Alia_alia Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I broke up with my 5yr bf last year and almost immediately after started seeing a guy I knew from before say G1. It was all fun and G1 told me he was looking for nothing serious and he wouldn't understand the needs people have for monogamy. Needless to say G1 was sleeping with other women. I was OK with this, I started dating a few other guys and soon enough became very involved with one of them, we'll name him G2. G2 lived 6 hours away in my home state. I had known him since childhood and he had always had a crush on me. I developed deep feelings for G2, but because of the distance we never defined what "we had". Although we'd talk every day. When I came back to where I work I met G1 again. We started hooking up. I never thought anything of it, knowing his mindset and we'd see each other once a week, while with G2 I was more on a close connection level, since we talked everyday. Fast forward and G1 and I started seeing each other more often and he told me I was his priority for now. I was very confused. I had never thought anything more of this and my guards were up since G2 was the main guy in my life at that moment. Following that G1 told me he stopped seeing the other girls he was hooking up with and I decided to take a bit of time to myself to evaluate both G1 and G2 in my life. At that moment, I was being really whiny with G2 feeling our distance more, since I was spending more time with G1. G2 ended up cheating on me shortly after. I felt horrible and G1 was very supportive although he told me "he never knew I had such great feelings for G2". Following that G1 and I started pretty much seeing each other just as if he was my bf for a month or so.. I couldnt stop thinking about him, but I was still unsure about his views on monogamy. So I asked him if he wants to date other people. After a bit of thinking he said NO, I told him the same. Day after he asked me to be his gf full out....... I said YES,... Now I am still afraid though. Just having been cheated on and knowing G1's "playerish" past... Although he is really caring and reassures me that his eyes are all on me. Anyone has experience with players who turn into good boys?
IAmRobot Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 It is possible. Happened to me. True story. Don't resent G1 for his past, if he truly is a great guy.
kaylan Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 How is G2 a cheater when you seemed like you were talking to or hooking up with both him and G1 at the same time? 1
zebracolors Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Don't know, but so far it has not happened to me with my FWB. There was a time when I briefly wondered if he would..and found myself wishing he might, fall or me. But he had said pretty much at the start he wasn't interested in a true relationship with me, and I was fine with that and I told him I wasn't looking for that either. I can only speak for my own experience, but I hope some men chime in here about what might be going on in OP's guys minds (or guys in general) when they decide what they think of a woman. How they decide if a woman is just a someone they want to have sex with, versus relationship potential.
Archgirl Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Hmm, I can see two possibilities. One is I think FWB is a myth, they are all just early stage relationships or people too scared to emotionally connect and honestly the few i've had always turned into a bf. Added to which I have a bit of history with reformed players. I'm a magnet for them. It can be a bit of a trigger for insecurity but they are for me often the most physically and emotionally passionate partners when they find the one they want. On the other hand, he may also still be a player and be enjoying the chase, you are giving off cool chick vibes because you have been focusing on a nicer dude and so he's instintively trying to make you his. He just may not want to keep you once he's got all your attention... 3
Revolver Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Men aren't innately born players I think that's a myth. What generally happens is a man 1. Examines the situation realizes he has tons of women after him/can see mutilple women at a time. Then you add in that he sees Not any worthwhile women to settle down with and becomes a "player" The difference between alot of "players" and "relationship men" is options
iKING Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Hmm, I can see two possibilities. One is I think FWB is a myth, they are all just early stage relationships or people too scared to emotionally connect and honestly the few i've had always turned into a bf. Added to which I have a bit of history with reformed players. I'm a magnet for them. It can be a bit of a trigger for insecurity but they are for me often the most physically and emotionally passionate partners when they find the one they want. On the other hand, he may also still be a player and be enjoying the chase, you are giving off cool chick vibes because you have been focusing on a nicer dude and so he's instintively trying to make you his. He just may not want to keep you once he's got all your attention... Archie you know me too well. I've been a player, and yes we can change. But no, it doesn't happen overnight. It has to be a serious change of heart, not a heat of the moment decision. That lifestyle is too fun to give up on a dime. It's a conscious moral turn around, like a born again good guy or something. He may end up sticking to it, who knows, but if he's renown for playing girls recently the odds are not in your favor for you suddenly being the girl that triggers the change. A classic player gets a girls affection, enjoys the thrill for awhile, then dumps her when he gets bored and moves on to the other ones he had lined up and ready to go. I'd say It's a 70/30 chance if he's a true player. 1
Archgirl Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Archie you know me too well. I've been a player, and yes we can change. But no, it doesn't happen overnight. It has to be a serious change of heart, not a heat of the moment decision. That lifestyle is too fun to give up on a dime. It's a conscious moral turn around, like a born again good guy or something. He may end up sticking to it, who knows, but if he's renown for playing girls recently the odds are not in your favor for you suddenly being the girl that triggers the change. A classic player gets a girls affection, enjoys the thrill for awhile, then dumps her when he gets bored. I'd say It's a 70/30 chance if he's a true player. Don't go changin' too much hot stuff , not til i've seen those pics anyway OP on the other hand, you must know chicks can be just as big a playas so no need to pick just one anyway 1
pbjbear Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) Men aren't innately born players I think that's a myth. What generally happens is a man 1. Examines the situation realizes he has tons of women after him/can see mutilple women at a time. Then you add in that he sees Not any worthwhile women to settle down with and becomes a "player" The difference between alot of "players" and "relationship men" is options I agree 100% with this. All guys want to be a player- even ones that have gf's out of their league secretly wish they could be one. The only reason most men arent is because they dont have the options. Men arent relationship oriented like women, they pretty much have to be tricked or forced into one by a girl or society. OP- it sometimes happens but rarely. I think alot of guys that "fall" for a FWB just decide they want a relationship one day and it may as well be you. Its not because youre special or anything Edited March 23, 2013 by pbjbear 1
Revolver Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 But to answer directly the question, I don't think anyone falls for their FWB. What generally happens is the person(98% of the time the woman) was already in love with the guy they set up the FWB situation with. She wanted to be his girlfriend all along but for some reason he declined so she decided to settle for being the Bootycall. She didnt fall for him over time, she was ALWAYS In love with him. Don't let movies or TV fool you
Author Alia_alia Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Thanks for the replies everyone!! Some more info. G1 is a pretty smart guy. Us being serious... He tells me he tried to keep it casual for the longest time, but then when I went away for a month he realized he was missing me and then we started seeing each other more often. He also tells me he found it weird that I wasn't falling for him like most girls do... When I told him that he maybe "wanted" this just because of the chase. He says "maybe" that's what got him attracted. But he is now attracted so there's no need for that anymore. He believes connections that are built after the initial attraction are more intense and meaningful. It's funny that at the beginning he wouldn't care if I was hooking up with someone else, but now teases me jokingly about "smashing guys faces if they get near me". . I find it really cute. He's also turned into a bit of a romantic. Holds my hand sometimes in public. Hugs me lots, tells me he cares about me, etc. etc. He's also very family oriented. He visits his parents often and seems to have strong values in that he says he doesn't understand people's need to lie (especially for relationship / cheating stuff), and he says he always keeps his promises. Although I must say it really bothers me when his phone keeps ringing when we're together even when we have sex. He never answers. Says that "here and now" is more important than anything that might be on the phone. Whenever I mention "his lifestyle", he says he was just a normal guy and probably hasn't had sex with more women than the average guy, although from his past, he was having a "primary gf", and 2-3 other girls FWB with him for like a year or 2. Tells me it didn't work, that's why it's easier to just have a gf if you really care about someone..
pbjbear Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Whenever I mention "his lifestyle", he says he was just a normal guy and probably hasn't had sex with more women than the average guy, although from his past, he was having a "primary gf", and 2-3 other girls FWB with him for like a year or 2. Tells me it didn't work, that's why it's easier to just have a gf if you really care about someone.. Id stay away from him because of that. The only reason he doesnt continue that lifestyle (which Im sure he still wants by the way, not to hurt your ego) is because it was too hard and complicated. Not because he really desires a relationship. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Sounds like some Jerry Springer orgy gone bad. On the bright side if you get preggers you can have an office pool on who the father is!
SJC2008 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I agree 100% with this. All guys want to be a player- even ones that have gf's out of their league secretly wish they could be one. The only reason most men arent is because they dont have the options. Men arent relationship oriented like women, they pretty much have to be tricked or forced into one by a girl or society. OP- it sometimes happens but rarely. I think alot of guys that "fall" for a FWB just decide they want a relationship one day and it may as well be you. Its not because youre special or anything Yet a player can get a GF 100 times quicker than a lesser expd. guy. If women were so R oriented like you say they's stay away from them. But they want to tame a lion, they need to validate themselves and reigning in a player is the ultimate validation.
pbjbear Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Yet a player can get a GF 100 times quicker than a lesser expd. guy. If women were so R oriented like you say they's stay away from them. But they want to tame a lion, they need to validate themselves and reigning in a player is the ultimate validation. I hate players and avoid them like the plague. Several of my friends do too. Actually one the other day stopped seeing a guy because she said she got "player vibes" from him. We are both 25 1
Woggle Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I agree 100% with this. All guys want to be a player- even ones that have gf's out of their league secretly wish they could be one. The only reason most men arent is because they dont have the options. Men arent relationship oriented like women, they pretty much have to be tricked or forced into one by a girl or society. OP- it sometimes happens but rarely. I think alot of guys that "fall" for a FWB just decide they want a relationship one day and it may as well be you. Its not because youre special or anything This statement is all kinds of wrong. Men want relationships as much as women do but we tend to be more practical about it. I am very much generalizing but women tend to fall into them on an emotional level while men look for a woman that fits what they are looking for and when they find her then they want to commit. Of course there are plenty of exceptions but that is what I notice. When a man just doesn't see a woman as relationship material some mistake it is not wanting commitment when it is just not wanting commitment with her. 2
Author Alia_alia Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 I think it also depends on where you were brought up. If you're brought up in an american society where being a player is something 'looked good' at, then chances are you might wanna be a player. G1 as I said has strong bonds with his family and his family seems to have strong values. He is not a player player. He says he's over the whole club scene and finds it unreal how people go there to get laid and not to enjoy themselves. On the other hand he seems to always have a lot of beautiful female friends and some he used to hook up with. (Some he swears not, but who knows)... He also has a pretty large social circle so he keeps meeting girls and I can see how some of them are into him. I honestly feel like if he wanted to hook up with a few other girls at the moment he could, but he says he really cares about me and that is it.
Woggle Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I would say that 90% of the players I have known did so after being burned by a woman they loved. Betrayal and heartbreak hits men hard and it takes a lot for them to open themselves up again. 1
FL Lady Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I think it also depends on where you were brought up. If you're brought up in an american society where being a player is something 'looked good' at, then chances are you might wanna be a player. G1 as I said has strong bonds with his family and his family seems to have strong values. He is not a player player. He says he's over the whole club scene and finds it unreal how people go there to get laid and not to enjoy themselves. On the other hand he seems to always have a lot of beautiful female friends and some he used to hook up with. (Some he swears not, but who knows)... He also has a pretty large social circle so he keeps meeting girls and I can see how some of them are into him. I honestly feel like if he wanted to hook up with a few other girls at the moment he could, but he says he really cares about me and that is it. Sounds like you've already bought the product he's selling. Good luck.
pbjbear Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I would say that 90% of the players I have known did so after being burned by a woman they loved. Betrayal and heartbreak hits men hard and it takes a lot for them to open themselves up again. None of the players I know got burned. They are just very very selfish and arrogant about getting what they want. They also tend to lack empathy and be quite manipulative. However, I am younger than you (you said you have been divorced and then remarried) so perhaps thats why...
Woggle Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 None of the players I know got burned. They are just very very selfish and arrogant about getting what they want. They also tend to lack empathy and be quite manipulative. However, I am younger than you (you said you have been divorced and then remarried) so perhaps thats why... I am 34 but I was on my second marriage before I even hit 30. I have done a lot of living for somebody my age. Maybe they are selfish but even then they might be scared by what they witness and what they hear. Look beyond the surface of many players of both genders and you will find a lot of mistrust and animosty towards the opposite sex. They play because they don't want to be played. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 None of the players I know got burned. They are just very very selfish and arrogant about getting what they want. They also tend to lack empathy and be quite manipulative. However, I am younger than you (you said you have been divorced and then remarried) so perhaps thats why... Most people are selfish and not genuine. When a woman dates a man she's not completely into it's becasue she either can't be alone or needs an emtional tampon to get over her ex. When a man dates a woman he's not completey into it's because he doesn't want to go without sex. Both will eventually gig. Which is the lesser of the two evils? They're both users...
kaylan Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) Hmm, I can see two possibilities. One is I think FWB is a myth, they are all just early stage relationships or people too scared to emotionally connect and honestly the few i've had always turned into a bf. I agree with this, for some people, like myself. A friend of mine helped me realize that my FWB arrangements were really relationships without me and the girl actually calling them so. People here helped me see that too. Sleepovers, cuddling, weekend activites together, finding out about one another's pasts and future aspirations etc. Definitely like a relationship. However, there are some people who do FWBs simply because they want sex and not because they are scared to emotionally connect. Ill admit Im scared to emotionally connect with the wrong person. And even more scared of connecting with the right person. Because then Id be vulnerable and the girl would have the ability to hurt me. But you learn to get past that if you meet the right girl.I would say that 90% of the players I have known did so after being burned by a woman they loved. Betrayal and heartbreak hits men hard and it takes a lot for them to open themselves up again. I agree with this. Most of the man whores or players I knew, didnt live the way they did just for sex and fun. They were hurt super bad by one girl they put a lot of faith in. Ive been friends with some of these guys, and to hear them talk about past relationships really makes you see how they ended up the way they are. Girls arent much different either. Ive dated emotionally unavailable girls before who didnt seem much for relationships. Turns out they got burned in the past too. Seems a lot of people who get burned become players or celibate. Too extreme for me. Gotta walk the middle ground with an open mind. Edited March 24, 2013 by kaylan 1
apple OR orange Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Sure it is, personally never managed to get sex, let alone FWB, i have no idea how others do it, however it seems to be very common. Proof of DNA sex if you ask me.
ascendotum Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 ..he was just a normal guy and probably hasn't had sex with more women than the average guy, although from his past, he was having a "primary gf", and 2-3 other girls FWB with him for like a year or 2. Tells me it didn't work, that's why it's easier to just have a gf if you really care about someone.. lol. Yeah he's just another regular joe, with a gf which he is cheated on, not with one woman but up 2-3 other women concurrently. Sure players can reform, but if this guy not so long ago needed a gf and a bunch of f-buddies to get his appetite sated, then he will get bored with monogamy soon..unless you are super special. As someone else mentioned, many women love thinking they are the special one to tame a wild boy. As to your original question. is it possible for a guy to fall for his FWB..yes absolutely. How long the magic lasts with this guy is another story.
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