Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 That is what I've observed from the men I've known dating in their 30s and beyond. They may develop feelings for a new woman, but they are careful. They've been around the block a few times, and they know how it plays out if they move too fast with the emotional stuff (ie: woman gets very attached very fast, and guy's feelings might dwindle in the meantime). When a man that age moves very fast, I wonder why. Is it because this connection is so amazing and unique? Or is it because he acts this way with every new girl he is attracted to? He actually acknowledged this on our first date, and explained that's why he delays the physical for a really long time, because he knows that sex only complicates matters even more.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I'm kinda wondering if this hot bartender girl is just a ruse, an excuse to pull out because he got spooked. I guess it doesn't matter...
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I'm kinda wondering if this hot bartender girl is just a ruse, an excuse to pull out because he got spooked. I guess it doesn't matter... That was my thought as well. You can't ever trust why someone is breaking things off and this girl situation is very convenient. Kind of like it's not that he led you on as much, but this spark happened out of the blue. Guys hate being seen as jerks and this gives him a nice way to round up the story. Otherwise, it would have been "I was talking out of my a$$, and scared myself and said things that I didn't mean" :/ Not that it really matters at this stage. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 That was my thought as well. You can't ever trust why someone is breaking things off and this girl situation is very convenient. Kind of like it's not that he led you on as much, but this spark happened out of the blue. Guys hate being seen as jerks and this gives him a nice way to round up the story. Otherwise, it would have been "I was talking out of my a$$, and scared myself and said things that I didn't mean" :/ Not that it really matters at this stage. Yeah, on the other hand, for a minute he seemed torn, as though he wanted to continue seeing me too. He said, "But that would feel funny, and awkward, wouldn't it?" and said he doesn't want to be "that guy" who dates two girls at the same time, but then questioned whether I'd truly be open to casually "kickin' it and hanging out" with him while we get to know each other better while he also dates someone else (because I'd said that I didn't tell him with any expectations)... I dunno. Anyway, it doesn't matter.
tbf Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Yeah, on the other hand, for a minute he seemed torn, as though he wanted to continue seeing me too. He said, "But that would feel funny, and awkward, wouldn't it?" and said he doesn't want to be "that guy" who dates two girls at the same time, but then questioned whether I'd truly be open to casually "kickin' it and hanging out" with him while we get to know each other better while he also dates someone else (because I'd said that I didn't tell him with any expectations)... I dunno. Anyway, it doesn't matter.Holy Dinah! Had you said "sure, why not" to multidating, his much vaunted ethics would have gone down the toilet. Star, you dodged a b/ser. He'll be back. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Holy Dinah! Had you said "sure, why not" to multidating, his much vaunted ethics would have gone down the toilet. I didn't really say anything one way or the other about *him* multi-dating, I just said that I didn't want to date multiple people myself... and then, I just watched him kinda... spin. Like he was flushing himself! Star, you dodged a b/ser. He'll be back. I bet you good money he won't be back!
tuxedo cat Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) I think he was being honest about the girl. Otherwise why would he have taken down his Match profile? Something about the details he gave have the ring of truth in their slightly arbitrary/random quality. Usually lies are more pat. That's my gut. I do think he was being dishonest in other respects, especially in how he represented himself, but maybe not consciously so. Edited March 28, 2013 by tuxedo cat 1
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I think he was being honest about the girl. Otherwise why would he have taken down his Match profile? Right. I asked him why he took it down, and he said (paraphrasing), "I'm just sick of it. My usual way of meeting women is through Match, but I'm gonna try something new this time - try pursuing someone I already know and am friends with." He also said that he didn't see my text saying that I was only interested in getting to know him until Monday afternoon. Odd. He said he'd somehow missed it and went back and saw it. I had sent it on Sunday morning, and we'd talked via text a lot since then. So, apparently, he took it down notwithstanding anything I had to say. ETA: You edited, sneaky butt! You don't think he'll come back either, eh?
tuxedo cat Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Right. I asked him why he took it down, and he said (paraphrasing), "I'm just sick of it. My usual way of meeting women is through Match, but I'm gonna try something new this time - try pursuing someone I already know and am friends with." He also said that he didn't see my text saying that I was only interested in getting to know him until Monday afternoon. Odd. He said he'd somehow missed it and went back and saw it. I had sent it on Sunday morning, and we'd talked via text a lot since then. So, apparently, he took it down notwithstanding anything I had to say. ETA: You edited, sneaky butt! You don't think he'll come back either, eh? Haha, I don't think he will but it felt like an unhelpful or pointless comment, which is why I edited out.
tuxedo cat Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 He also said that he didn't see my text saying that I was only interested in getting to know him until Monday afternoon. Odd. He said he'd somehow missed it and went back and saw it. I had sent it on Sunday morning, and we'd talked via text a lot since then. So, apparently, he took it down notwithstanding anything I had to say. That I'm not sure if I believe - it could go either way - but it seems a bit unlikely to me that he would have missed that one text? Not impossible but unlikely...although I'm not sure what his motive would be for lying about that so maybe not. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 They always come back when you are completely over them. 4
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 They always come back when you are completely over them. Like Soldier Boy, who came back this past weekend, full force.
2sunny Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 He may be trying to convince himself that a committed R is what he wants - but may actually be a commitment phobe. I find it hard to believe he didn't see your Sun am text... That would be a text most guys would read multiple times. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 He may be trying to convince himself that a committed R is what he wants - but may actually be a commitment phobe. I find it hard to believe he didn't see your Sun am text... That would be a text most guys would read multiple times. I agree with both. "Yeah, I meant those things, but then when I read that [text] I was all aaahhhhuuugghhhh, and clammed up and freaked out." - his words.
2sunny Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 CP for sure. Even worse is that he's fooling himself about what he THINKS/SAYS what he wants - yet runs away like a scaredy cat the minute it presents itself. He's not honest with himself - so how could he possibly be honest with a potential date? That type is frustrating at best! 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Most never married guys that are 30+ are CP unfortunately.
SJC2008 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Most never married guys that are 30+ are CP unfortunately. You think so? What are most never married women who are 30+ ? Screwed becuase of the 30+ guys who are cp lol!
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 You think so? What are most never married women who are 30+ ? Screwed becuase of the 30+ guys who are cp lol! I am a CP too + a few other issues but Star is not. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I am a CP too + a few other issues but Star is not. I think I am too but haven't had enough success to know for sure. Commitment phobes date commitment phobes. Many times it's the woman dating a CP but she doesn't know she's CP.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 So just as a totally random update... He and I are friends on FB. He just updated his relationship status, to show that as of March 23rd (the day after I posted this thread) he was in a relationship with the hot bartender. Ha.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 So just as a totally random update... He and I are friends on FB. He just updated his relationship status, to show that as of March 23rd (the day after I posted this thread) he was in a relationship with the hot bartender. Ha. Hey, at least he was honest and it wasn't YOU. Forces beyond your control in this one.
crude Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Tell him you think the man should set the tone and pace of the relationship based on your experience in the past (whether that's true or not). Say you have always been the one to suggest exclusivity and the guys went along with it but, in retrospect, you think they should have been the ones to suggest it because it would have meant they were fully invested instead of just being compliant. Put it in your own words. Unbelievable. A man tells a woman he has no problem with her being proactive, he prefers it, she says she prefers that too, but your advice is for her to lie and do just the opposite of what they both want. You seem to be obsessed with sexual stereotypes! Shame on you.
Emilia Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 He and I are friends on FB. He just updated his relationship status, to show that as of March 23rd (the day after I posted this thread) he was in a relationship with the hot bartender. It won't last don't worry, he isn't looking for anything serious. I don't really know why you are friends with him on FB. I think that's relevant to the thread. Don't you believe it's 'too nice' (for want of a better expression) of you to keep this link? I think the boundaries of what you tolerate should be enforced more clearly. 3
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