all_cats_rgray Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) So I know second chances normally don't work but sometime we have to do it just to know. It's been 10 months since BU from a seven year relationship. He dumped me, and is dating a new girl and they are still together. I have been NC, the whole time. I said I can't be friends and he has respected my wishes. The question is. For reconciliation to happen do you have to be in contact with your ex? You always here story's of them crawling back. I don't believe that will happen to me. He's too proud Edited March 24, 2013 by all_cats_rgray
singme2sleep Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I really don't think so. After a breakup both people need to spend some time apart to heal and figure out what they want. And IMO the best way to do that is with no-contact because you get a taste of what life is like without them and you can then decide if staying broken up is best or not. I also think that when one person dates on the rebound, most of the time that fizzles out and they want their ex back. 1
Author all_cats_rgray Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I really don't think so. After a breakup both people need to spend some time apart to heal and figure out what they want. And IMO the best way to do that is with no-contact because you get a taste of what life is like without them and you can then decide if staying broken up is best or not. I also think that when one person dates on the rebound, most of the time that fizzles out and they want their ex back. This all that I thought, but it's almost been a year. I keep thinking im insane.... A rebound that lasts.. close to a year. The things we do for love right? Really ... if he does not miss me now. when will he ever miss me?
OwlSoul Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You always here story's of them crawling back. I don't believe that will happen to me. He's too proud I thought this too about my ex. But he still was trying to get back even if it was humilating for him. As for the NC, it depends on the couple. For some couples just light contact might have the same effect as the total NC. For some - not. I think, the communication should be the same one before you 2 even started liking each other. From my experience, you're better to have the door slightly open I guess. Once I happened to dump someone, who said that 'Even if you'll try to get back to me, I'll say f*** off'. So, even he was trying to get back with me later on (he was not saying it directly, rather telling he still has feelings to me), I still kept in mind his words. Even when I felt I want to be back, I remembered the words and also was afraid of hurting the person again. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 The amount of contact is less important than whether or not there are still feelings there. In order for reconciliation to work, both parties have to want it. If you contact him, are you prepared for any response you might get? If he tells you he hates you, will you be ok? If he tells you he is engaged to his new girlfriend, will you be ok? If he ignores you completely, will you be ok? If your answer to ALL of those questions is yes, then you have nothing to lose in making contact..but remember KISS- keep it simple stupid. Don't get emotional, don't pour your unresolved feelings out, don't tell him you love or miss him, don't be rude or cold, just be casual and nonchalant. And most importantly, if you get a polite but detached answer, a negative answer, or no answer at all, do not push. Accept it and move on. 1
singme2sleep Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 This all that I thought, but it's almost been a year. I keep thinking im insane.... A rebound that lasts.. close to a year. The things we do for love right? Really ... if he does not miss me now. when will he ever miss me? How long after you two brokeup, did he get with the rebound girl?
blue_jay_bird Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires. Edited March 25, 2013 by blue_jay_bird 2
Author all_cats_rgray Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 He got with her 2-3 months after BU. Uh, he does not hate me. He wanted to be friends. But I said no. If he does not miss me with in a year of NC. Seems pointless
singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 He got with her 2-3 months after BU. Uh, he does not hate me. He wanted to be friends. But I said no. If he does not miss me with in a year of NC. Seems pointless Well climb into the misery boat, because I don't think my ex misses me either. And that realization hurts like hell.
Renard99 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 You really shouldn't be needing to know if he misses you. You're holding on to hope and that's not good for you. You need to move on and ultimately not care about him. As for saying your exs don't miss you... how do you know. You never know, he may actually miss you, it's just he doesn't feel the need to contact you. I miss my old car but I don't track down the new owner and let him know that. Missing someone one also doesn't equate to wanting them back. Again, going back to my old car, I miss it because it had all the optional extras and was great fun to drive....however, it kept breaking and cost me a fortune. For that reason I don't want it back. As for whether it's over..... it was over the minute you guys broke up. I know that sounds harsh but anything after that is you just waiting and hoping that it isn't.
Author all_cats_rgray Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 You really shouldn't be needing to know if he misses you. You're holding on to hope and that's not good for you. You need to move on and ultimately not care about him. As for saying your exs don't miss you... how do you know. You never know, he may actually miss you, it's just he doesn't feel the need to contact you. I miss my old car but I don't track down the new owner and let him know that. Missing someone one also doesn't equate to wanting them back. Again, going back to my old car, I miss it because it had all the optional extras and was great fun to drive....however, it kept breaking and cost me a fortune. For that reason I don't want it back. As for whether it's over..... it was over the minute you guys broke up. I know that sounds harsh but anything after that is you just waiting and hoping that it isn't. I know this. But I did post this on the reconciliation page for a reason. A very stupid reason, because like you said this page is just all waiting and hoping. Waiting and hoping for something that is over.
Jethro Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It's over right? It's over, yes. That's not to say that anything isn't possible, but for your own sanity and in the spirit of making your life better- consider it over and move on. Does it make sense to hold hope on something that very well may never happen? And I don't know where you are getting all those stories of ex'es crawling back... it's definitely more of the exception than the rule.
Recommended Posts