First time hooking up with girl since break up, wow this didn't go well...

[garnettandblack84]

So, I have been talking to a girl I have known on and off from college for 8 years. We reconnected via facebook and have been skyping, talking, etc. I took a couple of weeks off from talking a month or so ago and said I am just going through a lot with my father's 2 year anniversary of his death, this break up, etc. Things have been going well, and she is a very pretty and funny, intelligent woman. She lives a couple hours away(just got out of a year LDR that was 6.5 hours away), so that is not even a possibility for me. I went down there to hang out with her, truly to just see her and maybe hook up, as bad as that sounds it is true. I was pretty honest about this with her, and things took a turn for the worst. I get down there and she is in a bar crawl so is kind of intoxicated when we meet up, and I only have about a beer or two and we talk for a couple hours, and end up hooking up. I have gone on a couple dates since the break up, which was 2 months ago. This is the first girl I have slept with though, and it was just not good for me. It was completely emotionless, and just nothing that I wanted in bed. AFterwards she wanted to talk about us, and I made it clear that I cannot and will not have a long distance relationship, or am I ready for any romantic relationship. She breaks down crying saying how shes never good enough, and I am kind of in awe. She tells me she just wants to be with me. Now, things get akward and we kind of cuddle? and go to bed... I do really care about this girl, but there's no way I want to date her. ALl night I dream about my ex. We stayed in a lot of hotels being LDR, and being in a hotel with another girl last night just really got to me. I woke up missing her, our sexual chemistry, just all the rat race things. I have her blocked, and the last time I broke NC was a week ago, when I sent her a mean e mail after finding out she was dating so shortly after and most likely talking to him while we were dating. HAs anyone encountered this after a break up? It seems like it will help to move on, knowing that you have been with some one other than your ex, and it just completely backfires and you feel like ****. I have come to the realization that I have to work on my self and become the best man I can, in order to find someone. I finally am very happily single, and ready to explore my life. Just wanted to tell the story, and see if any one could relate. Thanks y'all for the responses and help, reading this forum has been a blessing. To know that other people go through this, and are hurting and getting through it together is priceless and invaluable. Thank you.

[destroyed4sho]

Yes, when your not over your ex...ya end up doing stupid things and giving bad sex to people...lol. Forgive yourself and dont do it anymore.

[garnettandblack84]

yea that isnt my main concern, its hard as a recent dumpee to see someone hurting and crying when you tell them you don't want a romantic relationship. That brought up a bunch of emotions, and ironically clarity in my situation. Was wondering if people had dealt with that before?

[srivers89]

Yeah I just recently did this. Sex was great and I was feeling great on the drive back but I felt awful the next morning as me and the girl didn't really talk like we had done anything it was just so emotionless. I hated it.

[garnettandblack84]

that is exactly how i felt, since she went onto a relationship within a couple weeks, i felt that this would help. Wow, was I wrong. Thought it would help some people to talk about mistakes we have made after being dumped, this is one for me lol, i have posted some others since I have been here. I am here to learn and listen

[Standard-Fare]

When I was about 27 I was went to a wedding that involved a lot of college friends. An old crush of mine from college was there... someone I'd always just kind of secretly pined for. We'd never been more than casual friends. At the wedding and reception, I could just tell there was this spark and pull between us. We drank together, we danced, we ended up talking late into the night, and ... ended up in the same hotel room. The mild start of fooling around led to him stopping with it without explanation. Days later he sent me an email explaining that he had a girlfriend. I was bummed and embarrassed.

 

A couple months later I was in the same city where he lives (two hours from me) and let him know I was there, sincerely meaning to hang as friends. But I learned he was now single. We ended up back at his place.

 

It was the worst sex of my life. There was a real sadness to him. He was chubby and depressed. He tossed and turned while sleeping that night and in his sleep kept saying a girl's name. In the morning, I just left abruptly and we never spoke again.

 

I learned later that he had only broken up with his ex a couple of weeks before. I was obviously his attempt at rebound sex. And it felt that way. It was simply joyless. I wish we had waited until another time when he had done some more healing. We might have really had a chance at something. The way things went, it just became a sour memory for us both.

 

Long story short -- don't rush things. Especially not something that could be good, but would be spoiled by bad timing.

[TheFriend]

Well my man, this happened to me EXACTALLY about 3 weeks ago. Hotel with a one nighter about a month post break up. It was just weird. No sexual chemistry no emotions at all. It made me feel so strange afterwards. I def missed what I had with my ex before, during and after. Just being in a hotel wi another woman was tough. At least you were able to perform!

 

Now a little humor

 

When I was 22(27 now) I had a ended a relationship and about 2 days later i couldn't get it up for a new girl because i felt so guilty sleeping with a new girl so fast! Something i will never forget;) lol funny to look back on now but oh man!!!! Was so embarrassing at the time! I shouldn't need Viagra yet

[Kermit]

I hooked up with a really unattractive bartender girl in an attempt to move on with anything i could. I could hardly keep an erection and the sex was horrible. After words all i could think about was how much better things were with my ex and it just rekindled the pain of my break up full on. Now i am back to square one with my recovery. And the worst part of all is, i have to deal with this new girl obsessing over me trying time and time again to meet up and its just annoying.

 

Thought break up sex with a new person would help as other people have suggested, but all it did was make everything worse.