How Important Is Image?

[MrCastle]

How important is image to you? Both in the other person, and your own personal image. Do you care about your image at all? Do you take steps to portray a specific image? Do you tend to go for someone who portrays a specific image?

[soccerrprp]

Image is incredibly influential in everything we do, say, become attracted to...Westerners, especially are influenced by image, what a product conveys, etc. Look at APPLE, their products are not better than all that's out there, but an entire generation has bought into the image that it is.

 

If you don't convey a positive, "I have to have that" image, you lose out. When we go out we want to look confident, kind, affectionate, considerate, professional, whatever, it's all about the IMAGE.

 

Yes, I look for attributes, qualities that make up someone's image. It's a HUGE plus that that image is also substance, true to the qualities that that person embodies, of course and not just BS.

[MrCastle]

Image is incredibly influential in everything we do, say, become attracted to...Westerners, especially are influenced by image, what a product conveys, etc. Look at APPLE, their products are not better than all that's out there, but an entire generation has bought into the image that it is.

 

If you don't convey a positive, "I have to have that" image, you lose out. When we go out we want to look confident, kind, affectionate, considerate, professional, whatever, it's all about the IMAGE.

 

Yes, I look for attributes, qualities that make up someone's image. It's a HUGE plus that that image is also substance, true to the qualities that that person embodies, of course and not just BS.

 

I agree. Do you protect your own image? I know I do. Every move I make, I think "how will this make me look", before I do it. It's important for me to remain consistent. I've always said who people think you are is as important as who you really are. Image is what is gonna open the door for you initially, in my opinion.

[soccerrprp]

I agree. Do you protect your own image? I know I do. Every move I make, I think "how will this make me look", before I do it. It's important for me to remain consistent. I've always said who people think you are is as important as who you really are. Image is what is gonna open the door for you initially, in my opinion.

 

I try my dangest to be who I claim to be and consistency is very important. My relationships don't always work out as I would like, but it's not because I turned out to be a fraud.

 

Yup, it's important that my image remain intact. Mostly because it IS who I am, not just who I "claim" to be.

[StanMusial]

I agree. Do you protect your own image? I know I do. Every move I make, I think "how will this make me look", before I do it. It's important for me to remain consistent. I've always said who people think you are is as important as who you really are. Image is what is gonna open the door for you initially, in my opinion.

 

That would be exhausting. Don't you have more important things to worry about?

 

Obviously image is important in attracting girls but at the end of the day I have so much other sh*t to do I can't really worry about any sort of image I might want to project or protect or convey or whatnot.

[MrCastle]

I try my dangest to be who I claim to be and consistency is very important. My relationships don't always work out as I would like, but it's not because I turned out to be a fraud.

 

Yup, it's important that my image remain intact. Mostly because it IS who I am, not just who I "claim" to be.

 

Yeah, see, personally--I believe we can be whoever we want in this life. Yes, I think there are some things in our personality have long been formed and can't really be changed. But other things can.

 

The more self aware you are, the more you're able to control what you do and don't do, and how you do it.

 

I'll give an example. The image I go for is that of the cool guy. The guy with ice in his veins that is never rattled. That takes a casual, laid back approach to life.

 

I had an incident recently where a girl led me on, she was on a break from her boyfriend, teased the idea of us hookong up, then she dropped me and got back with her boyfriend.

 

When she gave me the news, I was fuming inside. Emotions can't be changed, but how you respond can be. I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, kept myself in check, and instead of laying into her like I wanted, I responded with "Hey, that's cool. You are a good person, you deserve to be happy. Good luck."

 

I made that decision consciously, because I wanted to keep up my image of not being rattled. Some things I do take a conscious effort, other things have become natural to me. Either way, her image of me being cool has not been changed, and recently, she's started coming back around. Had I lit into her and burned that bridge, lost my cool etc, I'm sure she wouldn't have done that.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Image is incredibly influential in everything we do, say, become attracted to...Westerners, especially are influenced by image, what a product conveys, etc. Look at APPLE, their products are not better than all that's out there, but an entire generation has bought into the image that it is.

 

If you don't convey a positive, "I have to have that" image, you lose out. When we go out we want to look confident, kind, affectionate, considerate, professional, whatever, it's all about the IMAGE.

 

Yes, I look for attributes, qualities that make up someone's image. It's a HUGE plus that that image is also substance, true to the qualities that that person embodies, of course and not just BS.

 

Have you ever owned an Apple product? They ARE better quality by far. I've had my Mac laptop for 5+ years now....by far the longest. It hasn't caused me any problems in that time.

 

Having a good image is awesome, but if you can't back it up, eventually it falls apart.

 

While it's preferable to have both, I'd rather have quality over a good image.

[MrCastle]

That would be exhausting. Don't you have more important things to worry about?[/Quote]

 

Not really, no. It is draining sometimes, but I enjoy doing it. I just see it as improving myself and being who I want to be. Some people don't improve their personalities and just feel like they are who they are. I disagree. If I believed that, I wouldn't be where I am, not just in terms of dating, but life in general.

 

Being extremely self aware of my moves and how people view me in real life has helped me greatly.

 

Obviously image is important in attracting girls but at the end of the day I have so much other sh*t to do I can't really worry about any sort of image I might want to project or protect or convey or whatnot.

 

Image means a lot to me. I don't like this culture we live in where people put their whole lives out there for anyone to see. Especially in social media. I think we all should strive to have a certain level of class, and keep some things private. It seems nowadays people don't care how they look in front of others. I'm not totally on board with that.

[Divasu]

Yeah, see, personally--I believe we can be whoever we want in this life. Yes, I think there are some things in our personality have long been formed and can't really be changed. But other things can.

 

The more self aware you are, the more you're able to control what you do and don't do, and how you do it.

 

I'll give an example. The image I go for is that of the cool guy. The guy with ice in his veins that is never rattled. That takes a casual, laid back approach to life.

 

I had an incident recently where a girl led me on, she was on a break from her boyfriend, teased the idea of us hookong up, then she dropped me and got back with her boyfriend.

 

When she gave me the news, I was fuming inside. Emotions can't be changed, but how you respond can be. I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, kept myself in check, and instead of laying into her like I wanted, I responded with "Hey, that's cool. You are a good person, you deserve to be happy. Good luck."

 

I made that decision consciously, because I wanted to keep up my image of not being rattled. Some things I do take a conscious effort, other things have become natural to me. Either way, her image of me being cool has not been changed, and recently, she's started coming back around. Had I lit into her and burned that bridge, lost my cool etc, I'm sure she wouldn't have done that.

 

All I have to say to this, is don't ever deny your feelings. Her behavior was a disappointment to you, you should have said so. Yeah, you may come across as 'uncool' and protect your 'image', but it's not honest.

 

If someone is hurtful, they're going to know about it.

[todreaminblue]

How important is image to you? Both in the other person, and your own personal image. Do you care about your image at all? Do you take steps to portray a specific image? Do you tend to go for someone who portrays a specific image?

 

For sure I am image conscious and i have foot in mouth disease so i get really upset if i think i have said something to offend another.......that's not the image i want to portray...im into defense not offensiveness...... as far as others go ....an image to me is what the person believes to be true and acts accordingly....living what you believe in, is an image.....its the image i strive for, aspire too, hope to achieve......i seek out the same ......in others...

 

as far as physical image goes, i am body dysmorphic i see my flaws above anything else when i look in the mirror i feel i look eighty upwards sometimes even older under stress, , i dont like mirrors they give you an unreal image......and i dont like photographs......with me in them its not the image i want to be remembered for...i have destroyed all photos of me...my family have moved what is left of my childhood under wraps...deb

[MrCastle]

All I have to say to this, is don't ever deny your feelings. Her behavior was a disappointment to you, you should have said so. Yeah, you may come across as 'uncool' and protect your 'image', but it's not honest.

 

If someone is hurtful, they're going to know about it.

 

I mean, if the topic of how everything went down ever comes up, I'll have no problem telling them how I felt. I'd just do it from a less emotionally charged state. That's where the being cool in all situations thing comes in. If I didn't keep my cool, it would look worse on me. It's not like she would have felt guilty, and then ditched her boyfriend for me once she saw how upset I was.

 

And I also didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I had an emotional attachment to her. So I went the cool route. Like I wasn't phased.

 

If it comes up, I'll probably say something like "Yeah I didn't think it was cool how you handled the whole thing. The fact I had to ask you if you got back together instead of you telling me yourself. But it is what it is. It's fine now."

 

I think that's a lot better than what I wanted to say in that initial moment.

[mesmerized]

I agree. Do you protect your own image? I know I do. Every move I make, I think "how will this make me look", before I do it. It's important for me to remain consistent. I've always said who people think you are is as important as who you really are. Image is what is gonna open the door for you initially, in my opinion.

 

You know, that actually makes you sound insecure. Women are attracted to men who are not too concerned about pleasing the world but rather have the charm to make the world want to please them, if that makes any sense. I like a considerate man who takes care of his body and mind and look great. But at the same time he is confident in who he is and doesn't try too hard to portray a specific image.

[Divasu]

I mean, if the topic of how everything went down ever comes up, I'll have no problem telling them how I felt. I'd just do it from a less emotionally charged state. That's where the being cool in all situations thing comes in. If I didn't keep my cool, it would look worse on me. It's not like she would have felt guilty, and then ditched her boyfriend for me once she saw how upset I was.

 

And I also didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I had an emotional attachment to her. So I went the cool route. Like I wasn't phased.

 

If it comes up, I'll probably say something like "Yeah I didn't think it was cool how you handled the whole thing. The fact I had to ask you if you got back together instead of you telling me yourself. But it is what it is. It's fine now."

 

I think that's a lot better than what I wanted to say in that initial moment.

 

Well I can appreciate you wanting to go about it from a less emotionally charged state.

 

But if the opportunity ever arises, I think you should def say something. Don't short change yourself.

[fortyninethousand322]

I had something similar happen to me once years ago.

 

There was this girl I was seeing and she said her class got out at 5:50 so she'd give me a call when she got out and we'd go do whatever it is we were going to do that night (I think it was get food or something like that). Lo and behold, 6:45 rolls around and I'm still sitting around on campus waiting for her phone call. With me and my notorious bad luck with women, I never felt so furious and embarrassed in my life. What's worse, it turns out she had been spending the whole 45 minutes hanging out with a (male) classmate of hers she had just met.

 

When she finally showed up at almost 7 pm, I put on my normal face and acted like nothing happened, because I didn't want to look like a guy who was easily unglued.

[todreaminblue]

I mean, if the topic of how everything went down ever comes up, I'll have no problem telling them how I felt. I'd just do it from a less emotionally charged state. That's where the being cool in all situations thing comes in. If I didn't keep my cool, it would look worse on me. It's not like she would have felt guilty, and then ditched her boyfriend for me once she saw how upset I was.

 

And I also didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I had an emotional attachment to her. So I went the cool route. Like I wasn't phased.

 

If it comes up, I'll probably say something like "Yeah I didn't think it was cool how you handled the whole thing. The fact I had to ask you if you got back together instead of you telling me yourself. But it is what it is. It's fine now."

 

I think that's a lot better than what I wanted to say in that initial moment.

 

 

You did what you felt was right at the time, you decided not to confront .....how does that really say anything about your image...because you played it cool?.you prefer to say things in a non confrontational manner i don't see a problem with this but you do need to be honest when asked directly in my opinion otherwise...you do what you think is right in the heat of the moment..your judgment is best...and the only judgment that really counts...is your own, on what you feel comfortable with when crap is going down.......deb

[soccerrprp]

Again, my image IS who I am, so not exhausting for me. Everything I do is natural and no need to create false pretenses. People who fake it get pretty exhausted with all the charades and personalities that are contrived.

 

The most exhausting thing (or mistake) I made was being someone I wasn't to appease. Yes, that is a mistake and certainly an indication of my own insecurities at the time. That was the only and last time I did that.

 

If you have a "good", "confident" brand or image, you should be good to go...or at least it will only help you.

[MrCastle]

You know, that actually makes you sound insecure. Women are attracted to men who are not too concerned about pleasing the world but rather have the charm to make the world want to please them, if that makes any sense. I like a considerate man who takes care of his body and mind and look great. But at the same time he is confident in who he is and doesn't try too hard to portray a specific image.

 

I think we all have insecurities at some level. All of us are working to improve something about ourselves. Whether it's physical, mental, whether it's something as simple as how we dress. We're all trying to improve.

 

As I've said many times here, the stuff you're saying may be sound advice for a regular guy just trying to see some respectful dating success. That's not me. I'm not typical by any means. When it comes to dating, I don't want to be just some other dude a girl dated. I want to be remembered. I need to be that guy.

 

I get off on being different. On being nothing a woman has seen before. I'm not in it to tow the line like every man she met before me. I want to rock her world. So I'm pretty theatrical when it comes to dating. I'm just naturally passionate and regular relationships/typical dating doesn't work for me.

[StanMusial]

Not really, no. It is draining sometimes, but I enjoy doing it. I just see it as improving myself and being who I want to be. Some people don't improve their personalities and just feel like they are who they are. I disagree. If I believed that, I wouldn't be where I am, not just in terms of dating, but life in general.

 

Being extremely self aware of my moves and how people view me in real life has helped me greatly.

 

Image means a lot to me. I don't like this culture we live in where people put their whole lives out there for anyone to see. Especially in social media. I think we all should strive to have a certain level of class, and keep some things private. It seems nowadays people don't care how they look in front of others. I'm not totally on board with that.

 

 

When someone talks about an "image", I don't think about their underlying personality or capabilities. Keeping your cool is good to do in tough situations but that is not necessarily an "image" either.

 

I agree with the part in bold. Again, I don't think being a private person is going to stop anyone from having another kind of image. I think of image as a facade for the most part. There is no depth to it. Someone could have a really cool and awesome image and underneath their personality could be sh*te.

[Survivor12]

I haven't read through all of the posts so forgive me if what I say is repetitive...

 

There is a big difference between "image" and "identity". Identity is a persona...Identity is who one is. I prefer to project my identity in all that I do and by remaining true to myself, being the best I can be, and not focusing on what others may think or projecting something I am not (an image), is much easier than trying to uphold a pretense.

[MrCastle]

When someone talks about an "image", I don't think about their underlying personality or capabilities. Keeping your cool is good to do in tough situations but that is not necessarily an "image" either.

 

I agree with the part in bold. Again, I don't think being a private person is going to stop anyone from having another kind of image. I think of image as a facade for the most part. There is no depth to it. Someone could have a really cool and awesome image and underneath their personality could be sh*te.

 

Well, my image is who I am, or, at the very least, who I am working on becoming. That "just be yourself" shtick that gets passed around on here is lazy advice, if you could even call it advice. If that were true, none of us would struggle with dating because we'd all just be ourselves and people would love us. That's not the reality. The reality is some people need improving.

 

As far as keeping your cool not being an image. It's not an image in itself, but part of the overall picture. The old me would have laid into the girl in my example. But I told myself "you're cool, remember? cool guys don't lash out and take things too serious. She knows you as the cool guy, act like it."

 

And I changed the frame, to be consistent with how she sees me.

 

I wouldn't have gotten in with this girl at all, or a lot of the girls I know, if it wasn't for my image.

 

People only get to know those that project a "you should get to know me" vibe.

 

A lot of people struggling, particularly in dating, are nice, decent, likeable people. But they don't know how to package it.

[tuxedo cat]

Don't take this a wrong way but it's a huge turn off to me when I detect that a guy is overly image conscious because it always goes hand in hand with self absorption.

 

Self-absorbed people are often boring because they're too focused on themselves and how others perceive them to notice much about the world around them. They also tend to be poor partners in that they have trouble giving, although they may be into the initial chase of pinning down someone hard to get.

 

I like guys who are focused outside of themselves and very passionate about their external interests.

[tuxedo cat]

Well, my image is who I am, or, at the very least, who I am working on becoming. That "just be yourself" shtick that gets passed around on here is lazy advice, if you could even call it advice. If that were true, none of us would struggle with dating because we'd all just be ourselves and people would love us. That's not the reality. The reality is some people need improving.

 

As far as keeping your cool not being an image. It's not an image in itself, but part of the overall picture. The old me would have laid into the girl in my example. But I told myself "you're cool, remember? cool guys don't lash out and take things too serious. She knows you as the cool guy, act like it."

 

And I changed the frame, to be consistent with how she sees me.

 

I wouldn't have gotten in with this girl at all, or a lot of the girls I know, if it wasn't for my image.

 

People only get to know those that project a "you should get to know me" vibe.

 

A lot of people struggling, particularly in dating, are nice, decent, likeable people. But they don't know how to package it.

 

If being yourself isn't working why not focus on changing yourself on the inside rather than the outside? That way you won't have to put up a pretense of being "cool" or whatever you want to be because it will come naturally.

[soccerrprp]

I totally disagree that IMAGE only conveys what is superficial. That is clearly not the case if you are aware, and we all are, of product images and what those images convey to the consumer.

 

An image can also be an embodiment of how we perceive or ID with a product or in this case a person. It's not only what is superficial and even a facade need not be a false representation (speaking about people).

 

In marketing, branding then becomes the natural evolution to image, once you've established an ideal of who and what you are (not only superficial), you then brand to propagate that image as it best reflects you.

[MrCastle]

Don't take this a wrong way but it's a huge turn off to me when I detect that a guy is overly image conscious because it always goes hand in hand with self absorption.

 

Self-absorbed people are often boring because they're too focused on themselves and how others perceive them to notice much about the world around them. They also tend to be poor partners in that they have trouble giving, although they may be into the initial chase of pinning down someone hard to get.

 

I like guys who are focused outside of themselves and very passionate about their external interests.

 

No I totally agree with you. I think there may be a disconnect somewhere in how I'm delivering my message.

 

I am probably the most giving person I know, far from self absorbed. Self aware, certainly. So yes, I take extra steps to make sure I'm putting my best self out there and I take note of how people view me. But I'm not selfish or into myself, I'm not one of those people who looks in a mirror every 20 minutes to appreciate my beauty.

 

I think what I'm more so trying to say is, I think how you package yourself is important.

 

I'm not advertising myself as one person and giving you another. I am who I say I am. There are just parts of my personality I find more attractive and I want to project those qualities more. You always want to put your best self out there.

 

I don't take this "let people see me however they want and if they like me, they like me." It's more like "I'm a cool, easy going guy, but I'm also very passionate, how can I let them see that early on? What can I do and say to get them to see this early on?"

[soccerrprp]

Don't take this a wrong way but it's a huge turn off to me when I detect that a guy is overly image conscious because it always goes hand in hand with self absorption.

 

Self-absorbed people are often boring because they're too focused on themselves and how others perceive them to notice much about the world around them. They also tend to be poor partners in that they have trouble giving, although they may be into the initial chase of pinning down someone hard to get.

 

I like guys who are focused outside of themselves and very passionate about their external interests.

 

Then that is that person's image or brand- self-absorbed. Another possibility is that such people may care enough about what others think so as to be conscious when they are being a-holes, inconsiderate, etc. There are plenty of people around who don't give a crap what others think and treat others that way.

 

But, the thread wasn't about whether the image is positive or negative, rather, whether one tries to develop and project one.

 

My image, my brand conveys that I am giving, worldly in my view of the world, energetic, passionate, imperfect, stubborn at times, idealistic, intelligent, confident, funny (some times), etc. and for some ladies, too good to be true.