Stuck In America - The Breakup and the Mess.

[jamwinswim]

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Hello All. Its tough to be in a break up, this much I know. Here I am, at work, and reading through these posts and realising that my pain is much the same as everyone elses. Here is my story, and any advice I would truly appreciate.

 

I met this girl, we'll call her Little L, just over a year ago. It had to be love at first sight - we were always staring at each other, smiling, flirting... and well one thing led to another and we started dating about a year ago. Everything went great, I even took this girl home to meet my parents in England for Xmas (I was here on a scholarship as an athlete). PERFECT i tell you - I loved this girl sooooo much, it was unbelievable. I always thought that I'd always wait on one girl, and when she came, I would be the most perfect boyfriend I could be. I had so much love to give, but up to this point in life had only concentrated on my athletic dreams and my education. I knew deep down in my heart that if given the chance with the girl of my dreams, it would last forever....alas..... I was wrong.

 

Things continued to be great.... Xmas turned to Spring, my athletic career finished, and I was set to graduate. She had her problems with the family (parents always fighting), and with stress from school, but I was always there for her, and encouraging her to succeed. I also had my problems too, and her love and caringness had overwhelmed thu my own problems and trying to graduate on time, and also getting my first career job. Despite all of this, I thought that these were little things that we could always get over - Just needed to communicate, talk, and love each other at the end of the day.

 

By this time though, our relationship had become "over-consuming", if thats a word. She had her friends from HS (as she was a local girl) and my friends I began to neglect because of all the time I spent with my girlfriend (Now I realise how bad that was, but Little L had basically developed into my best friend, 2nd friend, 3rd 4th and 5th friend, and her family had become my "adopted" american family). We spent ALOT of time together - we would always see each other everyday, if not at least talk, but then she wanted to spend time with her friends too. Cool right? Yeah I was cool with it, but inside it hurt me that she didn't want to be with me. To try and overcome this problem though, I wanted to work at it, and try and make her friends and my friends "our friends" - so we could all hang out together. But sadly she could never see this, and seemed pretty intent on keeping her friends "separate" from us.

 

Problem? I never thought so. We talked about it, maybe every week, but I never thought it may help lead to a breakup. I was always trying a median for us to meet at, but alas, nothing. Spring turns into Summer (04), and things are still great. She is working, I start working, she has summer classes, I help her through it all, my job takes me away for training, she calls me all the time saying "I miss you soooooo much". And then the crack appears.... one night we are talking and she says "Sometimes I feel like I just need to be by myself" .... no not the watching tv by herself thing, but being single. We talk a little about it, but she says not to worry, its something minor..... At least she was being honest, but she told me enough to be "okay" with it.

 

August hits. My birthday came around, beginning of the month, and she decorates my room, and buys me an expensive camera (which I know really put her out) - the card even said "to all of our future memories". At this point Im thinking "WOW" my girlfriend really loves me, and i've never had anyone do anything like this for me before..... and things pretty much continue to be the same. And then it happened..... two weeks ago today. We go to a party, and beforehand we're together and it doesnt seem quite right..... we lay together in bed, but shes laying on her front and kind of kissing me without getting close... I sense it, say something about it, but think nothing of it. We go to the party, and I decide not to dance, that I wasn't in the mood. She gets all anal about it, and when I decide I want to dance:

 

J: Okay lets dance, I want to dance

L: (shouting) why do you want to dance now? (this in a crowd, so making a scene)

J: (raising my voice) because I am in the mood now

L: Thats not good enough, how come you didn't want to dance earlier?

J: I wasn't in the mood, but I am now. Lets dance, I just want to make you happy?

L: Only do it if you're happy.,.......

 

and so it goes on before we lamely dance.... not talk to each other much, and then drive home. And then it happens, she drops the bomb....."I think we need a break". I never saw it coming. Looking back at it now, all of two weeks ago and much in pain, I think this is what hurt me hardest. I never saw it coming, NEVER! it was a complete flip flop of emotion on her part. We get back to my place, and we talk some more.... and then it happens - i start crying.... hard... like what have I done? whats wrong with me? I rarely cry, I cant even remember the last time I cried, and she reduced me to tears. She says she needs a break - to find herself, to really know what she wants, and that maybe this is too serious for her. She says she wants her friends, but that she also wants me too. She also says that she still loves me (at that point, and upto about a week ago).... but the pain had settled in already. I was.... well.... it was like my perfect life and paradise had been flipped to satanic hell. My hurt began.

 

The following day we talked again. We had too - i was hurting sooo much. Crying, left work early, my mind a complete mess. What had I done? What can I do to make this work again? Where did I go wrong? There I was looking for redemption, looking for a second chance. We talked, and the message was still the same - "break". We talked some more, we kissed, I even asked her if she felt that feeling and she said we did..... but at that time I knew I had to give her her space. But it killed me - that first weekend. We did a poor job, my mum said that we were "idiots" because we were still talking. But compared to before, it was nothing. My heart had been torn out of my body, and stepped all over. Did I feel spiteful? No. My logic was if she still loved me, then we would work this out. But my heart wept - I loved her so much. The lack of sleep, the misery in continuing anything else in my life without her there had stolen my confidence to fulfil those abilities, and the lack of appetite.... oh wow.... its still there.

 

A few days later, we met again, and talked some more. Said I couldnt take it that she had left me out to dry, with no hope, nothing for us to work towards - thats all I asked for. She declined, and I prepared myself.....called a bluff I suppose, but I told her the things I wanted to tell her in the future that I might regret if I didnt tell her then..... if that made any sense. Basically this was it, and I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. I tried to play hardball. Told her I loved her, how much she had changed my life, made me a better person - how she made me complete. She was in tears, and said "what if i find out real soon that i want you back". My reply... "you better hope I'm still around for you". We said our goodbyes, and I tried soooo hard to abide by the rules of NO CONTACT. During this time my heart hurt so bad, I couldn't even see the light. I still cant really, although Im talking more sense now (thats the head, not the heart speaking). Sleep....what sleep? food? what food? All i could think about was this perfect life with the perfect girl, and now it was gone. Miserable would be an understatement. Now isnt a time for rash decisions, but I wanted to go home to England, for good. My parents supported me, my mum even said "I always wanted you to come home, and her loss is my gain". You can always rely on mother for great support! lol. My dad talked more sense though, the same things that my head was saying. Give her space, let her be, if she wants you she'll come back. But the heart was saying "do nothing, and you'll lose her forever". Damn Love..... the most addicting drug, and it still kills me.

 

A few days pass, and I call her. I broke the NC rule, but I wanted to just make sure she was okay. Was I okay? No - my friends have either left after college or are busy with college, and my family were miles away. I never felt so lonely in all of my life. I dreaded waking up, because Id always think of her. I couldnt handle it. I tried working out, but my passion had gone. She says that shes okay, but wanted to call me but wasnt sure I would answer. Im thinking that this is a sign, but no.... she needs her space. I see the signals: she misses me, she says she loves me, she says she needs me in her life, and that I shouldn't go back to england, but..... but why apart? We talk, chit chat, about us..... we see each other - she hugs me tight, we lay together in bed, bodies touching, face to face close..... its almost like a tease to be that close to something you view as perfection but knowing you cant have it. She says she hurts too, but I just dont see it as much. Its like alot of the posts in here, why does one person have to suffer more?

 

So this past weekend pasts, and it gets to this week. The time kills me.... the more it drags on, the more I miss her and think I've lost her. Shes in school, im at work - no accidental hanging outs or meetings. I try to enforce the NC rule, but she calls me a couple times..... I of course answer, I have to.... I dont feel strong enough, or I guess rude enough to be like "No, I dont want to speak to you, dont you feel my pain?". And now I am here.... Friday.... week 2 of being single. And it hurts. My head agrees with what is happening - she needs a break to reevaluate what she wants in life, and what she wants with me. But it feels more breakup than break, and im thinking "what if she doesnt take me back....... it already feels like shes not going to take me back". I love her, and I pray.... I pray for her happiness with or without me. Thats what my head says, but my heart wants her so bad. I try to sleep, i think of her, i cannot eat, i finish work and feel so lonely. I workout, but my energy is gone, and then to speak to her and hear about her being busy, and without any pain hurts me. Of course i dont want her to hurt, but no remorse? Maybe shes free now, but it scares me that she doesnt want me. And to go on such a flip flop of emotions. I think if our actions towards each other had become a downward spiral recently, i would be more willing to accept this - but i cant. One day we were in love and together, and now.... now im a mess. And after all this, this is only half my life, the love part, because there is still the strain of what to do for my future now and knowing what i want. Do i go home? Stay here lonely? My mind is a mess, all i know is that i want her. I cant chase her, ill push her away, but if i do nothing, i may lose her forever. Im so lost without her, and my friends are trying to help, but man..... I had it bad. My head already knows that I have to give her space and time, its the only way she will realise what shes missing out on.... but my heart hurts and yearns for her.

 

What can I do? Any words of encouragement, or anything else you guys would like to know please just let me know. Even though this seems like a long post, I feel like I may have left things out too. My heart is open, my ears are listening, please..... Im only male, and some of us do have emotions too Any comments appreciated. Maybe it will give me new light on the situation, maybe even new strength. Thank you

 

Jamwinswim

[Merin]

I am so sorry you are suffering so much.

 

Honestly it sounds to me that she got scared. You are both young and she is feeling like she isn't certain right now what she should be doing.

 

It also sounds a little that her friends had something to do with her decision. They may have been feeling negleted since the two of you started getting more serious, just as your friends began to wonder where you had been.

 

The no contact deal, aaggghhhhh isn't it the worst!? Hearing the phone ring and your heart starts to beat fast right? I know exactly how you feel, in fact everyone here probably has experianced that at one time or another.

 

While I understand how your mom must feel, you are her baby after all and she wants to protect you and fix things, but of course she can't. I really feel your dad is giving you good advice, give her some time.

 

As miserable as you are feeling right now, don't think for a minute that she is without her own pain her own confusion or doubts if this is the right thing. She showed her hand a little when she told you she thinks of calling you, but is afraid of your reaction, that you might not want to talk. Everyone feels insecure at times, everyone.

 

The thing with "breaks" although IMHO I really don't think they are a good idea, is they need to have an ending point. There needs to be a time limit on this "break" because right now you are in limbo. You're unable to move forward or backward....... it's like listening to a clock tick.

 

I know you want to give her space, and I respect that so much I do. BUT I also think that it needs to be more clear of what this "break" entails and when the ending point is that the two of you decide to either get back together and go forward in the relationship OR it is decided that you both must move on in your own directions.

 

Being "suspended" in time waiting isn't fair.

 

Keep your head up;)

[jamwinswim]

 

Merin2,

 

Thanks for replying and thanks for listening. Reading through the forums, and adding some responses myself has started to make myself feel better, at least im not alone, right? lol. But I am. I came home after playing soccer today, and just felt plain lonely.... its easy to do when youre in a far away land. But i dont need to make excuses. My heart jumps when the phone goes, i always check to see if ive missed a call.... alas no.

 

But i need to be mature - Ive kind of realised a little today that I dont want the same relationship as before, or else its just going to break up again. If we do get back it needs to be on agreeable terms, and of course a little different so it can work. So people on here have said make a list of the things you didnt like during the relationship, and i thought about it in my mind, and really all i came up with was the her friends my friends not our friends thing. Thats something I want to work on if it happens. Also another piece of advice Ive taken to heart is to treat the relationship as if its brand new, like when we were first dating. Show her how wonderful I am, dont over pursue, dont be too forward - just have fun, wait for the calls, and enjoy each others company. One thing is for sure, if during our times that we do hang out or talk now (which is less), I cant be a miserable, sorry git because it will only solidify her reasons to break up with me, or be around her less. If im going to be that way, we may as well go no contact - at least she wont see a negative jamwinswim.

 

Lastly, the break thing does suck. Closure is needed at some point and I hate to be left hanging, and like I said before, I tried to get some closure by asking for some hope, but I guess it was too soon. I just need to be patient, at least thats what the head says. But man does the heart yearn for her and miss her. I miss her *tear*. My roomate last night, while out on the town, said I need to just drop her and forget her - cos we cant be friends in the future and see each other with new partners. Although he has a valid point, I dont think I'm ready to do that just yet. We'll see. Anyways, I'm trying to keep my head up and being positive, its tough, but I'm trying.

 

PS - Damn music isnt helping too lol. I like alot of punk rock, and all those songs dont help. Starting Line definately doesnt help.

[Merin]

Yep, yep, and yep!

 

LOL I know how you're feeling, I do.

 

Everyone is going to have thier opinions on what you "should" be doing, and how you "should" be feeling......

 

BUT the heart does not forget and the mind, well sometimes it just won't turn off.

 

I know that right now everything around you reminds you of her...... it's the heart.

 

TIEMPO my friend....... TIME is the only thing that is going to make a difference and that is regardless of how the relationship either ends or go forward.

 

It is smiling when you don't want to, laughing when you feel like crying, and knowing that you're an awesome person and whatever the outcome the sun will shine again tomorrow:)

 

Take care

[jamwinswim]

Geeze I am a mess of emotions. I dont know, each day I think I'm getting better, but then everything I do to "entertain" myself or keep busy just feels false, and soon I return to the reality that she isnt here. We haven't spoke for a couple days now, and yeah it hurts, but I know I have to be patient. This isn't a time to chase, or push her away.... I don't know. I put her pictures back up today - the walls were looking a little bare. I don't want to forget her, and I do feel pretty lonely without her in my life. Its to such an extent that I'm going home at the end of the month for a week for some TLC and Family Love. I haven't had a break in a while, Lord knows I need it. I feel emotionally torn, and all over the place. Without her, I feel incomplete and torn all over the place, and of course, EVERYTHING reminds me of her, or what we have done together. Time will do what it needs to do, but damn.... I wish I just danced with her that night now. But my head knows living a lie wouldn't be best for either of us.

 

WHY THIS PAIN? I am so lonely again, and I am so scared of being like this forever. Just like Coldplay said:

 

"Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry

You don’t know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh lets go back to the start"

 

My head knows that of course we shouldn't go back to how it was, because this will happen again. But my heart yearns for those days when she made me feel so wanted, so loved. To me I have all this love to give, and not being able to give it to someone I have experienced this with is the greatest bane of my life. I want to cry, I want to wake up and realise that its just a dream and shes there for me. Well, I am awake, and this is my reality.

[Merin]

Sweetie, don't beat yourself up so much.

 

You are being way to hard on yourself, and believe me this isn't about because you didn't dance with her when she wanted to.... "how deep is our bond if thats all it takes for you to be gone?" ~50 cents~

 

I think going home to spend some time will be so good for you.

 

TIEMPO........ and don't be so hard on yourself:)

 

Read LydiaMaries post about being stood up tonite for some laughs okay? lol good stuff!

 

Take care

[jamwinswim]

Yeah you're right, and I know up in the head that if it was just a little dance that caused a break, that its pretty retarded. She needs her space to realise what she wants, and if by chance we have good times when we do hang out, then we have good times. Im not going to be like most people and not be a friend - one of the main things I emphasized when we started dating was that we would be friends if we did breakup (although I always thought the break would be mutual). Patience.... a little time..... I know I'm a great person (not being big headed, just perking myself up) and that things will work out one way or another, and whatever that is it should be for the better. My roomate kids me that being single is "awesome" because of the freedom..... but then again he does have an "under the thumb" type girlfriend. I still want her back though - who doesn't when they are on the receiving end?

[Merin]

Being single........... well while it does have it's advantages, I really believe that most ppl want someone in thier life that is special you know?

 

It isn't sometimes any easier when you're not the one on the "recieving end" of things....... my boyfriend and I omg we have HUGE issues that tear me up! Although I was the one who said "what you're doing isn't okay with me, and so maybe we do need time apart to see what's up" it is still killing me, because I love him a lot.

 

He is much better at times at being "hard" and just seeming to not care.......... that hurts sooooo much! Again even when you're the one who has initiated the seperateness..........

 

Being friends......... that is a tough one too isn't it? To remain just friends with someone you love, aaagghhh! LOL the things we put ourselves through!

 

You seem like such a great guy, and I hope she opens her eyes and see's that loosing you would leave with her with regret for the rest of her life;)

 

Take care!

[jamwinswim]

Merin2,

 

Girl... I wish she saw the light too lol. My parents say it, my friends say it, that Im such an awesome guy, but you can't exactly tell her - its pushing her away more, of course she'll want to deny it. I've actually waited a full hrs to type this message, but I'm pretted heated right now about something that happened today. Basically, I feel like I was treated like ****.

 

Today I had a soccer game, and she said she was gonna come watch. I pretty much thought dont expect anything, and I wont get disappointed. Alas, she doesnt turn up, but leaves a msg on my phone. Because of this, I thought (even though Im not calling her at the moment) it is okay to reply to a phone call. After all, she did initiate.

 

So we talk, shes studying and says Im going to Church later. I push on the fact that shes going by herself, and she has no guarantee from her friend that she would be going yet. I guess I was trying to push the "im available, Ill go to church" thing. She didnt bite.... so, although i should of kept my mouth shut, I didnt and said something about it. Well then she says other people are going, and I was kinda like "well if its a big group, whats wrong with inviting me?" - good move or not, her tone was pretty much "i dont want you to come, i dont care". It felt pretty cold. Shes been saying all about being best friends and good friends, and I know I wouldnt treat a friend so harshly. For the 1st time, I actually felt happy not to be with her - Its definately a side of her I never thought I would see. I just kinda ended the convo "Well give me a call when you want" and that was that.

 

Thing that gets me though is that I was trying to be all happy and positive, and she kind of put it in my face (for the second time in a week basically). I know she needs her space, but .... saying we're gonna be good friends and then sticking it to me in such a harsh way - I just want to tell her. Thats how I feel right now, telling her how much she made me feel like **** with her not caring attitude. It really was a wake up call for me, cos this was definately not the girl I fell for.

 

So now, again lol, I'm initiating NC. Its tough, but I can't handle being treated like ****. Question is, when she does call (assuming she does), do I tell her how she made me feel? I'm worried if shes turning into this "new" person, because its not her - she shouldnt be rotting away. I care and love her, but not this.... Its tough. Very tough.

 

I dreamed last night 2 different dreams - one where we got back together, and then one where shes kissing another guy right infront of my face.... I woke up after that and couldnt get back to sleep, cos obviously it troubles me. Naturally im worried that she may like another guy or something, and I think that would hurt more for the fact that she lied to me when she told me she wanted to be by herself, and quote "not with anyone for awhile". If that happens, then everything that happened before would just seem like a big lie, and that would tear me up pretty bad. Because if I believed in that in the past, and that that was true love, what am I suppose to believe in in the future? I pretty defensive as a person as it is, I don't want this to make me shut everyone out from getting close to me.

 

Merin2 - thanks for listening and writing. I really appreciate it. Whats happening with your relationship? Im assuming by being "hard", you're talking about stubborness? Girl.... I wish she would be feeling some hurt right now, but it seems like shes doing great without me - obviously that hurts, but I do want her to be happy, truly happy. But you're right, I always thought people are happier together than single.... I wish she saw that. Its frustrating being able to do nothing, and being told its not you. I hope its true.

[Merin]

Damn! Your girl is really playing some mind games on you! I can totally see your point that if she is saying how the two of you are still friends, best friends then what kind of a friend doesn't want you around? aaggghhh!!

 

Not to mention what kind of a friend says they are coming to your game, doesn't show up makes a call then is pissed when you call them back? OMG AAAGGGGHHHH!!!

 

I really, REALLY think she has some not so great friends influencing her choices and decisions here. It is amazing how petty "friends" can be when they are feeling threatened by one of thier friends relationships, especially if they are not involved in a relationship themself. How many of her friends are in relationships? Hmmmm.........

 

LOL I know it sucks when your friends and your family are telling you that you're an awesome person uh? Not that it isn't great to hear that, but when the person you REALLY want to know and believe you're amazing and wonderful isn't acting that way........ well it makes you look at first your parents and say well yeah you HAVE to say that, i'm your kid and that is the law! LOL ya have to love your kid! then you look at your friends and think..... are they just saying that because they know i'm ready to snap the hell out over this relationship? LOL!!

 

You really do seem like an amazing person Jamwinswim, you obviously have a lot of heart and talent going for you AND I still say this girl is going to end up kickin herself in the ass if she doesn't get over herself real quick and start BEING a friend not just SAYING she is yours.

 

AAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

 

My boyfriend, YES he is very stubborn and hard headed! OMG it drives me crazy!!!!!! What i've found with him is the more I try to make "nice" with him and beg him not to behave the way he does at times, it only makes him worse, ugh go figure! It's when I've really REALLY had enough of his crap and feel pushed up against the wall with no where else to go and I tell him that this ISN'T OKAY and i'm not taking any more of it, that he knows me well enough to know, i'm not playing around and he will show me that he cares and doesn't want to lose me. I wonder why he can't just be good to me and treat me right all of the time........ blah!

 

I actually told him today *was feeling pretty cocky I guess lol* that if he looses me, that I will be the one he takes to his grave....... I will be the one he regrets loosing and I will be the one he misses for the rest of his life. Jeez LOL I was coming on feeling strong! ha!

 

Sometimes though, you really need that strength just to feel okay ya know?

 

It's odd, that when I pray, I pray that God will change me. Change my heart and help me let him go if he cannot love me the way I want and deserve to be loved....... so my friend, maybe just for tonight I will ask God to give you courage and strength to accept whatever is Gods will.

 

You don't need to thank me for writing...... it's therapy for me too, and for real, you really are an awesome person!

[jamwinswim]

I waited till the end of the day to type this, but today has been an emotional rollercoaster of all sorts of emotions. I think this may be a long one Merin2, and I hope you can help me through this. Typing this is also therapy for me, and having someone elses opinion who can only see what I type is also good.

 

So today I woke up, and basically for the whole day I've been feeling pretty rotten. My stomach, no appetite, and work was a basic no started. I didnt want to be there, and I already knew today was going to be a bad day. I woke up thinking of her, or the girl I was in love with.... and being by myself and lonely just makes it worse. But basically, at work, all I can think about is how "cold" she had been yesterday to me, and it made me physically ill to discover her. But it ate me up inside the most, cos i wanted to know why? how come? whats going on with her. So much for no contact, I called her up because.... well i was thinking of her... and I had to know. I needed to know what was going on in her head, and why this friends thing wasnt working out. I was being treated like crap, and I had to know why. All I knew was this nice person from before, whats wrong now? So I called her.... just made it real jolly and positive at first - like I said I would. Asked her how things were, and shes pretty much swamped with schoolwork. I mentioned something about her dad's golf clubs I had, and I was all set to return them this evening. Got off the phone, but the feeling of emptyness was still in me. I didnt feel like anything right then..... I was empty, lonely.... so very alone.... but I got on with things and felt a little better because I knew I would see Little L later.

 

Before meeting her, I knew what I was going to be like. Drop the clubs off, be real positive, stay happy and just see how warm she is to me. So I went over and.... we kinda hugged and she invited me in for a few mins. Well we went into her living room, and start general chit chatting.... but the reception already felt cold. It was one of those conversations just to touch base and not real be in touch with each other, just a fake out really. I couldnt really take it much more, and started to talk about how I was feeling with regards to our "friendship" and how Ive been trying to give her space but how upset I had been at her behavior. She listened to me, and as per usual I did most of the talking. But i'll give her credit, she was listening. I talked about how if we are all friends now, how come I cant hang out with her other friends, and how its pretty much like our relationship with her "friends" thing and that if this was to continue our friendship would suffer. I also told her that Id come along and had been honest to her, and that this wasnt about pressuring her about our past, but trying to work towards our future. We talked about how much we clicked together, and how it would be a shame to have shared something in the past, and to just throw it away now and for the future. There is no spite, or anger we both agreed, and I wanted us to concentrate on our friendship. But sadly all I seem to get was excuses - how busy she is, and how school is important to her. She said she was changing for the better, and I said thats great and the best thing, but that it was a shame if our friendship was to suffer.

 

From what I told her, she seem to think nothing was wrong with our friendship, and that she had been too busy to think about what had happened to us. I asked her if she missed me, and she said sometimes, and I asked her if she still loved me, and she said yes, but that it had changed to more of a love of a friend and for someone that had always been there for her. Although it was tough for me to hear those things, I can accept it now.... it still hurts, but I cannot deny the truth. So I began to delve a little more, and asked how come things ended up as they did. I asked her and told her... something like that that when these problems and feelings started to arise, she should have said something about it so we could of worked at it together (something that eats me up is that, like i told her tonight, i never had a chance to work at these problems, and that I never saw them coming). She kinda agreed, but alas I wasnt really getting anywhere. We tried to talk about the friends thing some more, but she seemed pretty set on setting her ground on her friends being her friends, and if we were to be friends then.... well we'll just have to see.

 

It hurts to hear this, especially after all we've been through. Its only been 2 and half weeks, but it doesnt seem like she wanted a break at all, she just fell out of love with me, at least this is what it seems. We hugged, we said goodnight, and that was that. And as I was driving away, I felt ...... lonely again. And this loneliness sucks. I tried to get something to eat on the way home, but could only eat half a cup of chilli from Wendy's. One of my friends even came over for a while and told me I looked thin in the face. Dont worry, Im trying to take care of myself forcefully, my appetite just isnt what it has been. But yeah, Im hurting. Im not going to lie. I guess this was closure, but I hurt so much. I want her back, of course I do, Im not going to lie about it. And usually i think everything through, and i try to find a way, but this time it looks like I have nothing to give. Maybe it was me, maybe it was her, I wish we could have talked about problems alot earlier than before, but alas this is the past. Im hurting and I am so so so alone right now - im left with friendships that have been neglected and no family. Im not a happy camper Im working at those and trying to keep busy, but Im an emotional flip flop right now. I wish the pain would go, and I wouldnt love her. It hurts - its not wrong to still love her, but I really thought she was perfect and everything was perfect, and now.... now im the remains of what has happened. What can I do now? Im so lonely... all i think about is her... I try to keep busy but it aint the same.

 

Girl, im glad you can hear my frustration - im just reading over your post again. I mean seriously, she got pissed at me.... for returning her call because she couldnt hold a commitment. I actually said something along those lines to her tonight, that she would keep a commitment like being in another town to see a best friend by a certain time, but couldnt make a soccer game for a "best/close friend". But im not bitter about that - I expected nothing and got nothing - I should be satisfied I feel what youre saying ARGHHHHHH. In regards to her friends, the ones here in town, the closest two, have boyfriends, but most of her other friends, in town and at the other college dont. Maybe she is just too young and immature, but I know shes not that person. She also said something this evening about how shes becoming a better person now, which is good, but hurt as well (as if i was making her a worse person). I worry that shes becoming a loose cannon of sorts, but what can i do?

 

Enough about my mess. It sounds like youre having all sorts of fun and games at your end too. For some reason, human nature tells us to do the opposite of what we're told. Dont touch the stove, we touch the stove. Tell him to stop being stubborn and he will be. I guess stubborn can be a good thing at times - at least he knows what he wants (at leasts thats how i view my own stubborness). But too much of it.... I feel ya. Very frustrating. GRRRRR. Just let it be... if he wants to be stubborn, and maybe an a-hole every now and then, just let it be - if it keeps wearing you down and talking doesnt sort it out, then well, the warning lights are a flashing my friend. At least youre feeling confident in yourself, and that you know he'll be losing out more (i feel the same, if only your boy and my girl knew).

 

When you pray, dont pray for god to change you - just ask for strength and direction. You are a wonderful person, and have a great heart. Someone, maybe this guy maybe not, will really appreciate your gift. The man upstairs, whatever your belief, has a plan for us all, just let him take control. Dont change yourself for someone, because then thats only making yourself live a lie. Alright Im out...... to be with me, myself and I. Give me some love, keep me some company lol. later.

[Merin]

Ouch! Damn you really didn't have a good day uh?!

 

Your girl is really playing some games here J

 

It is ridiculous for her to insist that the two of you are friends and then treat you the way she has. I don't know I think she is getting something out of your misery here? Like it seems to feed her own ego to know that you care so much about her, and to know that you would be right there for her if she asked you to. That isn't okay, and that isn't being a friend to you.

 

Aggghhhh!!!

 

Time to play hardball here Jamwinswim! Buckle up for safety! LOL for real this isn't going to be easy........

 

As much as this is killing you (and I know it is) stop contact with her. Sit on those hands if you have to so you don't call her. Turn your ringer off if you're jumping when it rings..... if or when she calls let her get your voicemail.

 

Call your friends that you've negleted, they will understand, trust me they will. Get out when you don't feel like it, in fact especially when you don't feel like it. Take that trip back home to see and spend time with your family.

 

The point is...... you are only going to start feeling better once you take back some of the control she has here. When she starts calling you (and she will) I know it's hard to imagine right now.... but she will begin to wonder where you've gone, what you're doing...... just human nature to be that way.

 

When I said that I ask God to change me, I didn't mean for God to change me as a person, I meant I ask for God to change my heart regarding my boyfriend....... that if he cannot or will not do the right things for me to change my outlook on him.

 

I do believe everything happens for a reason (sssshhhhhiiii TA lol even when it sucks!) and like you I do believe that there is a plan for us all.

 

Ever read a book called the road less traveled? Check it out if you haven't;)

 

Keep your head up my friend..... this to shall pass.

[Splatty]

You responded to my thread I thought I would return the favour.

 

First of all take care of yourself.... I really mean that is your number one priority. The only one who can ever really look out for you is you.

 

What can I do now? Im so lonely... all i think about is her... I try to keep busy but it aint the same.

 

This is a common problem, you miss her and you feel lonely. It becomes a bad cycle man... you have to break it. It won't be easy, in fact it will be the hardest thing you can ever do. Not enjoying things is mostly 90% mental, so you have to pick up your socks and really live. That's what I been doing don't get me wrong I miss her but life is as good as you see it. Get up in the morning thank God to be alive and for all you have. Try to be the best person you can be, do things you have dreamed of doing it will boost your confidence/self-esteem. Then if she sees you, she will see you really enjoying life, maybe she will realize what she missed. The other benefit is that girls love guys who have there sh*t together, if you are thinking about yourself positively others will see it. You might just met someone new, I know that not what you want but it could happen. Here is my thing I don't want to sound like a jerk but what would you rather have her see? A guy who wants her back every moment and is having a hard time? or A guy who is fullfilling his non-relationship dreams and is making sh*t happen, who although may be hurting is making the best of a bad situation? Trust me she didn't fall for the 1st guy. If you do this the worst that can happen is that you are successful, happy and enjoying life.

 

The break-up you read about is not my first. My first I could not let go and I got super depressed and it took me a year to get over a girl I had only been seeing for a year. I was the first guy all needy and it drove her away. Funny thing is I got my **** together and found a girl that was better then the first, it is the one you read about. After getting dumped by the second I was all "I love you, we should be together, it drove her away. She fell in love with the guy who got things done, who has his life in semi-order. That's why I have gone back to taking care of me.

 

That's why I have a plan this time... waiting and trying to win them back is not something you can force. I am not trying to discourage you but she may really need time. What is better getting back together now when problems will quickly resurface or allowing problems to kinda get fixed and start a new relationship later. A new realationship that is pure one that really has a chance!

 

Also I was like you, I thought too much running every senerio of our relationship in my head. It is very distructive and that is why it took me so long to recover from the first girl. If you can try not to think about it, try meditation to clear your mind. Your mind needs a break from all the thinking, even if is just for a moment.

 

Hopefully I have inspired you to look at things a little differently. I am a broken-hearted fellow alone like yourself and I am doing it.

 

Anyway man, I totally feel for your situation. Again I cannot stress this enough take care of yourself, really enjoy life. You will be surprised by how much joy you can feel without the person.

[jamwinswim]

Merin2 & Splatty, thanks for the love. its appreciated.

 

Todays been a pretty .... well odd day. I spoke with my parents early on, and they both think shes just a total nut/mess right now. They pretty much think that if she can flip flop like this, she could easily flip flop back. It hurts me to though cos I miss her, but then I dont miss who she is right now and what shes doing to me. She called a little while back, and I thought about not answering..... but I couldnt resist. A short little call, I tried to sound perky and all, and she was just like "Well I just wanted to say hello" - so we kind of left it like that. I wish we could talk more, but Im at work, and I dont really know what to say. How can I? Anything Ive really said in the past two weeks has been torn apart. I pretty much thought well its okay to talk to her, and I know I want to call her back and talk and see whats up and hang out, but pretty much I have to leave that up to her. The ball is in her court, no matter how messed up she is. Im scared of the person she maybe becoming, but this is her choice. She has a big test tomoro, so I told her to study constructive and keep up the good work.

 

Merin2, you were right, yesterday was a hell of a day, and not in a good sense. Talk about a rollacoaster, we have our conversation last night, and then she calls me today. I didnt think she would call for a while, but .... well she did. And we spoke. And that was that. Im not sure how strong I can be in performing NC, and when is it okay to stop NC? I know there is no right or wrong. I have already started working on my neglected friendships, and that trip back home is already booked. My parents said she needs to grow up and no matte rhow much this hurts, at least it happened now and not down the road. If shes going to play games, dont bother. My Dad told me that I havent changed, and I havent done anything wrong and that I shouldnt be so harsh on myself. Thinking about it now, the next time she rings ill let it go voicemail. If its that important, she'll leave a message, if not, then theres no need to call back. I really need my time apart from her too now.... thats the first time ive said that. I love who she was - well the girl that loved me and made me feel special, but she isnt there anymore and what is left is someone that doesnt think that highly of me. Its a shame, but what can i do.

 

You are right, its time to take control of what is rightfully mine, and that is me. I need to go out, enjoy what I do for myself and by myself, and whatever happens happens. Good thing i am spending some time back in england - then neither of us will be able to get in contact with each other at all. Just keep talking to me and giving me strength girl, its helping me and I appreciate it. Come by, Ill cook you dinner sometime lol.

 

Splatty - thanks for replying bud. Im glad you took the time to read my novel lol. Everything you say is pretty bang on buddy - i really need to have confidence back in myself and just do whats best for Mr jamwinswim. Its not fun being single, but at the same time I now have a wonderful opportunity to put my house in order. I put too much into Little L, and let her get too close to me, a mistake I dont anticipate on making again. You are totally right - this is what has happened, the past cannot change, and I cannot allow myself to mop around. Life is beautiful, and I need to start enjoying it. I mean how many people get a chance to live and work abroad, go to college abroad, experience a different world - I am lucky for what Ive got and had. Little L was awesome - I loved what we had. And although it hurts to see her not care, I cant do much about it. Like everyone is saying, Ive done all I can. Ive tried to be her friend, ive told her how i feel, and what Im willing to work at, now its time to just let it be. The ball is in her court, if she doesnt want to play, i cant force her.

 

Like your story, and the insight into your previous relationships, I can see that I just need to get myself together. She may really need time, a long time, and if im here or not (as in America).... well thats what might happen. But I agree with you, Id 110% rather have a relationship that is pure and has a chance then something complicated and messy. Although Id love for her to be in my life as a mess, its not going to work lol. If I look at it 3rd person, then yeah, it needs to be pure. Im a romantic, and I have to realise this. Its now time to take care of and enjoy myself. It may be alot of fun to share your life, and the greatest joy is to give, but there is no need if it isnt going to be appreciated the way you think it should.

 

Okay... time to get back to work. But for today, I am listening to some David Gray, and smelling the sweet air outside. At least trying to.

[Merin]

Hey J!

 

Well you know everything you're saying is right..... just sucks that it's easy to say, and logical but it still sucks! LOL! Crap!

 

I'm not to suprised she called you today..... in some ways after last nights convo with her, I think she knew she had gone to a place that she sort of could lose you and she wanted to make sure she could still go "home" if she ever chooses to.

 

Damn games suck!

 

I'm happy you've made plans to go back home again.... moms, gotta love em!

 

I'm chillin here at work right now myself. So pissed off at my bf I could really put a foot in his a$$ if he was standing here right now! bllaaahhh! you know what gets me the most? How he acts like i'm the crazy person, how he comes off like he is normal and okay, and that i'm making a huge deal out of nothing! OMG makes me so mad!

 

So the dilema....... do I see his sorry butt this weekend and keep trying with him, OR do I blow it off act like an a**h*** like he has LOL and try to have fun?!

 

Dinner.... jeez that sounds good about right now! LOL tell ya what you cook and i'll do the dishes? Got paper plates? LMAO!

 

Craaaaappppp!!!!!

 

I hope your day is going better right now;)

 

Talk to ya later.

[jamwinswim]

ick.

 

At least im saying these things now right? But youre right, it still sucks. I hope I havent given the impression that she could still go home - I guess I was polite, nice, friendly without being too friendly, talked and then let her be. Besides - shes got things to take of right now with school, no need to interupt. Games suck though. Well hopefully she'll find herself and be happy in the end, however long it takes. And we will see what happens for me. Its time for jamwinswim to take care of jamwinswim for once. I need my own love lol.

 

So tell me more about the boyf. Id love to help, or give some good ole english advice, and if you have a post on here, just direct me that way. Without knowing too much, I cant give too much advice. Just think of me being like a doctor giving you a prescription without knowing whats wrong with you - I would be charged with malpractice! But if he thinks that theres nothing wrong and you arent 100% happy, you shouldnt put up with it. If he really wants you, he will come after you. If not, and thats a sucky thought, then hes not worth your time or attention. Whatever your choice - you need to have some FUN this weekend lol. okay im out of here, and heading home in a bit. ill ttyl.

[Merin]

Hmmm........ my boyfriend.

 

LOL

 

Okay, well he and I have been together for almost 2 years. He has always been the jealous kind.

 

Me having male friends is out of the question. Me going anywhere with my gf's is out of the question.

Let's see, he has asked me down to the last detail of every experience i've had, like ever. Not just one time but several

 

Hmmm.... ugh lol what else? Okay, well he has cheated on me before and then begged me not to leave him. He lies about wierd little things at times and it just pisses me off and makes me confused as to why?

He is in the military. (lol does that even matter?) he is from a third world country so we have some cultural things I guess?

 

He has always been very attracted to my looks, and sometimes I wonder if that is everything that he really loves about me? ugh! We just have a hard time sometimes communicating. I feel that he goes out of his way to try to make me feel insecure and when I ask him why he says it's because he is so insecure about me?

 

I don't know. I love him a lot, really a lot. At times I just really want to give up because it feels like there isn't any winning? We have talked about getting married......... I don't know. Maybe it's me that expects to much from him? Then I think that if asking to be treated right is asking for to much then shhhhhiiiiii T what else is there?

 

Bleck! LOL I don't know J, I really do love him and try so hard to show him that I care and that i'm not doing the wrong things by him, and sometimes I think he has these thoughts that I am, because of things he himself has done? My dad (see good ol dads and moms ) thinks a lot of it is cultural, and that my bf has certain beliefs of what a womans place is? However, LOL he hooked up with the wrong girl or something because that isn't me. Not that I don't do the right things for him, but you know what I mean?

 

So whats up with you tonite? Things get any better yet?

 

TTYL

[jamwinswim]

Things are indeed getting better. Not in the sense that we're getting back together, but I think my word of the day is Acceptance. I think Im beginning to accept that I have to let go of her. I love this girl, or loved who I know this girl can be, but shes on her own rollercoaster right now, and she doesnt want me to take the ride. The only thing I can do is watch, suffer, and support her as a friend. I dont feel as bad now when I think of her with other guys or basically not with me because I cant change what has happened, its the past and these are the cards I've been dealt. Its a shame for us to part, but, if this is how its meant to be, then so be it. Hopefully this can become a bit of a plateau for me in my feelings, as you can see from this forum, the past week has been just as eventful as the rest of the breakup. I'm a great guy, and its not exactly difficult to be friends with me - its her choice. If she cant find time for me, so be it, I cant force her. Its a shame that after all we've been thru in a relationship, which was pretty darn good with lots of good memories, that this is what shes made it to be, but one day things may work out for our friendship or relationship. I have done all I can - told her how I feel, tried to be friends - its not as if ive been a jerk or anything to deserve what I've got. But thats how the cookie crumbles, and its time to let go. I think. I still think about her, but its more thinking about her in the past, not where or what she is now.

 

Girl, your guy almost sounds typically male. Id like to say im not the jealous type, but id be lying. Every guy is some small part - he likes his territory and he'll do anything to protect it. He needs to loosen up over you being with the girls too, I guess I could take that advice myself. If anything try to intergrate him more with your friends, boys or girls, as then if he gets to know them well enough, he can at least trust you with them. I gave Little L every chance to do this, but she never wanted it. Still doesnt - quite confusing from my point of view.

 

From the little I can see too, I dont know - I think that if you ever cheat you should be a gonna. I mean come on - if youre not happy with what youve got and you have to go elsewhere, stay there. Get out. Go. Your stance should be this is me, i am loving and caring, and this is what I've got. If you dont like it, scramble. Im sure he begged you not to leave him, who wouldnt in that situation. I hope he didnt get away with it too lightly. And the little lies thing..... sounds like a winner! jk. that was a tad harsh. I Wouldnt stay with him if you think "if i leave him, it may be a while till i find someone" - if its not broken dont fix it. I guess its upto you to decide if it is broken, or cracked, and what needs to be done about it. You talk about winning, and really, if you were reading someone elses post, you would be saying the same as me - there shouldnt be any one party winning or losing - its a relationship, everyone should win!

 

With regards to culture - well.... Im not too sure how to address that one. Cultural difference can make a difference. I was only from England, where things are pretty similar, but I was bought up and taught things in a different light than here in the States. I guess it just depends on how flexible a person is to adjust. Remember, he came to America, you didnt go to the third world - hes the one that needs to adjust on a few things. I think you just need to wear those pants in this relationship and take control. Go out with the girls and guys - your friends, dont neglect them, and if he gets p*ssed, so be it. Tell him hes more than welcome to join, and if he pouts about being there, tell him not to come next time if he doesnt enjoy himself. Just be honest with him, you cant really go too wrong with that.

 

Alright.... time to hit the workdesk. And keep my mind busy.

[NatoPMT]

Hi Jamwinswim

 

Things sound like they are starting to feel better for you now – the godawful no sleeping/no eating shouldn’t last too long. When I started posting a year ago in a not dissimilar situation to yours, with an US-UK relationship break up, I lost a stone and a half. Its imperative you start eating/sleeping and looking after yourself immediately – you have your career to think of if its football/athletics, as well as your health. The lack of B vitamins can make your mental state worse so make sure you take care of that first, if you cant manage much make sure what you manage is good for you.

 

Couple of comments from your posts:

 

‘her tone was pretty much "i dont want you to come, i dont care". It felt pretty cold

 

the reason she is being like this is because she HAS to to get over you, its not you shes being cold towards, its her feelings. She will be hurting herself so please don’t feel any less valued by her coldness, its just a means to an end. Its consequence is you feel discarded, but this will help you get through this quicker too as you realise the person you perceived you loved doesn’t exist anymore.

 

I would forget the friends thing in your shoes, you don’t have friends who you are in love with, it doesn’t work. No contact is categorically the way forward here. The pain of breaking contact is sharp, but I’d rather have a sharper pain for a shorter time than a constant pain indefinately. Every time you have contact you will have some relapse in your progress

 

‘Typing this is also therapy for me’

 

I agree, I typed and typed and typed and it helped me to get things in order, as she was your closest friend she was the one you were communicating all your feelings with and now that outlet is gone its important that you replace that outlet

 

‘it doesnt seem like she wanted a break at all, she just fell out of love with me’ – misguidedly, sometimes people say that a break is in order instead of a break up as they think that the pain for their ex-partner will be less and to ease their guilt. Sometimes a break in hindsight was always a break up but she didn’t know at the time – distance can be needed to see it always was a break up

 

You are doing the right thing coming back to the UK, 3 months on you will feel a different person to how you feel now, trust everything will be ok and this has been the right path for you to take.

 

Best of British - BB

[Fuzzymuzzy]

I feel your pain. I hope things get going better for you. I'm going through the same situation but I'm at the 2 month mark and I can tell you it does get easier with time. Before I was so depressed I lost 18 lbs. ( I'm slim to begin with) and would walk around so depressed my arms felt numb. At least your not like me and had a child with your woman. That adds a new dynamic to your situation. Or had her bring her new boyfriend over to your house like my ex did. It will make you tougher mentally, you'll see your better off but it takes time. My advice is don't let her see you down a woman wants to think your life stopped when she walked away. Always no matter how bad you feel smile, tell her all is right with the world, keep your chin up. She will be curious as to why your ok

if she is going to come back that gives you a much better chance. Remember curiousity killed the cat.

[Fuzzymuzzy]

You hurt now. She'll hurt later.

[Merin]

Good Morning J:)

 

Well, it sounds like you were having a little better day of it yesterday?

I'm proud of you! You are an awesome person, and seriously I love what FuzzyMuzzy said, "You hurt now, she will hurt later" very true.

 

Acceptance....... odd isn't it, that you can be so logical, have rational thought process but it still be so hard to swallow?

 

Your situation is somewhat different from mine, to begin with you're an awesome person and my bf..... lol well not so much.

 

I know EXACTLY what you're saying on the whole cheating and lying thing. It isn't harsh to say "sounds like a winner" again, truth is painful right? But that is what friends are for, to tell you the truth even when it hurts.

 

I get so pissed at myself for compromising my own beliefs and values in order to have felt okay in the relationship and I guess in so many ways so I could find forgivness for what he did. Funny thing is I haven't forgiven him and I don't think I can.... now on top of it I feel disappointed in myself for not standing my ground on what I always told him would be a deal breaker to begin with.

 

I think it is part of what makes me so angry too, when you said you hoped he didn't make light of what he had done.... well he did make light of it in a way.... he has been the judge, jury and executioner regarding my past relationships he even got so pissed off a few weeks ago because he was going through my things and found a photograph of an ex boyfriend of mine. Not like the freakin pic was in a frame on my bedside know what I mean?

 

He questioned me like it was an interagation about it, then he acted like I had cheated on him because I used to date this guy. aaagghhhhh!!!!!

 

My family and friends have all questioned me about this relationship, and cannot understand why I would be there still. I ask myself that a lot too.

 

My boyfriend when I first met him..... well lets say that he presented himself to be someone he isn't. Lies.... not small lies, big huge lies. Warning signs all there you know? OMG J, lol why why why did I allow myself to be taken in by this? ugh!

 

I hope so much that what Fuzzy says holds truth for me as well...... that I hurt so much now, but he will hurt more later. LOL I cannot even say I hope he will be happy, is that bad of me?

 

He still acts like we are together like "together" he will talk about marriage.... kids... but then he turns around lies some more and acts like it's no biggie and i'm crazy!

 

J, you are such an incredible person, you really are. I hope you understand REALLY understand that you deserve so much more than the hand you've been dealt. You're a strong person and I know with enough time, you will be okay and happy again.

[Fuzzymuzzy]

Please if you guys have time read my post under infidelity. Let me know what you think. I'm as confused as everyone else.

[jamwinswim]

Ladies and Gentlemen,

 

Thank you all for your responses - I really appreciate them all. Today was an imbetween day for me. My work took me to the golf course, and with all that time outside and off work, you know what was on my mind - My Succubus! lol jk. Despite the fact I am talking a good game right now, and at least its a start, it still sucks, and it still not fun. The loneliness isnt good - Im keeping myself very busy with my new soccer team, my neglected friends, working out etc but its tough to go home at the end of the night and then be all alone once more. Ive probably been more busy than ever before, and Im trying to get into new things, but it still feels pretty empty. Dont worry guys though, im fighting, and time will hopefully clear my mind and make me feel better. Its time to let go, I know that, but its a very scary thought...... being alone scares me - but in all reality i cant change anything right now, ive done all i can in a gentlemanly honor, and that is that.

 

BigBelm - thanks for the support, its good to hear from another Brit whos been something similar. As with everyone concerned, on here and in my life, I am starting to eat better, and im taking my Vitamins. With regards to her having to get over me, it sucks and I know I dont want to hear it, I guess the only thing I can counter with is why fight her feelings if shes "forcing" herself to get over me. Forcing a feeling isnt right, and will probably leave her more messed up. I think I might prefer her to feel this way properly, as in she doesnt want to know me period, cos at least she isnt fighting herself. That would suck, but throughout this all ive said is that I want her to be happy, even if it causes me some unhappiness right now. We shall see, time will tell I guess. Ive gone into NC mode, and I agree, every conversation just delays the facts - but we all hold out for hope I suppose. Time will do what it needs to do. The typing thing is good too cos people on here are here to read this stuff, and my friends.... well as you can imagine ive probably talked there ears off about this now - but at least they are supporting and understanding. In regards to coming home, im only visiting home at the end of the month - not too sure whats going to happen for me long term. I guess thats what Ill be talking over with my family and best friend back home when I get there. We shall see.Best of British mate.

 

Fuzzy - I tried to find your post, but I cant find it. Copy and paste the link into here, and Ill be more than happy to lend an ear. I feel for your situation and youre right, I could have it worse with a child involved - I can only imagine the emotions involved there. And well.... if there is a new boyf, I may not ever meet her. With me out of school, and without sharing her friends, its all up to her if she actually wants to see me, be friednly with me, or even let me know whats happening in her life. But I agree, and im sure from what youve read too, I need to be super positive now, cos if im down around her, theres no chance of anything happening. Ill just be that sad excuse of a guy that got crushed. And Little L, you might hurt me, but Im still standing (yeah yeah yeah - Elton John).

 

Merin2 - Mon cherie! or is it Ma Cherie? Who knows? How are you dear? I guess I Can agree with both you and Fuzz over the hurt thing - maybe she will realise what she might have lost - but maybe she wont. If she does, Im sure that will lead to a whole new bag of fun.

 

Acceptance....... odd isn't it, that you can be so logical, have rational thought process but it still be so hard to swallow?

 

You hit the nail on the head there girl. My mind can see it all - I guess I was blessed with some smarts and common sense. But like I said earlier, the heart hurts and I guess its scared too. Its a scary place to be in all alone. ANd dammit, I keep hearing that Avril Lavigne Song - Happy Ending.... dammit lol.

 

From what Ive started to see here with your relationship is that its time to take control and wear the pants girl! If hes meant to be it, he needs to earn you and your respect. Its time to take the STOP sign and say hold up buddy, you aint stepping over me agaiN! You know some guys can be jealous and all ... I guess if you have the patience try and explain everything to him and that he shouldnt feel threatened. If he doesnt understand, then doesnt that say something? Maybe try some mind games (dangerous..... hmmm) like "you shouldnt feel threatened by my ex, maybe you should feel threatened by how youre pushing me away". If he cant read the signs, and they are the same in any language and region of the world, then STEP! and step away. You are strong girl, just be strong like you tell me to be. My friends and family also gave me some questions recently on her "behavior".... but then again they thought she was a real winner when I bought her home for xmas. Im sure my mum's opinion of Little L isnt too hot right now! lol. I guess you shouldnt wish pain or spite on a person, no matter how much crap they give you. Just rise above it, and move on. There are plenty of people in the world that are cool and worth treating well, why waste time wishing evil on someone else? I guess they can get there own happiness with people at "their" level. Believe me, if anyone is crazy, its Mr Military

 

M, thanks for the love. Im trying to be strong, and I know this episode, however it turns out, will teach me alot and will be a valued chapter in the book of my life. The hand Ive been dealth may not be the best, but, just like in sports, just do the best you can with what you've got. So Im going to the bar lol. Take care all, and thanks.

[Fuzzymuzzy]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=47735