sucuta Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi, My girlfriend and I were talking about college in the future when she asked whether it would be okay for her to go to the club, bar, or strip club alone sometimes. I trust her a lot, and I know that she is here to stay. But, I can't really allow that to settle with me because of the many evils out there in the world. She could get raped or drugged, and I would not want any of that to happen to her. One of the main reasons for this, is because she wants to satisfy the fantasy of her sitting at a bar and making friends by someone approaching her and talking to her. This comes from what they show in movies. We are 16, and I think she will outgrow this. But if this desire is still there, should I let her go to the club/bar alone? BTW We are madly in love, and we would never cheat on each other. Link to post Share on other sites
IAmRobot Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Ask her why she has this need to go to the club on her own. Communication and sincerity goes a long way Link to post Share on other sites
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi sucuta, Tell her that you are uncomfortable with that idea and you would rather not have her do that. However, you cannot stop her. If she continues to have a happy world without being considerate of your feelings, then you know for sure she is not going to be there for you in the future. If you want for me to be really honest, she doesn't want to be with you for who you are. But you provide something to her at this time, which is why she keeps you around. However, don't get angry at her for being shallow and being in a shallow relationship. You are keeping her around for intuitively invalid reasons as well. You know yourself that this relationship is not going to last. She's already looking elsewhere. She didn't stop at just you. You should be the last stop. The woman who loves you will treat you as the last stop and that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 No its.."satisfy the fantasy of her sitting at a bar and making friends by someone approaching her and talking to her and seducing her". I can understand it if she on occasion wanted to have a girl's night out and it was her and a handful of her gal pals, but no way would I take to the idea of my gf wanting to go to a club or strip joint on her own. Trust often goes out the window when it comes to alcohol. I would not be as worried about her getting drugged as I would her having a few drinks too many and getting charmed out of panties by some smooth talking player. A girl on her own at a bar is going to get honed in on, by so many guys looking for action. If she is young girl on her own, she would be great target for an older pua. She want's more excitement in her life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sucuta Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi sucuta, Tell her that you are uncomfortable with that idea and you would rather not have her do that. However, you cannot stop her. If she continues to have a happy world without being considerate of your feelings, then you know for sure she is not going to be there for you in the future. If you want for me to be really honest, she doesn't want to be with you for who you are. But you provide something to her at this time, which is why she keeps you around. However, don't get angry at her for being shallow and being in a shallow relationship. You are keeping her around for intuitively invalid reasons as well. You know yourself that this relationship is not going to last. She's already looking elsewhere. She didn't stop at just you. You should be the last stop. The woman who loves you will treat you as the last stop and that's it. We're madly in love. Plus we're only in high school, and she's just wants to live life like a movie. She's made it clear that she wants me and only me. Also, she realized that it is a bad idea to go to those places alone. I guess i really wanted to know if i was being inconsiderate. Link to post Share on other sites
apple OR orange Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 16 and madly in love.... ok, with this in mind Your going to loose her as who ever comes to talk with her will be the one that replaces you.... i dont know anyone who is still with someone since they was 16, personally i would speak your mind... never give second chances and never get taken for a ride, always question everything. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I won't say the relationship probably won't last this long to worry about this but... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sucuta Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 16 and madly in love.... ok, with this in mind Your going to loose her as who ever comes to talk with her will be the one that replaces you.... i dont know anyone who is still with someone since they was 16, personally i would speak your mind... never give second chances and never get taken for a ride, always question everything. We've been dating for about 2 years. Many guys have tried to steal her away from me but she is really loyal. My fear is not her cheating a leaving me for someone else, but someone drugging her so much that she wakes up in another city. We're talking about 6 years down the road btw. Just to be prepared when the time comes. We both go to the same school that provides us with a very successful future. I need to know if allowing her to go alone so she can make friends as they do in the movies is something to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
apple OR orange Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 We've been dating for about 2 years. Many guys have tried to steal her away from me but she is really loyal. My fear is not her cheating a leaving me for someone else, but someone drugging her so much that she wakes up in another city. We're talking about 6 years down the road btw. Just to be prepared when the time comes. We both go to the same school that provides us with a very successful future. I need to know if allowing her to go alone so she can make friends as they do in the movies is something to consider. Dont have to listen to the advice here, you could be the first ever i heard of being with someone from 16, its not like ive watch this sort of thing my whole life from working in nightclubs. You can take all the advice here and then use your own Link to post Share on other sites
youaremysunshine Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Bars and clubs are not safe or really any fun for 16 year olds. Wait untill she is drinking age and then she should go out with her girlfriends. Men will approach her, just like in the movies. If you are both so sure she will not stray then its no big deal. It's never a good idea to go out drinking alone. Going out with friends is much safer and more fun! No need to rush, wait till you are oldet Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 When they start up with hypos that can't happen right now, just go along with it. One secret with women is not taking the noise and tests they say too seriously or personally, just go with it until it is about to happen, then address it. Best thing to do is just deflect with humor. Had one who would always start up with the "I'm thinking about moving to XYZ" as a manipulation, attention getter. Told her to send me a postcard. She never moved anywhere until years after we broke up. All noise. The first time she said it, I was like, "O Honey, don't move away, I love you..." what a sucker I was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 When they start up with hypos that can't happen right now, just go along with it. One secret with women is not taking the noise and tests they say too seriously or personally, just go with it until it is about to happen, then address it. Best thing to do is just deflect with humor. Had one who would always start up with the "I'm thinking about moving to XYZ" as a manipulation, attention getter. Told her to send me a postcard. She never moved anywhere until years after we broke up. All noise. The first time she said it, I was like, "O Honey, don't move away, I love you..." what a sucker I was. I'm not sure about your ex, however, when I tell people that I'm considering something, I'm just telling the truth. They aren't lies because I'm really considering it. However, along the way of making those plans, new options for the future may arise that I could decide to go for instead. For example, let's say you feel like eating pasta at a restaurant. You tell your honey "Let's go eat out at a restaurant. I feel like pasta!" So you and your honey jump in the car and make your way to the restaurant. However, once you get to the restaurant, you change your mind and say "Maybe I'll just order a steak instead." Same thing with women. They see a nice city they want to live in, so they consider moving and announce it to people, hoping others would see how nice that city is and hopefully move with her too so she'll have company in a nicer environment. But of course issues can always arise, for example, not enough finances, family getting sick, contract commitments in that area that slipped their mind, etc, anything that may cause delays or make them rethink about relocation to another city. So I wouldn't necessarily say that women say that for attention, at least not all the time, because they fantasize about moving to a nicer area and want to act it out, what's why it ends up being in a conversation. She's just stating her wants, desires and considerations to make her feel more comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I won't say the relationship probably won't last this long to worry about this but... Ya i'd worry about it IF the time comes.... Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I'm not sure about your ex, however, when I tell people that I'm considering something, I'm just telling the truth. They aren't lies because I'm really considering it. However, along the way of making those plans, new options for the future may arise that I could decide to go for instead. I didn't say anyone was lying. Do you really think though that going to a club is OP's 16 y.o. GF's serious intent? IME women are prone to lots more "hypothetical talk" and testing than men in relationships. "If X would you Y?" and taking it too seriously or personally can drive one insane. There have been many threads in the past where a poster is distraught because of the equivalent of "My BF said if Godzilla attacked, he would save his grandmother before me, now I don't know if he really loves me or not. Please help." IMO OP's situation is more along those lines. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I didn't say anyone was lying. Do you really think though that going to a club is OP's 16 y.o. GF's serious intent? IME women are prone to lots more "hypothetical talk" and testing than men in relationships. "If X would you Y?" and taking it too seriously or personally can drive one insane. There have been many threads in the past where a poster is distraught because of the equivalent of "My BF said if Godzilla attacked, he would save his grandmother before me, now I don't know if he really loves me or not. Please help." IMO OP's situation is more along those lines. TV talk shows like Oprah brainwash women into buying certain relationship books like "He's just not that into you". In this book it mentions something like, "If your boyfriend doesn't make you his priority, then he's just not that into you." Books like these make women wonder if their boyfriends are really considering them for marriage or not. So they ask these hypothetical questions, and if the man answers wrong, they panic and wail as if the man just told them they aren't good enough. So they get mad. This problem can all be solved by "If it's not love at first sight, then leave her/him." Otherwise, you are just living a lie that some messed up elite made to f-ck with society and people's interpersonal relationships. And believe me, many couples are living a lie and not being true to themselves when it comes to finding the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi, My girlfriend and I were talking about college in the future when she asked whether it would be okay for her to go to the club, bar, or strip club alone sometimes. I trust her a lot, and I know that she is here to stay. But, I can't really allow that to settle with me because of the many evils out there in the world. She could get raped or drugged, and I would not want any of that to happen to her. One of the main reasons for this, is because she wants to satisfy the fantasy of her sitting at a bar and making friends by someone approaching her and talking to her. This comes from what they show in movies. We are 16, and I think she will outgrow this. But if this desire is still there, should I let her go to the club/bar alone? BTW We are madly in love, and we would never cheat on each other. I wouldn't even worry about it until you're both in college. Honestly I think it some sort of test or manipulation. Why would a 16 year old girl express a desire to go alone to a strip club?? Damn, times have changed... Link to post Share on other sites
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