How Important Is Image?

[beyond]

I don't know if I contradicted myself per se, although I certainly see your point.

 

At that moment, I just felt, it was what it was. Bitching at her about how poorly she handled the situation would make me look weak, in my mind.

 

And she's not my girlfriend. If she was my girlfriend I'd certainly fight to keep her if I still loved her.

 

What was going through my mind at the time was "blah, whatever, you suck. Your relationship isn't gonna last which is why you took a break to begin with. We'll see what happens to you."

 

I certainly was not going to say that to her.

 

I see your point too.

 

Certainly wouldn't advocate bitching at her, just no harm telling her you're not impressed with how she handled herself. It just seems more authentic then being mr laid back about it all when that is clearly not how you felt.

[JackieChiles]

I think image is super important. It is for me, at least. I find so many girls so much more attractive (not just in terms of looks, but them as a whole) if they care about their image and they present themselves in a great manner. I think it's a super attractive quality.

[soccerrprp]

Just be yourself and don't worry what vibe you're giving off.

 

That's confidence at its finest when you just don't give a crap what other people think. It's very attractive and totally freeing.

 

The clear caveat to this is when your "don't worry what vibe you're giving off" is obnoxious and off-putting. It may be totally freeing, but I think many of us would agree that there's little or nothing attractive about an a-hole who is arrogant and rude.

 

I'm certain most of us would not want to come across as being an a-hole as the image we want to convey.

 

Be yourself, if you're not, but if you are or something else undesirable (reasonably speaking), try reimaging, rebranding. I would like think that I've go my crap together, so try to stick with my image, but if there is clear evidence it needs work or tinkering, well, making changes in our lives whether habits, etc. is what we all do as long as it doesn't inherently destroy who we are to our detriment.

 

Not an expert on this... just some of my thoughts.

Edited March 23, 2013 by soccerrprp

[Woggle]

Unless you sign my paycheck I don't give a damn what you think of me. You can't impress everybody so why not do what you want and attract people that are true?

[soccerrprp]

Unless you sign my paycheck I don't give a damn what you think of me. You can't impress everybody so why not do what you want and attract people that are true?

 

No one here is suggesting that you do otherwise. Being true can mean the new and improved you, after insight, reassessment, reflection...and change.

 

Being true is not an issue in this discussion.

[lovelyde]

Women, let me tell you something you all should know:

 

 

Image is not important.

 

Being yourself and acting like a jerk is.

[Barnacle-Bob]

I try not to look like a total idiot, but I also don't put much effort into it.

 

Physique-wise, I guess I put a lot of work in, but a) its for me and b) its fun. I play in a couple basketball leagues, and then play a couple more times a week, I lift a little, swim a little. But that stuff is primarily for me...but I haven't had any girls complain about the results.

 

Style/clothing-wise, I keep it simple. Current, but simple, with minimal effort. Hair, same...current but not crazy. I spend about 10 minutes getting ready in the morning. My clothing skews toward urban with some redneck sensibility and outdoorsiness.

 

It's not important to me, but I don't discount it either. It's self-marketing, so if you have any objective toward meeting somebody, its helpful to maintain an image, but more importantly, that image has to fit you. It's got to look fluid and natural. There is nothing worse than somebody forcing an image or trying to be super stylish and trendy. It looks forced and uncool.

 

In terms of a girl's image, its somewhat important to me, but not critical.

[ThaWholigan]

Image is important, but not in the sense that I project an image that girls like at the expense of my own personal liking of my own idea of what my image should be. Consequently, I am far from done crafting my rather raw image, but so far not only am I becoming more and more fond of my outer persona that complements my inner, but as I craft it, it becomes more popular anyway.

 

So I craft an image that is complementary to who I already am, that has the added benefit of attracting people (particularly the women I am attracted to).

 

As for women's image: I am drawn to the women that project their creativity and passion in not just their fashion but their physiology as a whole (i.e. body language, expression etc).

[chex]

Image is important. And if you pretend to be what you actually want to be, you'll start becoming that. You know how your mother said that if you make an ugly face it'll stick that way? If you make an attractive face, or image, it'll stick that way, you'll become what you want to be.

[apple OR orange]

Picture is 1000 words, its very important no matter how many people its what inside that counts

[amaysngrace]

The clear caveat to this is when your "don't worry what vibe you're giving off" is obnoxious and off-putting. It may be totally freeing, but I think many of us would agree that there's little or nothing attractive about an a-hole who is arrogant and rude.

 

I'm certain most of us would not want to come across as being an a-hole as the image we want to convey.

 

Be yourself, if you're not, but if you are or something else undesirable (reasonably speaking), try reimaging, rebranding. I would like think that I've go my crap together, so try to stick with my image, but if there is clear evidence it needs work or tinkering, well, making changes in our lives whether habits, etc. is what we all do as long as it doesn't inherently destroy who we are to our detriment.

 

Not an expert on this... just some of my thoughts.

 

While I agree that most of us could use some improvement, I still hold true that you should do it for yourself and not because of what vibe you're throwing and what others might think of you.

 

Changing for other people is not being true to yourself.

[ltjg45]

I don't really care much about image because, frankly, that is the least of my concerns and worries. I got to find a job first, get my own place, get a better wardrobe, go back into college, etc etc.

 

The image I'm sending to others is the last thing on my life because, frankly, I don't care what they think of me anyway.

 

I'm being who I am. What I do is the kind of male any female who has interest in me will get. I show no lies or be anyone I'm not.

 

Therefore, if I ever get a female's attention who wants me and I'm physically attracted to her, she knows exactly the kind of person she is getting. I prefer it that way.

[Archgirl]

Yeah, see, personally--I believe we can be whoever we want in this life. Yes, I think there are some things in our personality have long been formed and can't really be changed. But other things can.

 

The more self aware you are, the more you're able to control what you do and don't do, and how you do it.

 

I'll give an example. The image I go for is that of the cool guy. The guy with ice in his veins that is never rattled. That takes a casual, laid back approach to life.

 

I had an incident recently where a girl led me on, she was on a break from her boyfriend, teased the idea of us hookong up, then she dropped me and got back with her boyfriend.

 

When she gave me the news, I was fuming inside. Emotions can't be changed, but how you respond can be. I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, kept myself in check, and instead of laying into her like I wanted, I responded with "Hey, that's cool. You are a good person, you deserve to be happy. Good luck."

 

I made that decision consciously, because I wanted to keep up my image of not being rattled. Some things I do take a conscious effort, other things have become natural to me. Either way, her image of me being cool has not been changed, and recently, she's started coming back around. Had I lit into her and burned that bridge, lost my cool etc, I'm sure she wouldn't have done that.

 

That's exactly what I would have done. Why whine and let them see they've got you when there's no gain and it would only diminish you further.

I don't believe every emotion has to be discussed explicitly. It's just not classy.

[soccerrprp]

While I agree that most of us could use some improvement, I still hold true that you should do it for yourself and not because of what vibe you're throwing and what others might think of you.

 

Changing for other people is not being true to yourself.

 

If being true to yourself is being an a-hole, then changes need to be made. You get a pretty good idea of what you're about by what and how others view you- their image of you.

 

I am not suggesting that we compromise our identities for small, petty, vain things.

 

The changes that I have made have made me a "better" person. Making changes that make sense, make you better, make you more confident, there's nothing wrong with that.

 

You should want to make changes in your life because of those reasons.

 

But I know what you're saying.

[Eggplant]

I am in awe of the effort that some people, in particular Latinos, put into their appearance. My female relatives don't wear make-up and my parents love to lounge around in sweat pants. But I have been highly influenced by some of my Latina friends. For them it's a war, and they fight to uphold their appearance at all cost.

 

The effort pays off big time because I feel more confident and happier about myself. It gets me through the drearier parts of life. "Fake it till you make it" is a powerful psychological tool. As long as it makes me happy, and I don't judge other people and realize that appearances are surface-deep, it helps me.

 

OP, you mention wanting to be the best lover possible a woman could have -- this stress may very well pay off. The effort in and of itself, regardless of the results, should blow away any woman.

 

It reminds me of 'la bella figura,' the importance in Italian culture on presenting a certain image.

Bella Figura and Brutta Figura: Italy?s Beauty and the Beast! | Arts and Culture | ITALY Magazine

[KungFuJoe]

Just be yourself. I mean, it's really the simplest thing in the world for people to do, yet so many don't get it, and they wonder why they struggle.

 

I'm not gonna lie...my dating life has been easy as pie. Same with my wife. Other than our first breakups with our first loves (we were young and stupid) it's been easy street for both of us until we found each other in our early 20s and that was that. Maybe we were lucky..sure...luck had something to do with it...not gonna deny it. But we are also two of the most non fake people you will ever meet...totally comfortable and happy being who we are.

 

That's why, 13 years later, we're still ridiculously happy together. Because we fell in love with each other and we never changed. Because we were always true to ourselves.

 

When you hear someone say, "oh, she/he used to be so great, but then they changed..." It's not because they changed for the worse...it's because they were always hiding their true self, and couldn't keep up the charade.

[SarahPerry]

Image is very important as it dicides your first impression:confused:

[carhill]

How important is image to you? Both in the other person, and your own personal image. Do you care about your image at all? Do you take steps to portray a specific image? Do you tend to go for someone who portrays a specific image?

Generally, no, I don't think about, project, protect or feel an image is important.

 

I caught a sample of this a couple weekends ago when installing a wall oven for a friend's wife. He was at their beach house so she and I were alone and she was puttering around the house while I was working. We've known each other a long time but she noted that I talked to myself a lot while working. My response was, having lived alone most of my life, if I were silent except in the company of others and engaged in conversation, I'd forget how to speak. That was a great example of me doing what I do without regard to how it appears to others. IMO, life's too short to worry about what others think or perceive, as such is completely unique to each individual, unknown to myself and outside of my control.

 

Does this qualify as social anarchy? Perhaps. I have those leanings. Probably comes from my penchant for demolition.

[Art_Critic]

Generally, no, I don't think about, project, protect or feel an image is important.

 

I have 2 sides, the social side which is just like yours and the business side, in my business my image is huge as far as what the customer and employees think of me.

 

I personally and on a social level don't care think what others think of me and my image, I even wear jeans and sneakers everyday.

 

However, I wish I could get my wife to think about things like I do, she gives what others, including people she doesn't know think of her the highest of priorities, she won't go to Home Depot in dirty yard clothes

 

I think it impacts how much fun she has at times, she spends way too much time worrying about and preparing for what others may think.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How important is image to you? Both in the other person, and your own personal image. Do you care about your image at all? Do you take steps to portray a specific image? Do you tend to go for someone who portrays a specific image?

 

I used to when I was in my 20s. Hipsterish with a bit of preppy thrown in. Something like that.

 

My image was liberal artistic metrosexual. DKNY. Buffalo Exchange. Urban Outfitters. Musician. MOMA. I tried to sell that.

 

That was also the type of woman that I wanted. Hipsterish, liberal, urban, socially conscious.

 

Never worked. No woman I've dated has been even close to that.

 

Nowadays, I'm much more vanilla.

[carhill]

Social conformity, both in business (I'm a business owner too) and personal life was far more important to me in my 20's and part of my 30's but some really harsh lessons in those arenas taught me to be true to oneself and care less about others and society as a whole.

 

I thought of this yesterday when my most recent tenants stopped by to collect keys and signoff on their walk-through and saw my old truck heaped, Beverly Hills hillbilly style, with all my 'stuff' from the rehab. My one surrender to 'image' was to change out of the sweaty and dirty clothes I had been in while sealing some HVAC leaks up in the attic into clean street clothes. Otherwise, WYSIWYG.

 

I recall Julia Roberts making a comment one time about how fame is 'fleeting'. IME, so is 'popularity'. In the long run, it's one's relationship with oneself which matters. Other people are nice off-ramps along the freeway of life. Stop, smell the roses and move on. Clean up after the dog.