na49 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Okay it could be because I woke up after having a dream about her so my head is a little f*cked right now. but for those of you who have had exes who left you for someone/cheated on you with someone else. Did it help you to move on by finding out exactly who it was they were with? Or did it make it harder? I stopped facebook stalking my ex about 5 months ago now, and although I know who the guy she cheated on me with is. I don't know if they're still together or if they ever were because I stopped stalking her before I saw her relationship status change or anything like that. When I looked at her twitter two months ago it seemed she was single. but curiosity is running wild and I don't want to do anything stupid. but if it helps me realize that it's over, then I want to do it. At the same time, I know seeing her with someone new will hurt like hell so I don't want to. so does finding out hurt or help you?
RiceaRoni Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 It depends.. When I found out. It hurt me Mainly because his current gf is so similar to me, and it hurt because it was if he was trying to replace me with a girl that loved the same things I loved, did the same hobbies, etc... So it really depends. She could have gone for a guy similar or totally opposite Either way it doesn't matter. You'll have to move on either way :/
Author na49 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Well if it's the guy she cheated on me with then he's the opposite of me. He's older (I'm 18, he's 24) he's an alcoholic (I don't really drink) he's a big shot "rock star" (I'm not musical at all, but my ex was) he's an extrovert (I'm an introvert) BUT then what if she found a new guy? that would hurt just as bad. To know that she would rather date someone else than date me again. Or she's single, I reach out and find out she doesn't love me anymore. I do have to move on either way. It just sucks when you live in your head as much as I do. I guess I feel like seeing she's with someone new will make me get rid of any crazy ideas of her still missing me and wanting to talk to me.
Minneloa Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Na, from what you have posted lately, you are having a rough week. But over the past month, I have noticed a change in your posts, especially those in which you advise others. You may not realize it, but you *are* getting stronger. I urge you not to give into this impulse. Please, for the sake of your healing and recovery, do not break NC. You already have enough information. You know what you need to know. Also, isn't it your spring break? If so, get out of town and do something fun! Shake up your routine and shake off this idle curiosity. Remember, it killed the cat! 2
RiceaRoni Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Well if it's the guy she cheated on me with then he's the opposite of me. He's older (I'm 18, he's 24) he's an alcoholic (I don't really drink) he's a big shot "rock star" (I'm not musical at all, but my ex was) he's an extrovert (I'm an introvert) BUT then what if she found a new guy? that would hurt just as bad. To know that she would rather date someone else than date me again. Or she's single, I reach out and find out she doesn't love me anymore. I do have to move on either way. It just sucks when you live in your head as much as I do. I guess I feel like seeing she's with someone new will make me get rid of any crazy ideas of her still missing me and wanting to talk to me. It hurts either way...to see if she's still single or with someone But I do say it probably hurts less if she isn't with anyone Go ahead and check if you want, but be prepared to be hurt. If it's what will help you move on then go for it.
candie13 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 if it's fresh, yeah, I'm curious. But give it a month or two and I stop caring. Stalking someone for 5 months is a bit much, IMHO. Make a rule and don't do it anymore - go online. Block them. Honestly, after a while it's poison. and if it doesn't make you feel bad / or good - why do it to begin with? Bye - gone!
Author na49 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 if it's fresh, yeah, I'm curious. But give it a month or two and I stop caring. Stalking someone for 5 months is a bit much, IMHO. Make a rule and don't do it anymore - go online. Block them. Honestly, after a while it's poison. and if it doesn't make you feel bad / or good - why do it to begin with? Bye - gone! I haven't stalked her in 5 months. I made it a rule, but my curiosity has been driving me crazy lately. I would check, but I'm actually scared of what I'll see.
RiceaRoni Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Na, from what you have posted lately, you are having a rough week. But over the past month, I have noticed a change in your posts, especially those in which you advise others. You may not realize it, but you *are* getting stronger. I urge you not to give into this impulse. Please, for the sake of your healing and recovery, do not break NC. You already have enough information. You know what you need to know. Also, isn't it your spring break? If so, get out of town and do something fun! Shake up your routine and shake off this idle curiosity. Remember, it killed the cat! Oh wow Na I didn't see the part where you were stalking her for 5 months :0 Then that changes what I said before. Disregard my last post. It's better to stop finding out more information since you have done it previously for 5 months. Time to stop and focus on your life It's as M has said you have enough info. Now it's time for you to recover and heal you can do it! Haha Remember ignorince is bliss
Author na49 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Oh wow Na I didn't see the part where you were stalking her for 5 months :0 Then that changes what I said before. Disregard my last post. It's better to stop finding out more information since you have done it previously for 5 months. Time to stop and focus on your life It's as M has said you have enough info. Now it's time for you to recover and heal you can do it! Haha Remember ignorince is bliss I probably worded my original post the wrong way. I haven't stalked her in 5 months. I do try to find ways to check up on her every now and then when I'm really feeling down, but I don't look at her profiles. I stopped stalking before I saw pictures of them together, so I wonder if seeing pictures of them together will help me move on or not. Yes it is my spring break.
Minneloa Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Ok, so you have a lot of free time on your hands. That's probably why you are experiencing this spike in curiosity. Resist it by keeping busy! What can you do today that will distract you? M.
lop98 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 (hi! new here!) Had I found out out of the blue, I would've ended up in a mental hospital. I was still stalking him cause I thought we'd get back. He'd still text me very intense stuff or post statuses like 'I can't stop thinking about you' while I saw he had a new follower and he followed her back (some of his idiotic friends introduce him to her), he never follows anyone back so I checked it out. And I knew that'd be trouble, I just knew it. And yes. They're now in a relationship. She's not good-looking (she has the biggest dark circles I have ever seen), dresses horribly, but she has potential to look decent, which she didn't seem aware of until now that she's been stalking me too and looking at pictures of me that he seems to have so available, imitating everything from the way I paint my nails, hair, suddenly using bright lipstick too like I do.. lower neckline ... Frankly, it makes me want to throw up every single time. I've grown this obsession that's almost as sick as self-harm where I can't stop myself (hopefully today will be the day!) from checking her accounts and seeing them. Just typing her name disgusts me, seeing her in my history disgusts me.. the first 2 hours after seeing 'updates' I convince myself that I'm cool and it's just me having nosy fun, but hours pass and I go from feeling a numbing silence in my head, to feeling tipsy, to tears, to breakdown (I had a meltdown at the library's restroom a couple days ago; yesterday in a cab), which has all been ending in my rushing to the gym late at night. I know I'd be in a better place by now if I had not integrated her too into the chaos in my head, now it's not just what I did wrong, what he did wrong but I created a whole role for her too. Piece of advice: DON'T DO IT. 2
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Na, Leave it alone. Whichever way it is it's only gonn hurt more. For me? I don't wanna know ANYTHING about my ex. Doesn't matter what the guy is like- HE'S NOT ME, and thats the difference. You're an intelligent guy, keep your wits about you. Do not try and find out! Listen, I was with my ex for about EIGHT YEARS, we had an entire life established together. POOF!!! gone just like that. But no matter who she's with? Its over. 1
RiceaRoni Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I probably worded my original post the wrong way. I haven't stalked her in 5 months. I do try to find ways to check up on her every now and then when I'm really feeling down, but I don't look at her profiles. I stopped stalking before I saw pictures of them together, so I wonder if seeing pictures of them together will help me move on or not. Yes it is my spring break. Oh I see. I'm sorry. From what I've experienced. It's best to not check up on an ex. Especially when you're feeling down :/ I know we think it can be comforting because we can see what's going on in their lives and feel somewhat part of it, but in reality we aren't part of their lives anymore and checking up on them leaves us with questions and we always want to find out more. It's best to just enjoy your life now you live for YOU Hey and it's spring break (it just started for me too!) so lets enjoy spring break with friends and the people we know we can have a good time with Stay strong Na I have down days just as you do and I wish I could check up on my ex again, but I know it won't do me any good anymore. 1
Jingle14 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Na, Leave it alone. Whichever way it is it's only gonn hurt more. For me? I don't wanna know ANYTHING about my ex. Doesn't matter what the guy is like- HE'S NOT ME, and thats the difference. You're an intelligent guy, keep your wits about you. Do not try and find out! Listen, I was with my ex for about EIGHT YEARS, we had an entire life established together. POOF!!! gone just like that. But no matter who she's with? Its over. This. There is no good in knowing. I don't know if mine is still with the bitch from his running club he had his eye on while still sleeping with me - and asking her out the week he was supposed to be 'giving serious thought' (bull****!) to our getting back together - and I don't care. I simply DO NOT want to know, either way, and would rather she - or whoever else - remains nameless, faceless, anonymous. To know anything about the person who he chooses to be with instead of me would rip me apart and be unbearable. Just don't do this to yourself. 2
Jono85 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 i stalked, and found she's now dating this chubby nerdy looking dude. it's really weird lol, but doesn't make me feel any better. i know he lives in her area (i live an hour away) and i know he seems a bit more stable (just moved there and got a job as an electrician) and he definitely looks like your classic nice guy so i bet he treats her wonderfully. so it's whatever. if he makes her happy, great. but i somehow know she won't be content/attracted to him longterm and she's going to look for other options. i almost feel bad for the guy b/c he doesn't know what he's gotten into. on the one hand, no it doesn't make it any better that i think she downgraded (at least looks wise, since he could be an awesome guy) but on the other hand, after the initial shock/pain is met, it does feel SOMEwhat better that i can sort of give up/let go, knowing she's happy with someone and definitely not pining for me at all. 1
iouaname Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 This weekend I had a conversation with a mutual friend who ended up updating me about my ex (truthfully I did not want to know but I don't think he even realized what he was doing). Apparently my ex has been bragging about making out with some random at a bar. It hurt a lot to hear, but it hurt more that he is still trying to get in touch with me (he called me literally four days ago) and rope me back into his life even when he knows he is doing things that would hurt me Selfish, inconsiderate jerk... 2
Author na49 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 So happy that I have everyone here. If I didn't have you guys, who knows where I'd be in my healing? I'm posting here instead of acting on any of my urges. It sounds like the general consensus is not to check. I probably won't. As much as seeing who she is with could help, the thing that worries me is that I know how much it will hurt me. I know how I will obsess over it. so because of that, I don't want to ruin my spring break this week by checking. Everything tells me she's moved on. Everything tells me she's happy without me. Everything tells me she believes that I wasn't "the one" for her. Everything tells me she hasn't regretted her decision, only thought of me as a friend and didn't want to try again. and I still can't believe it. I'm still delusional. how frustrating... 2
Love4Pain Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Yeah, knowing will most likely not make you feel any better. When you know you start comparing or asking yourself "wtf, he/she chose that over me". I knew who my ex left me for and unfortunately I've had to go through "really, he left me for her..." So just keep strong and resist the urge to find out who it is. You don't want to feel worse by thinking about stuff like that 2
Author na49 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Yeah, knowing will most likely not make you feel any better. When you know you start comparing or asking yourself "wtf, he/she chose that over me". I knew who my ex left me for and unfortunately I've had to go through "really, he left me for her..." So just keep strong and resist the urge to find out who it is. You don't want to feel worse by thinking about stuff like that A really good point. I would start comparing myself to whoever it is. Whether it's the guy she cheated on me with or a new guy, I'll feel horrible because whoever it is, it isn't me. Seeing her smile without me just hurts. I saw pictures of her with her friends a few months ago and I felt sick for like 3 days. Hopefully this urge will pass. Usually it passes by now, this is the longest I've had this urge which is why I'm so worried about having a setback.
lemonlegs Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If it makes any of you feel better, I stalk my boyfriend's ex obsessively sometimes and she really gets to me for some reason ... (so think of it this way - their new partners probably creep on your Facebook too) and I also creep my ex-boyfriend's (whom I broke up with) new girlfriend as well. Moral of the story: everyone Facebook stalks to an extent, so don't feel weird if you do it. It's definitely better not to 'cause it'll drive you insane. But, my point is, maybe their new partners are obsessed with you...take some comfort it that. 1
lop98 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 ^ that happens to me. This idiot showed her pictures of me and all of my social networks (I can just imagine the 'look at her, she wouldn't trust me, so I ended it' 'this is her tumblr.. and she didn't acknowledge me in her life' 'she lied to me, and here's another picture', I know his pity parties so well ). So now she and her friends stalk me. And she's been taking pictures of herself so similar to the ones I take.. copying girl stuff (hair, makeup). It's funny at first, but then so revolting, it makes me head hurt, no comfort for me. I don't stalk them anymore (full stop since Friday! ) but I find his mind games disgusting, I mean, the rebound, and obviously how he's confronted us by playing with our insecurities.. 1
lemonlegs Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 ^ that happens to me. This idiot showed her pictures of me and all of my social networks (I can just imagine the 'look at her, she wouldn't trust me, so I ended it' 'this is her tumblr.. and she didn't acknowledge me in her life' 'she lied to me, and here's another picture', I know his pity parties so well ). So now she and her friends stalk me. And she's been taking pictures of herself so similar to the ones I take.. copying girl stuff (hair, makeup). It's funny at first, but then so revolting, it makes me head hurt, no comfort for me. I don't stalk them anymore (full stop since Friday! ) but I find his mind games disgusting, I mean, the rebound, and obviously how he's confronted us by playing with our insecurities.. Wait, your ex ENCOURAGES his new girlfriend to cyberstalk you? That's hella weird. I mean, if you do it on your terms, then that's fine... but really? And she's blatantly copying you? Weird...
RiceaRoni Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Holy crap man this makes me wonder if my ex's new gf copies me? 0.0 she is so similar in terms of doing the same things and liking the same things as me it is too strange and scary... Oh well I'm off of my social networking sites anyway lol xP and I have been off for a good month so far so I have no idea what's going on with him,her, or their relationship...oh yeah ignorince is good healing bliss haha But I never thought if HER cyberstalking me? That's interesting 1
Author na49 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I doubt this guy is copying me or checking up on me. I doubt he even knows who I am or cares. He wanted her, she wanted him, and they didn't care how I felt about it. but part of me still wants to see her facebook just so I can know she's gone forever. part of me wants to contact her just so she knows where my head is at.
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