Mr_Flay Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Hello! I though I'd write a semi-trolling post today that will, hopefully, dispel some myths commonly perpetuated on message boards like these and strike optimism in the hearts of struggling people worldwide. All that follows is the result of my personal observations and experience. So please, tell me what you think of them and add yours! If you show interest, you will be ignored; if you ignore a girl, she will be all over you. Couldn't be further from the truth. Who in their right mind would spend effort and emotional energy chasing after people who ignore them? And conversely, who wouldn't be flattered if someone shows interest in them? I have ignored plenty of girls in my lifetime, some of them really popular and pretty ones. They didn't develop a sudden attraction out of the blue because of that. On the other hand, when I showed interest in someone, they at least took the time to get to know me better before deciding whether they like me or not. In the end, it all boils down to attraction. Money can easily get you girls. See this for proof why this is wrong - The multi-millionaire who has spent $65,000 on web dating¿ and still can't find love | Mail Online It can get you sex in some cases, but do you really want to be intimate with a woman who is disgusted with you and only wants your money? Have some dignity! There is a "Friendzone". In the Christian eschatology, sinners go to Hell. In message board folklore, nice guys end up in the Friendzone, a mythical plane of existence girls sometimes classify men into when they want to punish them for failing to adhere to the Dating Rules very strictly. There are many clamouring in that darkest pit of despair, yet few who have liberated themselves from it, like Dante's escape from Inferno. Let's face it guys, the "Friendzone" is a code word for when the girl simply isn't attracted to you. It's synonyms are, "I find you ugly", "you don't excite me in the slightest", and "I'd sooner swallow a kitten than kiss you". It has nothing to do with the time elapsed from the day you first met her. It's just a gentle rejection, so take it for what it is. Girls don't have an internal clock counting down days and minutes to friendzone. "If he doesn't make them move in the next 73 minutes, I'm definitely friendzoning him!" If you find yourself in that predicament, she just wasn't attracted to you from the start. If you still don't believe me, try imagining a scenario where a world-famous male celebrity actor celebrated for his handsomeness ends up in the friendzone with your average girl because "he waited too long without escalating". Evolutionary psychology is the ultimate truth. It's funny how debates on attraction always boil down to "in the prehistoric times, men were hunters and women were gatherers, and that's why..." And suddenly, the thread is full of guys with a PhD in Anthropology. Let me remind you that all we know about the earliest Homo Sapiens is inferred from ancient bone chips, pieces of crockery and evidence of fire. Surely not enough to weave, with a great degree of certainty, fantastic tales of the human society back in those days, who was responsible for what, who was attracted to whom. It's all conjecture today. Maybe things were wildly different from what we imagine. Besides, how is the supposed knowledge about prehistoric times helpful in the modern society? OK, let's test a hypothesis: according to these theories, men hunted large animals, while women picked berries and did household stuff. Why don't you guys try bringing a woman a piece of venison? If the theory is correct, women are "hardwired" to instantly fall in love with the best hunter in the village, and thus a piece of venison bought at the local butcher's should ensure you instant success with any lady you meet! Women are aliens from outer space who revel in throwing obstacles before you, laughing at your shortcomings, and having you jump through flaming hoops before they'll deign to talk to you. In truth, women are not unlike men. And just like men, they desire companionship, they have their insecurities, and they're not as well-versed in the "rules of dating" as you might thing. Many of them are as clueless in it as you. So don't worry if you make a "mistake" on a first date or if you don't follow the exact procedure laid down on PUA blogs. It's highly likely that your date won't even notice. Women possess an array of magical senses that see inside your very soul. Except being able to read body language slightly better, women cannot read minds. Unless it's pretty obvious or you wear your heart on your sleeve, you can hide your true emotions if you want to. I was scared out of my pants when I asked my first girlfriend out, was clueless and didn't have much confidence. Yet later she said she'd though how brave and confident I'd been for having asked her out. Furthermore, if women are such great judges of characters, how come message boards like this one are full of threads in which women have misjudged their date's true intentions or personality? If women indeed did have a magical sixth sense, no woman would ever be unlucky in love. And they'd make loads of money detecting which politician has good intentions, and which one has ulterior motives. Love comes when you expect it the least, so you shouldn't try hard. That's a very dangerous piece of advice to give to struggling men. You have to meet women and ask them out, that's the only way to succeed. You can always follow this myth and sit at home, but you're unlikely to achieve a satisfactory romantic life. That's it for now, I'll post more if I think of more things. Keep in mind, the thread is designed to kick struggling people out of their defeatist attitude and instill some optimism in them. Dwelling on the theories I outlined above leads into a spiral of pessimism. You feel as though you'll always be unsuccessful because of some external factors that are working against you, like evolutionary psychology. Rationalisations be damned, just go out and meet girls! You won't be successful with every single one; truth be told, you'll only be successful with a fraction of the number of girls approached, but you'll definitely see signs of encouragement, which will, in turn, make you feel better about yourself.
Revolver Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Ill respond to some of these then add my own 1.I agree and disagree with this. Yes your supposed to show interest early especially if she's really attractive because she has tons of options but at the same time you don't want to appear thirsty or desperate. That's a fear alot of guys have so that's why many tend to play the distant role. 2. I'm sorry I don't think one guy erases the millions of guys throughout history who have gotten girls strictly for their money. Heck why do ou think most men want to be famous or get into the muisc industry?Alot of male athletes and celebrities in general are corny, lame,shy, and swaggerless deep down. The difference is their wealth and fame. One of the reasons why i think the manti teo story was an eye opener was because alot of people didnt expect that from the star linebacker at notre dame. That's something you'd expect from a Steve Urkel type dude not a football player. 3.of course there's a friendzone. You wanting to be with a girl in a romantic/sexual light but her not seeing you that way(and only as a friend) is pretty much the definition of the friendzone. 7. I agree and think this is TERRIBLE advice for men. I think like "be yourself" this was first told to young shy attractive women and people expected it to work for everyone. The vast majority of Men need to get out there socialize and ask girls out, in order to be successful with women. Only a very small percentage of males can just can't just sit back and wait for girls to come to you.
Revolver Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Men being rejected for being nice I think this is a myth because men for the most part dont get rejected because they're nice they get rejected because the women they approach just aren't physically attracted to them. See women lie when turning down guys to protect their feelings(like they fake orgasms to protect the egos of their partners). They tell dudes they're nice while rejecting them. When a guy keeps hearing the word nice in getting turn down he internalizes it and takes it too heart. Telling him that he is nice while at the same time rejecting him leads to him thinking that being nice is the problem. His next step is to try to fix that problem by becoming 'not nice'. This is how many "*******s" are born
Author Mr_Flay Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 2. I'm sorry I don't think one guy erases the millions of guys throughout history who have gotten girls strictly for their money. Heck why do ou think most men want to be famous or get into the muisc industry?Alot of male athletes and celebrities in general are corny, lame,shy, and swaggerless deep down. Yeah, but I'll return to my previous question - why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't value them as a person? Besides, I don't think musicians are attractive because of money they earn. There are plenty of poor, indie musicians who attract lots of girls. They're artists, and creativity is attractive. As for footballers and their model wives, those are marriages of convenience. How do you imagine getting girls with money? Do you buy her stuff or do you just need to display wealth without buying her stuff? Can I be a rich cheapskate and still get girls? 3.of course there's a friendzone. You wanting to be with a girl in a romantic/sexual light but her not seeing you that way(and only as a friend) is pretty much the definition of the friendzone. There's that, but "friendzone" is just a fancy word for "not attracted to you". It doesn't deserve to be the subject of many elaborate theories. It doesn't even need a special name. There's no friendship to speak of. She doesn't want you as a friend; she wants you to take the hint and quietly disappear. Men being rejected for being nice "Nice" one. Women would kill for nice guys. The problem is that many nice guys aren't charming or sexy enough, so they confuse women's disinterest for their affinity towards "bad". Now, a nice, charming guy with many other qualities - there's a real winner!
Revolver Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) "Yeah, but I'll return to my previous question - why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't value them as a person" The thing is most rich guys don't care as long as their getting high quality ass. I think thats what alot of people fail to realize. They know alot of these women are goldiggers they just don't care, and they're not going to date or marry these women. These young rich fly dudes are NOT looking for girlfriends:laugh: " Can I be a rich cheapskate and still get girls?" Absolutely. Most of these guys don't buy these women anything anyway. The women who go to nba all star women to sleep with nba stars often time come home with nothing. "There's that, but "friendzone" is just a fancy word for "not attracted to you". It doesn't deserve to be the subject of many elaborate theories. It doesn't even need a special name. There's no friendship to speak of. She doesn't want you as a friend; she wants you to take the hint and quietly disappear." I'm not talking about letting someone down nicely to take a hint. I'm talking about legitamately wanting to only be friends with someone. That's the "friend zone" Edited March 23, 2013 by Revolver
Philosopher Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Most of these misconceptions I agree with, particularly the last four. Though having money while it may not guarantee success, I'm sure it is not going to be a disadvantage either. There is a "Friendzone". This one I'm not that sure on. I've been on one date where she refused to see me again when I didn't kiss her at the end of the second date . Another women, I tried to kiss after the fifth date, said we should get to know each other more first and then decided during the next meeting that we should just to be friends. On the dates with these women there was a lot flirting and they seemed to both be interested. Though it could be that I overestimated both their level of interest. Evolutionary psychology is the ultimate truth. This one I agree on. Modern human society is so far removed from prehistoric society that modern humans will have vastly different priorities and behaviours from their ancestors. That said you never know, bringing a large piece of meat along with your next date could be the secret to success .
FitChick Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Money can easily get you girls. See this for proof why this is wrong - The multi-millionaire who has spent $65,000 on web dating¿ and still can't find love | Mail Online What the matchmakers said about him: The matchmakers said Mr Greenfield needs to lower his expectations — and not rely only on his money to find love. 'In the outside world, he would not be able to get a date with that girl, because she was far more attractive,' blasted Long Island matchmaker Maureen Tara Nelson, who dropped Mr Greenfield as a client after one year. 'He was too picky! I gave him exactly what he wanted multiple times ... He would always come back with some minor, minor thing that the person wasn't perfect.' Serious Matchmaking's Janis Spindel said she's reluctant to take Mr Greenfield on as a client because she's worried that his dream girl isn't in her database. 'The target audience of what he needs is a teacher from the boroughs or a secretary. Larry can't be with an alpha female who runs a hedge fund... He's a country bumpkin.'
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