AwptiK Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 So I've been single now for almost two weeks. My breakup was relatively clean...dumper is a single mother in nursing school and after some bad grades realized that she can't have the extra time/stress for a relationship. She was never one to handle stress well. Like I said, clean breakup. Just some bad timing, because everything else was really good. Yes, I do trust her and understand/accept the reasoning as TRUTH. We had a good, open and understanding relationship and she's been one to really lay it out in past b/us. I know it hurt for both of us to part ways, but things were relatively easy at first...can't be too upset when things ended for something outside of the relationship. I cried that first day...bawled actually, but after that there was a good calm peace within. Then I don't know what happened. The plug was pulled yesterday and I cried and cried and cried. I've definitely accepted things and she knows I understand, but damn it hurts a lot out of no where. I think it'll hit her the same way...she randomly admitted that she thinks her head isn't in the right place at all, because of how stressed she is. So I guess she'll get hit like this too. There's hope of reconnecting in the future, but it's not a longing hope.. As things were great, I'm sure we both hope the stars will line up for us a second time. Thanks for giving me a place to vent LS. Gonna finish up my last hour of work and return to the solace of crying alone.
Apolodor Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 A relationship is meant to strengthen the people involved in it, your gf's decision seems selfish to me. Maybe you're not that big a part in her life..... Anyways, don't sit around waiting for her to return, that would be a big mistake on your part. When a door closes another one opens, but if you don't keep your eyes open you might miss that new opportunity which is waiting for you. The pain you experienced is most likely due to your fear of being alone. It will pass in time, just don't dwell on how good things were, etc. Best of luck for the future.
Author AwptiK Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I mean absolutely no offense by this.. But if putting the ability to eventually support your child by yourself (finishing her nursing school) and making sure she keeps her full ride is selfish compared to keeping a distraction around that cannot fully support her for life and doesn't yet have enough foundation to know whether or not we'd be together ten years down the road..... I'd say that's a selfish call too. When she already puts so much pressure on herself and doesn't get good grades for two weeks out of a five week term, that's scary. Again, no offense intended. Her reasoning is just.
Author AwptiK Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I do really appreciate your kind words. It helped me get through work today. Genuine thanks
Compromize Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Your story is similar to mine in the fact that things outside the relationship caused it to end. Incompatible goals and the timeline for the future were the dig killers of mine. We got along great, had extremely good chemistry, conversation, attraction, sexual compatibility, all that. But she didn't want a real relationship (living together, marriage etc.) for many many years down the road. I know it hurt for both of us to part ways, but things were relatively easy at first...can't be too upset when things ended for something outside of the relationship. I cried that first day...bawled actually, but after that there was a good calm peace within. Then I don't know what happened. The plug was pulled yesterday and I cried and cried and cried. I've definitely accepted things and she knows I understand, but damn it hurts a lot out of no where. I think it'll hit her the same way...she randomly admitted that she thinks her head isn't in the right place at all, because of how stressed she is. So I guess she'll get hit like this too. I think that when the logical part of our brain says "this isn't going to work" and we listen to that and break up because of logical reasons, the mind can override the heart for a small period of time. Then the heart (which is more powerful in my opinion) wins out and the real pain starts. All the "right reasons" for a BU when you really love someone and there has been no cheating can't win out in the long run. Breaking down emotionally is bound to happen. I am 6 weeks into a BU coming from 5 weeks of being back together from a 5 week breakup prior to that. It was all stemming from circumstances that neither of us had control of and because of that she pulled away out of fear. It sounds like your woman had her reasons as well. Selfish, maybe but we are all selfish in our own way to varying degrees. After having gone through so many BU's with my ex, something changes every time you BU and I won't say it doesn't come back, because it can and does if two people really want to be together and want to REALLY make it work, but you do always have the fear that they might leave again. I told my ex that my biggest fear was her leaving again. She promised me that would never happen again. And look where I am at. In my opinion, once someone wants to leave and is willing to leave, us as the dumpees should hold our head high and walk the other way dignity intact. It is my firm belief that the right person would never fathom a break or a breakup except where cheating is involved. Otherwise, you are there to help each other, be the rock when they need it, be their support. If they walk away from this, it's their loss. Don't harbor any hope, it will just make your days and nights longer. Move on as if there is no hope and it will be easier on you in the long run. IF she does come back, you will be at a different place to make the decision on whether you want to let someone who was willing to leave once back into your life. I wish you well man, I really do. This is the hardest sh$t to go through. Keep your head up. 2
Author AwptiK Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Hey that means so much...thanks Compromize. I'm reading this on the road right now, but I'll definitely check back on this when I'm home later. I do fully agree on the head/logical thinking prevailing at first in "I did what I needed to" and then the emotional toll coming afterwards. I'm sure that's how it'll be for her too. We've been NC for four days. Had a few small talks after the breakup, just light conversation...sometimes stemming into questions about the breakup. But things got tense four days ago so NC it is right now, as much as I wanna be there to support her or whatever... Probably something neither of us could manage for a while. Cheers.
Compromize Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 NC is the best course of action for both of us I think. My ex is going through some physical issues that I know only a little about as they came up after the BU. I want to break NC to ask how she and her kids are doing and be her support but honestly she has a HUGE support network while I really only had her and she wasn't there for me when I needed her at the end of last year. The emotional toll keeps coming. It's not an easy road to try to move on from someone who you really and truly love. Even the minimal contact is never what you think it will be. I will always want her back and the contact will give me hope that she will come back and the hope is what really kills and makes you take roots in this place of emotional turmoil. Good for you for going 4 days NC, I am sure it feels like months. I haven't gotten a breadcrumb from her in 9 - 10 days, made the mistake of responding to the last one a day or two after she sent it. Makes it worse, now I was the last one to send her something and no response. The waiting game sucks so I am just refusing not to play. Laid it all out there for her and her answer was she is not ready to answer. Silence is an answer, and a loudly spoken one at that. I don't think there is such a thing as light conversation after the BU. It all eventually turns back into conversations about the BU and back to square one. Stay strong on NC. I know it sucks and it hurts but believe me breadcrumbs and responding to them hurt much worse.
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