OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Split up with my partner, three weeks later she's with someone else. She threw me breadcrumbs once in the meantime and i ate them up and was left crushed. She went no contact and I have respected that but i just have this hole that I can't fill and in the last five weeks I've been through the mill. i know it's over but just can't get her out of my head. Can't go on like this. Friends and family have been great but the person who needs to move on is me. For my sake and my daughter's. Doesn't help that financially I am not in a good place so I can't even go out and take my mind off it or do something different to make me feel good. Please help!
NewPerspective93 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I would suggest you do things to keep your mind off of her; find a hobby, get involved at work/school, do SOMETHING to keep those thoughts out of your head. You're right, you do have to move on. You have the right idea on what to do, and I applaud you for that since some people here don't realize what they have to do in such a situation. Exercise, do stuff with your daughter, just don't let yourself think too much over this. If it helps, realize that she hasn't contacted you and that she is with someone else. I'm sorry to say that, but realizing that she doesn't feel for you will make it a tad easier in moving on. Why? Because you can't control the way she feels, so let it go and move on with your life. Cheers.
Author OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) Thanks. i've ploughed myself into my work etc but I just can't get her out of my head. It's excruciating and totally unrational. I'm not suicidal but just feel I've gone into territory that is not healthy for me and can't dig myself out. I just miss her so much, I really wore my heart on my sleeve and just feel totally demolished. i am just like a spider in a bath tub that can't work it's way out. Talking helps but you end up boring people as you're going in circles. I almost wonder if I am having a breakdown of sorts. Just functioning at the moment and I know she has no right to make me feel like that. It's more like I'm self harming inside my head. Can't get out of this vicious cycle. That's why i'm on here, unloading and I apologise if I sound like a jibbering wreck but that is basically what I've allowed this to reduce me to since January when she ended it. i just can't seem to get closure and peace of mind for myself. Edited March 23, 2013 by OnMyTod
Damsel in Distress Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I'm 5 weeks out too and it has been one hell of a roller coaster. Sometime the loss feels unbearable. The best thing for me is to come on here and re-read all these posts that make it clear that the dumper has MOVED ON. They no longer feel the same way. And there is nothing I can do to change that. I just have to accept it, and work on healing myself. That is the kind of thought that makes me focus on myself instead of wanting to have him back. We are powerless. Their minds have turned, their hearts have closed to us and opened to somebody else, and our job is to accept that with some grace, if possible. I have kids too, and I would recommend putting your focus on your your daughter. Spend some time with her - it doesn't have to cost money. Playing games with her, working on some projects, cooking, etc. Spend the kind of focused time with her that is hard to do when you are also juggling a relationship.
ToyStoryThree Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 You're not having a breakdown, what you're going through is totally normal and sounds pretty similar to what I went through not long ago. Not much money to go out and do things, etc. It's an awful time, and things won't get better before they get worse. But they WILL get better. You don't think so now, but they will. Keep your TV on, if you like TV. Find a new series to watch. Play your Xbox, if you're into that. Start a game from the beginning and make it your mission to complete every little achievement. You said you had a daughter? Get involved with her more - look online, there are plenty of free things to do, locally. Buy a few books, and read them when you get in bed of a night. Sign up to a film streaming service, and make a list of films to watch. Start running. Buy a second hand bicycle and look online for a free training programme. I know none of these things sound exciting, but you gotta keep at it. It will go away. And under no circumstances contact her. Don't. It will hurt you more.
Author OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Thanks Damsel. Unbearable is the word it's been awful. I know you're right it's just the evenings that I am on my own like tonight I just sit and punish myself. I have absolutely no doubt in my head it's over. I have had friends and family of hers put me in the picture but it's just me I can't move on from my current position. We had a long distance relationship and she's with a guy who worked where she is. I guess I also feel cheated. The whole thing is such a cliche. i have looked at it and can see she was a very egocentric person and the world revolves around her, I know I will be better off without her, it's just me right now and my own feelings that I am finding very hard to deal with I am just caught in my own personal nightmare. It's ridiculous that I would let something that has basically caused me pain to carry on doing so but that's my predicament. Just can't seem to lay her to rest it's dreadful. :-(
Author OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Thanks ToyStory Three. Yes I want to get back out running but weather here is dreadful right now and I have a niggling injury to protect that plays up in the cold. Trust me I will never contact her again. Thankfully she lives away so it's not like she's local and rubbing my face in it. I have removed all things to do with her from my life. Like you say things have to get worse before they get better. It's my birthday next Sunday and I don't even want to do anything. How sad is that. She has no right to make me feel like this but here I am. Again thanks for your kind words :-) 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Most of us on here are jabbering emotional wrecks. That's why we're here. It helps to see other people are just as much of a mess. And it helps to read the words of the experienced on here.. They repeat themselves blue in the face, and it really does help. Move on, NC, heal yourself, etc etc etc. Believe me, I feel the same kind of insane craziness in my head that I simply can't deal with this loss. There's a different quality to grieving a death, because this is somebody who has CHOSEN to leave, and also because they aren't actually dead, there is this insane clinging onto a hope of getting them back. But keep reading these posts on here. No, they aren't dead, but they are gone from our lives and there is nothing we can do to get them back. As long as you keep thinking that it's within the realm of possibility to get them back, you will be an emotional mess. I also find it helps to reply to other people. It's easier to see in other people's situations than it is in your own, but hopefully the lesson starts to sink in. 2
ToyStoryThree Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 What's the injury? I'm amazed at how similar your story is to mine, even down to a niggling injury that's stopping me from getting out, lol. Perhaps you could look online for physio exercises to strengthen it? Do you or your family have plans for your birthday? It doesn't have to be anything big, and I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel like doing anything but don't let this ruin THAT day - do something you enjoy at least just for one day.
Author OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Yes Damsel you're right. I lost my Dad just over two years ago but this is just totally different. It's about how they've got into your head. I have to fall out of love with her and that's the hard part. I accept my faults played a part in us not working out and have no misconceived ideas of reconcilliation. After the way she threw me false hope five weeks ago, tore my life and who I am to bits then just vanished and cut me off means that I couldn't even be her friend again.But I am still in that horrible situation where my feelings for her are not gone. It's ridiculous really, but even now as I type, like you say, it helps, it's therapeutic i suppose. I just long for a night's sleep and not to wake up and my first thought to be her. She doesn't deserve it she really doesn't. But it's my pain I am having so much trouble dealing with. It's excruciating.
Author OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 ToyStory Three it's a long-standing achilles injury. Yes you're right I will probably do something family orientated. Doesn't help that my birthday kind of coincides with the time I fell totally head over heels for her. Life eh, it's such a bitch sometimes! ha ha.
Author OnMyTod Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Also, it's the fact that she's off with a new, wealthier guy, having a good time as if nothing happened is just a real kick to my pride. Just a week before we split I drove to see her and held her in my arms for hours as she broke her heart on the anniversary of her uncle who she was very close to dying. I wanted so badly to just sweep her up and take her home with me but it just wasn't to be. Less than a month later she's on the internet and a picture pops up of her out on her birthday and the penny dropped. I've fallen so hard and am just really crushed.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Think very carefully about the things that WEREN'T great. Irritants, annoyances, pettiness, whatever. I'm sure there are some. And take her OFF the pedestal. She is only human, complete with flaws, just like you and me. You are thinking/remembering her in a romanticized light. NO!!! Stop doing this... These techniques have helped me a great deal!!! You can do it. You can make it!!! 1
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