xdahliax Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 This question is for the guys: How old are you? For a LTR, what is the lowest age you are willing to consider? Is the limit set in stone or would you lower it if there was a woman in particular that you developed feelings for?
kaylan Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) Im 26 going on 27. 4 years is the lowest Id go. So women 22 going on 23. I need maturity and I dont like feeling like Im dealing with a kid less experienced than me. Ive felt this way with most women who were a lot younger than me. My open "fun" dating range is 22 to 35. My preferred dating range is 23 to 26. Now if the girl really is pretty awesome, and I wont have to be worried about her wanting to settle down really soon, Ill stretch my preferred range from 23 to 28. My limit is kinda set in stone, as I normally gloss over a girl as a legit relationship candidate if I find out shes under 22. One girl I really clicked with gave me her number in the fall. We had met once the year before that and had an awesome convo, but didnt see each other till the a year later. We remembered each others names and our mutual friend tried to set us up. By the time she I asked for her number, she was kinda already lightly seeing someone. Plus I had already been really iffy about going after her since she just turned 20 in December. 6 years felt like a big gap to me...so that added with her casually seeing someone made me back off. Edited March 24, 2013 by kaylan 1
apple OR orange Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 looking back in life (almost 40 now), i dont think anyone should be looking for LTR, i am very glad the only one i had didnt roll out (wont go in to that here), i would now be a super nightmare.... and she was talking all the right tuff, however things beyond my control put a stop to it, and i am glad it did. I think this depends if you are able to "choose" who you can get sex with,if you can choose then you can choose a LTR, if you cant choose for sex then your failry screwed as you cant choose the LTR either.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I'm 25. Lowest I'd prefer to go is 20, but I really mature 18 or 19 year old could convince me, though I doubt it. It's pretty concrete.
Krieger Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 well soon to be 30 :( so have to say 23 to 35 years old .
Author xdahliax Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 So for most of you, dating someone in their early twenties if you were in your mid-thirties would be out of the question?
Archgirl Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 So for most of you, dating someone in their early twenties if you were in your mid-thirties would be out of the question? I'm not a dude but I've run into a lot of guys while OLD in their late 20's and early thirties who think there's no difference between 18 year olds and 25 year old women and who preferentially look for much much younger women. They are usually asses who like their women insecure and subordinate. Needless to say they find me a tad challenging 4
iKING Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Early 20s, and at the very least, 19-20, but I prefer mid-late 20s.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I'm not a dude but I've run into a lot of guys while OLD in their late 20's and early thirties who think there's no difference between 18 year olds and 25 year old women and who preferentially look for much much younger women. They are usually asses who like their women insecure and subordinate. Needless to say they find me a tad challenging LOL, you don't say. I liked this post Archgirl. And agree with it. 1
Bengal Tiger Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Late 20s here and I would prefer at least 21 so she can go to bars. not set in stone of course, it depends on her attitude and personality.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 This question is for the guys: How old are you? For a LTR, what is the lowest age you are willing to consider? Is the limit set in stone or would you lower it if there was a woman in particular that you developed feelings for? I'm not sure if you are a man or woman but it's going to be different for different guys. But contrary to what people say, age does matter. You get a different set of problems dating someone older than yourself and you get a different set of problems dating someone younger or the same age. That doesn't mean you can't date someone younger responsibly and carefully or someone older can't date you responsibly and carefully. But you have to be careful with how your partner views people and their ages. Some men that look to go after younger women specifically don't always have the healthiest views on women and aging. You should always pay attention the comments a man makes about other women and aging to see what it reveals about him. You sohuld always pay attention to what he says about himself and other men. I one time went out on a date with an older man because his emails were very articulate. He was outside of my age range and had kids and neither of that was what I was looking for. But I wanted to give him a chance because sometimes having kids does make a man more responsible and his emails were very well written and interesting. When we went out he mentioned several times about men could date younger women with more ease then women could. He enjoyed pointing this out and talking about it and clearly felt proud about being able to date younger women. I was so turned off and stopped returning his calls. I didn't want to go out with him again. He showed me an aspect of this thought beliefs about women and men. Always pay attention to the things men say about women and their ages. 2
Radu Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 So for most of you, dating someone in their early twenties if you were in your mid-thirties would be out of the question? Not for me. I'm 30 and looking at 20 and above. It depends a lot on what stage of your life you are at.
Author xdahliax Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I'm not sure if you are a man or woman but it's going to be different for different guys. But contrary to what people say, age does matter. You get a different set of problems dating someone older than yourself and you get a different set of problems dating someone younger or the same age. That doesn't mean you can't date someone younger responsibly and carefully or someone older can't date you responsibly and carefully. But you have to be careful with how your partner views people and their ages. Some men that look to go after younger women specifically don't always have the healthiest views on women and aging. You should always pay attention the comments a man makes about other women and aging to see what it reveals about him. You sohuld always pay attention to what he says about himself and other men. I one time went out on a date with an older man because his emails were very articulate. He was outside of my age range and had kids and neither of that was what I was looking for. But I wanted to give him a chance because sometimes having kids does make a man more responsible and his emails were very well written and interesting. When we went out he mentioned several times about men could date younger women with more ease then women could. He enjoyed pointing this out and talking about it and clearly felt proud about being able to date younger women. I was so turned off and stopped returning his calls. I didn't want to go out with him again. He showed me an aspect of this thought beliefs about women and men. Always pay attention to the things men say about women and their ages. I agree with paying attention to these things. My problem, however, is the opposite. I am the woman in this equation and I get the impression that the older man does have feelings for me but that he is fighting them (he's blowing hot and cold). I'm just thinking that this might be due to our age difference.
Eclypse Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 18-80 is my dating range But in seriousness 16 is the legal age here in Australia. Would seem kinda creepy though, and my sister is 16 too ugh. I'll say 18 and above so she can get into bars and wont have parental issues. I'm 22 years old at the moment. Sounds about right. Of course that's if I was single right now.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I agree with paying attention to these things. My problem, however, is the opposite. I am the woman in this equation and I get the impression that the older man does have feelings for me but that he is fighting them (he's blowing hot and cold). I'm just thinking that this might be due to our age difference. Well, why don't you tell us more about your situation then. I will warn you though that you will get a lot of older men telling you to go after him and date him and that age doesn't matter. (Usually age doesn't matter when the women is the younger one.) But they aren't giving you that advice because they care about *you* so much as they like the idea of older men being with younger women. That isn't to say that you should or shouldn't be with this man but just be aware of the motivations of people and why they sometimes give certain advice. 1
Author xdahliax Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Well, why don't you tell us more about your situation then. I will warn you though that you will get a lot of older men telling you to go after him and date him and that age doesn't matter. (Usually age doesn't matter when the women is the younger one.) But they aren't giving you that advice because they care about *you* so much as they like the idea of older men being with younger women. That isn't to say that you should or shouldn't be with this man but just be aware of the motivations of people and why they sometimes give certain advice. Well, we've been coworkers and friends for about a year now. I have told him about my feelings for him a few months ago and he told me that we could only be friends, but that he valued our friendship. Some days he will ask me out for coffee or drinks after work and go out of his way to talk to me, and other days he will completely avoid me for no apparent reason. When we're alone, there definitely seems to be chemistry. It's all very strange and I don't know what to make of it.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Well, we've been coworkers and friends for about a year now. I have told him about my feelings for him a few months ago and he told me that we could only be friends, but that he valued our friendship. Some days he will ask me out for coffee or drinks after work and go out of his way to talk to me, and other days he will completely avoid me for no apparent reason. When we're alone, there definitely seems to be chemistry. It's all very strange and I don't know what to make of it. Do you know for certain he is single? Have you noticed how he treats the other women in the office? What do you talk about when you go out? Did he give you a reason for why you could only be friends?
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 IMO all people should consider any legitimate options that come their way on a case-by-case basis. The continuing stereotyping here on LS of those who do age gap relationships, only in cases where the man is older, not the female older, is obnoxious IMO. Age matters for external reasons, having children, sometimes sex life, etc. only, and not internal reasons of general dating or relationship happiness. People who generalize others they don't know individually due to age alone are bigots.
EasyHeart Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Age is less important than maturity. I've date women in their 40s who were way less mature than most 25 year olds. It's an individual thing. Having said that, early twenties is awfully, awfully young. Most people at that age are pretty immature. But again, that's not true for everyone. Frankly, if I were him I would be much, much, (much) more concerned about dating you because you're a co-worker, not because you're young.
StanMusial Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 For me personally it's more about lifestyle and maturity than age per se. I wouldn't want to date a girl in her early twenties because she might still be in school or partying every night and that's not my lifestyle at all. That's not to say all girls fit that description, but very few I have ever met had much going career wise at that age. My current squeeze is 11 years younger (37/26) but she has been working a full time job for years and has been a homeowner for years. She has responsibilities that she takes care of (to me a big sign of maturity). She has goals and interests in life other than phoning it in for 40 hours a week then partying all weekend. So to me she is a good match regardless of the age gap. OP from what you are describing, it's hard to say why he is running hot/cold. It may or may not be the age gap, there's no reason to assume it is because you may overlook some other issue.
ls32ssibm Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Now that Predator is off the air, 13. Maybe 12. 2
tbf Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Well, we've been coworkers and friends for about a year now. I have told him about my feelings for him a few months ago and he told me that we could only be friends, but that he valued our friendship.He's already told you how he feels. Believe him. 3
RedRobin Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Well, we've been coworkers and friends for about a year now. I have told him about my feelings for him a few months ago and he told me that we could only be friends, but that he valued our friendship. Some days he will ask me out for coffee or drinks after work and go out of his way to talk to me, and other days he will completely avoid me for no apparent reason. When we're alone, there definitely seems to be chemistry. It's all very strange and I don't know what to make of it. Here's a question... Do you have any male friends? Or do all of your associations with men end up becoming sexual? I'm asking because we have this weird tradition where women are mostly viewed as useful for sex... not terribly valuable beyond that. Young women find this confusing. They haven't really gotten tuned into that just yet. They see the attention and (mistakenly) believe the guy actually likes THEM. Which usually is not the case. If this guy is telling you he wants to be just friends (and especially is a co-worker), then I find that commendable on his part. .....As an aside... I'd like to encourage younger women not to trade their youth (and bodies) in for companionship with much older men who usually don't have their best interests at heart and likely don't value you as a person... as much as they value their own egos and what they tell their buddies when you aren't around... like they are some kinda stud for pulling in the young'ins. For the random low-lifes here who want to perpetuate this convenient little piece of cultural leftover... well, too bad. This is a public forum... 1
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I'd like to encourage younger women not to trade their youth (and bodies) in for companionship with much older men who usually don't have their best interests at heart and likely don't value you as a person... as much as they value their own egos and what they tell their buddies when you aren't around... like they are some kinda stud for pulling in the young'ins. For the random low-lifes here who want to perpetuate this convenient little piece of cultural leftover... well, too bad. This is a public forum... The above post is a perfect example of the bigotry I'm describing. Having an opinion about age gap dating one way or the other is fine. Extending that to characterizing people one doesn't know without any substance, without even anecdotal evidence, based merely on age and gender is bigotry, the very definition of it. Don't buy into bigotry, regardless of source and target. 1
Author xdahliax Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Do you know for certain he is single? Have you noticed how he treats the other women in the office? What do you talk about when you go out? Did he give you a reason for why you could only be friends? Yes, he is definitely single. He treats other women differently from the way he treats me, he goes out of his way to speak to me and sets time aside to do so even if he's busy whereas he doesn't do that for others. When we go out, we normally have pretty personal conversations about our families, personal problems, our goals in life, etc. but we also kid around a lot. He didn't give me a reason for why we could only be friends, I didn't ask then because our conversation was cut short by an interruption and I never brought it up again. I feel like it's too late now and to bring it back up would sound desperate.
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