mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) So, I have been making good headway on recovering from my BU. 2 + months LC and 5 days NC, but after reading about how when a BU has been on the mind of the dumper for a while (weeks/months) before the actual BU, many times there is some form of cheating going on during that time. I really don't know if this happened to me, and I want to believe that it did not. But there was one incident back in January when the ex went to visit friends in our home town and left with one mindset/attitude and came back with a complete 180. When she left, we had just broken up the week before, but were actually talking it out and maybe even on the verge of sticking with it a while longer. We were both happy and in good moods when she left. When she came back, she was crying, looking for a new place on the computer and stating how she 'couldn't do this anymore. Couldn't force it', etc… I thought it was just because she saw her friends and renewed her resolve to break up and not take it any further with us. But now I am thinking she hooked up while visiting. If she did, it would have been a one-nighter, because we have not lived there for almost 2 years, and I doubt she had anyone lined up. She's not like that. I know she went out partying with friends when there, but we were still pretty fresh on our BU, and I really just don't think she would have done this. She is just not that type of person. Am I kidding myself? Was she doing the horizontal boogey with another dude? I know I should have the attitude of 'who cares', but this thought just now came into my head, and I can't seem to shake it… Either way, I will never know. I am never going to ask/discuss this and I figure that will just be her mess/guilt/whatever to deal with. And, technically we were broken up, even if just for a week. However, she was done with this for months leading up to the actual BU. It just sucks to think she would do that, and I really, really don't think she did. Probably just my mind finding a new crappy place to explore for a minute. Thoughts? Edited March 22, 2013 by mtnbiker3000
morichu Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 She might not have been necessarily cheating, but maybe the partying with her friends reminded her of the single life that she once missed.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Yes, this is what I thought too. And, one of her best friends she was visiting just went through a divorce that same month. I think she just gathered strength and resolve. Really, really don't think she would bang another dude in that fashion. Also, she really misses her friends (one of our issues), so hanging with them probably made her realize how much she misses them and reminded her that we are just plan incompatible and would be best to move on... Yeah, that's it... That's what I'm going with
cdt76 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I tend to believe the worst in women when it comes to cheating based solely on experience. She cheated. She cheated and didn't want to continue on with you because then she would be a cheating slut and she couldn't handle all that. So she did the least of two evils and broke up with you. I could be wrong. But 180 degree turns don't happen for no reason!
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 The distancing and the BU happened before the trip to visit with friends...
McGriff Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I hate to agree with cdt, but I find that MOST of the time, when your guy tells you something in regards to your woman, and her behavior seems to be congruent with what you are thinking, it's bad, or even worse than bad. I'm not trying to get you down, but that's been my experience.
Cogee Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'll tell you my experience. My gut told me something was off in late October last year because my ex didn't send me a few photos of a Halloween party she went to when I asked her to send me them on my phone (we were long distance). Later I saw she put up all the photos she sent me plus a few extras on Facebook. The few extras were a guy I didn't know and she didn't tell me she was going with even though I asked beforehand if she was going with some friends and what their costumes were. Over the month of November/December she and I were quite busy and didn't have as many chances to see each other and we started to talk less (which I assumed was because we were busy). I called when I could, but she wasn't calling or making any effort to see me. January comes along and boom! Relationship is over without discussion. I find out that she is seeing someone else immediately after me and it's the guy from Halloween. She is now ENGAGED to this person nearly 2 months after breaking up with me. Obviously she was cheating and my gut was right back in October but I didn't act on it. So yes, when my girl was acting odd it was because she was cheating.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 I know these things do happen. But I just don't think this was the case... Either way, I really have no way of knowing, and I really don't want to get stuck in a cycle of negativity and confusion over it... If she did, she did, and if not, then not... Again, I just thought of this today, and it happened in January, so no point to worry about it now
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