cra2039 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I've been seeing this woman i met for a lil' over a month now. She's 24. My into consisted of me telling her she was beautiful and i wanted to take her out. We went out the next day, and ended up fooling around on the 2nd date (no sex), and went out again a handful of times since then. I had to leave town for a couple weeks, we talked a lil' so i thought it would be good to give her a call...she missed my call and apologised the next day through text for missing it. she works and goes to college in the afternoons so she is really busy. She kinda flaked out on a date when i got back, but rescheduled for this past friday night. she came over and we got some take-out and watched a movie. we cuddled through out the movie, but when i tried to make out with her near the end of the movie she wasn't that into it. she left after the movie was over....but gave me a kiss after i walked her to her car. she ended up going to a bar, and said she should have taken me with her. I offered to drive out, but i would need a place to crash after....to which she replied she didnt think it was a good idea. Today she supposedly had a lot going on, we talked about going out tomorrow and she said she would like to....but hasnt responed to any of my texts since then. Is this something i should ride out and be understanding with, or cut my losses and move on? As always, thanks for the advice!!
MsSmurf Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hmmm. Her being a little busy I understand as I'm doing the work and school thing myself. But her running hot and lukewarm seem to be more about her trying to figure out what she wants and what you want. Are you looking to have a relationship with her or are you just looking to have fun? Perhaps if you clarify that for her she can either relax because shes on the same page or move on because she wants something else.
Author cra2039 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 i told her from the get go that i wanted a relationship, to further explain the situation she said she likes things the way they are and doesnt want to mess it up with sex. and i still sit here with itchy texting fingers woundering why i've gotten the cold shoulder all day today after she said she wanted to go out again.....
MsSmurf Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Ok so you two probably want the same things and she wants to take it slow sexually which clearly hasn't scared you off. So really I don't think there is anything to be concerned about here. Do you remember the days before texting when you often didn't hear from someone you were into all day? Then you just missed them and looked forward to when you'd see them next and all the things you'd have to tell each other. Until then you distracted yourself by enjoying your own hobbies, seeing your friends, and handling your business. Try that, it may not be so horrible =) 1
Author cra2039 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 alright, thanks for the reassurance
apple OR orange Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 shes not in to you and feels abit guilty as your "nice", i would stop seing her.
KatZee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Honestly, you've known her for five seconds and have hung out what? A handful of times? You're probably freaking her out. You don't even know each other and it's already gotten physical, you're already dropping hints that you're fine spending the night with her, and the whole intro of you even asking her out was based purely on physical attraction. It's probably coming off like all you want is to get into her pants. How about being interested in HER? I don't understand why in the very beginning you're feeling the need to call her every single day to ask her to hang out so often. It feels like rush rush rush rush. She's clearly not comfortable with such a fast physical relationship and it's why she wasn't into making out with you, and why she doesn't want you spending the night. You guys aren't in a relationship at all, she doesn't need to be putting out for you. But again, this is only my mentality. At this point you should be building the foundation for a relationship, finding out who SHE is, being more interested in courting her, and not just sitting at home trying to get some. She's obviously interested on SOME level because she's agreed to subsequent dates, but you're moving too fast for her.
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 She went to a bar after leaving your place and didn't tell you she was going or invite you till she got there?? Something isn't right there. Sounds like she had plans to go to this bar all along and didn't want you there for some reason. I'm thinking she met someone else and was meeting him that night.
KatZee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 She went to a bar after leaving your place and didn't tell you she was going or invite you till she got there?? Something isn't right there. Sounds like she had plans to go to this bar all along and didn't want you there for some reason. I'm thinking she met someone else and was meeting him that night. Maybe she went thinking it was a girl's night and showed up to learn guys were invited. You have no clue if she met someone else. And even if SHE WAS seeing someone else, so what? They're not in a relationship. Guys do that all the time. So what's wrong with her doing it? Until this guy flat out asks her to be his girlfriend, it's free game for all.
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Honestly, you've known her for five seconds and have hung out what? A handful of times? You're probably freaking her out. You don't even know each other and it's already gotten physical, you're already dropping hints that you're fine spending the night with her, and the whole intro of you even asking her out was based purely on physical attraction. It's probably coming off like all you want is to get into her pants. How about being interested in HER? I don't understand why in the very beginning you're feeling the need to call her every single day to ask her to hang out so often. It feels like rush rush rush rush. She's clearly not comfortable with such a fast physical relationship and it's why she wasn't into making out with you, and why she doesn't want you spending the night. You guys aren't in a relationship at all, she doesn't need to be putting out for you. But again, this is only my mentality. At this point you should be building the foundation for a relationship, finding out who SHE is, being more interested in courting her, and not just sitting at home trying to get some. She's obviously interested on SOME level because she's agreed to subsequent dates, but you're moving too fast for her. I agree with this, but I still think its strange she went to a bar after their date??
grace777 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I agree with KatZee - you need to slow your roll! You are in the beginning stages...courting. Do your own thing, like the other poster said. Show her that you are not desperate to hang out and that you're established and secure and happy in your own life. That's way more attractive. But yeah, don't try to put her in a situation where you're forced to stay the night together. She wants to move slowly when it comes to intimacy, which is a great sign. That means she likes you. If she didn't, and was just in it for sex too, she'd do that and then bail. If she didn't want you romantically at all, she'd bail too. So you have all the signs of her being really into you. Now don't blow it! My two cents.
KatZee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I agree with this, but I still think its strange she went to a bar after their date?? Why is that strange? She had plans for the evening. Why would she break plans just to continue hanging out with him? She hung out with him for a bit, and then went out to see her friends. There is no issue here. And also, they're just starting to get to know each other. Why is she going to bring around a guy she barely knows, and bring him around her friends if she's not even sure he's long term potential? I don't bring new guys around my friends. I take the time to get to know him on a certain level first before introducing him to my world. And even when we ARE dating, there are going to be nights I go out without him. That's what a healthy relationship is. 1
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Maybe she went thinking it was a girl's night and showed up to learn guys were invited. You have no clue if she met someone else. And even if SHE WAS seeing someone else, so what? They're not in a relationship. Guys do that all the time. So what's wrong with her doing it? Until this guy flat out asks her to be his girlfriend, it's free game for all. Nothing wrong with multidating, but one right after the other? (If this is even the case.)
KatZee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Maybe she went thinking it was a girl's night and showed up to learn guys were invited. You have no clue if she met someone else. And even if SHE WAS seeing someone else, so what? They're not in a relationship. Guys do that all the time. So what's wrong with her doing it? Until this guy flat out asks her to be his girlfriend, it's free game for all. Nothing wrong with multidating, but one right after the other? (If this is even the case.) Why do you even assume she's going on another date with a guy? I don't see this at all. She went to hang with her friends. There's no need to jump to the "insecurity" mindset. She went out without him. She has a life. She has friends. Just because she didn't ask him to come doesn't mean she's jumping into bed with the next guy she sees.
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Why is that strange? She had plans for the evening. Why would she break plans just to continue hanging out with him? She hung out with him for a bit, and then went out to see her friends. There is no issue here. And also, they're just starting to get to know each other. Why is she going to bring around a guy she barely knows, and bring him around her friends if she's not even sure he's long term potential? I don't bring new guys around my friends. I take the time to get to know him on a certain level first before introducing him to my world. And even when we ARE dating, there are going to be nights I go out without him. That's what a healthy relationship is. I see your point and understand the dynamics of a healthy relationship. I too, have been on dates and then left to meet my friends. However, I made this known in the beginning, "would love to see you, but I made plans already. Want to do something before?". OP didn't give us the details of her bar plans, so we don't know if this conversation took place. After rereading OP, I'm now thinking she was annoyed with him and his make-out attempts, thinking all he wants is sex and thought, "f-this, I'm going to see my friends." OP, give her some space and if she wants to see you again, this time pick a place where you won't be able to have another makeout session, not your place.
neveragain34 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Just because she didn't ask him to come doesn't mean she's jumping into bed with the next guy she sees. Don't recall saying she was going to jump into bed with anyone.
apolloNB8 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I've been seeing this woman i met for a lil' over a month now. She's 24. My into consisted of me telling her she was beautiful and i wanted to take her out. We went out the next day, and ended up fooling around on the 2nd date (no sex), and went out again a handful of times since then. I had to leave town for a couple weeks, we talked a lil' so i thought it would be good to give her a call...she missed my call and apologised the next day through text for missing it. she works and goes to college in the afternoons so she is really busy. She kinda flaked out on a date when i got back, but rescheduled for this past friday night. she came over and we got some take-out and watched a movie. we cuddled through out the movie, but when i tried to make out with her near the end of the movie she wasn't that into it. she left after the movie was over....but gave me a kiss after i walked her to her car. she ended up going to a bar, and said she should have taken me with her. I offered to drive out, but i would need a place to crash after....to which she replied she didnt think it was a good idea. Today she supposedly had a lot going on, we talked about going out tomorrow and she said she would like to....but hasnt responed to any of my texts since then. Is this something i should ride out and be understanding with, or cut my losses and move on? As always, thanks for the advice!! Has anything really changed in the time you've been seeing her? It sounds like you want to see her regularly and be sexually involved with her, but she doesn't. The most important thing to ask yourself is are you happy with the way she is treating you? Are you happy with things as they are? If you're not sure if she's moving forward towards a relationship, then you can determine this by not calling/texting her. If she calls you and wants to get together then do so, but you have to look at this realistically. She might not open up to you for a long time, and unfortunately just because a girl takes a long time to open up doesn't mean she's going to be a good person for you to have a relationship with. Don't try to do anything physical on the next few dates and see what happens. If she's still undecided and not comfortable with things progressing past where they are now, then I believe you're better off looking for a girl who is more comfortable with you. It seems like you might be putting too much into making her your girlfriend.
SJC2008 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Has anything really changed in the time you've been seeing her? It sounds like you want to see her regularly and be sexually involved with her, but she doesn't. The most important thing to ask yourself is are you happy with the way she is treating you? Are you happy with things as they are? If you're not sure if she's moving forward towards a relationship, then you can determine this by not calling/texting her. If she calls you and wants to get together then do so, but you have to look at this realistically. She might not open up to you for a long time, and unfortunately just because a girl takes a long time to open up doesn't mean she's going to be a good person for you to have a relationship with. Don't try to do anything physical on the next few dates and see what happens. If she's still undecided and not comfortable with things progressing past where they are now, then I believe you're better off looking for a girl who is more comfortable with you. It seems like you might be putting too much into making her your girlfriend. I'm thinking you're moving to fast for her or she's not ready to put herself out there yet? Do you know how long she's been single? 1
Author cra2039 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Morning everybody, No, nothing has really changed since we've been together. And as for the whole bringing her to my house date idea, i've asked her what she thought would be a good night out and she replied "a nice night in". i've also told her i'm ok with waiting, there is nothing wrong with making out IMO. I do not know how long she's been single, but im not one to be too worried about what past she might have....really i only care about the present. I already pitched her a date idea yesterday before she stopped talking to me, she's getting ready for a tough mudder and i thought going for a jogg together would be a nice way to talk and be in a public place. Like i said, after that she went no contact.....
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