Infomercials Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 So, we're just over a week post-BU (from my first love of 6 years), and I did NC really well for a few days, but I broke it today. I interviewed for a job a few days ago (somehow got through it), and I got it! It's only for the rest of the school year, but it's a lot better than what I've been doing. I broke NC to tell him because I was so excited. I got "Nice, Congrats! :)" back. Which is, of course, what I should've expected, but it's not what I'm waiting for from him. I wanted to be happy about this job...I am! But I'm just depressed because I want to go out to our favorite place and celebrate with him. I realize when I talk to him, I create a fantasy about where the conversation will lead. I know he WILL come over if I ask him to, and I feel wonderful when he does, but afterwards it feels like my heart just gets ripped out all over again. I have to do this for real, or I'll never move ahead. It's so hard...he's interested in possibly getting back together and needs to think, but I don't think I can survive being around him or talking to him right now. I've been trying everything not to contact him, but my brain always convinces me it would be a good idea. If anyone has any ideas for me, they'd be much appreciated.
Compromize Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 First off, congratulations! A new job is a wonderful new adventure! I know how you feel about wanting to share exciting and great news and just share that experience with someone that you love. It's so tough to not reach out But even worse when you do and you get a friendly response and that's it. I have two young boys that I have 85% of the time and being able to at least talk to my ex about the ups and downs was a good release for me. As tempting as it is to try to reach out to her, I know she won't respond, or if she does it's days later and pointless. NC is the less painful alternative for me. In your case, it sounds like your ex might be back in your life. But he knows you are there waiting for him. He needs to know what he is missing. Don't give in to contacting him unless he wants to work things out. Unless he specifically says he wants you back. It's not your brain that says it's a good idea, it's your heart wanting the pain to stop, even if it's just a momentary pause. NC is the hardest thing ever when you truly love and want someone. I don't think I have ever had to do anything this painful so I truly understand and empathize with you. Sending you a hug and good thoughts.
Author Infomercials Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Thank you, Compromize - Same back to you! I've also realized now that I can only do more damage to the chance of a possible reconciliation if I contact him now. Maybe, at some point, it could work, but I need to give this thing a really solid try. I know sometime in the next week, I'll think it's a really good idea to talk to him, but it won't be. I have to make myself stop and think about all of the OTHER things in my life. Giving up control scares the hell out of me, but I have to just completely give in to the fact that if he wants me back, he'll let me know, and we'll go from there. If he doesn't, then I need to be healing and able to deal with that. The uncertainty is hard, but it's harder to try to talk to him and wonder what he's doing all the time, etc. I need to make some real changes in myself, and I need some time to really think about myself in order to do that.
Author Infomercials Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Almost broke it today. I was at work, and I just got this overwhelming feeling that I NEEDED to talk to him. I convinced myself that he probably has Wednesday off as usual, and I have Wednesday off this week, so we should watch a movie together or something. I'm SO glad I work with some great people. They talked me down from it and reminded me that the only way he's going to realize what he's missing is to really miss it. I have to stay strong...still sucks, though.
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