Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 I should have co-wrote this thread with soccer Her answers articulate my message much better than my own, it seems.
Divasu Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 So I'm pretty theatrical when it comes to dating.That "just be yourself" shtick that gets passed around on here is lazy advice, if you could even call it advice. If that were true, none of us would struggle with dating because we'd all just be ourselves and people would love us.So, do you think you would get dates if you were just being yourself? Or, do you have to always put on an act, to get them? In marketing, branding then becomes the natural evolution to image, once you've established an ideal of who and what you are (not only superficial), you then brand to propagate that image as it best reflects you. That's true. The difference between branding vs. marketing is: one is who you are, the other is what you do...
StanMusial Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I totally disagree that IMAGE only conveys what is superficial. That is clearly not the case if you are aware, and we all are, of product images and what those images convey to the consumer. An image can also be an embodiment of how we perceive or ID with a product or in this case a person. It's not only what is superficial and even a facade need not be a false representation (speaking about people). In marketing, branding then becomes the natural evolution to image, once you've established an ideal of who and what you are (not only superficial), you then brand to propagate that image as it best reflects you. I get what you're saying, but in terms of people, in my experience, if you're making a conscious decision to convey an image, chances are it's not an accurate representation of true identity. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I should have co-wrote this thread with soccer Her answers articulate my message much better than my own, it seems. Thanks Castle, but I'm a guy.
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I get what you're saying, but in terms of people, in my experience, if you're making a conscious decision to convey an image, chances are it's not an accurate representation of true identity. I hear you, if not natural, then not the real you. I agree. I'm saying that I, personally, project an image that DOES represent me. Others may not. When I am myself, it isn't a check-list approach, it is natural, but if asked what I am about, I can "consciously" share the qualities that I feel I embody (more like, try to). I hear you, though.
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 So, do you think you would get dates if you were just being yourself? Or, do you have to always put on an act, to get them?[/Quote] Not that I put on an act. How I handle situations has changed. How I package myself has changed. For example, I've always been a creative type. Always into the arts, I write creatively, I act, I do photography. Back when I was unsuccessful, I didn't really show that side of myself, and only those who were close to me knew I was heavy in the arts. I realized as I got older, chicks dig creative types. So my mission became, well how can I show that early on. How can I let them know that I'm a creative type. I didn't say "well chicks like photographers, let me lie and say I'm a photographer." Or "chicks dig writers, let me take a writing class so I can learn to write better and get hot chicks." It was just a matter of taking qualities women were attracted to, qualities I've always had, and finding a way to sell them early, and not wait for a girl to have to get to know me to see these qualities.
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Thanks Castle, but I'm a guy. Whoa. Sorry bro. Rose avy threw me off. Good thing I didn't make a pass at you
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Whoa. Sorry bro. Rose avy threw me off. Good thing I didn't make a pass at you No problem! I love roses. Not a typical masculine thing to admit to for some, but that's part of my "image" as well. 1
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Here's another example. Underneath my cool exterior, I'm fiery. I don't know if it's the latin thing, the scorpio thing, or both. But I am extremely passionate. I don't want to wait for a moment to present itself where I can show off my passion. Because that moment may not come for a while. I need her to know, early on, that I'm fiery when I need to be. So the question becomes, how can I convey to her that I'm a passionate guy. What steps can I take to sell that part of my personality? That's all I mean. Packaging the good qualities you have so people identify you as that person.
todreaminblue Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Here's another example. Underneath my cool exterior, I'm fiery. I don't know if it's the latin thing, the scorpio thing, or both. But I am extremely passionate. I don't want to wait for a moment to present itself where I can show off my passion. Because that moment may not come for a while. I need her to know, early on, that I'm fiery when I need to be. So the question becomes, how can I convey to her that I'm a passionate guy. What steps can I take to sell that part of my personality? That's all I mean. Packaging the good qualities you have so people identify you as that person. you show compassion mrcastle.........you show passion for what you love and fire for important things.......not sexually related a dead give away for a passionate lover who cares about their partner and can show it in the bedroom...i dont know you at all but i see your passion in your posts it should be a cinch for you in real life with those you care about...your compassion shines through with you bothering to help others you dont even know....you got it ....you know it....so share it...let them see it...hugs btw thanks for your compassion the other day....appreciated and accepted....now right back atcha....deb 1
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 you show compassion mrcastle.........you show passion for what you love and fire for important things.......not sexually related a dead give away for a passionate lover who cares about their partner and can show it in the bedroom...i dont know you at all but i see your passion in your posts it should be a cinch for you in real life with those you care about...your compassion shines through with you bothering to help others you dont even know....you got it ....you know it....so share it...let them see it...hugs btw thanks for your compassion the other day....appreciated and accepted....now right back atcha....deb Thanks babe. Much appreciated. Yes, I do think I'm compassionate, for the reasons you've stated, but we also have a few people here who would disagree with your perception of me. Which goes back to the original topic, how can you promote yourself so people get a better understanding of who you are early on.
CryForNoOne Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Have you ever owned an Apple product? They ARE better quality by far. I've had my Mac laptop for 5+ years now....by far the longest. It hasn't caused me any problems in that time. You have no idea WTF you are talking about. Apple products are great at what they do but they actually do very little other than basic stuff. Anyway, OT but I'll leave it at Apple products are great for the typical user but the world cannot run on them for a reason...
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 You have no idea WTF you are talking about. Apple products are great at what they do but they actually do very little other than basic stuff. Anyway, OT but I'll leave it at Apple products are great for the typical user but the world cannot run on them for a reason... Apple products are awesome. I will leave it at that.
todreaminblue Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Thanks babe. Much appreciated. Yes, I do think I'm compassionate, for the reasons you've stated, but we also have a few people here who would disagree with your perception of me. Which goes back to the original topic, how can you promote yourself so people get a better understanding of who you are early on. why do you feel the need to promote who you are firstly? i need to know that before i answer ....deb
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 why do you feel the need to promote who you are firstly? i need to know that before i answer ....deb Because I feel if more people knew who I was early on, I'd have more options to choose from dating wise. This has been true so far. I wasn't getting rejected for who I was, I was failing to show people who I was. I am doing a better job of that now and my success has improved as a result. 3
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Because I feel if more people knew who I was early on, I'd have more options to choose from dating wise. This has been true so far. I wasn't getting rejected for who I was, I was failing to show people who I was. I am doing a better job of that now and my success has improved as a result. I like the idea of letting people know YOU early on. Put it all out there, so no surprises later and after some time and commitment has been made that may make things more complicated. Again, it does matter what "image" you are conveying. A positive, more socially accepting image appeals to more people. No one wants to date a jerk, mean person.
beyond Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 'image' as opposed to 'looks' seems to imply something false/manufactured to me. Surely you just 'are' a certain way. Looks wise, yes, like most people, I care how I look, want to present myself to the best I can be and they are important to me in the opposite sex in the context of if I would date them. Not the be all and end all, but would have to have initial attraction for someone. I am not a 'cool' person, much as I would like to be, I'm not. Everytime I've tried to project that image in the past it has all gone horribly wrong - from falling off chairs, to trying to look nonchalent while one heel is stuck in a pavement crack. It's just not me. If, for some reason I managed to pull it off for a few dates, he would soon find out the truth, so what would be the point? I want people to see the real me. The only image I can think I have, is what others constantly tell me, which is that I'm very feminine. I happen to like skirts/dresses more than jeans and I prefer being ladylike to being a ladette, it's part of who I am, I haven't thought about it or cultivated it. Mr Castle, I feel you contradict yourself. On the one hand you say you project a cool image and even though you felt furious with that girl for leading you on and then getting back with her bf, you smiled and said it was fine. Then in another post, you say you are fiery underneath and want to show that side. I think you should have shown that girl your fiery side and told her you felt messed around - she may well have liked you/respected you for it.
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 I like the idea of letting people know YOU early on. Put it all out there, so no surprises later and after some time and commitment has been made that may make things more complicated. Again, it does matter what "image" you are conveying. A positive, more socially accepting image appeals to more people. No one wants to date a jerk, mean person. Exactly what I mean.
todreaminblue Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Because I feel if more people knew who I was early on, I'd have more options to choose from dating wise. This has been true so far. I wasn't getting rejected for who I was, I was failing to show people who I was. I am doing a better job of that now and my success has improved as a result. what have you done to show who you are?
amaysngrace Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Just be yourself and don't worry what vibe you're giving off. That's confidence at its finest when you just don't give a crap what other people think. It's very attractive and totally freeing. 1
beyond Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Just be yourself and don't worry what vibe you're giving off. That's confidence at its finest when you just don't give a crap what other people think. It's very attractive and totally freeing. That's it in a nutshell!
Author MrCastle Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 'image' as opposed to 'looks' seems to imply something false/manufactured to me. Surely you just 'are' a certain way. Looks wise, yes, like most people, I care how I look, want to present myself to the best I can be and they are important to me in the opposite sex in the context of if I would date them. Not the be all and end all, but would have to have initial attraction for someone. I am not a 'cool' person, much as I would like to be, I'm not. Everytime I've tried to project that image in the past it has all gone horribly wrong - from falling off chairs, to trying to look nonchalent while one heel is stuck in a pavement crack. It's just not me. If, for some reason I managed to pull it off for a few dates, he would soon find out the truth, so what would be the point? I want people to see the real me. The only image I can think I have, is what others constantly tell me, which is that I'm very feminine. I happen to like skirts/dresses more than jeans and I prefer being ladylike to being a ladette, it's part of who I am, I haven't thought about it or cultivated it. Mr Castle, I feel you contradict yourself. On the one hand you say you project a cool image and even though you felt furious with that girl for leading you on and then getting back with her bf, you smiled and said it was fine. Then in another post, you say you are fiery underneath and want to show that side. I think you should have shown that girl your fiery side and told her you felt messed around - she may well have liked you/respected you for it. I don't know if I contradicted myself per se, although I certainly see your point. At that moment, I just felt, it was what it was. Bitching at her about how poorly she handled the situation would make me look weak, in my mind. And she's not my girlfriend. If she was my girlfriend I'd certainly fight to keep her if I still loved her. What was going through my mind at the time was "blah, whatever, you suck. Your relationship isn't gonna last which is why you took a break to begin with. We'll see what happens to you." I certainly was not going to say that to her.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I think we all have insecurities at some level. All of us are working to improve something about ourselves. Whether it's physical, mental, whether it's something as simple as how we dress. We're all trying to improve. As I've said many times here, the stuff you're saying may be sound advice for a regular guy just trying to see some respectful dating success. That's not me. I'm not typical by any means. When it comes to dating, I don't want to be just some other dude a girl dated. I want to be remembered. I need to be that guy. I get off on being different. On being nothing a woman has seen before. I'm not in it to tow the line like every man she met before me. I want to rock her world. So I'm pretty theatrical when it comes to dating. I'm just naturally passionate and regular relationships/typical dating doesn't work for me. I used to feel like this too, Castle. I have a friend that's in his mid-30s and feels very similar. He's always "cool" and I can tell that this is not necessarily natural for him. I've known him for a while and I'm very observational. I know when he gets flustered, but is trying to cover it up (though, very few others are able to recognize this about him). He seems to live an empty life (things are all about image for him...and not about actual quality). We had different styles (you go for "cool", I went for "charming"), but I got tired of it. At this point, I'm tired of caring how I look. I don't care much about rocking a girl's world. The real world can be a lonely place. You'll find out that your image is really just an empty shell. I don't try to keep one up anymore. I'm pretty honest with people and don't really care how they see me. I've found that this makes me the happiest. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Some say that image is not important. I don't see how or why it could not be. Would you walk into a job interview in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops? Would you roll out of bed and go to work or out to meet a date of any kind with pillow creases on your face, wrinkled clothes, and your hair sticking up in spikes? Do you brush your teeth and hair everyday even if you're not going to see anyone that day? Once I was supposed to tutor a high school girl who had been in jail for beating up her dad. She came in, tipping the scales at 400+lbs, never bathing, never brushing her hair, and never brushing her teeth. I asked her at some point why is it that she chooses not to bathe herself, she said it was because she is not required to look nice for anyone. This same individual ended up screaming at me, throwing a tantrum, walking out not before throwing a chair at me. Last I heard she dropped out of high school and has spent some time in jail since. You may argue that was an extreme example. Granted, it was. But remember that could be you just as easily. You can descend into mental illness just as easily, and you could reach a point where you stop caring.
amaysngrace Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Some say that image is not important. I don't see how or why it could not be. Would you walk into a job interview in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops? Would you roll out of bed and go to work or out to meet a date of any kind with pillow creases on your face, wrinkled clothes, and your hair sticking up in spikes? Do you brush your teeth and hair everyday even if you're not going to see anyone that day? Once I was supposed to tutor a high school girl who had been in jail for beating up her dad. She came in, tipping the scales at 400+lbs, never bathing, never brushing her hair, and never brushing her teeth. I asked her at some point why is it that she chooses not to bathe herself, she said it was because she is not required to look nice for anyone. This same individual ended up screaming at me, throwing a tantrum, walking out not before throwing a chair at me. Last I heard she dropped out of high school and has spent some time in jail since. You may argue that was an extreme example. Granted, it was. But remember that could be you just as easily. You can descend into mental illness just as easily, and you could reach a point where you stop caring. Having good hygiene and a sense of style is a very small part of image. It's that superficial crap that gets you noticed but if your image relies solely upon what brand shoes you wear or type of car you drive, people know that type from a mile away. The things they own are all they're worth.
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