Ordinaryday Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 when they actually dump them? I want to know so I know NOT to do it. I have been dumped a few times over the years and I have made some pretty big mistakes when getting dumped in the first... I sent one girl a big long soppy letter pouring my heart out to her after she dumped me.... I was in an emotional state and upon reflection, I wish I did not do it. It not only made me look pathetic it also gave her a huge ego boost. The last girl who dumped me, well I thought it was uncalled for. We had a few problems but I was legitimately trying to work through them and then one day out of the blue she told me that she had had too much and she gave me the boot... but she said she really 'valued' our friendship and would like to keep me as a friend. I knew it was just a line but I wasn't going to do it, so I told her "I don't do the 'just friends' thing. Don't contact me again unless it is about reconciling' - that was five months ago and not a word since. Most dumpers probably still care about the dumpee on one level but it is not enough to want to be in a relationship with them... but I am sick and tired of their mindgames, breadcrumbs, etc. I know this is pathetic, but when a dumper dumps you what is it they expect you to say/do, what kind of reaction are they looking for? I want to know so I know not to give them the satisfaction of doing it. And I know people say that you should just move onto indifference, and one day I hope to, but right now I am still bitter and want to know... what do dumpers expect the dumpee to say/do when getting dumped? and what is the thing the dumpee could do at the moment they are dumped that would hurt the dumper the most? People say 'living well is the best revenge' but that is long term stuff - I am talking about THE VERY MOMENT YOU ARE DUMPED and still sitting at the table/whatever with the dumper.... what can you do that would hurt them the most?
Love4Pain Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Why do you want to hurt them back? Don't say anything to try to spite them, just live your life the best you can and be happy for yourself. It might make you feel better short term to say something to make them hurt as much as you do when you get dumped, but I don't think it will do you any good in the long run. Focus on positives, not negatives =)
Author Ordinaryday Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 It's not so much that I want to hurt them back, it's that I typically get dumped in very cowardly underhanded ways and I was wondering what the best response to this is. I know people say "be the bigger person" but there is no way I am going to nod along and agree with them and then wish them all the best for the future. One time as I was getting dumped we were at a restaurant and the girl started to go through a list of things she was unhappy with. I just got up and walked out of the restaurant without saying a word. she later texted me asking if I was okay and I just flat out ignored the text - THAT felt good.
Love4Pain Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) I don't think you necessarily have to agree with them and wish them the best unless you honestly feel that way. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "I heard what you said, and I'm sorry but I don't agree and I think we could have worked things out" and then leave them to deal with it by themselves. Now, we both know emotions can get the best of us and we don't exactly say it like that. I broke up with a boyfriend and the thing that I disliked the most was that afterwards he kept texting and calling me on the phone saying things like "I don't agree with us breaking up but I have to respect your wishes, but I don't agree", over and over again. I just wanted him to leave me alone, because that's all he kept doing and it felt like he was jamming a nail in my thumb. The constant text/phone begging was becoming mentally exhausting. I think when we dump and when we are dumped there are still feelings there, they may not lead to anything or they may lead to getting back together but I think it takes time to find that out either way. Edited March 23, 2013 by Love4Pain 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 It's not so much that I want to hurt them back, it's that I typically get dumped in very cowardly underhanded ways and I was wondering what the best response to this is. I know people say "be the bigger person" but there is no way I am going to nod along and agree with them and then wish them all the best for the future. One time as I was getting dumped we were at a restaurant and the girl started to go through a list of things she was unhappy with. I just got up and walked out of the restaurant without saying a word. she later texted me asking if I was okay and I just flat out ignored the text - THAT felt good. Haven't you answerd your own question?
Joaquin Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 A ****ty Dumper wants dumpee never to get over them so they will always be available to them if they get bored, lonely, horny etc. That's what breadcrumbs are for, to keep the dumped hooked. A decent dumper leaves the dumpee alone so they can get on with things and rebuild. 3
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