jags2bowl27 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 So its been about 6 months now broken up with my long distance 21 yr old ex gf. Past contacts: Jan 1.. sent final message that i needed to move on, called her selfish, the whole 9 yards and she agreed i needed to move on and how it was so hard blah blah blah nc for 2 months until my bday, she wished me a happy bday, was thinking of not responding but just said thanks hope all is well and that was that. she tried to write something else but i didnt respond a few days after my bday she texts saying something about her passing my town to go to spring break... i ignored 2 weeks later, she texts about my favorite bball team winning and how she is so happy they won (i used to coach with them)- this was today. I have not responded. TRUTH: I sometimes still miss her but i have been good about moving on. I have a date next week I am excited about and i know that she has been still talking to another dude. Seen nothing about coming back... dont even know if I want her back now, but i tend to want to leave the door open when she is mature but then i say to myself i dont want the hope. She was only being nice by texting me and thats why i want to reply but i know its not best for me. I also dont want to be immature and ignore her. This situation is what kills me, what is the right thing to do... any advice?
Damsel in Distress Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Sounds like you have done a great job!! I can't even imagine the surge of emotions you must feel when you see a text coming in from her, but sounds like you have kept your cool and not let your emotions drive you crazy. I know the NC theory is to not respond at all until they are apologizing and begging, but I get your point about it seeming immature to refuse to respond. I haven't found a good guide on Limited Contact, so I don't know the "rules" of how it is supposed to work. But I think it might mean it's okay to have limited, non-emotional responses. I'm sure LC prolongs the hanging onto hopes - it's like keeping the door unlocked...and that's not good for you in terms of healing and moving on. But hey the human heart's not rational, and it's very hard to abandon hope - to lock it up and throw away the key. If you decide on Limited Contact I think you need to be sure that you are emotionally strong enough to do it without turning into an emotional mess every time there is a contact, or if she doesn't respond or doesn't respond in a positive way. Just my thoughts coming from my own broken heart! I'm new to the forums and not an expert by any means. Stay strong.
Am4Real Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 DiD: There are plenty of writings around the “net” on the pitfalls of limited contact and breadcrumb communications – pretty much it can be summarized along the lines of continual minimal communication delivered without specific meaning or purpose. Let me repeat that: continual minimal communication delivered without specific meaning or purpose. Reading that sentence, know that you cannot expect much from those communications and will likely not garner much from responding to them. What is even more expected: out of the blue they can abruptly stop, nada, gone, poof! When that happens be prepared to go back to the same feeling of hopelessness and desperation as the day you were dumped. In my opinion and most experts on LS, until you hear a specific request in a message, specific normally meaning a request for a second chance mixed with an apology and a commitment, ignore the breadcrumbs. 2
Author jags2bowl27 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 so can i be viewed as immature for not responding to a text where she is happy for me?
Am4Real Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Who cares? Do what you think is best for you and not what she might think of you! so can i be viewed as immature for not responding to a text where she is happy for me? 2
cavalier99 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) so can i be viewed as immature for not responding to a text where she is happy for me? She dumped you right? Broke your heart? So she really isnt a friend now nor a girlfriend. So she basically is just a leech who sucks away at your recovery and keeps you stuck in the past. At least that is how I view any breadcrumbs.... EXTREMLEY damaging to my recovery. Id never respond. Take care of your self and dont get sucked into ANY pointless communication if you care about becoming completly indifferent any time soon. Wait a year or 2 if you want to open up communication. Cav Edited March 23, 2013 by cavalier99
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