appleoranges Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 So I meet Eric from an on-line dating site, and dated for over 3 months. During those months we had an amazingly fun time together with a couple feeling each other out episodes that we were able to work out. We understood each other, were able to get goofy and serious with each other, and overall got along. As the months progressed, my friends and family were always asking me where it was going. And instead of replying, "I don't know and it's still early," I thought I needed to know definitively. Though we were somewhat calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually stopped seeing other people, I brought the topic of our relationship up. After several career changes and many years later, he's back at school working on his next objective which he is most far from, unlike myself. With that he told me that all he could offer me was a good time, and nothing else just yet. So in thinking that I needed to be in the place everyone thinks I should be in, "aka committed relationship/marriage" I broke it off with him the following day. Here's the confusing part. Then I thought that may be three months was too early to define anything. So I went to him, and told him I wanted to be with him again, which he replied "I think it's best we stay platonic. I'll be busy with school and work, and I need to focus. Maybe it was a good thing we aren't together. Relationships are a lot of work, and it wouldn't be fair to you if you weren't my #1 priority." But after the break-up, we've already hung out several times for odd reasons in a friendly manner, but we've recently discussed how attracted we are still to each other. And now we're cooking for each other in a few days. Odd how he said he'd be busy, but seems to have a lot of free time. My question is do you think I was too quick in breaking up with him? Or should I try to stay friends with him? But can that be possible since I might have another agenda cuz I want to get back together with him even though people say he really can't give me what I need. Or should I try to win him over? Or is his now kindness an attempt to get something he's after, and once he meets someone else, will it be me who? Or am I tunnel-visioning that I'm still wearing beer-googles and don't know what's good for me, and I should drop him like a hat and move on? I don't know. I'm so confused. Please help. Thank you.
Merin Posted September 11, 2004 Posted September 11, 2004 I think 3 months was entirely to early to be freaking out if this was "going anywhere" It really doesn't matter where other people think you should be in a relationship or what other peoples expectations of what the relationship should be. The only people in the relationship are you and him, and it isn't like the two of you had been together for a year or more and he still hadn't made any attempt at making things more permanant. It seems to me that he is still very interested in you, but he may not be wanting to make promises to you that he doesn't know he can keep (and there is nothing wrong with that!) way better to be with someone honest than with a liar who keeps you guessing all of the time at thier sincerity. Why not just keep hanging out and stop worrying about where it's going. Don't let other dictate to you where you "should" be in life.
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