Men in relationships should stop being 'too friendly' to the opposite sex

[MissJoness]

I hate it when I meet a man who goes out of his to help me, open doors for me, carry my things...only to find out he has a girlfriend, fiance or wife. I just hate it when men who are in relationships are too flirty and chatty with you. It seriously leads some women like me on who are desperate for a relationship and companionship. It's really a huge let down when you start to develop a crush on someone who is taken and they have no intentions on leaving their partner for you. I think men in relationships should be indifferent towards the opposite sex, just to avoid confusion, mixed messages unless he plans on leaving his partner

[ls32ssibm]

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[Kamille]

Or, maybe you could hold off on crushing on the guys until the point when they ask you out.

 

What I think when I meet a guy who's awesome but in a relationship? That his partner is a lucky woman. And then I move on.

[Krieger]

what is wrong with being nice to other woman if you have a GF or Wife?

 

what is wrong with hugging a girl when you have a GF ?

 

OP desperation is a stinky cologne just saying guys can smell it a mile away.

[iKING]

I feel as though men in relationships should treat both other women and men equally.

 

If he's just a nice guy in general, and would do those types of things for his male friends as well, you may be reading too far into the situations.

 

Flirting is one thing, being kind is another. All too often people make the mistake of viewing kindness as interest. There are just generally nice people out there. However, I do agree there are points where it crosses the line of displaying interest (even if unintentionally).

[Mme. Chaucer]

If a person is being kind, polite, thoughtful and helpful towards you, isn't that nice? Even if he happens to be a man in a relationship?

 

Flirting with you is another story …

[MrCastle]

Both sexes do this. I think your specific examples are just people being friendly/good natured and you are reading too much into it, but there are some people that lead you on and tell you they're taken when they feel it's appropriate for them, never thinking about your feelings.

 

The cynical side of me believes most women realize they get treated differently (See: 'better') when they're single/pose as being single than they do when they're taken.

 

If a guy believes he has a romantic shot with a woman, he will treat her differently.

[beyond]

I hate it when I meet a man who goes out of his to help me, open doors for me, carry my things...only to find out he has a girlfriend, fiance or wife. I just hate it when men who are in relationships are too flirty and chatty with you. It seriously leads some women like me on who are desperate for a relationship and companionship. It's really a huge let down when you start to develop a crush on someone who is taken and they have no intentions on leaving their partner for you. I think men in relationships should be indifferent towards the opposite sex, just to avoid confusion, mixed messages unless he plans on leaving his partner

 

So if a guy is in a relationship he should let doors slam in womens faces and not help anyone he sees struggling?

 

Come on OP, flirty is one thing but nothing wrong with being chatty and helpful.

 

Sounds like you have been hurt ( haven't we all?!) but don't let that make you bitter about someone being kind to you.

[StanMusial]

From now on, as I exit a building, if I see a ring on the girl behind me's finger, I'm going to slam the door in HER FACE.

[fortyninethousand322]

Hey I hate it too. Guys in relationships can maintain their existing friendships with women they know, but trying to be overly friendly to additional women is kind of annoying.

[MissJoness]

I'm talking about men who flirt, joke, and display all signs that they are interested when they are clearly taken. It leads women like me on, and makes me think you are interested when in reality you just want my attention

[MrCastle]

I'm talking about men who flirt, joke, and display all signs that they are interested when they are clearly taken. It leads women like me on, and makes me think you are interested when in reality you just want my attention

 

Well then, yeah. People like this suck.

[MissJoness]

I'm just really upset about the taken guy that I am crushing on--he would always walk up to me, be friendly, flirt, etc but he has a girlfriend. He really led me on and its hard for me to get over this. I dont have many options as it is so its hard for me to get over him. He should have never spoken to me in the first place.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You've got to be kidding me...that's called just being courteous and polite, those are not big deals for all men.

 

However being too flirty and chatty, I can see how that may be misleading...sometimes people like to tread that line on what is appropriate and maybe even step way over it.

 

But look, if someone is in a relationship the answer is not if they'd leave their partner for you....that's ridiculous, that should be an automatic walk away from if you've got any brains, no matter what you think of a guy.

 

Otherwise you're lucky to have found out he is already married/has a girlfriend before it was too late, if this guy was trying to get some side action then I can see how he wasn't being polite or courteous, just trying to get some.

[xxoo]

I'm talking about men who flirt, joke, and display all signs that they are interested when they are clearly taken. It leads women like me on, and makes me think you are interested when in reality you just want my attention

 

Can you give a concrete example of something they do that shows romantic interest?

[tbf]

I'm just really upset about the taken guy that I am crushing on--he would always walk up to me, be friendly, flirt, etc but he has a girlfriend. He really led me on and its hard for me to get over this. I dont have many options as it is so its hard for me to get over him. He should have never spoken to me in the first place.

This is called victim mentality where it's everyone else's fault.

 

Have you ever heard of borderline personality disorder?

 

Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[StanMusial]

I'm talking about men who flirt, joke, and display all signs that they are interested when they are clearly taken. It leads women like me on, and makes me think you are interested when in reality you just want my attention

 

Oh, OK, I know what you mean. Some guys are just horn dogs that want to tap anything in their line of sight. You think you hate it, how do you think their girlfriend's feel about it?

[Woggle]

I am just nice and civil to everybody man or woman until they give me a reason not to be. I treat both genders the same. If some take that as flirting that in their mind.

[snowflakes88]

You and phillydude should hook up.

[RedRobin]

I'm talking about men who flirt, joke, and display all signs that they are interested when they are clearly taken. It leads women like me on, and makes me think you are interested when in reality you just want my attention

 

Or, you can flirt back and not take it so seriously...

 

If you like them, ask them out. That's a sure way to get an answer one way or the other (if you don't know if they are taken, that is.. I would never ask a guy out who I knew was married or had a GF).

 

Or, you can just carry on with your daily life and wait for them to ask you out. Either way, don't worry about it!

 

on the other hand... I've wiped some men off my plate who were overly flirty, whom I asked out and they turned out to have GF's... one of them broke up with his GF not long afterwards then asked me out.

 

I said no. (I'm not interested in branch swingers)

 

I dunno. Maybe he'll get another chance someday. I work with him. I don't know all the details of the breakup... but I wouldn't like it if I were dating someone and he was as flirty as he was with me. I'm no dummy.

Edited March 24, 2013 by RedRobin

[dasein]

I agree with OP, and understand what she is experiencing. She is meeting men that give courtship signals, not just politeness, but aren't actually available. It's confusing when anyone male or female does it. We all know the difference between being nice and friendly and giving mating/dating signs or should. People in relationships often use the relationship as an excuse to be overly forward with others for their own gratification, and that's selfish and inconsiderate. Have experienced it many times also.

[MissJoness]

I agree with OP, and understand what she is experiencing. She is meeting men that give courtship signals, not just politeness, but aren't actually available. It's confusing when anyone male or female does it. We all know the difference between being nice and friendly and giving mating/dating signs or should. People in relationships often use the relationship as an excuse to be overly forward with others for their own gratification, and that's selfish and inconsiderate. Have experienced it many times also.

Yes, I recently experienced this with a guy who was just being an attention seeker. I developed a huge crush on him, and its hard for me to get over him

[Estate]

I hate it when I meet a man who goes out of his to help me, open doors for me, carry my things...only to find out he has a girlfriend, fiance or wife. I just hate it when men who are in relationships are too flirty and chatty with you. It seriously leads some women like me on who are desperate for a relationship and companionship. It's really a huge let down when you start to develop a crush on someone who is taken and they have no intentions on leaving their partner for you. I think men in relationships should be indifferent towards the opposite sex, just to avoid confusion, mixed messages unless he plans on leaving his partner

 

So guys... now we have all the insights we need.

Stop being a jerk to women... now, stop being nice to women..

 

We've solved the puzzle, we know what we need to do now , lol.

[MissJoness]

So guys... now we have all the insights we need.

Stop being a jerk to women... now, stop being nice to women..

 

We've solved the puzzle, we know what we need to do now , lol.

 

No, if you are in a relationship and you have no intentions on leaving your girlfriend/wife be cordial or indifferent to women. Stop flirting, being too friendly, staring, etc or giving any other signals that appear you are interested.

[tbf]

So guys... now we have all the insights we need.

Stop being a jerk to women... now, stop being nice to women..

 

We've solved the puzzle, we know what we need to do now , lol.

Do the rest of us a favour. Don't stop being friendly! We promise not to take you seriously.