99gsxawd Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) Hello all Ive recently joined the forum after doing searches on my questions I have regarding my break up and continuosly stumble across topics posted by members of this forum. So I decided to become a member and seek advice.. Im very confused on what to do and would really appreciate some guidance on where I am with my situation. PLEASE bare with me :-) I know every situation is a little unique which is why Im going to give my story so those who wish to give advice can get a more clear picture of my situation. First- some background leading up to where I am now: I dated this girl for about 7 months. I met her around end of May and we became more serious in early June. I am 27 and she is 21.... (Yes there is an age difference) I wasnt looking to be in a one on one situation, and she wasnt looking for anything too serious she said either, which I liked the idea of. I am a bit of a "joe cool" kind of guy. Always having fun, always with girls etc. Yet she kept coming around and wanting to spend more and more time together. Throughout the course of our relationship we had become very close. We told each other things from our past that neither one of us had shared with other people/ a select few- hers and mine are very personal things from our childhood that have probably scarred us both. We did a lot of different things together from vacations, small get aways, boating, about a billion fun drunk dinner dates to go-kartingAnd we got into something that just manifested into a relationship Anyways to fast forward, the relationship did have its issues with communication and she would do things that would bother me but I would never say anything. I dont like to give my emotions away often and she is a complicated fun mess at times. Things were going good until we had a fight about something so stupid that just continued to build up more aggression towards each other and it seemed as though we couldnt back track from the fight. Not to mention, the night before the fight we probably spent the most intamate / night together in all of the relationship, which she is not the deepest of romantics She tried to break things off because she didnt like the fighting. I told her I agreed with her about the fighting, but said lets try to get through this. I convinced her to stay and she did.. however she seemed to be distant all of that week. I noticed the distance and decied to feel her out on something. I sent her a text that said "I have an idea, lets try and not make this so exclusive/ serious of a relationship and go back to just having fun, your free to see and date whoever and I am free to do the same." I got a response of "great! dont contact me ever again" Well that just blew things out of the water. I told her that even though I had suggested it, its clear that neither she nor I wanted that type of situation. I told her I didnt want things to end however she said she did. So after us going back and forth a few times for about a week- giving each other "low blows" taking cheap shots at one another, her saying petty things to me, we finally had a nice phone call that lasted for about 5 hours where we finally communicated openly after 7 months:laugh: I finally told her the truth about how I felt about her, that deep down I really loved her, but also a lot of things that bothered me about her that I never said until that night. I told her I never wanted this serious of a relationship but she was persistent and would get so close to me about personal things I didnt know what to do. In the past, I tried to break it off with her but she cried to me and said how everyone always leaves her, her parents treat her like crap, guys treated her like crap, and some of her friends. I told her when she did that, she had me lol. I couldnt/ never wanted to hurt her plus what shes been through it kind of got to me. She then said to me, "what was I your charity case" I told her no, you just deserve better. She cried... When it ended, I felt drained from it. She and I both said we wish we could fix this, and go back to us just having fun but a lot has been said where we hurt each other. I told her I dont know how to fix it and neither did she. I said I asked her if I could see her, she didnt seem too opposed to it however said it would be a little while before she wanted too. She always kept pushing for us to be friends, which I told her I dont look at her as just a friend. I would like to make it clear that I never begged, pleaded or cried to her about the break up. I told her I didnt want it, I preferred if she stayed however if thats what she wants then it is what it is It was then where I said to myself I dont want this break up to last any longer. I wanted to do what was best for myself. I told her that it will be hard letting her go because we shared a lot with one another. How she means a lot to me, but I know that shes 21 and shes deserve to be 21 (she thought that by being serious she would miss out on life basically). I told her I will miss you and wish her the best but I myslef need to get some stuff going for me. Lastly I said I am your friend, but cant be your friend. and wished her the best. And now I come to why I am STUCK and need help. I do want her back but am lost now and heres why..... Since the final "talk" which was mid december She has always been the one to reach out to me via text. -Merry Christmas hope all is well. -Happy New Years hope your doing ok @ 2:30 am I would get a text once a week about random things or a question throughout the month of January Then I didnt hear from her for two weeks until my birthday. I got a "Happy birthday old man. Im sure you doing something wild and crazy like usual" @ 10:00pm while she was on vaction with her family in FL. my Birthday is the 20th She did write a facebook post about me as well in Febrauary saying "how much someone gets into shape after you stopped dating them is correlated with how hurt they really were. Good job though" She must have seen a picture of me (I have been working out and playing soccer so there's a nice picture of my abs out there on the social media sites lol... That post kind of got me angered but I didnt question her or call her out It was all of this that got me thinking.... Are these just breadcrumbs. Does she miss me? And I know she is not the type at all to say "I miss you, I want to see you. lets get back together" Some people are like that, that isnt her. So I decided to test the waters and see if she wanted to meet. I played up on the texts from my birthday about a week or so later- The night she sent me a happy B-day text she said "hope your enjoying it" and I said "well it depeneds, did you get me a present?" she said ya I got you a present with an "lol", I knew she was joking and went on with my night So now I asked her, wheres my present? she joked back and said sarcasim is your present. I then said yeah I know and said, would you like to go out and do something? She said yes but immediatley wanted to label it as friends. I told her Im not really trying to label anything and said if you want to great and if not then thats fine too. She then said, "I said yes" When the night came, I told her what time I will be there and she said well can we make it a little earlier I have plans at 9, I told her no cause Im working late. I'll just catch you some other time. She said "well okay" then she texted me back about a minute later saying I can stay out till 10, I told them later on so we have to be back before that. I told her no its cool, I dont want to be rushed- if you have plans just go with those and Ill see you when I see you. She didnt really like that too much and got a little defensive saying - "whatelse did you plan on doing? 2 hours for dinner?" I said I didnt plan anything other then I dont want to be rushed and if you have plans, go with those. She then said, well I just didnt think we would be getting drinks and stuff, because I didnt think it would be like before" - I found that very odd/ defensive and left it alone and said just go with your plans. I then waited till after the weekend was over and said, "so you free this week Cinderella" (refering to her timeframe deadline) she laughed and said yes, and we made plans for a few nights after. So I picked her up. She had her dog run out and see me in my car - something she always did in the past. Her dog is her everything. we got all the normal "boring/ awakardness' out of the way in about 3 minutes and actually started to have a fun time. She was DRESSED TO A TEE- And I looked snazy myself:D (kind of changed my style for the night, which she noticed) When we got to the restaurant she said, I dont want to drink, I said ok. I still went a head and ordered one for myself. I knew I wanted to keep this encounter fun and light. Didnt want to talk about the past at all, which we didnt. nothing negative. Dinner was going really good. We were having fun, laughing, flirting, joking, teasing each other with all of the small quirks we know about one another. She then began drinking lol, other couples were buying us shots. She was talking about old memories and bringing up things we had done and throw it into the conversation. She asked me what I had been up too. I told her all the places Ive been too, How i was leaving more miami in week, fun things I was doing, new hobbies etc. One major thing is I have been doing is buying a selling cars on the side just to make a quick extra dollar. Reason why Im telling you all this is because it plays into the conversation a little later in the night. I asked her what she had going on, which wasnt a long list- "drinking a lot":o taking up more courses at school and working more. I said cool. In the midst of all this fun and laughter she did two odd moves that have me where I am stuck at this present moment. she said she ran into a friend of mine who lives across the street from me (we are not the closest of friends either) and told her about all the cars at my house. She asked me in particular " what cars I have bought" I told her some and she said oh yeah I remember he said that was down there. Which I found very odd because I cant see the person telling her specific cars but none the less thats what she said. As the night stayed postive and fun- she then asked me out of nowhere, "So are you seeing anyone?" and I said what do you mean? As in exclusively or....... She said, "you know seeing someone" I said well if your asking me if Im seeing someone in particular then no. She shook her head and I said why? She didnt respond. I said why? are you? She then said yeah I am. She then says does that make you feel weird/ or does it feel weird to you? (cant remember, but along those lines) I said well, its a little awakward but if your happy then cool. She didnt answer. She then began to explain to me why she seeing this guy (from high school I might add) How she wants nothing serious either. She said she needed "closure" from him and she thinks thats why she is messed up from relationships? All I said was ok. She then said thats why I said I wasnted to label this as friends when you asked me to go out. Which if you recall her reason was " I just didnt think we would be going out to get drinks and stuff. I didnt think it would be like before." Nothing about a guy.... I didnt act jealous, or try and talk her out of the relationship, ask about giving us another chance. nothing. just very laid back fun flirty and cool. I did ask her, "so how does he feel about you being out with me?" she said "well he knows that me and you were meeting up but he doesnt know that we are out now or were going to be getting dinner or anything." Believe it or not, the night went right back into being fun and joking with one another after that short conversation as if it never really happened We then left and I drove her back to her house. She made another comment about why are you taking such a direct route back? I said what do you mean. she said you always go the longest way back to my house, what are you trying to get rid of me? I said no lol, just taking you home Cinderella. I dropped her off, she said that she really did want to see me and I said I wanted to see you too. She said please text me when your home safe (the weather was getting bad) I said no dont worry ill be fine. she gave me a look and then as she got out of the car she said I dont want to give you an awkward hug in a car so she grabbed my arm and rubbed it. I said ok. She got out and her thong actually poped out a bit LOL which I teased her and got her to give me a little roll of the eyes look with a smile. So now everyone Im stuck? I am stuck about this situation with the old "closure" relationship? When I was at dinner, I took her word for it and I still believe I need to because she said it, but as I told other people about the night they said well its odd she needed to "defend" why she was with him and also asking you how you felt. Not to mention asking you to tell her the specific cars in your driveway. If she was very serious about this new guy she more then likely wouldnt have really wanted to see you and could have blown you off the second time around. Also, her always saying hope your doing ok to then puts me down on a facebook about me looking good??? She changed her reasoning as to us going out as friends in the matter of a week. first because she was unsure of the night, then when it actually feels like it did have the same vibe and fun she now throws in this old relationship from 3 years ago?? Why couldnt she just tell me previously? Stay as friends, because Im seeing someone...... Guys and gals, I do miss her and I would like to revist her. Im in no rush to have her back this instant and honestly enjoy dating again. But any advice on what to do? In all honesty I feel like I really dont have to do much... I feel like this relationship she is revisiting is best for me to stay away. but how do I remain "around but not around" do I just keep doing what Ive been doing? I dont know how long shes been seeing him or whatever either. I know Ive handled this break up fairly well from the start. Never begged or pleaded. never got crazy with her. Let her make ALL of the contact after I made my stand. Never asked her about her life what shes doing, no drunk dials, no "I miss you". I just wanted to see what would happen if I asked her to hang out. She did message me the next night BTW about something so small and random from something the night before. All we just joked about it. She knows I was heading to Miami over the weekend and I havent heard from her since this last tuesday. Thoughts? Advice? I feel like I need to just stay cool and fun without being around.... but I dont know how to do it???? Much appreciated everyone! Edited March 24, 2013 by 99gsxawd
chelsea2011 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Whew..your post is hard to read. Please edit if you can or repost without all of html stuff. For what it's worth the closure crap with someone else is just that...crap! She shouldn't be involved if she is hooked in some way to another person. I think you should just walk away and tell her to get in touch when she is free and clear. Period.
Author 99gsxawd Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) Whew..your post is hard to read. Please edit if you can or repost without all of html stuff. For what it's worth the closure crap with someone else is just that...crap! She shouldn't be involved if she is hooked in some way to another person. I think you should just walk away and tell her to get in touch when she is free and clear. Period. I fixed it. sorry, I dont know how that happened. I agree with you and found it odd in the manner in which it happened. Hopefully its a better read for you, again apologies. BTW how do I walk away without looking like an idiot or a person "scorned" by this new odd "closure" relationship she has supposedly going on now? I agree on the closure thing. And that's why I found it so odd for her to say it. Edited March 24, 2013 by 99gsxawd
Author 99gsxawd Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Bump for some advice/ thoughts on her behavior/ support I know it's a bit of a read. Thank you
Recommended Posts