JuneJulySeptember Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Is it safe to assume that you're unattractive? If no woman has ever found you attractive by the age of say 25, then yes, you are unattractive to 'society'. If you are younger than that, there is the possibility you just haven't gotten out enough, though unlikely. Which basically means that what society has deemed as attractive through media, print, and cultural influence ... well, that is not you. But, so what? Screw society. I'm willing to bet that whatever you look like, you have two eyes, ears, nostrils, and your teeth pretty much where they are supposed to be. So feel lucky and be less harsh on others yourself.
ThaWholigan Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Not safe. Guys can be terrible at reading interest from girls - there are probably those who are interested. Its also likely that guys find it difficult to be attractive because they believe that ALL their attractiveness comes from their exterior (I.e. Model face, 8-pack etc). You can augment those things to a small extent, but you can also improve your body language/expression, your fashion etc. These can help you. Its your mentality aswell. In times such as this, sometimes you have to assume interest first. 6
Author Pompeii Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I really feel that I've done all I can do to maximize my attractiveness. I dress pretty well, I go to gym. To be honest, I don't hit on girls because I don't want to look like a creep. When I talk to girls, conversation goes flat. I can't really "push and pull" girls like some other guys can if that makes sense. I noticed that a lot of girls really like emotional tension and I don't feel as if I can provide that. I realize that I need to pursue girls but I remember the last time I really tried, I got shot down before I really made any progress. Plus since girls don't hit on me and they hit on all my friends, I just assume I'm not what they're looking for. I do get frustrated sometimes and its no fun to be honest, seeing all your friends talking to girls and hooking up with girls like it was second nature. It just makes me feel like a lesser man.
carhill Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Is it safe to assume that you're unattractive? I generally try to refrain about assuming things regarding reading a woman's mind, but your statement infers that she is demonstrating lack of romantic interest and/or sexual attraction in/to you, not making a global statement by her actions that you're unattractive, in general. IME, very few people are universally attractive/unattractive and attraction is very subjective. 2
grkBoy Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I really feel that I've done all I can do to maximize my attractiveness. I dress pretty well, I go to gym. To be honest, I don't hit on girls because I don't want to look like a creep. When I talk to girls, conversation goes flat. I can't really "push and pull" girls like some other guys can if that makes sense. I noticed that a lot of girls really like emotional tension and I don't feel as if I can provide that. I realize that I need to pursue girls but I remember the last time I really tried, I got shot down before I really made any progress. Plus since girls don't hit on me and they hit on all my friends, I just assume I'm not what they're looking for. I do get frustrated sometimes and its no fun to be honest, seeing all your friends talking to girls and hooking up with girls like it was second nature. It just makes me feel like a lesser man. Maybe it's just the wrong ones. Many men and women will claim they approach and date a variety of women/men, but when you peel back layers, they literally are still going after the same types of people over and over. I've had several women in my past complain how they meet guys everywhere and claim to date different men, but looking at old photos and such, they clearly show the girl simply chased "shallow meathead" or "narcissistic yuppie" all over. Same guy, different scenery. Men are not excused either. I see guys complain how all the women they meet are trashy airheads. They say how they meet them through friends, clubs, bars, sporting activities, stores, etc...but peel layers and all the women are all cut from the same mold. In this case it was all women who only had looks and "bedroom skills" to offer. I don't know your story...but I also toss this out to you. Are you believing you're pursuing a variety of women, when in reality you're not? Are you not making moves? Playing it too cool that you end up rejected? Are you non-white and yet are pursuing white women? Sorry to bring race in, but I tend to notice too many times men of darker color feeling like they can't get a girl, but we find they're chasing women who simply do not find them attractive because of their race.
Terminal-Ice Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Not safe. Guys can be terrible at reading interest from girls - there are probably those who are interested. Its also likely that guys find it difficult to be attractive because they believe that ALL their attractiveness comes from their exterior (I.e. Model face, 8-pack etc). You can augment those things to a small extent, but you can also improve your body language/expression, your fashion etc. These can help you. Its your mentality aswell. In times such as this, sometimes you have to assume interest first. This is a *great* comment. I personally steer away from the 8-pack, model-face guy in favor of men who are put together well (know how to dress without looking metrosexual) and *are* gentlemen. I don't do well with the rural, NASCAR fan (yes, stereotype here in an effort to greatly reduce the description) because I do enjoy fine-dining and "fancy beer" while they think $10 meals are way too expensive and, well, they call it "fancy beer," when the fact is that it is really only *real* beer. ;-) I often do the stereotypical "girl" thing of being quiet and seeming disinterested when I really do like a guy or I'm trying to figure out how I feel. Women are pretty good at determining who I like without me saying a word, but men just don't see it. Generally, a man who acts with class and comes across as genuinely liking me while encouraging me out of my shell will have great success with me. I fall for the nice guy when he can figure out what to do with me. It's really all about me trusting him without him coming across as desperate. I do like emotionally strong but giving men. The modelesque guys, in my experience, usually come across as arrogant, entitled jackasses when it comes to women. At least, this is how it is in my area. They may be fun to hang out with, but they generally aren't what I would choose in a partner.
ltjg45 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 It's a possibility that I may be considered as unattractive. At this point, I don't really care. If they think that way, then that's fine with me. Considering my situation, there is little I can do to change it until I find work. This also doesn't consider whether or not if my effort in changing my attractiveness is going to give me any form of a positive result.
Author Pompeii Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I generally try to refrain about assuming things regarding reading a woman's mind, but your statement infers that she is demonstrating lack of romantic interest and/or sexual attraction in/to you, not making a global statement by her actions that you're unattractive, in general. IME, very few people are universally attractive/unattractive and attraction is very subjective. I don't know. I can't really buy this. I think that people would agree that there are some males more attractive than others. Is Brad Pitt more attractive than Quentin Tarantino, I believe a lot of women would say "yes". I interact with a lot of girls and if none of my friends have tried to hook me up with girls or no girls have tried to get to know me on a one-to-one level, then I can only assume the worst.
Terminal-Ice Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I really feel that I've done all I can do to maximize my attractiveness. I dress pretty well, I go to gym. To be honest, I don't hit on girls because I don't want to look like a creep. When I talk to girls, conversation goes flat. I can't really "push and pull" girls like some other guys can if that makes sense. I noticed that a lot of girls really like emotional tension and I don't feel as if I can provide that. I realize that I need to pursue girls but I remember the last time I really tried, I got shot down before I really made any progress. Plus since girls don't hit on me and they hit on all my friends, I just assume I'm not what they're looking for. I do get frustrated sometimes and its no fun to be honest, seeing all your friends talking to girls and hooking up with girls like it was second nature. It just makes me feel like a lesser man. Chivalry, man, chivalry. Be a gentleman to *every* woman you come across (even the 80 year olds). When you see a woman you're interested in getting to know, make small talk, but only use open-ended questions after the initial "How are you?" You can google conversation starters with women, but remember, when you ask her a question that she can answer with a simple yes or no, you've lost. Also, and this is a problem I've had with guys, if you ask her a question, hear her out. Don't cut her off and then ask another question.
Terminal-Ice Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I don't know. I can't really buy this. I think that people would agree that there are some males more attractive than others. Is Brad Pitt more attractive than Quentin Tarantino, I believe a lot of women would say "yes". I interact with a lot of girls and if none of my friends have tried to hook me up with girls or no girls have tried to get to know me on a one-to-one level, then I can only assume the worst. Brad Pitt = pretty boy Quentin Tarantino = guaranteed foot massage I would pick the latter. ;-)
somedude81 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 IMO the only real thing you can say is that you aren't very attractive. Most women don't express interest in men unless the guy is significantly above average. Though if you pursue a lot of different girls and they all turn you down, then it's safe to assume that you are unattractive. 1
PJKino Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I dotn think anyones truly universally unattractive but it probably means youd have to face tons of rejection before a yes.. Im 32 and never had a women interested in me so theyres probably a women out there attracted to me but id have to go through hundreds of reejections to possibly get a yes and chances are slim id be attracted to her myself so i just took myself out of the game instead of going through that pain
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Is it safe to assume that you're unattractive? Physically? Not sure. As a total package? I think so. There is considerable debate however as to whether one can become attractive.
Revolver Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Alot of guys can't pick up signals that women give. You learn better with experience, but if you have no experience....
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 My recommendation is... don't try to look like a male model because it attracts gold diggers who assume just because you have good looks, you must also have money to buy the luxury clothes and handbags they "need" whenever they wish. Instead focus on the woman you secretly love and feel spiritual lust and love for. It may be frustrating, but slowly seduce her by dropping subtle hints that you think the world of her. She may not even pick up on them as being secret gifts from you until later on, maybe even years later (even after her having other "boyfriends"), but believe me, it will all catch up and by then she will realize that you're dead serious about her. At a subconscious level, she may already be hopelessly in love with you without her fully coming to realization with it. Though shy, in the end she will eventually open up her hidden feelings towards you.
PJKino Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 My recommendation is... don't try to look like a male model because it attracts gold diggers who assume just because you have good looks, you must also have money to buy the luxury clothes and handbags they "need" whenever they wish. Instead focus on the woman you secretly love and feel spiritual lust and love for. It may be frustrating, but slowly seduce her by dropping subtle hints that you think the world of her. She may not even pick up on them as being secret gifts from you until later on, maybe even years later (even after her having other "boyfriends"), but believe me, it will all catch up and by then she will realize that you're dead serious about her. At a subconscious level, she may already be hopelessly in love with you without her fully coming to realization with it. Though shy, in the end she will eventually open up her hidden feelings towards you. So your advice is to wait years for a women whos in a relationship and hope one day she starts to feel attracted to you? i mean really? 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) I really feel that I've done all I can do to maximize my attractiveness. I dress pretty well, I go to gym. To be honest, I don't hit on girls because I don't want to look like a creep. When I talk to girls, conversation goes flat. I can't really "push and pull" girls like some other guys can if that makes sense. I noticed that a lot of girls really like emotional tension and I don't feel as if I can provide that. I realize that I need to pursue girls but I remember the last time I really tried, I got shot down before I really made any progress. Plus since girls don't hit on me and they hit on all my friends, I just assume I'm not what they're looking for. I do get frustrated sometimes and its no fun to be honest, seeing all your friends talking to girls and hooking up with girls like it was second nature. It just makes me feel like a lesser man. People can wax poetic all day long about confidence and attitude, but the truth is I can't even count how many times I went out with my friends and they were hit on by women and never me. Or when a woman told the tale of her female friends meeting all of us and said how good looking my other friends were but not me (and other guys too of course). Signals, schmignals. Women are not a Rubix Cube. If they think you are physically attractive, they'll shout it out. It took me a long time to start to deal with this problem. Just count yourself lucky that you are healthy. That's all. Edited March 24, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
PJKino Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 People can wax poetic all day long about confidence and attitude, but the truth is I can't even count how many times I went out with my friends and they were hit on by women and never me. Or when a woman told the tale of her female friends meeting all of us and said how good looking all my friends were but not me (and other guys too of course). Same here my good looking friend always have women approaching while im ignored But im sure it has nothing to do with looks its an inner aura and confidence that women can sense:rolleyes: 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Same here my good looking friend always have women approaching while im ignored But im sure it has nothing to do with looks its an inner aura and confidence that women can sense:rolleyes: Of course, I would add, that I'm not the only one of my friends in that boat. There are others. And we have all handled it a different way. A topic of discussion for the future possibly.
ThaWholigan Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 You guys can believe it's looks all you want . You're only hurting yourself. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 You guys can believe it's looks all you want . You're only hurting yourself. As much as I disagree with Wholigan's sense of optimism, he has it 100% correct right here. Attractiveness and looks do not always mean the same thing. In fact most of the time they don't.
ltjg45 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 You guys can believe it's looks all you want . You're only hurting yourself. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there and the women are the buyers. I refuse to "compete" for a woman. If she has to choose between 2-3 males, I rather be out of the "race" because, apparently, I'm not good enough if you have to judge me against other males for the female's attention. I'm not going to sell myself to any woman I don't want. Trouble is, there is almost no women around me that I do want. So until I find women I want, I'm content being unattractive in the eyes of society. In fact, I prefer it. 1
Estate Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Is it safe to assume that you're unattractive? Well are you shy and quiet and never talk to womena and dress like **** and have nothing going for you? Or are you outgoing, approach lots of women, have lots of friends, successful, have a great job, work hard, have lots of interests and do you best to dress and present yourself well at all times? I'm guessing it's the former. Nobody has ZERO interest EVER from anyone, unless they are really making it a point not to interact. Or what is most liekely here, you might have interest but you put zero effort in and are wondering why no "10's" chase you around like a puppy even though you do nothing to persue them. Am I right? I have a feeling I am.
ltjg45 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Am I right? I have a feeling I am. Ah, such arrogance. I seen that so much these days. Be grateful for what you have. I would love to just take it from you if I ever get the chance to.
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