ViresSanctity Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 We were friends before the affair, and we remained friends after I ended the affair. Two nights ago I talked to her on the phone, and she had this huge complaint about her husband. He's been holding onto her money to watch it for her. But she didn't know he'd spend all of it 4 months ago, until now. What really irked her was, "How could he lie to me like that for four months? I trusted him." She even went as far as telling me he's not as honest as he seems. While I agreed that what he did wasn't right, I couldn't resist laughing and reminding her that she and him are pretty similar in that regard, so don't judge him too much. She got pretty mad and ended our conversation. I just don't understand how she can't see her own hypocrisy.
MissBee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I think it is a dangerous situation to confide in "friends" of the opposite sex about your relationship issues (if you're straight). So many times that is how "friendship affairs" start...because one essentially invests emotional intimacy in another other than one's spouse/SO, and overtime the lines get blurred, and it's especially easy when stuff isn't going too well and this outside person starts reassuring you and telling you it will be okay or how great you are and before you know it, you "end up" in an EA and then PA. And before anyone says it: yes married people can have friends of the opposite sex. It's all about boundaries though and some activities, like complaining about your spouse to your "friend" can open doors to places you didn't think you'd end up. In short: your friendship is unhealthy IMO. You already had an A with her and are posting here about her and her husband's issues....this is not a true friendship in my eyes. 3
Author ViresSanctity Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I think it is a dangerous situation to confide in "friends" of the opposite sex about your relationship issues (if you're straight). So many times that is how "friendship affairs" start...because one essentially invests emotional intimacy in another other than one's spouse/SO, and overtime the lines get blurred, and it's especially easy when stuff isn't going too well and this outside person starts reassuring you and telling you it will be okay or how great you are and before you know it, you "end up" in an EA and then PA. And before anyone says it: yes married people can have friends of the opposite sex. It's all about boundaries though and some activities, like complaining about your spouse to your "friend" can open doors to places you didn't think you'd end up. In short: your friendship is unhealthy IMO. You already had an A with her and are posting here about her and her husband's issues....this is not a true friendship in my eyes. I get what you're saying. We're not really that close friends anymore. At least not on my part. I don't stay friends with any of my exes, but she convinced me to be for the time being. She said she wanted to stay friends with me, because she couldn't bear losing me. I was her first friend when she moved to California and her only friend here. She calls me and I try to act normal about it. I don't have the same feelings for her anymore. I was really peeved about the way she talked about her husband like that, and completely ignoring what she did was a lot worse. I had to vent and I'd rather vent somewhere where no one knows her. I wonder if all MM/MW think like when they have affairs. That they're immune to doing any wrong. As soon as she starts wanting to get back with me again, I'll most likely end the friendship with her too.
Catplates Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 NO, you aren't friends.. that can rarely happen after an A. Save yourself some time and walk away from her now. Cat 1
movingon45 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Why why can't A partners be friends again after an A, but yes I know the answer. So sad to lose the friendship, but that's just the way it is.
Recommended Posts