ladyinthemts Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Just starting a discussion... Did you have problems with friends after the affair? I lost a few friends; a few people who actually chose to be the OW's best buddies and seemed completely insensitive to my needs or feelings. Example: they actually went out to party with her just days after D-Day and posted the pictures on their facebook and tagged people...so I saw the pictures! I had her blocked, but she was still in the stupid pictures. Awkward. They also keep offering her rides to events that I host, saying they don't see the problem. They also said that if my H had chosen to run away with the WO they would be there for them because I had friends to help me "get over it" and that if I really loved him I'd let him find happiness with someone else. (He chose me, but that still hurts to hear.) A third friend completely chose the side of the WO and helped spread rumors about me that weren't true. She didn't even bother to ask my H's side of the story. Needless to say, not friends anymore. My point is, my H and I underestimated the impact on social life and how some "friends" might make the situation worse. My true friends got closer and we're like family now. Did anyone else experience this social fall out?
ComingInHot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Ladyinthemts, Wow. Just wow! I cannot believe how rough you've had it, and w/people who you thought were your friends!! I guess I need to count my blessings in that everyone and everything turned onto or away from exOW. (Save her parents & brother). I've said this before, but just so you know, we moved. Like Far Away. New start. New home. New school. New office. New church. New Friends! New adventures! When I miss my family, I visit. When my friends miss me they visit. It has been great for our M & family*
Spark1111 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Anyone who isn't a friend of the marriage, once the decision to reconcile is made, cannot continue to be a friend to either spouse. Some cut me off because they were afraid my mess would splash onto them. Some thought I was crazy to reconcile. Some gave me grief because they thought I should "for the sake of the children," regardless of my feelings. Some became annoyed when I hibernated for three months to assess what I wanted to do with my marriage, as if I lacked good manners in not calling THEM to say 'hello.". I cut off others because I asked them to tell no one, and they did, they gossipped under the guise of trying to be helpful, so, buh-bye. I also cut loose anyone who may have known and said nothing. He also cut loose co-workers who would go to the clubs and bars and cruise women; essentailly men who liked to act like bachelors while married.
Spark1111 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Just starting a discussion... Did you have problems with friends after the affair? I lost a few friends; a few people who actually chose to be the OW's best buddies and seemed completely insensitive to my needs or feelings. Example: they actually went out to party with her just days after D-Day and posted the pictures on their facebook and tagged people...so I saw the pictures! I had her blocked, but she was still in the stupid pictures. Awkward. They also keep offering her rides to events that I host, saying they don't see the problem. They also said that if my H had chosen to run away with the WO they would be there for them because I had friends to help me "get over it" and that if I really loved him I'd let him find happiness with someone else. (He chose me, but that still hurts to hear.) A third friend completely chose the side of the WO and helped spread rumors about me that weren't true. She didn't even bother to ask my H's side of the story. Needless to say, not friends anymore. My point is, my H and I underestimated the impact on social life and how some "friends" might make the situation worse. My true friends got closer and we're like family now. Did anyone else experience this social fall out? Yes, and it is time to make new friends and forge a new social life.
HopingAgain Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Yes, we lost friends. One of my husbands friends, i thought he was my friend too. BUT he was cheating on his wife and set my husband up with his OW's best friend. Before this happened, we used to have family outings with his wife and kids pretty often. So, it stung that he helped my H to get involved in an affair while having one of his own. They are no longer friends. I still talk to his wife on FB every now and then. One of my best friends has been kind of distant since Dday too. I think she feels left out because Ive been focused on recovering, but it sucks that when I need support and understanding most shes thinking mostly about her feelings.
Woggle Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I wouldn't count them as friends but my ex's friends would be so friendly to me and smile in my face while they were actually egging her on to cheat and helping her out. One actually apologized to me about a year ago and I could tell she was sincere. I don't keep in touch or anything though. My friends for the most part were great and I will always be grateful to them.
Yellowteacup Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 This is one of many reasons of what would happen if my A was exposed. I would lose close dear friends.
Yellowteacup Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Don't trust them huh? Keep everyone in the dark and we get to keep the status quo. It's not about trust. More of I stay out of their business and in turn they stay out of mine.
Artie Lang Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 this only goes to show they weren't your friends after all. good riddance. infidelity touches mostly every aspect of your life..... it's that damaging. i hope your husband realizes what he's done to your lives with his despicable behavior. he should be moving mountains to keep you from dumping his cheating a$$. 3
underwater2010 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Can I ask BSs, if you realised that they knew about your H's affair, and that it was still going on,how would you react? I never told her that they knew. They would be out of my life in a heartbeat. I don't need friends/family that hide stuff in order to spare my feelings. To me that is just cowardly turning a blind eye. 3
jnel921 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 No one knows except for us. I learned the hard way the first time around that this is too personal to tell everyone. We deal with it the best way we can. I don't miss the judgment or pitiful looks. Everyone doesn't need to know your business.
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