I wanna know: is it unattractive when a girl approaches you and if not, what is the best strategy to approach a guy without coming off weird? 1) Your guy friend is an idiot. How is it desperate to go after something you want? 2) No. It's a total turn on. Best strategy? Try this: "Hi, I'm Marina. Would you like to join me for coffee?" OMG! That sounds so desperate! 1
normal person Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I don't find it to be unattractive necessarily, but when a girl approaches me I may start to think things like: 1). Does she not have more options? Why wouldn't she? Is there something wrong with her? What's she hiding? 2). Why doesn't she pick from any of the guys that must be asking her out all the time? 3). How many other guys has she done this to? 4). Does she not think I'm capable of approaching her if I wanted to? Because I am. 5). I want to be the pursuer so the whole thing might lack a little "spark" or excitement for me. It's a little too easy and that might be a little off putting. I'd prefer to feel like I earned a girl's affection or attention rather than having it handed to me. If she's really smooth and seems to mask her intentions well or is able to really hold the conversation I probably won't question it too much. If she's a little awkward or uncomfortable, it might make me a little uncomfortable because I feel like I have to almost reassure her or acknowledge her effort, and that's really unattractive. I like it best when girls put themselves in a position to be approached or pursued rather than actively pursue. I like it when girls will say (in one or another) "Hey, I'm available, so come get me."
camillalev Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I've asked guys out before and have only had positive reactions. Sometimes you think a guy is so cute, you have to make a move. Or you both are slyly checking each other out but are in a situation where normally no one says anything and it's a missed opportunity. Why not?
camillalev Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 5). I want to be the pursuer so the whole thing might lack a little "spark" or excitement for me. It's a little too easy and that might be a little off putting. I'd prefer to feel like I earned a girl's affection or attention rather than having it handed to me. Women like "spark" and a little chase as well. Just because she's invited you to hang doesn't mean you've got the show on lockdown 1
MissJoness Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Worst advice ever. Don't do it ladies. It never works out. Let the guy come to you
apple OR orange Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 yep, do it more, your see what guys have to go through! .
ja123 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Worst advice ever. Don't do it ladies. It never works out. Let the guy come to you Why do you say that?
Author MarinaX Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 so many mixed opinions but thanks everyone for the feedback!
MissJoness Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Why do you say that? Because if a man is interested, he will go after what he wants. If he is too coward then he isn't worth my time
ScreamingTrees Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 5). I want to be the pursuer so the whole thing might lack a little "spark" or excitement for me. It's a little too easy and that might be a little off putting. I'd prefer to feel like I earned a girl's affection or attention rather than having it handed to me. Do you liken women to objects or prizes to be won? Prey to be stalked? Do you have mommy issues making it hard for you to accept when there is genuine interest that does not require you to jump through hoops? I'm not saying that these are accurate descriptions of your being, but you risk sounding a bit like that, I guess. 4
camillalev Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Because if a man is interested, he will go after what he wants. If he is too coward then he isn't worth my time Same goes for women. 1
chex Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Because if a man is interested, he will go after what he wants. If he is too coward then he isn't worth my time love it when people just apply blatant double standards to themselves .. you're special, but you're not THAT special. 1
normal person Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) Do you liken women to objects or prizes to be won? Prey to be stalked? Do you have mommy issues making it hard for you to accept when there is genuine interest that does not require you to jump through hoops? I'm not saying that these are accurate descriptions of your being, but you risk sounding a bit like that, I guess. I'm aware of how it may come off, maybe I'm just not articulating it to the full extent. Most of what I said applies mainly to very aggressive girls. Maybe I should amend it: 6). I'm the last guy on Earth who's going to objectify someone. In fact what I'm trying to avoid is objectification myself. I'd rather pursue and be in control of the circumstances. That's a much better way to gauge legitimate interest. I'd rather a girl like me because she thinks I'm smart, funny, charismatic, etc than be just be a piece of meat. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but as a guy, I can't stand being objectified. If I pursue, I control the progression, pace, revealing of salient info, etc and I know there aren't going to be any wrongdoings on my part. The girl can trust me and I hopefully communicate that. I'd consider myself a genuinely decent person. Oftentimes my experiences with very aggressive girls leave me feeling kind of embarrassed and/or used after I've misinterpreted "short term" interest for "long term" interest. I know if I pursue rather than her, there isn't going to be any objectification going on on either end. Edited March 25, 2013 by normal person 2
chex Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'm aware of how it may come off, maybe I'm just not articulating it to the full extent. Most of what I said applies mainly to very aggressive girls. Maybe I should amend it: 6). I'm the last guy on Earth who's going to objectify someone. In fact what I'm trying to avoid is objectification myself. I'd rather pursue and be in control of the circumstances. That's a much better way to gauge legitimate interest. I'd rather a girl like me because she thinks I'm smart, funny, charismatic, etc than be just be a piece of meat. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but as a guy, I can't stand being objectified. If I pursue, I control the progression, pace, revealing of salient info, etc and I know there aren't going to be any wrongdoings on my part. The girl can trust me and I hopefully communicate that. I'd consider myself a genuinely decent person. Oftentimes my experiences with very aggressive girls leave me feeling kind of embarrassed and/or used after I've misinterpreted "short term" interest for "long term" interest. I know if I pursue rather than her, there isn't going to be any objectification going on on either end. Wait if you think a girl asking you out is objectifying you .. then aren't you objectifying a girl by asking her out. As far as I go, I don't care. I love being objectified, makes me feel sexy as hell.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Who's to say that you can't set the pace and tone of the courtship, simply because she asked you out? Who's to say that she doesn't expect you to take the reins?
normal person Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Wait if you think a girl asking you out is objectifying you .. then aren't you objectifying a girl by asking her out. As far as I go, I don't care. I love being objectified, makes me feel sexy as hell. "Asking out" is fine, I just proceed with a little caution. But get objectified or used a few too many times and you might start to feel kind of bad about it.
Imported Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'd rather you flirt with me, show some interest that is unmistakable and wait for me to actually do anything overt. If by some miracle, attractive women actually started regularly approaching dudes, guess what dudes they will be approaching. It'll just be more of the same for the guys not getting any play from the ladies....but now they can watch the "bad boys" getting swarmed by girls and constantly having to reject.
camillalev Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Wait if you think a girl asking you out is objectifying you .. then aren't you objectifying a girl by asking her out. As far as I go, I don't care. I love being objectified, makes me feel sexy as hell. Yeah you might want to check your logic. I don't think it's really applicable in real-life dating scenarios, where nothing is predictable.
Keenly Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Worst advice ever. Don't do it ladies. It never works out. Let the guy come to you I have had 3 relationships because the girl asked me out. You are wrong.
chex Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Who's to say that you can't set the pace and tone of the courtship, simply because she asked you out? Who's to say that she doesn't expect you to take the reins? Actually, this is much like what happened to me(high school). We were working on a spanish project over at her house, in her room. And she kissed me, we had a whole make out sesh right there. Our first date came afterwards, actually, as I asked her if she wanted to walk to the mall and we could do some stuff(she told her mum she was staying after for a club, she'd get paranoid about her walking the streets, i just told my parents to pick me up later, they dont give a ****) ... we ended up walking around for a while, getting some food from a cheap place at the food court, and then making out in a little photo booth thing. Surprise: everyone who walked by probably saw us, the curtains were translucent at best from the outside, luckily we both have something of an exhibition fetish.
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