emilyxrose Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Broke up with my boyfriend last night, the reason was because I felt like he never made an effort, it was a very one sided relationship. I have no idea what he's thinking because he told me we should talk in person and I agreed to meet him but haven't heard from him since and it's been 24 hours. My question is how do men deal when they're the dumpee? I know it probably depends on the person..
Smiley88 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 It depends on the person but also on the relationship.How long were you together? How was your relationship? I got dumped 1 month ago by my first love of 1 year.We had an amazing time together( trip to paris, skiing trips, vienna), met her parents on alot of ocasions. Long story short, she wanted more, i didnt know what i wanted(until i lost her) and was afraid to grow up. My personal experience..this month has not been at all pleasent.I tried to convince her to give me another chance the 1st week of the breakup,but it was in vain as she left me for someone more "mature". It still hurts like hell, but i try to suck it up and go on with my life, i know what im worth, im not gonna try anything else, as im not a doormat. Us guys usually talk to friends/family about it,if we really care about the girl we try to take them back, but afterwards if it fails, we endure the pain
Author emilyxrose Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Ok because he hasn't made any attempts to reconcile Guess he doesn't really care
othersideofthepillow Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 For starters, you broke up with him so YOU MUST be the one to initiate a reconciliation! People always think that the other person didn't care that they were dumped because they choose not to beg or plead for their dumpers back. He is giving you exactly what you want. You didn't want to be with him anymore so why must he be there begging for another shot? When my ex dumped me I was crushed to my core. Couldn't eat, sleep or enjoy anything BUT I stuck to my guns and remained strong and let her be even though I still wanted to be together. Now 2 years later she wants me back and honestly idk if their are romantic feelings there anymore do to the amount of time apart. Nothing against her, but time and distance heal all but they can also kill any remaining romantic feelings. My advice to you is this, if you messed up and want him back - GO GET HIM - swallow your pride and go for it otherwise they is a huge possibility its over for good. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you are the one who ended it so you must be the one to get him back. Help that helps! Good luck! 5
singme2sleep Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 For starters, you broke up with him so YOU MUST be the one to initiate a reconciliation! People always think that the other person didn't care that they were dumped because they choose not to beg or plead for their dumpers back. He is giving you exactly what you want. You didn't want to be with him anymore so why must he be there begging for another shot? When my ex dumped me I was crushed to my core. Couldn't eat, sleep or enjoy anything BUT I stuck to my guns and remained strong and let her be even though I still wanted to be together. Now 2 years later she wants me back and honestly idk if their are romantic feelings there anymore do to the amount of time apart. Nothing against her, but time and distance heal all but they can also kill any remaining romantic feelings. My advice to you is this, if you messed up and want him back - GO GET HIM - swallow your pride and go for it otherwise they is a huge possibility its over for good. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you are the one who ended it so you must be the one to get him back. Help that helps! Good luck! I totally agree with this! The ball is in your court...
thefooloftheyear Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 When my ex dumped me I was crushed to my core. Couldn't eat, sleep or enjoy anything BUT I stuck to my guns and remained strong and let her be even though I still wanted to be together. Now 2 years later she wants me back and honestly idk if their are romantic feelings there anymore do to the amount of time apart. Nothing against her, but time and distance heal all but they can also kill any remaining romantic feelings. Thats the problem, too. I would feel like I could never want to go through that hell all over again. Its just too painful. If it happened once, it could happen again.. TFOY
Lst11 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) I broke with my gf 5 months ago.We were dating for two years and a half.After she told me the love was not as strong as it was in the begining we decided to take different parts.The first 3 months were hell.I loved her so much and did abosultely everything for her.Then i endured 2 months more and my heart was whole again . Time heals.Also a different woman or two in your bed . She invited me to her birthday a week ago.We slept together.After she said her choice to dumb me was maybe wrong.I said to her that we won't get together again because '' if a glass breaks, and is put together the scars of the breaking are still on'' Simply the trust is gone and passion aswell Edited March 24, 2013 by Lst11
Author emilyxrose Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 But here's the thing, I broke up with him because I felt like HE was not making effort, and I figure the fact that he's not making any effort to change or reconcile the relationship, there's no point
thefooloftheyear Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 But here's the thing, I broke up with him because I felt like HE was not making effort, and I figure the fact that he's not making any effort to change or reconcile the relationship, there's no point You dumped him!! YOU have to make the effort now. He is licking his emotional wounds in the best way he can, by not talking/contacting you so he can heal.. Cant blame him. How can you possibly say he isnt making the effort? Its like you took away his fishing pole and now you are complaining that he didnt catch anything! See what I am saying? See, in these cases I often wonder if NC is a bad idea. Hmmm...where is Tara Maiden when we need her?? love to hear what she thinks about this... TFOY
robaday Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 If its only been a couple days and you are planning to meet, you both need a little time to work out what you want. Hes probably processing things trying to work out what he will say if you meet.You also need time because sounds like you dont know what you want. Maybe wait 3-weeks to meet, give each other space for a bit, work out what you want. If a woman breaks up with me, I normally try and get the whole thing over with ASAP, so show her I mean business too, by posting her things straight to her, I dont reach out to her at all, and if she contacts me, I either ignore, or remain cordial but aloof - no i love yous, no i miss yous, no i want to meet, etc. You gotta realise that most guys arent talkers, we process things internally, and face them head on, so even if he is hurting badly, it is very very unlikely he would tell you. We have big egos, and tbh even if were not into the woman that MUCH, it stings!! so we build a thick wall and I would say a lot tend to dissasociate and try and forget you rather than talk it through. Might be off target there, but thats my experience
Author emilyxrose Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Interesting, I still think if he really wanted to make it right or reconcile, he'd be calling. When I broke up, I told him it was because I wasn't happy and that there was no effort on his part, and UNTIL there's a change I didn't want to be with him anymore.
robaday Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Well, while you might be completely correct in your reasons for breaking up with him......its pretty tough to make an effort with someone after they have broken up with you....he might feel your holding him to ransom........
thefooloftheyear Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Interesting, I still think if he really wanted to make it right or reconcile, he'd be calling. When I broke up, I told him it was because I wasn't happy and that there was no effort on his part, and UNTIL there's a change I didn't want to be with him anymore. Then its simple..YOU initiate contact. Ask to meet him for lunch. Tell him what is bothering you and have an adult conversation with him to see if you guys can work it out. Dont judge him at this time...hes wounded emotionally. If you think you can give it another go then see if its possible. But dont do this unless you want to try and make it work. Otherwise you are just being punitive. TFOY
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Interesting, I still think if he really wanted to make it right or reconcile, he'd be calling. When I broke up, I told him it was because I wasn't happy and that there was no effort on his part, and UNTIL there's a change I didn't want to be with him anymore. You shouldn't break up with someone to get a response.
robaday Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Exactly - he now has to work twice as hard, and wont get the benefits he did before when you were together......if he did come back and he made a massive effort would you respect him? or would it seem contrived? knowing at the back of your mind hes only doing it because hes scared of you breaking up with him again..... people should commit because they want to, not because theyre scared
Author emilyxrose Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I broke up with him for good reasons, I guess I'm just doing what always happens right after a breakup, remembering all the GOOD instead of the bad, just feeling a bit lonely. I'm always jumping back and forth to "should I have done that? I really miss him and never find anyone like him" to "hate him and glad it's done" ugh
BrokenHearted101 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I broke up with him for good reasons, I guess I'm just doing what always happens right after a breakup, remembering all the GOOD instead of the bad, just feeling a bit lonely. I'm always jumping back and forth to "should I have done that? I really miss him and never find anyone like him" to "hate him and glad it's done" ugh I'm sorry..I'm really confused? Do you, regret breaking up with this guy..or not? If he was worthless, and didn't put any effort into the relationship, call it good and forget it. But if you feel like that may have been an over exaggeration, go back and get coffee at least. See what happens.
Author emilyxrose Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Yes I do regret it, but I think now I'M feeling the pain of rejection since he hasn't contacted me AT ALL since the split, almost as if we never met. Is it the end?
Big Sky Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yes I do regret it, but I think now I'M feeling the pain of rejection since he hasn't contacted me AT ALL since the split, almost as if we never met. Is it the end? By breaking up with him, you asked for space. And he is respecting your wishes by giving it to you. I understand that you broke up with him because you felt he wasn't making enough of an effort. I think the best thing for you is to take a little time and use this space you've been given. Take a few days or a few weeks to figure out if your perception of his lack of investment was painful enough for you to end things for good, or if there were external factors that could be solved with some time. At the end of the day, the ball is definitely in your court to reach out to him. There is absolutely a chance that he would reach out to you. I'm a man going through a painful breakup and I am respecting my ex girlfriend's request for space.
Author emilyxrose Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I don't feel like it is though because the last thing I said to him Thursday night was that we could talk tomorrow, which was Friday. And I didn't hear from him. And still haven't. I always generally thought that if a guy really wants to be with you, he would, and since he hasn't made any effort to keep in contact or anything, that it would be because he doesn't love/want me anymore.
Minneloa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yes I do regret it, but I think now I'M feeling the pain of rejection since he hasn't contacted me AT ALL since the split, almost as if we never met. Is it the end? Wait, I am very confused. You broke up with him. With all due respect, what did you expect to happen? Was it a test?
Author emilyxrose Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I expected him to say "No I will make more effort I'm sorry I love you" I dunno.
Minneloa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ok, so you threw down the gauntlet, and he didn't pick it up. At the risk of sounding harsh, doesn't that tell you what you wanted to know?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 You really didn't seem to think this through at all. Sorry, it's up to you to make the effort if you are the one to make the break. You rejected him and now you expect him to come leaping back to you? That's not how the real world works. Next time discuss this stuff before going with the breakup. 4
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