He re added his ex girlfriend on facebook?

[BrokenHearted101]

My ex boyfriend and I broke up over a month ago. Tuesday would be our one year anniversary.. I lost my virginity with him. Big deal to me, especially since I'd waited til age 21, and we were very serious and discussing getting married when we graduated.

The fall out was over a myriad of things that had been going on--all fixable if we both wanted to, but he basically had a meltdown and told me he never wanted to see me again.

 

Prior to me, he had one girlfriend "Alex" his sophmore year of college (2 years ago). He was a virgin but she was very experienced (and older). He admitted to me one night, choked up... the way he lost his virginity, is she told him a month in if he wouldn't have sex, she was done. She on the other hand had been with over 10 guys before they got together (she didn't tell him this til later, and she didnt get tested, either).

 

It killed me to know he took her for weekends away, and stayed at her apartment often (neither of which we've really had a chance to do, because I live with family while finishing my undergrad). It always made me a little insecure--even he still had tons of pics and greeting cards she'd given him, etc. I also worried during sex--how was I, the naïve virgin who gave him everything, suppose to compete with the memory or a girl who could probably do EVERYTHING well?

He says NOTHING but awful about her. HE BROKE UP WITH HER after 8 months, and she instantly deleted/blocked him on facebook. She's the ONLY other girl he's ever said I love you to, or been intimate with besides me.

 

Anyways, he and I are trying to reconcile, and things look good. We're on spring break, and he drove to where I was Friday and we spent the day together. He told me he's been on a couple dates with other girls since the breakup. He told me, "But they're not you. I can't picture myself spending my life with anyone but you. I can't picture myself having a baby with anyone but you. I want US. I want to work things out."

He also told me Alex has been texting him, "Apparently she saw my pic changed [from one of us together to JUST him] on fb." I thanked him for his honesty.

 

Last night..on facebook I looked up his profile (He deleted me shortly after we broke up--he lated admitted to get me to break NC.). And apparently in the last 3 days..he's now friends with ALEX. WTF? Either he lied to me Friday, or Friday night...He accepted a friend request from her. She now lives 1000 miles away, so there's no threat, but it still bothers me. He IS the "jealous" type, and he'd be livid if I added an ex on facebook.

 

He and I were texting last night, and I mentioned it. I tried to stay neutral about it, but said I just don't understand why... He's out of cell phone range and only had texting over wifi. All he said was, "I'll tell you all about it when I get home. It's a looooong story. I'm crazy about you, and I love you so much. Goodnight"

 

Any advice? Is it a big deal for a guy to re ad an ex they "hated" on facebook? It's not like they were "friends" and stayed in contact after the breakup--they haven't. This is sudden. So why now? Especially when reconciling with the girl he loves? I'm not trying to be difficult, but I feel like a total FOOL--On Friday night, we were discussing plans for our first anniversary, and talking about makeup sex, and our future. And then I find this.

Edited March 24, 2013 by BrokenHearted101

[lovelyde]

It sounds like he's a male version of a gold digger and do you want a type of person like that hanging around in your future sabotaging and leeching off you? No.

 

 

If you want to get over him quick, find a good-looking man who'll treat you right in bed. Then add your new lover to your Facebook.

[TigerCub]

Please update us when you know what this 'loooooooooooooong story is'. I can't think of any real or good reason that would cause this if he's trying to reconcile with you.

 

Tread carefully and guard you heart. And unless you are really 100% satisfied with whatever this long story is - don't put up with any ****.

[curlygirl40]

Yes I think you need to hear the story first and then go from there.

 

But the one thing I thought of, is it possible that he friended her a bit ago and it took her a while to accept, therefore just now showing up on his wall and making it look like it's something he did recently?

 

Just a thought.

[BrokenHearted101]

I talked to him about it tonight on the phone. He got very defensive. I wasn't trying to be accusitive, just trying to see if he understands how this makes me feel.

He told me quote: "She requested me, she's far away, she's being really nice, I dont see myself getting back together with her, and even if i did it wouldnt be for a long time ( what the FUQ?). I didnt think you and I were going to work things out, its not a big deal. It's facebook."

 

Well..ladies and gentlemen..to ME it is a big deal, because he knows I hate her more than anyone in the world.

 

I asked him if it would be okay if I sent any and all guy I was ever involved with a friend request--he exploded. "Then thesre's no reason for us to work things out."

 

I reminded him...This is the girl who tried to install spyware on his phone (that would forward all his texts to her). This is the girl who told him if they didnt have sex that valentines day, they were done. THis is the girl who yelled at him after a romantic weekend away. This is the girl who broke up with him one day ot go out with another guy the next. This is the girl who accused him of cheating on her, and went all out..because SHE had an yeast infection. He would never have put up with ANY OF THAT from me!

 

He told me if we work things out and get back together, he will delete her out of his life. Not til then.

I'm pretty speechless. The big "in order for us to get back togehteR" is I have to talk to my parents--get them to welcome him back (they loathe him right now). I hate to tell him this..but WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO TO BAT and risk EVERYTHING with my parents, FOR A GUY WHO WON'T BE WILLING TO SHOW ME I MEAN MORE THAN AN EX GIRLFRIEND ON FACEBOOK? Does he not see the catch 22?

I don't know what to do. I do love him,

[lovelyde]

I talked to him about it tonight on the phone. He got very defensive. I wasn't trying to be accusitive, just trying to see if he understands how this makes me feel.

He told me quote: "She requested me, she's far away, she's being really nice, I dont see myself getting back together with her, and even if i did it wouldnt be for a long time ( what the FUQ?). I didnt think you and I were going to work things out, its not a big deal. It's facebook."

 

 

Basically he wants to make the same money and have a good profession in order to be with her. You're not good enough to be his inspiration to better himself. Therefore, he's a jerk who doesn't want to tell you that he truly thinks you're lacking.

 

 

Well..ladies and gentlemen..to ME it is a big deal, because he knows I hate her more than anyone in the world.

 

I asked him if it would be okay if I sent any and all guy I was ever involved with a friend request--he exploded. "Then thesre's no reason for us to work things out."

 

 

 

So he gets to have sex with you until he's ready with his career. And once he gets his career and finances in order, then he'll dump you for the older woman. Basically, he wants to impress her by getting into her league first before seducing her. He wants to build up the anticipation.

 

 

 

I reminded him...This is the girl who tried to install spyware on his phone (that would forward all his texts to her). This is the girl who told him if they didnt have sex that valentines day, they were done. THis is the girl who yelled at him after a romantic weekend away. This is the girl who broke up with him one day ot go out with another guy the next. This is the girl who accused him of cheating on her, and went all out..because SHE had an yeast infection. He would never have put up with ANY OF THAT from me!

 

Apparently your ex-boyfriend is turned on by the hot conflict and drama she's creating. It makes him hot and he can't help it. Can't you see this guy isn't right for you? He'll just use you for sex until he's ready to take on the other woman.

 

 

He told me if we work things out and get back together, he will delete her out of his life. Not til then.

I'm pretty speechless. The big "in order for us to get back togehteR" is I have to talk to my parents--get them to welcome him back (they loathe him right now). I hate to tell him this..but WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO TO BAT and risk EVERYTHING with my parents, FOR A GUY WHO WON'T BE WILLING TO SHOW ME I MEAN MORE THAN AN EX GIRLFRIEND ON FACEBOOK? Does he not see the catch 22?

I don't know what to do. I do love him,

 

 

If the guy really loves you, he won't need your parents approval. What will happen if you get married? He will ask your parents for permission to do things. This is not a man, he is a child.

 

 

The love of my life doesn't care what my parents think. All that matters is me.

 

 

If he truly loves you, he'll make sure that you're happy. He'll put your priorities over his because you're the female. As a male, he protects his female and his female only.

 

 

I'm sorry hun but dump this loser or else you will waste years of your life on this good-for-nothing. Years that you will never get back. And you will grow old and miss opportunities with much better guys.

 

 

Copy and paste what I wrote. That'll slap him into shape.

[BrokenHearted101]

The talk to my parents thing, just to clarify: My parents, are the scariest, most controlling helicopter parents I've ever met. No joke.

 

They've instated a very early curfew for me at age 21. They also hated him--and any guy I've ever dated. I'm the oldest of their children in a super conservative household. THey dont know how to separate my business from THEIR business. Hence they make extra rules, conflicts, and problems in any relationship I would have.

 

They basically would have a fit if I told them I was with him again. That's why he needs their approval--so he can walk in my parents front door to pick me up, and not get shot. So he and I can go places and we dont have to hide my car (yes, they drive past his apartment to look for my car) Not to mention..a secret relationship is not one at all.

 

So that much I understand. It's the fact he wants me to have this "showdown" with my parents..before he deletes Alex. Basically, in this show down, I'm going ot have ot tell my parents I love him, and he's made a lot of mistakes, but I want us to all start over. Why do that? That's like jumping before you see if you have your parachute on.

[lovelyde]

You're already 21, way past the age of 18 which means you're an adult.

 

 

Your parents are no good. They are out to ruin your life.

 

 

I say you should ask him to get an apartment in another city, and plan on running away from your parents and not let them know where you are. You can leave them a letter stating that you're going to live elsewhere and never want to see them again. That'll teach your parents a lesson. Because you are 21, they have ZERO legal right over you.

 

 

Actually, you can probably even put a restraining order on your parents for being so intrusive in your life. They are holding you hostage, and that's against the law when you're already way over the age of 18. You have the legal right to mate with any man.

[KungFuJoe]

Am I the only who is having a very hard time believing any of this?

[BrokenHearted101]

Am I the only who is having a very hard time believing any of this?

 

Joe, I wish I was making it up. Every word of it is the truth. And the things about alex (ie spyware, yeast infection, moody meltdowns)--are all things he's told me.

[Emilia]

Well..ladies and gentlemen..to ME it is a big deal, because he knows I hate her more than anyone in the world.

 

I asked him if it would be okay if I sent any and all guy I was ever involved with a friend request--he exploded. "Then thesre's no reason for us to work things out."

 

I reminded him...This is the girl who tried to install spyware on his phone (that would forward all his texts to her). This is the girl who told him if they didnt have sex that valentines day, they were done. THis is the girl who yelled at him after a romantic weekend away. This is the girl who broke up with him one day ot go out with another guy the next. This is the girl who accused him of cheating on her, and went all out..because SHE had an yeast infection. He would never have put up with ANY OF THAT from me!

 

He told me if we work things out and get back together, he will delete her out of his life. Not til then.

I'm pretty speechless. The big "in order for us to get back togehteR" is I have to talk to my parents--get them to welcome him back (they loathe him right now). I hate to tell him this..but WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO TO BAT and risk EVERYTHING with my parents, FOR A GUY WHO WON'T BE WILLING TO SHOW ME I MEAN MORE THAN AN EX GIRLFRIEND ON FACEBOOK? Does he not see the catch 22?

 

I don't know what to do. I do love him,

 

Hm, I think it's time to take a step away from the internet and engage with real life a bit more.

 

He has the right to make choices. If he wants to be around troubled women, he has the right to do so. If you don't like it, you have the right to walk and find someone who has a healthier approach to boundaries.

 

I don't know whether you still live at home, if you do it's time to move out and stand on your own two feet rather than rely on other people to create the life you want.