Author emilyxrose Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I guess we all forget thw quote "let something go if it comes back it's yours if it doesn't it never was to begin with"
robaday Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If someone broke up with me, then told me we could work things out if I jumped through hoops to be with them.......I wouldnt be best pleased........... 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 ok don't need to be so harsh Sometimes you need to hear things that you don't want to hear. You screwed up. It happens.
Author emilyxrose Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Ok, my big deal is that he never made the effort when we were together, and I broke up with him because I was really hurt, and didn't feel like he cared. I haven't even heard a peep out of him since we broke out, so of course I'm dealing with rejection to some point too. It really sucks, I feel like I need closure but I don;t want to make the first move.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ok, my big deal is that he never made the effort when we were together, and I broke up with him because I was really hurt, and didn't feel like he cared. I haven't even heard a peep out of him since we broke out, so of course I'm dealing with rejection to some point too. It really sucks, I feel like I need closure but I don;t want to make the first move. I realize, but you went about it the wrong way. You should have talked to him. You don't break up with someone to get them to act a certain way. You break up with someone because you don't feel the relationship can work. He's not contacting you because you rejected him. You gambled and you lost. You have to make the first move because you are the one who broke up with him. That's the way it goes. 3
jjjman Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) I agree with the other here, please let him know if you want him back. I wish my ex was like you, regretting her decision of breaking up with me. Please tell him how you feel about him and tell him if he still want an relationship with you, he needs to start treating you better and fix the problem together. I hope you guys can work things out, I really do. Good luck! Edited March 26, 2013 by jjjman
Author emilyxrose Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Thank you jjjman, I think it is hopeless, I am not willing to contact him, maybe because I am scared of the possibility that it's really over. I've been dangling by this little hope that he'll call me apologizing saying he wants to work things out. But the silence says too much.
Woggle Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Do you only want him back because he isn't begging you to come back and is leaving you alone? If he did come back would you lose interest and the same thing would happen again? You don't break up with somebody to get a certain result from them. You break up with them to break up with them. If you can't discuss whatever was bothering you maybe the relationship needed to die.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Thank you jjjman, I think it is hopeless, I am not willing to contact him, maybe because I am scared of the possibility that it's really over. I've been dangling by this little hope that he'll call me apologizing saying he wants to work things out. But the silence says too much. Of course it's really over. You ended it. It's up to you to restart it. I'm not sure if you really want this guy back or if your ego is bruised because he's not begging you. I'm sorry, if you really like this guy, you are going to have to be an adult and contact him. If you don't like him and you just want him to grovel for an ego boost, then don't contact him and move on. 2
Pisces13 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I guess we all forget thw quote "let something go if it comes back it's yours if it doesn't it never was to begin with" I think you're missing the point of what everyone is trying to tell you... YOU'RE the one who broke up with him. YOU need to reach out to him. As a man who was just dumped myself, your boyfriend is most likely hurting and upset over all of this. You sound quite immature I must admit. You've basically admitted you broke up with him just to see if he would come crawling back to you or not. That is not the right way to go about fixing a relationship. You need to sit down together and talk openly and honestly with him, tell him how you truly feel. Communication is the #1 thing in a relationship, above anything else. 4
Author emilyxrose Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Thanks for the hostile responses! All I was wondering when I made this post was how men deal with breakups, and I've done some thinking over the past few days and NO I don't want him back because I broke up with him for many reasons, reasons I won't go into detail here. My main issue was that he didn't try to save the relationship, if he would've apologized for the wrongdoings and made clear that he would try to change, I wouldn't of gone ahead with the breakup and would want to work things out, but the fact that he didn't stung a little, yes I'm human. And I'm not immature, but thanks for your opinion <3
Simon Phoenix Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Thanks for the hostile responses! All I was wondering when I made this post was how men deal with breakups, and I've done some thinking over the past few days and NO I don't want him back because I broke up with him for many reasons, reasons I won't go into detail here. My main issue was that he didn't try to save the relationship, if he would've apologized for the wrongdoings and made clear that he would try to change, I wouldn't of gone ahead with the breakup and would want to work things out, but the fact that he didn't stung a little, yes I'm human. And I'm not immature, but thanks for your opinion <3 How is he supposed to save the relationship when he doesn't know what's broken? You broke up with him to get a response and now you are pissed that he's not groveling at your feet. If you don't want him, then who cares if he's groveling or not? If you don't want to be with him, then why did you start this thread? It makes no sense.
Seethesilverlining Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Hi! I broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago, for same reason as you. He has now said he wants us to get back together and he says he will put more effort in this time. I think it's too late though.. Am I foolish for not giving a 2nd chance??
Seethesilverlining Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Anyway I guess why you made this thread.. And also why I read it..was to get a better understanding of the "normal" way a guy reacts to a break up. When I split with my guy he emailed me after 3 days. Even tho I broke up with him, he contacted me first afterwards.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 There is no hope, my fellow men... Imagine having to play this game...UGH! TFOY
Author emilyxrose Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 How is he supposed to save the relationship when he doesn't know what's broken? You broke up with him to get a response and now you are pissed that he's not groveling at your feet. If you don't want him, then who cares if he's groveling or not? If you don't want to be with him, then why did you start this thread? It makes no sense. doesn't know what is broken? I told him why I needed to break up, because he wasn't putting enough effort in...
Author emilyxrose Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 if you're in love with a woman and she tells you that you're not giving enough affection and attention she needs, then you would respond by changing..that's it.
robaday Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Yeah you would respond if you were a) an affectionate person, b) an attentive person, and c) still together One thing Ive had happen so many times is women saying I am not affectionate enough, yet I am simply NOT a very affectionate person, I find hugs and whispering sweet nothings nearly unbearable, it is the way I am, and I am unlikely to change that - some people genuinely are not affectionate people, you cant change that. If they were like that from the start then that is simply the way they are. Secondly, if someone breaks up with me, there is no way in hell I would ever be affectionate toward them, I would look like a creep. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 doesn't know what is broken? I told him why I needed to break up, because he wasn't putting enough effort in... But you broke up with him right away instead of letting him try to put more effort in, did you not? Then you get pissed when he doesn't try to win you back even though you don't actually want him back? I'm sorry, you aren't making a lot of sense at all.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) if you're in love with a woman and she tells you that you're not giving enough affection and attention she needs, then you would respond by changing..that's it. So a relationship to you is about changing a man into what you want? Is that really what you think love is supposed to be? Like robaday said, some people aren't wired like that. It's best to find someone who is closer to what you want instead of trying to change someone. How would you feel if your boyfriend expected you to change how you were like you seem to expect men to change? It's statements like the ones I quote that makes people think you might be a smidge immature. Edited April 2, 2013 by Simon Phoenix 1
Minneloa Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 if you're in love with a woman and she tells you that you're not giving enough affection and attention she needs, then you would respond by changing..that's it. Nope. That's not how it works. Listen to the posters on this thread. Your ex may be history, but you can really learn some valuable things for your next relationship.
candie13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 But you broke up with him right away instead of letting him try to put more effort in, did you not? Then you get pissed when he doesn't try to win you back even though you don't actually want him back? I'm sorry, you aren't making a lot of sense at all. Simon, don't project your own issues on her. He never agreed to put in more effort, never acknowledged he needed to put in more effort, so your first sentence is off base. Girl, listen here: you're not supposed to ask for a guy to put in more efforts. He either does or doesn't. Your guy didn't. You did the right thing by leaving, because it's not fair for you to be left high and dry, waiting for something that will never happen. Did your expectations change in the mean time? Don't you still want him to put in more effort? Nothing changed, my friend, except for your acknowledging your vibrant wish to be together. You miss being with him right now and you'd wish he would fight more. He is not. Figure this out, imagine you do call, what can you say to him? "oh, I broke up with you because I needed you to put in more effort. Is it not true that you are willing to put more effort?" or "hey, broke up with you because I wanted more from you. But am fine now, go ahead, give me your breadcrumbs because having breadcrumbs from you is better than not having anything from you"? Can you fight his battles? No. Can you put in more effort to compensate for his lack of interest? No. You've got a dead end in front of you. I know you wish for a happy ending, but you can't make people give more than what they are able to. He did not want to give more to you. You two were not on the same page. Maybe wanted different things. Maybe just incompatible. One things is for sure: people who want to be together WORK THROUGH THEIR DIFFERENCES. Meet half way. It's never "my way or the high way" for any of the two, otherwise that's not a relationship. You did good to follow your intuition and split up. Now stay strong and find someone who will give you what you need. Please don't go back, you'll be even more miserable when this relationship ends for a second time. If anything, do call him to meet up and GET CLOSURE, instead of begging for a come-back. Do things properly. Clean break. 2
candie13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Nope. That's not how it works. Listen to the posters on this thread. Your ex may be history, but you can really learn some valuable things for your next relationship. Really? How does it work then? If a guy is not giving you what you need, are you not supposed to make him aware of your emotional needs? Which era do you live in, Middle Ages? Relationships are about compromise. I am giving you something that's important to you - because it's important to you, even if I can't care less. You give something that's important to me - because it matters to me. IF you care about a person, you want her to be happy. Fulfilled. Especially since she is EXPRESSING what she wants - not leaving guys guessing. I mean, how much easier is she supposed to this? Write herself SMS from his telephone to make up for the lack of attention? Puhh-leeease!
Minneloa Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Really? How does it work then? If a guy is not giving you what you need, are you not supposed to make him aware of your emotional needs? Which era do you live in, Middle Ages? Yes, of course, you make the other person aware of what you need, but not by breaking up with him and then waiting for him to come back to you a changed man. The OP threw a gauntlet and is now sulking because her ex won't, justifiably, pick it up. 1
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