Tres Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) I know that I am looking for a serious relationship with the right man. I would like to find the man either online or IRL. I am not interested in short-term relationships for sex. Perhaps I might find the right man somehow. Then, I have asked myself several questions 'What could I give the right man except sex? What could I do to make him happy? How could I make him need me for emotional, social and intellectual connection?' I am 40 y.o and I have all the questions with no answers. I do know how to make a man want me for sex. But, I have no idea what a man in 40s might look for in a woman if he is interested in a serious relationship. Any suggestions on what men might be looking if they want serious relationships? What I can give the right man to build a true relationship/attachment? Edited March 23, 2013 by Tres 3
insertnamehere Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 The brutal truth? You could give him a 25-year old friend. A man in his 40s is looking for a woman in her mid to late 20s. Especially if we're talking long-term partner.
Author Tres Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 The brutal truth? You could give him a 25-year old friend. A man in his 40s is looking for a woman in her mid to late 20s. Especially if we're talking long-term partner. Thank you. It was a good answer. But, are you in 40s yourself? Why would a girl 25 y.o be the best long-term partner for a man 45 y.o? Do you mean that they are good together to take care for their babies? I mean that she wants to give birth babies and he is capable to provide financially?
JackieChiles Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 What I can give the right man to build a true relationship/attachment? I don't know how anyone can answer this except for you.
Author Tres Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Thank you. It was a good answer. But, are you in 40s yourself? Why would a girl 25 y.o be the best long-term partner for a man 45 y.o? Do you mean that they are good together to take care for their babies? I mean that she wants to give birth babies and he is capable to provide financially? As for me, I am looking for a man in 40s who does not want to have any more childen.
Author Tres Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 I don't know how anyone can answer this except for you. I was wondering what men might want. Perhaps my love, my support, my cooking, doing their laundary or whatever.
phineas Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I'm 41. Men my age want what all men want. If you can't find & keep a man then there is either something you are doing to scare them off or you keep going after the wrong types of men. If you play games with a man because you read it in book, the only one's who will stick around are the players. And once they "win" you they will bail.
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I was wondering what men might want. Perhaps my love, my support, my cooking, doing their laundary or whatever. I'm 44 and sure as heck not looking for a woman 10+ years my junior. -maturity (including about sex) -opennes -common interests and interests that will make me better, take me outside of my comfort zone -kindness, compassion, affection -open to loving my kids (I have two) What most people want. I'm curious, but at 40, it seems odd that you seem to have little or no idea. Have been in relationships in the past? Anyway, it also depends on the quality of the guy you meet. Some don't care unless they get the sex.
dj572 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I'm 38 soon to be 39. What I want might not be what other guys my age want. Everybody is different. I don't have any kids nor do I want any. I don't want somebody that plays games. I want somebody that is not clingy or needy. I want someone that lets me be me. If a woman can't accept me for who I am then I am not interested. I would like someone with similar interests as me. I don't need somebody to do my dishes or laundry I do that myself but somebody that is willing to pitch in and help would be nice but not necessary. Of course sex is important too. I don't want a 25 year old either I want a woman close to my own age.
Woggle Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Men want a woman who will love him, be true and not betray him. We want to be sure that ten years down the line if we do marry we won't end up like the divorced guys we know who had their lives turned upside down at the drop of a hat. 1
phineas Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Men want a woman who will love him, be true and not betray him. We want to be sure that ten years down the line if we do marry we won't end up like the divorced guys we know who had their lives turned upside down at the drop of a hat. Yeah, but if a man is around 40 & single it's a good bet he's already been divorced & had his life turned upside down from divorce. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Yeah, but if a man is around 40 & single it's a good bet he's already been divorced & had his life turned upside down from divorce. Or in my case, a widower who's lost an amazing woman and looking for love again!
Woggle Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Yeah, but if a man is around 40 & single it's a good bet he's already been divorced & had his life turned upside down from divorce. It depends. There are some bachelors but most of us have seen a man we know go through it and it is enough to make even the biggest romantic cautious about committing. If a women is really interested in a man at that age most have to break through that cynicism. It can be done though.
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Men just know when a woman is the one, even when the woman is married. Is there a man in your life who happens to brush by you and takes inspiration from you? Someone you admire and respect at a subconscious level? Let that man know that you love him and that you just want his happiness, well-being, spiritual companionship and good heart. 1
RedRobin Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 If a women is really interested in a man at that age most have to break through that cynicism. It can be done though. Baloney... It is HIS job to break through his own cynicism if he wants a loving relationship again and win the heart of a good woman. Many women have had their own share of heartbreak and are trying to trust again too. We can't be expected to 'fix it' for men... That's not healthy.
Woggle Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Baloney... It is HIS job to break through his own cynicism if he wants a loving relationship again and win the heart of a good woman. Many women have had their own share of heartbreak and are trying to trust again too. We can't be expected to 'fix it' for men... That's not healthy. Why shouldn't women have to win men's hearts as well. 2
RedRobin Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 ...but to answer the OP... My observation is to avoid men with commitment issues from the get go. Learn how to spot them early and move on quickly. That's my best advice. Every man is different though... there is no one size fits all...but if you are looking for a committed relationship, the #1 thing to look for is a man who values that and has a proven track record of it. That is the good thing about dating men in their 40's. They have a track record... Good luck!
RedRobin Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Why shouldn't women have to win men's hearts as well. Doing what? Being his maid and f*buddy while he puts his life together and figures out what he wants? NO! I'm not about to waste my time 'breaking through' someone's cynicism. If they are afraid of commitment or don't value it, then they will have to go figure it out on their own or get some therapy.
lovelyde Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Love is not something to be won. Love is something to be received. Man loves a woman for who she is. Woman loves a man for who he is. That's the only true love that lasts forever. 1
Woggle Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Doing what? Being his maid and f*buddy while he puts his life together and figures out what he wants? NO! I'm not about to waste my time 'breaking through' someone's cynicism. If they are afraid of commitment or don't value it, then they will have to go figure it out on their own or get some therapy. I don't mean that but I feel that any woman I would deem worthy of commitment would understand why a man these days would be so afraid of commitment. If a man can't be honest about his fears with a woman he shouldn't be with her. 2
RedRobin Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I don't mean that but I feel that any woman I would deem worthy of commitment would understand why a man these days would be so afraid of commitment. If a man can't be honest about his fears with a woman he shouldn't be with her. Of course. Reasonable caution is to be expected. However, I broke up with a guy recently (after dating for four months) because he claimed he needed to date me like 5 or 10 years before he'd feel comfortable getting married again. That I won't do. That was unreasonable. He was honest though. He could have told me that before we entered a relationship... which is why I'm no longer on speaking terms with him. I feel he lied to me to try and hook me emotionally and string me along in some pseudo-marriage like existence because he's terrified of real commitment. I can't help him... and seeing how he and I have been divorced the same amount of time, and he wasn't cheated on (like I was)... his excuses sounded rather lame. 1
xxoo Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Men over 40 are of two groups: never married, and formerly married. The never-marrieds are a bad bet if you want to get married. Of the formerly married, there are widowers and divorced men. Younger men will typically be divorced. (Oh, there are also married men, too....avoid them!!!) Of the divorced men, there are men who never want to marry again, and those who do want to marry again. They know who they are, so find out early. Those who certainly do want to marry again generally want to avoid another divorce. So they are looking for low drama, sweetness, trustworthiness, and a generally pleasant life together. That feeling of security isn't something you can force; it's best when it's genuine connection and ease. 2
Author Tres Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Men over 40 are of two groups: never married, and formerly married. The never-marrieds are a bad bet if you want to get married. Of the formerly married, there are widowers and divorced men. Younger men will typically be divorced. (Oh, there are also married men, too....avoid them!!!) Of the divorced men, there are men who never want to marry again, and those who do want to marry again. They know who they are, so find out early. Those who certainly do want to marry again generally want to avoid another divorce. So they are looking for low drama, sweetness, trustworthiness, and a generally pleasant life together. That feeling of security isn't something you can force; it's best when it's genuine connection and ease. In fact, getting married is not important for me. I am mostly looking for a true friend and emotional attachment. I was married before and my marriage was built on superficial things (such as looks, age) without true connection. And, the superficial things get old for a man very soon. It is hard to figure out how to find a true friend.On the one hand, men are mostly focused on woman's looks and sex. And, on the other hand, sex and looks get old very soon if there are no other things that a man wants from his woman. 1
Roadkill007 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I know that I am looking for a serious relationship with the right man. I would like to find the man either online or IRL. I am not interested in short-term relationships for sex. Perhaps I might find the right man somehow. Then, I have asked myself several questions 'What could I give the right man except sex? What could I do to make him happy? How could I make him need me for emotional, social and intellectual connection?' I am 40 y.o and I have all the questions with no answers. I do know how to make a man want me for sex. But, I have no idea what a man in 40s might look for in a woman if he is interested in a serious relationship. Any suggestions on what men might be looking if they want serious relationships? What I can give the right man to build a true relationship/attachment? Well, you need to find someone with the same values as you, in terms of relationships. For example, you're looking for a true friend and emotional attachment. Perhaps you wouldn't mind also having some passion with your love partner, but more than anything, you want an intimate companion. If you can somehow find a man who shares those values and needs, and develop a loving relationship with him, then I suppose it may work out.
SJC2008 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 ...but to answer the OP... My observation is to avoid men with commitment issues from the get go. Learn how to spot them early and move on quickly. That's my best advice. Every man is different though... there is no one size fits all...but if you are looking for a committed relationship, the #1 thing to look for is a man who values that and has a proven track record of it. That is the good thing about dating men in their 40's. They have a track record... Good luck! WRONG! Many commitment phobes have LONG relationships. They don't end until a really big step toward commitment happens. Like moving out of state in MC's thread. Like when the last woman I dated when she got an apartment with her bf of 7 years and he dumped her. I'll say it till I'm blue in the face, the type of relationship holds more weight than the length of relationship. 1
Recommended Posts