sarah1268 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hey guys, My bf and I have been together for nearly 4 years, started dating at 19 and 18, respectively. Anyway today he said something along the lines of I love you but I don't love you like I did when we first met. He said I have 'changed' become more 'stressed' and I cant have fun anymore. Back in the day we used to get messed up, do a lot of partying, drugs etc. Now, I don't really have an interest in this anymore, but he still does. I put it down to I've just matured faster than he has, but he seems to think its my 'personality' that has changed. He said he wants me to try and 'be like I used to be' but I don't know if I can or if I want to. I don't know what to do, I still love him and we have a lot in common but it just frustrates me that he wont respect that I have grown up a bit. I hoping, in time he too will get over this partying stage, and until then I just have to bite my tongue and not get pissed when he goes out partying all weekend. Has anyone had this happen to them? What do you think our chances are for staying together? Should I try and relax more and party with him? after all I am only 22, but I take other aspects of my life seriously like my career etc
CappyTan Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 If you're impatient with him to grow up, I really don't see how well it's going to work out. It's not fun waiting for someone to catch up to you in terms of maturation; your lifestyles and goals are different at this point. The way I see it, you have the option to wait on him to grow the hell up (don't change yourself, we're too young to not pursue our goals) or break up with him for someone who's at your speed. I'd be unhappy lugging a teenager around with me all the time, and essentially you're lugging around a guy who's much more immature than you. It'll wear you down.
carhill Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Growing apart can occur at any time in life. Your paths have diverged, evidently. Considering your ages and the type of divergence, perhaps this would be a good time to gain more relationship experience. Four years is a long time at your age. Good luck. 1
Alma Mobley Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 You got together young, and you matured and changed over time, as did he. You have grown apart. It happens. It is probably best to move on from this relationship.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Chances are very low at that age for relationships to last...its a bit like winning the lotto..and even then it takes a lot of work for most. As you grow older and develop into your own individuals..you may come to realize there any many incompatibilities and values, goals, interests. He might be someone who just doesn't grow up and always tried to hold onto the past...you might live in the moment but it'll grow old for you and you'll be ready to move to the next phase. If he doesn't take things serious and generally irresponsible than you can expect that he may not be someone who has the will or motivation to improve his life...he might just like it just the way it is. You are still young enough to want to have fun and party, but you definitely don't have to dotthe things you used to do just because you used to do them before...that's just his way of being selfish and wanting you to be apart of his world/lifestyle. I personally think you're on a good track...and this might be the tyoe of guy that only holds you back...or that you'll have to drag along w you. I think you should consider moving on w your life and continue pursuing the things you want to...like your career...don't even ever think of putting him before that...in a few years he might be long gone but your career is worth the investment and will pay off..w him it'll just be a loss if things don't work out w nothing to show for it. Relationships are hardly ever easy to walk away from...but you've got to ask yourself, are you happy w today and if nothing changes? Because likely that is the reality....but you should talk to him about how you feel and where you are at in your life and what you need..instead of trying to change him or make him do things he doesn't want to...this might be a relationship that's run its course...just because you love and care for someone doesn't mean you belong in a relationship together...you have a long life to live..don't get stuck in the bubble that you're paranoid you might not find someone else...that's just not even close to the truth.
Archgirl Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I don't think the problem is necessarily him wanting you to party with him and you having outgrown it. It sounds like he's really trying to communicate that he isn't happy that you guys don't have fun together anymore whether this be partying or anything else. And he's probably picking up on the contempt you have for him that is obvious even in your post. Relationships don't work long term if you don't do things you both nejoy together and just have fun with each other. Only 22 year olds think that taking things seriously means being mature. In a couple of years you realise that just means you're boring. Hope this helps
Author sarah1268 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Thanks for all of your responses, it has provided me with insight. Part of me wants to have fun/party with him, which I still do occasionally, just not every weekend like he wants. Other than that our 'during the week' schedule is fine, we studying together talk about stuff and share our interests in movies and music. There are two main reasons why I would not walk away at this stage, one is because we are on another level intelligence wise; he is the only person I know that truly understands me and even he admits that I understand him like no one else does. Second is that I have invested so much into this relationship, its all I know and I am proud of it, and of us. I know the odds are against us age wise, but he has 'matured' a lot since he was 19 so I just hope this continues. I think maybe I will try and let loose a bit, have more fun with him and just relax. I do get stressed easily and I like to make plans whereas he is the opposite. I am already doing well in my career and uni so I think working on our relationship would be the best thing. Who knows, maybe i need it, I do miss no giving a f*** and chilling. To be honest, I think being without him would hurt my career and studies way more than just being hung-over every weekend.
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