ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Yup. A girl I've been talking to for a couple of weeks decided to bring along her friend on a night that I assumed would just involve us two hanging out. So I'm fairly certain there's no interest on that front. Unfortunately, I was indirectly duped into taking the friend out to a concert she had paid for tickets for, seeing as how her boyfriend had kinda flaked out. Needless to say, definitely not interested in doing anything with the friend. I went out to the concert anyway (she had already paid), kept my friendly distance, and went home after said boyfriend showed up at a party we went to afterward. Oddly enough, the friend seemed like she felt really sorry for me, as if I thought something was going to happen, though I had made no actions to indicate that that was my expectation. If you're reading this, I was never interested. I'm definitely breaking contact with both of them, but it got me thinking: people trying to play matchmaker is insanely condescending. It's as if someone is saying "Well, you clearly can't handle being single, so I'm going to handle it for you." Seriously, all of you, don't effin' do it. You're only going to insult all parties involved, and you're most likely over-estimating your abilities at playing Cupid anyway. As a matter of fact, I doubt that most people could really take a relationship seriously if it were sparked by a third, mutual party. Also, if you even remotely think that someone is interested in you, do not try to hook them up with one of your friends. I would much rather sit at home with leftover pizza and Netflix rather than deal with the degraging narcissism of some would-be Patti Stanger. Sorry, had to vent a little there. But, TL;DR: don't try to play matchmaker. Just don't do it.
outsidethebox Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Did you ever consider she brought the friend for herself and not you?
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Well, fellow Duval dweller, the thought had crossed my mind. But throughout the night she pretty much found any reason possible to break contact with me, like riding in her car instead of mine, talking to other people around that she knew etc. I guess I should note that the friend had originally asked her to go the concert with her, and she took it upon herself to throw me under the bus. 1
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hanging out? Fair game to include other friends, and something you should welcome. Knowing more people is good. Bringing a friend on an early date? Yeah, bad manners. Probably next. Avoid in the future by asking out for specific plans rather than broad hangout type plans. Getting hooked into going to a concert with someone you aren't interested in? Not the end of the world, but understand we don't have all the details of the extent of the manipulation and why you are annoyed about that. Sucks to be put on the spot. This is a good place to vent these things. Good luck.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Getting hooked into going to a concert with someone you aren't interested in? Not the end of the world, but understand we don't have all the details of the extent of the manipulation and why you are annoyed about that. Sucks to be put on the spot. Yeah, definitely was put on the spot. As in "I've got this dinner tomorrow... what are you doing tomorrow, ComeUpOutDaWahta?" I mean, I'd rather just get a blatant "I'm not interested" than a "I think we're just friends and here's something else you might like."
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Yep, been there. Keep your dating binary, keep yourself sane. Ask out for specific plans that are obviously date type plans. Little if any contact between early dates, no texting, phone only to ask out. Keep going out 1 then 2 times a week, light, flirty, fun and forward, as long as they enthusiastically accept dates and are open to physical advances. Everything else is noise to be avoided. And for some reason IME this way of doing things tends to build more attraction in them anyway, so it chills the possibility of such matchmaker scenarios.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Yep, been there. Keep your dating binary, keep yourself sane. Ask out for specific plans that are obviously date type plans. Little if any contact between early dates, no texting, phone only to ask out. Keep going out 1 then 2 times a week, light, flirty, fun and forward, as long as they enthusiastically accept dates and are open to physical advances. Everything else is noise to be avoided. And for some reason IME this way of doing things tends to build more attraction in them anyway, so it chills the possibility of such matchmaker scenarios. Appreciate the feedback, will definitely follow this guideline more closely! I guess the main reason it sucked is because this was someone I knew for quite awhile and was quite interested in. But hey, live, learn, love.
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 We've all been there, exact same deal, sometimes it can work in our favor if the girl we end up introduced to is a better prospect than the one we were originally interested in, only happened like that once for me though, and that one ended up vomiting on me while out when she couldn't handle her liquor. Last time it happened to me was a setup by a casual woman I hoped to make more than casual with her 280+ pound eating disorder friend who was known in town to be impulsively promiscuous and impulsive generally when young and attractive and had a bunch more red flags to boot. I know I'm no rock star, but c'mon, do they not think objectively about scale or scope before doing these things? I was polite and friendly, just a date, and it wasn't the end of the world, despite being annoyed.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Geez, hearing those stories makes me feel like my situation wasn't so bad! It's nice to know that these things happen fairly often, so it wasn't an isolated incident. The friend wasn't even unattractive or anything like that, and was actually pretty nice, but it became readily apparent during the concert that we had absolutely nothing in common. As a side note, I ended up texting the original prospect about returning a jacket she ended up leaving in that back of my car that night, and didn't receive so much as a response. Open and shut case I suppose, but I'll definitely just need to be more up front about what my expectations are.
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