polyglot Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 This is a repost Background : Let me tell you some interesting facts that happened in my life recently. I met a beautiful blonde online. We spoke for several hours, trust me, more than 24 hours at a stretch. A significant part of it was video. It was our very first time chatting after we exchanged emails based on our interests. I don't know, but I am definitely not the prince from heaven. I look like the average Indian guy, with all average features. So, this girl I don't know found me attractive. We talked and talked, it went on endlessly, lol, neither of us wants to stop. And we got some serious sleep after thirty six hours. Situation : She expressed her love to me and I admitted that very much. We were honest in sharing the **** we experienced in the past. I liked her honesty more than anything else. She's pretty, that's a different thing. So, we kept continuing like this almost everyday for about 6 days. Both used to talk for hours and during the day for a brief period on phone. Now that we both sort of proposed and accepted. I didn't quite accept, because I want to surprise her when I meet her. So, unable to hold for long, we both got to see each other, after about seven days of meeting online and we had amazing nights together. We talked a lot too. The tension that got built up during all the time unfolded into unfathomable pleasure for both of us. So, I proposed to her and said, I would marry her. She didn't quite say yes, though she was the one who actually showed interested when we spoke online. None of us are earning any good money. Not enough to raise kids. I returned to my place and started communicating to her. Stage 2 : I developed an emotional attachment to her and started loving her more deeply and was so eager to marry her. I cared a lot for her, as much as I could. After we met, it's around 15-20 days, when I lost the opportunity to talk to her directly, it used to be briefly online. She got very, very busy. The fortunate thing was, we met when she's on a vacation, chilling at home online. Stage 3 : Her communication became very brief to almost nothing. Nevertheless she used to be active on fb nevertheless, from adding friends and posts. I was the one who used to communicate to her and I never got a reply back unless forced. I felt suspicious of all of this. I pledged her that, I will marry her and be with her and detailed everything in the most honest and sincere way. She liked it a lot and reciprocated it with compliments, there ends the mail she properly took time to write to appreciate me and our budding relationship. So, now from that day onwards, I kept writing to her now and then and she never replied back, nothing, no replies even on fb, forget about skype. I got so frustrated, because I just expected her to answer briefly, nothing else, I was restless for her reply. after the 4th week from meet, I grew more and more restless and asked her explicitly, if she's avoiding me. Though she took time to answer, it was an outright NO. i was very happy for that. We actually planned to meet a second time and she's interested. I started writing mails telling her about the things I need to do before marriage, like informing my parents, introducing to my friends before I make an change of my relationship status anywhere. And also I described about the financial necessities that come along the way, kids etc etc. I was so much into the future about both of "us". I didn't get to speak much of these on phone. Stage 4 : Her emails became more and more platonic, no cues of fondness blah blah. So, I became restless all the time, lost my health and still didnt recover from it. I started suspecting if she might have fallen for somebody. I had to wait for hours at a stretch to see if I can see her online. Probably she turned me off. It's also partly true that she became incredibly busy with her day to day activities, that even after coming home from office, she had little or no time. It's only now I started tracing her activities carefully. I noticed, she's active on fb, adding friends and posts, but never a reply to any of my messages. She stopped liking stuff I posted too. I got so damn frustrated once, I outright fired, if she's not interested she should say NO, not to keep me unnecessarily busy like this. She got offended, whatever the ****. I finally pinged her in offline status one fine day and assuming she'll reply and got hold of her. She replied back, so, I asked her what's the matter. I was pretty much suffering from anguish for her lack of response and her stance. I asked her once, whats the matter about our relationship, she said it's all good. I breathed easy, but this day, I started inquiring and her replies went like, I am not very positive about this boyfriend friend, blah blah and lets be friends and you'll find a prettier, better girl blah blah. I was like wtf was that. She's talking like an Indian girl. So, I asked every question and cleared things up. Only then did I realize, she took a decision and refused all communication patently. I realized that she's either dating somebody or doesn't want me. Both are possible as I have been pretty closely observing her moves That was the final day between us. Stage 5 : Now, when I said I want to meet her the second time, she was actually interested in sex, yes. But later on, I kept my stance very clear that my interest is in talking with her about the future between us, how and where is our relationship, when to marry etc etc. Sex is a secondary matter for the second meet. I didn't hurry up, I said I will wait as long as she wants. I am pretty committed and was honest. She knew that very well. It devastated me emotionally like hell. I haven't yet recovered. Stage 6: Introspection : Looking back, and after discussions with friends I realized, it's not worth pursuing these women. They have little or no attachment to relationships. They date people all their lives and only when they reach a point, when they can't date, possibly they'll give up and learn to adjust with one man. Refer to the Divorce rates in the US. Again I am not generalizing, sorry and no offense intended, the stats speak out and the investments in dating websites speak of the culture, the age groups that are intended. I learnt a wonderful lesson that, these girls are meant to be dated i.e. spend time, make them feel comfortable emotionally, sex is truly a choice, it may or may not happen and they forget if. So they tend to move on for a new experience. In my case, it was not even that, it was funny. I never understood on the first hand, why the ****, she should say "I love you" to me. I am not a hot dude. Why did she create all the **** under the name of love. This is what I disliked, if all that she wanted to have a one night stand, why would I refuse. We could have done it with as much passion as we can without the name of love. I have a great respect for love and marriage. Using love for sex is seriously funny. I didn't like it. So dating is a term that loosely fixes things with or without sex. Also these girls say I love you so often, as remarked by one of my younger friend that left him bewildered and was surprised, what they really mean by that. Cultural difference - it's not a feeling from within. In my case, it was pretty much icky sticky when she said I love you. To make a girl say I love you in India is a challenge in itself. You just can't do it. The nature of attachment in US is very different, it's not so strong, it's polite and courteous. You should live in this culture to realize what it means to treat these women like women. So, men who grew up here know what tricks to play to woo them. We certainly are not equipped with that naturally. You can always learn. Because girls long for emotional well being, while men pretty much want to bang - universal fact. These are two strikingly contrasting needs for both sexes. Girls just need someone to take care of, they can't live like that. Thats where children come in. Sex is not their priority all the time. While in India girls generally don't have sex before marriage, of course no more now, things are changing. So the point here is dating is just a means to "talk", "enjoy the time", "eat together", "watch movies", "share interests". Sex is not always there. It may or may not be, depends on how you interact with the girl and her attitude. The best way for you wanting to date, don't be offended, get married and experience the things that unfold, it will show up the pleasure and pain of having to deal with a girl's emotion - She'll be with you, not date and forget. It's no different in wanting to mate with a foreigner. Whether you sleep with a white or dark skinned girl, it's the same. What matters the most is your emotional attachment to her. I go for the second one. So my experience with this girl was just an accident and ended like that. American girls date with any body they like and don't care so long as they feel good, they do it. Its simply the freedom in their lives that spoils their concept of emotional attachment to a man, even for who is really honest and sincere. They can't attach with one guy most of the time. Trust builds on time. They start longing for such a guy, the honest, sincere, who will respect them for who they are i.e. literally worried after 25 years of age and beyond 30, they are hopeless romantics - looking for something real and sincere. When you read the posts by girls in dating websites, all share the same generic thing expressed differently. I don't know how on earth can one actually know a person, just by reading about them and firing an email. Isn't there a ploy, how can they intend to find the special some-one online. In India parents take charge of finding our mate, but in US, it's their responsibility, so is the concept of dating. Identical matrimonial websites from India. Meeting in person is always the best way as far as I know, there are too many non-verbal cues that we exchange in this process. We can't generalize this very much though, that white women ignore indians, no way, they are very liberal. If you can't date a girl, your dating skills are poor, not your looks. I knew super awesome dudes, who just couldn't connect to / turn a girl on. And I knew dudes who are just about average and are so goddamn successful with many women at once, sexually I mean. Also, never go for a girl who wants you to spend or just wants sex, you get STDs. They are just shy of calling themselves whores. The girl I met was very good, she spent her part and I did mine. I like her still, but I didn't want to see her face again. I felt very bad for doing this in the name of love. A respectable girl will first see, how you are behaving, your nature, you should never rush to have her in bed. Every girl is different and every guy is different in their own crazy way. So, if you just want to date and have sex, trust me, it doesn't happen easy. You can date, but not having the benefit of sex all the time. Even the most beautiful chic looks like a bitch, witch whatever, if she has an ******* attitude. Extra Info Trust me guys, sex doesn't feel good, if a girl doesn't appeal to you emotionally, she may be Miss World or a gorgeous blonde or whatever the ****, I don't care, seriously how can you have a boner with such women. Even if you have sex for a few times in your life, if it's fulfilling, it will be a wonderful memory for you to cherish. Do it a million times and if you are unsatisfied, it's pointless. My opinion, and no offense.
destroyed4sho Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 You need help. Your in the wrong country if your mind set, thoughts and actions are based on another culture. Learn to respect American culture and American women instead of generalizing. Hellooooo Americans dont get married like that...culture clash!! You lost me at 'she talked like an Indian girl ' . I couldnt read anymore of your nonsense. Your creepy....leave this girl alone ...Im.sure she is scared of you. Your a stalker hope she does the right.thing and gets a restraining order.
Author polyglot Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 FYI this was a post from somewhere else, I think I must have edited it. Well I am not criticising American women or women in general. There are good and bad girls and guys everywhere in this world. Why will she leave me, if all that she wants out of me was sex. When I am planning for a family ahead, why does she not dare to say I don't want you outright. Politeness is cowardness in such situations. I don't want to live in an illusion that she'll return. She's a nice person no doubt.
destroyed4sho Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) whatever...WESTERN CULTURE...or whatever culture you DONT UNDERSTAND ..respect it...if you cant then dont date people you dont understand!! And stop with the generalizations about women. You obviously have so little experience and have no idea want a Woman is...show some people on yhis board some mercy and stop giving advice. ahhh!! Like I said your creepy and she is probably scared of you!! She doesnt want you. are you a another troll???? Edited March 25, 2013 by destroyed4sho
Author polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Lol, I didn't expect this will catch fire. I post for people to take it as a lesson. Well, I respect women. It's bad to say I love you, if you got just attracted. You don't have to talk, if you just wanted sex, it happens outright. I know that girls take this in vain. Frankly, say you don't want, when you really don't want. What does it mean by being quiet day in and day out. Why the f-ck should she say I love you. To me I love you is sacred. I don't say it just like that. If it's just a spiced up romance, it's fine, not a problem. I still love her so much, do you know that, how much I was devastated by her disloyalty. My apologizes, I wish I can edit this soon. The criticism is for those who are doing like this, not for the good people.
destroyed4sho Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 you love her after day 10? my friend, you dont know what love is. Your a troll, Im outta here.
Author polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 you love her after day 10? my friend, you dont know what love is. Your a troll, Im outta here. We didn't see each other, before we fell in love, we just wrote to each other. It was pretty blind. But only later did we get to see each other. My point is not about whether you fell in love in day 10 or day 100. My argument is all about the trust, faith and the subsequent course of action I am going to take like marriage etc. I said I will wait for her as long as she wants. I was so ****ing committed and loyal, but she broke things very nicely. We both had fantastically ****ty experiences, she said things that blew up my mind from her past and the same did I. I have as much **** as she did from the past. We did infact love each other so much. I apologized whenever I was wrong. I never refrained. I kept my promises. We are a little more than 3 hours drive away. The part I did not like was, if she just got turned on, it's ok, but she need to say love to describe that. The moments we both spent did made her realize how much we loved each other. It was deeply emotional.
Kermit Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You came on too strong my man. Talking about marriage and kids in such a short time will really scare off the other person. Im sure you were very nice to her, but i think she might have gotten a little creeped out. Try it slower next time.
Author polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) You came on too strong my man. Talking about marriage and kids in such a short time will really scare off the other person. Im sure you were very nice to her, but i think she might have gotten a little creeped out. Try it slower next time. Thanks Kermit. You are the only person to make a proper comment, the rest of them were thinking of something else or didn't read the whole thing carefully. We both are old enough and mature enough to understand about all of this. Well actually initially, I did hurry up a little bit, later on I understand she's dealing with a lot and slowed down, apologized for being in a hurry and informed her that I am happy to wait for her as long as it needs. Because she said many times she wants kids and all that. I want to make sure, we will be financially secure in case we really do. I admire her very much for this, though she's coming from a humble background. Never did she try to do anything to exploit. Whenever I thought I made a mistake, I never hesitated to apologize her. In all what I did, and so far I know, I did not scare her anyway. She changed her disposition suddenly and that came as a shock to me, because everything between us went very smooth and very nice. In fact all that she said was sorry and blah blah. Her manners changed abruptly. She understood that I was deeply in love with her and wanted to communicate to her. She never made an attempt to do it herself. It was all from my side. Her words hinted at something else in one of the mails and I sought clarification about it. She said something and said our relationship is on firm footing. But, in any case, she has taken her decision about her life. At that point I was really worried. But I personally feel, if everything you do is interpreted unnecessarily bringing in uninvited questions, I see the relationships are pointless to pursue. I gave up all my interest in this relationships on the whole. Because more than anything else in life, trust makes the maximum contribution between any two people. I uphold that highly. Everything else follows naturally and falls in place. Towards the end, she understood the import of what I meant and the truth in my words. But she withdrew. It's fine, not at all a problem. It's pretty much her life and let her do whatever she wants. I don't care, whatever the ****. She herself admitted many, many things about my nature. Because there's always a tipping point in every situation, beyond that things will take a dramatic unexpted turns. The good thing about her is she's not money driven or extract anything from me. She remained pretty scrupulous in everything she did. Edited March 25, 2013 by polyglot
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