LMNO Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Anyone here extremely disappointed in themselves for seeing all sorts of red flags throughout the beginning of a relationship, yet not following their instincts and leaving that person when they saw them? I was 19, and the woman I was with was 26. Of course I thought I was a stud, but at the same time I always wondered what a 26 year old would want with a 19 year old. I never really believed in the age difference deal being a big issue, especially since I was a lot more mature than your average 19 year old. I now see that it was the perfect relationship for a narcissist like herself, to manipulate and control me and the relationship.And then the flags came flying, one after another. Man-if I only knew then what I knew now. Thoughts, feelings, personal experience's and red flags you wish you would have followed the gut on?
Amelie1980 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Red flags...... 1. Talking about exes a lot ...unresolved issues. 2. Previous relationship breakdowns are never their fault...you'll be to blame when it all goes wrong too. 3. Over 30 and no long term relationships. 4. Attached at the apron strings to parents even though a grown adult. 5. Won't put you first....ever. I'm not demanding but I mean Uf they won't ever make you a priority and prioritise everyone & everything else above you all the time. 6. Always late....again we are all late from time to time but habitual lateness is a sign that they value their time more than yours. 7. They blow hot and cold. 8. You never know where you stand with them. 9. They won't talk about the relationship issues and the blind side you. 10. They can't take responsibility for their actions. 5
Am4Real Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Red flags...... And the answers are: Red flags...... 1. Talking about exes a lot ...unresolved issues. NO 2. Previous relationship breakdowns are never their fault...you'll be to blame when it all goes wrong too. [highlight] YES [/highlight] 3. Over 30 and no long term relationships. [highlight] YES [/highlight] 4. Attached at the apron strings to parents even though a grown adult. NO 5. Won't put you first....ever. I'm not demanding but I mean if they won't ever make you a priority and prioritize everyone & everything else above you all the time. [highlight] YES -- for the most part [/highlight] 6. Always late....again we are all late from time to time but habitual lateness is a sign that they value their time more than yours. [highlight] YES YES YES [/highlight] 7. They blow hot and cold. [highlight] YES -- for the most part [/highlight] 8. You never know where you stand with them. [highlight] YES -- for the most part [/highlight] 9. They won't talk about the relationship issues and then blind side you. No 10. They can't take responsibility for their actions. [highlight] YES [/highlight] 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 And the answers are: Red flags...... 1. Talking about exes a lot ...unresolved issues. NO 2. Previous relationship breakdowns are never their fault...you'll be to blame when it all goes wrong too. [highlight] YES [/highlight] 3. Over 30 and no long term relationships. [highlight] YES [/highlight] 4. Attached at the apron strings to parents even though a grown adult. NO 5. Won't put you first....ever. I'm not demanding but I mean if they won't ever make you a priority and prioritize everyone & everything else above you all the time. [highlight] YES -- for the most part [/highlight] 6. Always late....again we are all late from time to time but habitual lateness is a sign that they value their time more than yours. [highlight] YES YES YES [/highlight] 7. They blow hot and cold. [highlight] YES -- for the most part [/highlight] 8. You never know where you stand with them. [highlight] YES -- for the most part [/highlight] 9. They won't talk about the relationship issues and then blind side you. No 10. They can't take responsibility for their actions. [highlight] YES [/highlight] What makes you right? A 35 year old man who runs his life around gist parents still and won't move out is not a red flag?
Am4Real Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Amelie, I was responding to your post of RED FLAGS as they applied to me once based on the thread discussing narcissism. It was not intended to be a reflection on you or your situation if that is now you interpreted it. What makes you right? A 35 year old man who runs his life around gist parents still and won't move out is not a red flag?
Amelie1980 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Amelie, I was responding to your post of RED FLAGS as they applied to me once based on the thread discussing narcissism. It was not intended to be a reflection on you or your situation if that is now you interpreted it. oh sorry....I thought it was a discussion about what were red flags and what were not!
mike588 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Anyone here extremely disappointed in themselves for seeing all sorts of red flags throughout the beginning of a relationship, yet not following their instincts and leaving that person when they saw them? I was 19, and the woman I was with was 26. Of course I thought I was a stud, but at the same time I always wondered what a 26 year old would want with a 19 year old. I never really believed in the age difference deal being a big issue, especially since I was a lot more mature than your average 19 year old. I now see that it was the perfect relationship for a narcissist like herself, to manipulate and control me and the relationship.And then the flags came flying, one after another. Man-if I only knew then what I knew now. Thoughts, feelings, personal experience's and red flags you wish you would have followed the gut on? The biggest red flag I ignored was her telling me several times that she still had feelings for her ex. (stupid me) but reassured me she would NEVER go back to him!! Also it.....the relationship seemed to be all about her and her needs and wants. When Christmas and my birthday came it was no big deal to her...matter of fact she spent time with family on Christmas and made no attempt to be with me on my b-day or the night. Looking back on it now she did me a favor by dumping me and now I can find someone who will appreciate me.
Kermit Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I dont think it would be possible to find a girl who had more red flags than my ex did. Yet i didnt listen to my instincts, or all my friends and family telling me to not do it. Sure enough, **** hit the fan in the worst way possible a short time down the road. She was too emotionally damaged from her past and had too much baggage. It would have never worked out, and she basically told me i was crazy for wanting to date her. I regret ever meeting her. 2
Peter Parker 90574 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I dont think it would be possible to find a girl who had more red flags than my ex did. Yet i didnt listen to my instincts, or all my friends and family telling me to not do it. Sure enough, **** hit the fan in the worst way possible a short time down the road. She was too emotionally damaged from her past and had too much baggage. It would have never worked out, and she basically told me i was crazy for wanting to date her. I regret ever meeting her. You are not alone, this just happened to me a little while ago, time heals all 1
incandescent Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 so many red flags in my old relationship... so many! i tried to breakup with her several times during our relationship because I saw them left right and center... but I couldn't go through with it, she kept apologizing, saying sorry, give me another chance, and i KEPT forgiving her... Then she eventually dumped me, because an old friend came back onto the scene (he looked at her through a keyhole whilst she showered - they didnt talk for 3 months) then as soon as he comes back on the scene, bam. she went to him. oh well!
polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I dont think it would be possible to find a girl who had more red flags than my ex did. Yet i didnt listen to my instincts, or all my friends and family telling me to not do it. Sure enough, **** hit the fan in the worst way possible a short time down the road. She was too emotionally damaged from her past and had too much baggage. It would have never worked out, and she basically told me i was crazy for wanting to date her. I regret ever meeting her. Bad luck dude, you are emotionally attached. Can't help. Don't worry takes time. I am a lot similar to what you are. Still in the recovery phase - 90% complete
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