seanmathews3 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 months, we're both in our early 20's, I understand that this is a very short time of dating, but i do care about her a lot and dont want to hurt her. I received a job offer for a position 10 hours away, basically across state, which i will be taking and will be moving up there for the next 8 months. I'll be in town for just a little over 1 more month. What is a way to tell her that we're ending because of this? Its not the normal break up of "i think we should see other people or its just not working out" so im having a hard time putting together the words to say to her without looking like a complete a-hole and having her understand.. We're both non believers of Long distance relationships, and we're both the type where once the person is an ex, no reason to be "friends" or talk or anything. Things are going good so far so even bringing it up is gonna be a hard part.. Any help is appreciated
iKING Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Tell her about the job and that you're taking it and it should prompt the conversation to take place if you don't just want to come outright and say it out of nowhere.
MarinaX Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) I get that the two of you guys don't do LDR and believe that once an ex, you shouldn't have any contact, BUT I'd assume the reason for those rules are for bad break ups. If you care about this person, I don't see a reason to mess things up for 8 months. In the grand scheme of things, 8 months will go by fairly quick. That's not to say that you shouldn't break up with her, but you should consider making her an exception to your rule. Perhaps just a break would be good so there isn't any pressure of infidelity but I think remaining friends and waiting to see where things go until you come back will be helpful to you. Being in a new place, I think you may find it comforting to know you can come home and call an old friend if you're feeling homesick. Within a few months, you'll see where the relationship with her goes and it'll be a good indicator of the type of person she is by how she acts when you're away (jealousy, etc.) Personally speaking, I had a 7 year rrelationship where 4 years were LD. My boyfriend lived across the country so I always wished that it was merely 10 hours away or something. If you put it into perspective, things don't have to be so negative! You guys can alternate monthly visits- only if you like her enough. 3 months doesn't seem long for a relationship but I know its easy to have already fallen for her by then. Edited March 24, 2013 by MarinaX 1
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Just tell her the truth that your job and money is more important than her. Hopefully she'll get the hint cuz you both aren't right for each other anyway cuz your guys' relationship is based off releasing horniness through sex and not a serious relationship leading to marriage.
Author seanmathews3 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 iKing - I'll keep that as an option, thank you. That makes it a lot more simple than i was planning. MarinaX- True, I could make an exception for that rule if she'd be willing, I just know if we stay in contact it does extend how easily and fast we move on and what not. The fact of the matter is, during these 3 months, we've had our ups and downs, and as much as i do care for her, i don't think she's my type as for the "long run" and I can say that she may think the same based on some of the prior problems we've had. The last thing i want to be thinking about right now is marriage, due to the fact im in my early 20's and want to finish schooling, get my career settled, and have no limits to being young, if that makes sense. Even though I may not be in love and she may not be the girl for me long term wise.. It doesnt mean during these last 3 months I havent established feelings and connection with her, which is why I don't want to hurt her and make it as easy and understandable as possible for us. So that's why i came here to get an idea of how to discuss this with her. lovelyde- Its not the money, in fact im making very little money with this offer, Its a career move and opportunity for the next 30+ years. I've spent the last 4 years to get this far, so why risk it for something that has lasted 3 months and that isn't a strong or serious enough relationship with too much uncertainty.
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