candie13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yes, she just woke up one morning, realized he's not fulfilling her emotionally, had her cup of coffee... and she broke up with the bloody bastard! I don't think so. Truth is, none of us know if she expressed her needs to him prior to the break up. We don't know if they sat and discussed. We don't know his response, if any. I choose to believe she told him before. I choose to believe he did not do any efforts. And only after that she broke up. But it's not her fault for having needs and certainly not for expressing them. Even less for her expecting her bf/date to fulfill them. To me, that is a deal breaker as well. So em, what's the story, what happened? 1
Minneloa Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yes, she just woke up one morning, realized he's not fulfilling her emotionally, had her cup of coffee... and she broke up with the bloody bastard! I don't think so. Truth is, none of us know if she expressed her needs to him prior to the break up. We don't know if they sat and discussed. We don't know his response, if any. I choose to believe she told him before. I choose to believe he did not do any efforts. And only after that she broke up. But it's not her fault for having needs and certainly not for expressing them. Even less for her expecting her bf/date to fulfill them. To me, that is a deal breaker as well. So em, what's the story, what happened? Correct, none of us know. In the context of all of her posts, I inferred that she did not make her needs known during the relationship. You inferred otherwise. No need to get snippy.
candie13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 yeah, I know... Broke up with my guy last night. Apparently, expecting your bf of three months to check up on you, when he gave you his cold, during the Easter weekend when he's with his family and I was home alone, was too much... I know, I'm better off alone. It's just... a bit mad, cannot believe I chose to dismiss the signs before .
Minneloa Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Very sorry to hear that. And I appreciate your asking the OP for clarification. 1
candie13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Thank you, Minneloa. The thing is, when you're involved, you're quite sensitive to any signs of rejection... especially if the intuition already tells you you're in trouble. So you do stupid, extreme things, like major fights or jump the guns to even break ups. If the guy cannot handle her and continues to feed her feelings of insecurities... she would snaps. I may be assuming everyone is the same way as I am. I don't know.
Author emilyxrose Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Holy crap k I'm done with this thread. Thanks to the one person who actually understood
Author emilyxrose Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 And I have expressed to him in the prior weeks that I felt like there wasn't much effort there, and he just said "I'm super busy you know that" I didn't want to deal with someone who never made even an hour in one day for me, I saw him once a week, twice a week if I was lucky.
candie13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 You are wise. In my previous relationship, my big ex was a workaholic and it would be really really difficult to spend time with him or even take time off for the weekends. Better to clear the floor now than deal with this sh*t when u've spent even more time together and are even more involved. So, in case you're wondering, a man who is very dedicated to his work won't change his functioning hours, because this is how he works. No, it won't get better with time. You did right to give him a choice, because it is his choice. Unfortunately, he made his very clear, so you need to put your big girl trousers on, get closure and move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Simon, don't project your own issues on her. Where did this come from?
Woggle Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 If he wasn't meeting her needs say it instead of breaking up with him and expecting to magically guess you really want him to fight for you.
Lostint Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Personally I think yo did the right thing, breaking up with him. If you're sensing ambivalence, he probably is ambivalent. A wise friend of mine told me that at the beginning of my relationship with my ex and I wish I'd listened. Going back for more ambivalence - a whole year of it - just destroys you. 1
Author emilyxrose Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 So a relationship to you is about changing a man into what you want? Is that really what you think love is supposed to be? Like robaday said, some people aren't wired like that. It's best to find someone who is closer to what you want instead of trying to change someone. How would you feel if your boyfriend expected you to change how you were like you seem to expect men to change? It's statements like the ones I quote that makes people think you might be a smidge immature. I agree, that's why I broke up with him.
Author emilyxrose Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I don't understand why nobody is getting it. I DID address it, in a nice way too and he either didn't hear me right or ignored me and kept with his own patterns instead of changing. So I had to do SOMETHING I couldn't be with someone who didn't care about my feelings, and my intuition was true, because he hasn't contacted me or anything, to try and make it work so I know I did the right thing.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I don't understand why nobody is getting it. I DID address it, in a nice way too and he either didn't hear me right or ignored me and kept with his own patterns instead of changing. So I had to do SOMETHING I couldn't be with someone who didn't care about my feelings, and my intuition was true, because he hasn't contacted me or anything, to try and make it work so I know I did the right thing. No one got it because that's not the way you painted it. You made it sound like you broke up with him to get a response and were angry when he didn't fight for you. You made it sound like you were breaking up with him to get a reaction. Then you stated that it's a guy's job to do what you want him to do. Had you described it like you are describing it now -- that you broke up with him because you were incompatible -- and left out the "why won't he fight for me" stuff, you would have received a lot less guff in this thread. If you told him what was wrong, he didn't respond and you broke up with him, that's fine. Own it and don't look back. But yeah, the way you came off to start the thread wasn't what you describe now. 1
Woggle Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I don't understand why nobody is getting it. I DID address it, in a nice way too and he either didn't hear me right or ignored me and kept with his own patterns instead of changing. So I had to do SOMETHING I couldn't be with someone who didn't care about my feelings, and my intuition was true, because he hasn't contacted me or anything, to try and make it work so I know I did the right thing. Then maybe you two are just not compatible. Move on and let him move on.
marklarsson Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I don't understand why nobody is getting it. I DID address it, in a nice way too and he either didn't hear me right or ignored me and kept with his own patterns instead of changing. So I had to do SOMETHING I couldn't be with someone who didn't care about my feelings, and my intuition was true, because he hasn't contacted me or anything, to try and make it work so I know I did the right thing. what if he did contact you? you probably wont believe what he had to say anyway. right?
M30USA Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 How do guys deal with breakups? Hit the cave. And come out occasionally for some good ol' fishing.
PogoStick Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) My question is how do men deal when they're the dumpee? I know it probably depends on the person.. We have a rom-com marathon with a quart of our favorite ice cream. Oh wait that's chicks. or We bang a bunch of girls, often hotter than the ex to stroke our ego and make her jealous. Edited April 7, 2013 by PogoStick
LoveB86 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 The typical reaction of a dumper (male or female). Playing games and decided who should do what. At this point, you dumped him because he didn't put much effort into the relationship. ::fetches the ball towards the dog:: Fetch yourself somewhere else and leave him alone. Make it simple and stop playing games! Move on because even if you get back with him, you'll forever hold that against him if he does something else wrong.
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