TheFriend Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hey all i have been reading posts on this site for about a 2 months and finally have decided to join. I am really struggling today with not contacting my ex. She left me about 2 months ago. I made all the mistakes(begged,pleaded,cried). Anyways I am finding myself wanting to contact her so so badly. I have talked with her via text/email/ and once in person since the breakup. Every time we talk she is so addimate to tell me she is happier in life with out me. If you want to read my story read on otherwise feel free to skip and respond. I was a wonderful boyfriend to her( i would send her flowers regularly, surprise her at work with lunch, took her on vacations, countless dates and honestly feel like I did all i could to be there for her). she told me that everytime she gets close with someone she runs. she told me that i got more of her then anyone in life, but that her purpose was to give me christ/relationship with god...( I was never religous before but it was important to her so i learned about it and kept an open mind) once she did that she said she felt as though that was her porpose and that she could finally leave me. The girl was my best friend but I am unsure if it was a healthy relationship or not. I gave her freedom and wanted her to have friendships outside of me, but she said i was all she needed.I was not allowed to do much with my friends, she would get upset when i would have business lunches with female networking partners( i am in sales and network alot) i would never ever cheat on her and she knew this. I would get the guilt and silent treatment if I ever upset her. She would never tell me when something was wrong and bottled everything. After the break up she told me she wished i yelled at/fought with her when she was being silent. Our last fight was over a house. We were talking about moving in together.. I had saved up for a house, and said that i was going to buy, she said that she was too young to live in a house and that we should rent an apartment. (I was going to buy the house, not her) i didn't think nor do I think it makes sense to rent when I could buy. This was the last straw with her. After the fact she has told me that she wanted a man who would pick up and leave on a spontaneous trip at anytime. That she was simple and didn't need any of the things i gave her. If it helps i am 27 and she is 22 and we were together for 9 months. I feel like I was blind looking back and am so upset that I did not see signs and can't help replaying everything in my head. Could I have changed the fate of this? Can I change the fate of this? Does anyone have stories of where contact has helped to rebuild a relationship? I know you cannot make someone love you. But my god i feel awful right now.
polyglot Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Dude, I am sorry to see all of this happen. This happened to me too. Let me say, don't be so honest, so polite, so courteous to the one who doesn't want you. The moment you realize she's using you, you must withdraw completely. There's no restitution for all of what you went through. Just talk to your close buddies. Hang out, have fun. Time will relieve you of everything. I have been through all of this. Girls have a different sense of emotional strength than men do. They grow stronger every time they get ditched or do a breakup. So, it feels less hurting to them. They can gather themselves up very soon than guys can. Attachment is all there is, the pain in a relationship is attachment and expectation. Give it up and your heart will be at peace. Delete all the memories you have of her. Why should you care for those who don't give a **** of what you did? Apprently being nice wont help all the time. You got to grow up and be strong. The best advice I ever got from a seasoned gentleman was, "I knew of few women who are contented with one man" - this applies very well in general. Try to do things like love again without attachment and expectation - see how strong you'll be. You just don't care if she wants to leave you or be with you. No girls perfect in this world dude.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Dude, I am sorry to see all of this happen. This happened to me too. Let me say, don't be so honest, so polite, so courteous to the one who doesn't want you. The moment you realize she's using you, you must withdraw completely. There's no restitution for all of what you went through. Just talk to your close buddies. Hang out, have fun. Time will relieve you of everything. I have been through all of this. Girls have a different sense of emotional strength than men do. They grow stronger every time they get ditched or do a breakup. So, it feels less hurting to them. They can gather themselves up very soon than guys can. Attachment is all there is, the pain in a relationship is attachment and expectation. Give it up and your heart will be at peace. Delete all the memories you have of her. Why should you care for those who don't give a **** of what you did? Apprently being nice wont help all the time. You got to grow up and be strong. The best advice I ever got from a seasoned gentleman was, "I knew of few women who are contented with one man" - this applies very well in general. Try to do things like love again without attachment and expectation - see how strong you'll be. You just don't care if she wants to leave you or be with you. No girls perfect in this world dude. Yeah..Polyglot, you really don't know anything about women. OP, please don't listen to that advice. I'm really sorry you're hurting but consider how young your ex is. She obviously just isn't ready to settle down yet. Nothing you could have said or done would have helped. You have to let her go. Don't contact her anymore, and ask her not to contact you either. You're not going to heal otherwise. 1
Author TheFriend Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I actually have blocked her from communication. I am just so worried that while she is blocked she will have "second thoughts" I know realistically this is not going to happen however it worries me.
polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Not even god can understand women. Infact, it was the girl whom I fell in love told this to me, that "every breakup makes her feel strong" and your comment was so rude. Lol, worries get the **** out of you. When you don't want, leave it, don't brood, it makes you go sick like hell There's a limit to how much you can yield to her satisfaction. Beyond that, it's snapped. Neither you nor she can repair. This is what I am telling you. You seem to be young to understand this. Ask your older people who give a much better suggestion.
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