Nomad Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I've been dating someone for a couple of months, and I'd say it's at least semi-serious (we are dating exclusively). Having had so few relationships in my life (I'm in my 30s now), I'm not sure when (or even if) to broach the topic of whether I should consider her my girlfriend or not. Neither of us have have ever referred to each other as their boyfriend or girlfriend (nor have either of us professed love for the other). Is it standard practice for couples to explicitly bring up the topic of whether they're boyfriend/girlfriend, or does such as thing just happen "organically"? Or does it just vary by couple? Any advice would be appreciated.
Weezy1973 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 If you want her to be your girlfriend, ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. If you don't, don't. 1
Author Nomad Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 If you want her to be your girlfriend, ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. If you don't, don't. Might it just be assumed that she's my gf, if we've been dating exclusively for 2 months? (I would like to think of her as my gf, and call her my gf, but I'm not sure how she feels about it.) I'm a bit worried if that I just blithely start calling her my gf without her consent, I might scare her away, come across as presumptuous, etc.
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Keep dating, having fun, light and flirty. IMO, it's best to wait for the woman to start hinting at exclusivity, "what are we, where is this going?" as it is often the first chance for the woman to step up and take proactive steps to further the relationship. In different dynamics, say she asks you out often, invites you to meet her friends, family, has already taken significant proactive steps, then maybe you bring it up. But if you have done all or most of the calling, inviting, paying, etc. so far, just keep going without a label, and wait for her to bring it up. Good luck.
Weezy1973 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Might it just be assumed that she's my gf, if we've been dating exclusively for 2 months? (I would like to think of her as my gf, and call her my gf, but I'm not sure how she feels about it.) I'm a bit worried if that I just blithely start calling her my gf without her consent, I might scare her away, come across as presumptuous, etc. I think the answer to almost all of these questions is "it depends." That being said - when it comes to relationships it is almost never a good idea to assume anything. Put things out there. Let her know how you feel. You don't have to force the issue, but if you let her know that you like her and want her to be your girlfriend at least you can get a clear idea where she's at. Relationships don't generally work when people aren't communicating their feelings because they're afraid of being rejected.
Author Nomad Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Keep dating, having fun, light and flirty. IMO, it's best to wait for the woman to start hinting at exclusivity, "what are we, where is this going?" as it is often the first chance for the woman to step up and take proactive steps to further the relationship. In different dynamics, say she asks you out often, invites you to meet her friends, family, has already taken significant proactive steps, then maybe you bring it up. But if you have done all or most of the calling, inviting, paying, etc. so far, just keep going without a label, and wait for her to bring it up. Good luck. We are dating exclusively. Our exclusivity has never come up explicitly: it's just the way it is (I have had tremendous trouble getting even one woman at a time to date me, so for me it's been a non-issue: no matter how serious I was with her, I'd be "exclusive" with her).
Author Nomad Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I think the answer to almost all of these questions is "it depends." That being said - when it comes to relationships it is almost never a good idea to assume anything. Put things out there. Let her know how you feel. You don't have to force the issue, but if you let her know that you like her and want her to be your girlfriend at least you can get a clear idea where she's at. Relationships don't generally work when people aren't communicating their feelings because they're afraid of being rejected. Do most couples have an explicit discussion where they confirm that each is the other's boyfriend/girlfriend? I agree that it can be unwise to make assumptions, but if such assumptions are generally made at a certain point in the relationship, then if I explicitly broach the topic, it may come across as strange.
iKING Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 If you want her to be your girlfriend, ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. If you don't, don't. This. Just come up with a clever way to ask her. Nothing spectacular, just something that involves the word "official" might help.
MsSmurf Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Do most couples have an explicit discussion where they confirm that each is the other's boyfriend/girlfriend? I agree that it can be unwise to make assumptions, but if such assumptions are generally made at a certain point in the relationship, then if I explicitly broach the topic, it may come across as strange. Here's what I think you should do. Next time you see her, wait for conversation to be upbeat, and then just say something like "so how do you feel about me referring to you as my girlfriend?" and then see what she says. If she likes it she'll say so or that she figured you already did that lol. If it doesn't work for her then she'll say so and then you'll know its too soon.
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I still don't understand the difference between exclusive and bf/gf. To me, they are the same. Anyway, how do you know she is not dating other people if the exclusivity is only assumed? You need to have "the talk" with her if you are ready for her to be your girlfriend. Many women will not bring it up first out of fear of scaring you off; she is probably waiting for YOU to do it. I'm on the other end of a similar situation. I have been dating someone for a couple of months and I don't think he is seeing other people, nor am I, but these are just assumptions. It's driving me nuts not knowing! Someone pointed out yesterday that he could very well be dating other people still since we've never talked about it, which makes me want to take up the next date offer that comes my way! I think if she's still around after a couple of months, it's safe to at least bring it up.
Author Nomad Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I still don't understand the difference between exclusive and bf/gf. To me, they are the same. Anyway, how do you know she is not dating other people if the exclusivity is only assumed? I don't think I said the exclusivity was assumed. In any event, I see her regularly during the week, and we spend most weekends together, so I don't see how or when she could be dating anyone else. She has also said that she doesn't get asked out very often. You need to have "the talk" with her if you are ready for her to be your girlfriend. Many women will not bring it up first out of fear of scaring you off; she is probably waiting for YOU to do it. I'm on the other end of a similar situation. I have been dating someone for a couple of months and I don't think he is seeing other people, nor am I, but these are just assumptions. It's driving me nuts not knowing! Someone pointed out yesterday that he could very well be dating other people still since we've never talked about it, which makes me want to take up the next date offer that comes my way! I think if she's still around after a couple of months, it's safe to at least bring it up. Ok, this is helpful. I do want her to be my gf, so I should probably have "the talk." If we do have "the talk", and she does consent to be my gf (or has thought of herself in that way all along), what does that entail on my part? Is there anything I should do to cement the relationship (she's not much into jewelry or anything)?
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I don't think I said the exclusivity was assumed. In any event, I see her regularly during the week, and we spend most weekends together, so I don't see how or when she could be dating anyone else. She has also said that she doesn't get asked out very often. Ok, this is helpful. I do want her to be my gf, so I should probably have "the talk." If we do have "the talk", and she does consent to be my gf (or has thought of herself in that way all along), what does that entail on my part? Is there anything I should do to cement the relationship (she's not much into jewelry or anything)? You don't have to do anything; she will be happy just sealing the deal and finally knowing!
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