CappyTan Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hi, I'm new here; after browsing and looking for a case similar to mine, and not finding one, I decided to register. I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend is six months younger. We've been together for a little over a year. For the past four years I have struggled with severe depression (no self-harm or thoughts of suicide, however) that leaves me in doubt as to whether or not I should stay with him. In November I started taking some medication, in hopes that it might help my depression. I also see a counselor. However, since I started, my emotions sometimes range from euphoria at the day's start and sink to panic attacks at night. I am trying different meds, trying to find which helps me best, but it's hard. At first I cooled to my boyfriend's lifestyle; we're both college students and I used to sleep over at his place all the time (I grew dependent on being near him). I started to resent the time he didn't spend with me, and then I grew cold to sex, and then one night when he said "I love you" I was unsure as to whether or not I could say it back. I am sure these changes came about because of my meds. Some days I can convince myself that everything is fine, even enjoy sex that I initiate, and feel warmth and affection for my boyfriend, but it never some close to the passion I felt before the meds. And then there are nights like this where I feel the overwhelming compulsion to find faults and reasons to break up with him. He has done nothing to deserve it. We've talked and agreed that we both need to revamp our lifetsyles (more exercise, more dates, more excitement, dammit) but I feel discouraged. Since the kernel of doubt was planted, I struggle to feel hope. I feel we can never return to those happier times when we had sex twice every day (literally every day we were together!). Now it's lucky if it's once a week for him and I feel terrible. I feel lost and like I'm falling apart. Thanks for your time if you can get through this novel, heh
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hi cappytan, Your true "soulmate" may be trying to communicate with you. Is there any man who has gotten your attention these days, besides your boyfriend? It can be anyone who's stared at you in the past and you came to admire afterwards. Approach that man and tell him how much you admire him. Or perhaps your "soulmate" has not shown up yet physically. In any case, it appears that your "soulmate" is telling you to wait for him. And when he senses that you are making love to another man, it pains him. Since you and your "soulmate" are connected, his emotional levels go down the drain when he senses that you are sleeping with another man- causing your emotions to go down the drain with his. This is fated love. 1
ja123 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Well, you said you've been struggling with depression for 4 years, but you've been with him over a year. Had your depression worsened last fall when you went on the meds? Going on meds and changing them in search of finding the right combo, can take awhile. Let him know how you're feeling when taking new meds, etc, It's important that he know that this is a process; he'll be better able to understand and not take it personally. And let him know it's not personal to him. Tell him about your concerns how he might be affected by this. Communicate together. And exercising together would be good. Plus more sex might help you relax and feel better, if you can manage it. Good luck! You will find a light at the end of the tunnel.
ja123 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hi cappytan, Your true "soulmate" may be trying to communicate with you. Is there any man who has gotten your attention these days, besides your boyfriend? It can be anyone who's stared at you in the past and you came to admire afterwards. Approach that man and tell him how much you admire him. Or perhaps your "soulmate" has not shown up yet physically. In any case, it appears that your "soulmate" is telling you to wait for him. And when he senses that you are making love to another man, it pains him. Since you and your "soulmate" are connected, his emotional levels go down the drain when he senses that you are sleeping with another man- causing your emotions to go down the drain with his. This is fated love. I wouldn't give much credence to this, OP. lol This is in the realm of magical thinking, and not IMO very helpful to someone trying to overcome depression, and the effects of meds causing euphoria and anxiety.
Author CappyTan Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Hi cappytan, Your true "soulmate" may be trying to communicate with you. Is there any man who has gotten your attention these days, besides your boyfriend? It can be anyone who's stared at you in the past and you came to admire afterwards. Approach that man and tell him how much you admire him. Or perhaps your "soulmate" has not shown up yet physically. In any case, it appears that your "soulmate" is telling you to wait for him. And when he senses that you are making love to another man, it pains him. Since you and your "soulmate" are connected, his emotional levels go down the drain when he senses that you are sleeping with another man- causing your emotions to go down the drain with his. This is fated love. Er, I haven't met anyone, and I also don't look at anyone else, and that being said I definitely don't look at other men and consider sleeping with them. Thanks for the advice, but I really don't believe in soulmates anyway... Well, you said you've been struggling with depression for 4 years, but you've been with him over a year. Had your depression worsened last fall when you went on the meds? Going on meds and changing them in search of finding the right combo, can take awhile. Let him know how you're feeling when taking new meds, etc, It's important that he know that this is a process; he'll be better able to understand and not take it personally. And let him know it's not personal to him. Tell him about your concerns how he might be affected by this. Communicate together. And exercising together would be good. Plus more sex might help you relax and feel better, if you can manage it. Good luck! You will find a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been told the same by my counselor--"don't make any major decisions while you're experimenting with this medication." But sometimes it's so hard to maintain my feelings for him when I literally dread seeing him one day and can't keep my hands off of him the next. I feel so tired and I know it hurts him when I tell him I'm unsure of my emotions. But thanks for the advice; I guess you're saying I should keep on course? I guess it's a waiting game then. Also, I do agree that the sex helps, but it's so damn hard to get in the mood. I have to force myself and half the time I start to kind of enjoy it halfway through, and the other half I just lay there and wait for it to end. My poor boyfriend
zanzi Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 there are similar cases. I am twenty one, female too, have suffered depression for about the same amount of years you have. I think that your age is a big factor in the constant moods swings and its not just the depression- sure, it affects how you think and feel. But in your twenties you are trying to find yourself. So its normal to be a little inconsistent, to feel different one day to the next, and to wonder if you really want a relationship or not, to flip flop. I have done this in all my relationships and in every day. The right medication can make the symptoms much less disruptive. If you are on any other meds, or birth control, this can also change your moods. There are just a lot of things muddling you up, but with time comes clarity. I think you will settle down greatly on the correct meds. It can just be hard to find the right ones.
Noproblem Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Hi cappytan, Your true "soulmate" may be trying to communicate with you. Is there any man who has gotten your attention these days, besides your boyfriend? It can be anyone who's stared at you in the past and you came to admire afterwards. Approach that man and tell him how much you admire him. Or perhaps your "soulmate" has not shown up yet physically. In any case, it appears that your "soulmate" is telling you to wait for him. And when he senses that you are making love to another man, it pains him. Since you and your "soulmate" are connected, his emotional levels go down the drain when he senses that you are sleeping with another man- causing your emotions to go down the drain with his. This is fated love. Interesting!
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